That actually makes me feel bad for him.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
I've become completely alone
- Thread starter Fudgepuppy
- Start date
- Status
That actually makes me feel bad for him.
Thank you for writing this. I kind of need to read this at this point in my life.
And dogs help you meet people. I'm not doing great myself but having a dog has definitely helped.
Ive walked my sisters dog before, and a cutie smiled at me.
Trojita
Rapid Response Threadmaker
The bathroom incident was a little weird. But you seem to have a good thing going with the creative workshop and podcast stuff. Run with it. Host all the parties you want.
lol
lol
Mr. Giggles
Member
I feel your pain OP, I'd say you're on the right track - try new things meet new people!
entremet
Member
Protip for life. Always have a plan back up plan.
Never, ever, put all your eggs into one basket--relationships, jobs, whatever.
Things change, people move on, grow apart, die, etc.
I learned that lesson the hard way too, so my advice is to take time to cultivate a more diverse group of friendships. And yes, when you date, don't neglect your friends. That's not healthy.
I've seen many people put all their energy and time into their SO. The relationships ends and they're lonely and friendless.
Never, ever, put all your eggs into one basket--relationships, jobs, whatever.
Things change, people move on, grow apart, die, etc.
I learned that lesson the hard way too, so my advice is to take time to cultivate a more diverse group of friendships. And yes, when you date, don't neglect your friends. That's not healthy.
I've seen many people put all their energy and time into their SO. The relationships ends and they're lonely and friendless.
GavinUK86
Member
Well I suffer from a long term illness and rarely leave the house so all my friends moved on with their lives, got married, had kids and whatnot so I don't really have much interaction with anyone outside of multiplayer games and forums like gaf. Most of the time I just think, fuck it, I'm enjoying myself by playing games, reading books, watching TV, not everything has to revolve around having a really active social life. One day, shit might change and you'll find yourself having a ton of mates. Just take it all on the chin and keep plodding along 
mhayes86
Member
Fudgepuppy said:
Yeah, locking the door may have come off kind of awkward, but damn, as long as she and everyone else is aware that you weren't putting any moves on her while she was drunk. It sounds like this couple is really insecure due to you seeing her naked despite potentially saving her life. You did nothing wrong, OP.
If this happened amongst my friends, it would just be a story that we'd all laugh about. Hopefully they'll get over it and invite you again so you can all laugh about it over some board games.
Zeyphersan
Banned
Ha, same here. I was just reflecting today that I have a couple people I would call my friends, but even they will never reach out to me to do anything or hang out, I always have to go to them. Which becomes exhausting and it's like... why? Why should I have to do that. If they really want to hang out they'd message me once in a while
So while I still call them friends, that's only so I don't have to admit to myself that in actuality I don't have any friends. Which, to be honest, is the worst feeling in the world. Like internally you desperately want that human connection, but you know that there's something about you that just pushes people away, and you're freaking out trying to figure out what it is, why every person you meet and think you get along with well just wants nothing to do with you
Then eventually you become numb to all that and life stops really meaning anything, and you could be more outgoing but really what's the point. If the end result is the same why make the effort. You can either try and make friends and end up sitting alone in your room wishing you had the balls to kill yourself, or you can skip that trying stuff and end up in the same place.
So while I still call them friends, that's only so I don't have to admit to myself that in actuality I don't have any friends. Which, to be honest, is the worst feeling in the world. Like internally you desperately want that human connection, but you know that there's something about you that just pushes people away, and you're freaking out trying to figure out what it is, why every person you meet and think you get along with well just wants nothing to do with you
Then eventually you become numb to all that and life stops really meaning anything, and you could be more outgoing but really what's the point. If the end result is the same why make the effort. You can either try and make friends and end up sitting alone in your room wishing you had the balls to kill yourself, or you can skip that trying stuff and end up in the same place.
triplestation
Member
im my own best friend and prefer my own company
i just dont click with people
i just dont click with people
I was the same as OP, a little mistake and BAM! I lost all my friends.
It happened about three months ago.
It helps me to invest in myself, and strengthen ties with people I met long ago and are now returning to my life. Otherwise things with my status quo had not happened ever.
Think positively!
It happened about three months ago.
It helps me to invest in myself, and strengthen ties with people I met long ago and are now returning to my life. Otherwise things with my status quo had not happened ever.
