Rygar 8 Bit
Jaguar 64-bit
hope it turns out to be minor
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So my yet to be born little girl may end up disabled in some way (upd: she's okay!)
- Thread starter Sikamikanico
- Start date
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J
JoJo UK
Unconfirmed Member
OP I know right now you are most likely crawling the walls not knowing what to do or say and I hope it's all a worry over nothing.
If on Monday you get the news that there is some sort of physical condition my advice is don't worry, it's not the end of the world and 99% of the time the only people who will be worrying about it will be you and your partner. All you need to do is shower your (and your better half
) with love.
Sorry gaf I don't care how soppy that sounds.
My wife has been a teacher in a special needs school (specifically working with children with physical special needs however the majority will have some sort of mental disability) for over 10 years. Up until 2 years ago (until she retired) my mother was a teacher in the same school for 25+ years.
My wife carries out an outreach program where she visits families and help them decide if their child should go to their school, a main stream school with help or another special needs school. No matter what harrowing stories she comes home with there is always one constant, if there is love (read support) in the home the kid is always happy.
I have helped out in the school since I was about 10 or so during summer schemes, holiday clubs, etc. I have a 13 year old son who also now helps out and when he was younger he would come in during school holidays to mess around and play.
What I'm trying to get at is one of the things I always see is kids don't see a disability, it really is just a label that adults use.
If you get news on Monday that you not sure how to process it please feel free to PM me the details, I can certainly run any information past my wife for her opinion (if you wish).
Best wishes OP.
If on Monday you get the news that there is some sort of physical condition my advice is don't worry, it's not the end of the world and 99% of the time the only people who will be worrying about it will be you and your partner. All you need to do is shower your (and your better half