Think positively!
I'm thinking it might be that being around him is a constant reminder of what she almost did that night and she can't really come to terms with her own actions. So it's easier to ignore it alltogether.
mhayes86
Member
Perhaps, but unable to come to terms for passing out in a tub while drunk?
I overlooked this at first, but OP mentioned that:
There's more to this girl than we know (I won't pry), so she's really sensitive. Seems like a traumatic event from her past resurfaced from this, so she probably just needs some distance from OP for a while.
If she gave a damn about him at all, she would at least be upfront with him that she needs space, instead of giving the appearance that she's cutting him out of his life.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
I'm updating this thread as there have been some development.
A couple of days ago, I met an old friend at a pub, a guy who has been nice to me when everyone else started ignoring me. He told me in a drunken stupor that he's sorry for the way people have been treating me, but that he can't forgive me for "The time when you lured a woman to your house"
I get furious and ask "Wait! What the fuck are you talking about?!".
So after piecing together what people have been saying and hearing, I've been labelled as a misogynist creep because of the bathroom incident, but also because of "another incident".
It was about a year ago, we were supposed to have an after-work with the job. I invited a couple of people to my place to have some drinks before. A couple of people said they would come. But when the day came, only one person came; a girl I really liked that had been away for 6 months. We just drank some beers, listened to music, she told me about her travels. That was it. We then took a cab to our job where the party was.
People have seriously been taking both of these incidents and labelled me as a shithead that has no respect for women.
One of my friends had, unbeknownst to me, made a group conversation on Facebook asking all of these people why they had frozen me out. And all of them replied that they had no respect for me, that I was a shithead that only drained energy from them and that I had changed for the worse (because I spent half a year feeling intense regret and self-loathing for the bathroom-incident).
After hearing about the rumor, I tried to hang myself, but I bailed when I thought of how much it would destroy my family. But afterwards, I've just become furious. That these people have in no way tried to show some empathy or tried to help me. They've all listened to a rumor and frozen me out.
Fuck this shit, I deserve better.
A couple of days ago, I met an old friend at a pub, a guy who has been nice to me when everyone else started ignoring me. He told me in a drunken stupor that he's sorry for the way people have been treating me, but that he can't forgive me for "The time when you lured a woman to your house"
I get furious and ask "Wait! What the fuck are you talking about?!".
So after piecing together what people have been saying and hearing, I've been labelled as a misogynist creep because of the bathroom incident, but also because of "another incident".
It was about a year ago, we were supposed to have an after-work with the job. I invited a couple of people to my place to have some drinks before. A couple of people said they would come. But when the day came, only one person came; a girl I really liked that had been away for 6 months. We just drank some beers, listened to music, she told me about her travels. That was it. We then took a cab to our job where the party was.
People have seriously been taking both of these incidents and labelled me as a shithead that has no respect for women.
One of my friends had, unbeknownst to me, made a group conversation on Facebook asking all of these people why they had frozen me out. And all of them replied that they had no respect for me, that I was a shithead that only drained energy from them and that I had changed for the worse (because I spent half a year feeling intense regret and self-loathing for the bathroom-incident).
After hearing about the rumor, I tried to hang myself, but I bailed when I thought of how much it would destroy my family. But afterwards, I've just become furious. That these people have in no way tried to show some empathy or tried to help me. They've all listened to a rumor and frozen me out.
Fuck this shit, I deserve better.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
Yeah, my mom is my neighbor, we play Mario Kart and drink coffee together every day. I also have a great dad, brother and two fantastic sisters. I'm not completely alone, but I've been frozen out by people I don't care about anymore.
Sparrowhawk
Member
Sounds like you need to completely cut all of those people out of your life and start fresh.
Spladam
Member
You know, this does not sound all that bad. I wish I had what you have....
GreatestHits
Member
I wouldn't be trying to have friends with people like those at this point in your life. They want to disregard you for not being up to a certain standard, as opposed to care about what's really going on in your life. Those are not friends, those are people to hang out with. It seems IMO you have some very serious self-examination to do. As in what makes you feel inadequate, and why you are looking for other people's approval. It's OK to do this, but just understand why. Being depressed enough for suicide is a sign of issues that you seem to be either avoiding or not sharing with us because you are afraid we might judge you, or you may be afraid that the reasons behind these feelings are too much to handle - there's probably a lot to that story. What I believe you really need is honesty with yourself so you can start to work out why you are upset. Pretending things aren't that bad comes off as not genuine and always makes situations awkward eventually. That could explain or have something to do with the bathroom incident. Some of us care about other people no matter what the truth is, so I think if you truly want help, explaining why you are depressed is probably the way to go. It may help you come to terms with what you've habitually hidden from yourself as it is too difficult to deal with. I hope that made sense. And this stuff may be too heavy for GAF, but if no one else is a feasible person to talk to, then try some like-minded and caring strangers out
Fudgepuppy
Banned
What worries me is that I will meet people who will talk behind my back about how I'm a "misogynist shithead". The guy I met at a pub, looked disgusted when I told him what really happened. He just replied "Dude, you need to tell people, because they hear it differently".
n64coder
Member
How are these new activities going for you? I'm glad that you didn't go through what you tried to do. There's lots to live for. Focus on having a fresh start with new friends and acquaintances.
Misterinenja
Member
Wow OP that sucks.
Sounds like a strong mixture 50% of unfortunate misunderstandings and 50% your friends being beyond help shitheads.
I hope you can move past this and find better people to surround yourself with.
Sounds like a strong mixture 50% of unfortunate misunderstandings and 50% your friends being beyond help shitheads.
I hope you can move past this and find better people to surround yourself with.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
The smash-events are moving along, we're playing on a weekly basis. The creative workshop is kind of at a standstill because the organizer is super-busy, but we're gonna have a meeting in a week or so. The podcast is moving along, I've gotten some good feedback, I'm also designing a website in wordpress since I'm almost out of minutes on Soundcloud.
Spladam
Member
Look, you need to heed my next words, you WILL get past this and it WILL become the past, time does this, TRUST ME. We all make mistakes, and we move on. I didn't see you mention how old you are, but I'm guessing you're young, much younger then me.
This thing that happen to you, I know you don't want to hear this, but it's REALLY not that big of a deal, it will be old news soon and many more adventures and other friends will come and go before it's done. You really have to trust me on this.
If nothing else, remember this: Life, like most things in the universe, are a series of oscillations, due to the fact that we life in a universe of polarities. This means we will experience a constant flow of high points and low points, both in the macro and micro, meaning there will be small ups and downs INSIDE the big ones, and this sir, is not one of the big ones. You'll realize this when the big ones happen. You're not alone, alone is ALONE, when you have no family and no friends, when you have NOBODY to turn to, then you are alone. In the meantime, collect yourself, check yourself, and take some time to appreciate the fact that you are indeed not alone. Remember that you don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore.
GreatestHits
Member
I read the threads you posted OP. Please please please reach out to someone on an open level if things get too bad and you feel you are powerless in making them better. Feel free to PM me, not sure why you ignored my post. I hope things get better for you.
No one here posting seems to understand the big issue with you looking to other people and to relationships to give you self-worth. This is a recipe for hurt over and over again. People here on GAF are going to give you positive advice but it's meaningless when there's bigger issues at the root of this that we're not getting into
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1053161&highlight=
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=949591&highlight=
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=665149&highlight=
On a side note, you have really good taste in music. Tool is my favorite (Lateralus), Primus is also highly misunderstood by the masses and one of the best bands going right now, Cranberries. etc etc etc. All very dark stuff that I'm into. This thread has got me thinking 'No Quarter'
No one here posting seems to understand the big issue with you looking to other people and to relationships to give you self-worth. This is a recipe for hurt over and over again. People here on GAF are going to give you positive advice but it's meaningless when there's bigger issues at the root of this that we're not getting into
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1053161&highlight=
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=949591&highlight=
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=665149&highlight=
On a side note, you have really good taste in music. Tool is my favorite (Lateralus), Primus is also highly misunderstood by the masses and one of the best bands going right now, Cranberries. etc etc etc. All very dark stuff that I'm into. This thread has got me thinking 'No Quarter'
nintendork666
Member
I've been going through a similar thing, after getting dumped by my GF of 7 years. I was down and out, but this thread honestly made me feel better. I hope it did the same for you. Life goes on, my friend.
-Plasma Reus-
Service guarantees member status
You will find someone better.
Messofanego
Banned
I hope you do eventually find a trusting longtime friend who cares about you and who would contact you out of the blue to do some things like a nature bike ride or go to the movies. Or just talks to you on the phone for more than 30min but you dont even realise it. Who's willing to share personal stuff and you guys help each other through tough times.
This is after you have enough self confidence to be alone and like yourself in this alone time btw. It's cliché but "work on yourself love yourself" really works.
This is after you have enough self confidence to be alone and like yourself in this alone time btw. It's cliché but "work on yourself love yourself" really works.
Same thing here. However the difference is that I actually enjoy being alone. I can go to gigs without ever feeling that I left someone out, I can watch a movie without ever worrying if any of my friends liked it and I can stay home and just relax after long week of work without feeling that people are trying to reach me to get out and go clubbing. I have time to read books, watch movies play games which is something I never had. I can actually walk outside and enjoy walking alone in the city and feel good about it. I just felt that I had matured alot and I stopped being a cry baby who just felt bad whenever I am not invited to parties and stuff
Also I can meet up with old friends whenever they are in the country because most of them were international students
n64coder
Member
This is a great start! See if you can expand it a bit more by doing some other activities. The more people you interact with on a regular basis, the likelihood of some good friendships developing will be higher.
t-storm
Member
Those aren't "friends." Odd social acquaintances, maybe? I think these events happening will be a positive thing for you in the long run, the whole dynamic sounded toxic and unhealthy; it's now time to dump these people, start over and meet new people, form real, genuine relationships so you know what true friendship is.
Also, through these events you've been alerted to what kind of vibe you give off to other people, so now you'll be able to be more self-aware and be more mindful of your actions and optics going forward.
That makes me feel better.
Dai Kaiju
Member
You'll be a happier person in general if you're okay with being alone. You'll ask yourself things like "what does it matter if nobody shows up at my funeral?" It's not like you're going to be around to be disappointed by the turnout. Maybe try reaching out to family you haven't talked to in a while. Im dealing with a situation where the only people it really made sense to turn to were a couple cousins of mine that I don't normally don't talk to. They have some pretty impressive jobs in media so the fact that they took time out of their day to hear what I had to say was pretty cool.
Skellig Gra
Member
These people did you a favor. They made it abundantly clear they are not worth your time. Time to move on and make new friends.
interactivemonodrama
Banned
You should move on, as other member said before, never depend on others to validate your existence.
When you find the peace within yourself, this whole mess will be solved. Wish you luck OP
.
How could yout not confront someone and hear their side of things? Especially being adult age. If this situation didn't happened, it just would have been something else down the line.'
If you really want , you can send a group conversation on FB, explaining what happened. Be clear and concise.
Baldwin_the_First
Member
Cutting ties is a good thing I guess. Then again, I probably would have made it worse in confronting them, and seeing how I have a bad temper, shit would be said and done that could never be taken back. Honestly, people that invent stories out of their ass like that of people that they once considered friends are pure assholes. Karma is one day gonna hit them harder than a brick dropping from a 5 story building. Fuck them.
If you're not a confronting person, shouldn't you at least give your side of the story to these shitheads? Maybe make a facebook group, invite them in and tell them to fuck off and to stop spreading their shitty ass lies. Tell them how you just had good intentions with the bathroom incident, which in return they made you feel like shit, and tell them what happened with that other girl. Then you cut ties off. If you don't feel any better after this, I don't know what would.
Maybe drop the mic with a "maybe I should have just let your cunty ass drown instead."
Don't do this
Fudgepuppy
Banned
I actually contacted the girl whom I invited to my place, told her I was sorry if I made her feel uncomfortable. She just laughed and said I didn't have to apologize as it was so long ago.
It's so weird, hearing all of these people say I'm a shithead towards this one girl, who I have a pretty great friendship with. We chat and talk pretty often, helping each other finding jobs and so on.
It's so weird, hearing all of these people say I'm a shithead towards this one girl, who I have a pretty great friendship with. We chat and talk pretty often, helping each other finding jobs and so on.
Aww whyd you do that. If it wasnt weird between you 2, you just made it weird.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
family_guy
Member
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8FSbIoarzE
Don't give up. Your life can always change for the better.
Don't give up. Your life can always change for the better.
- Status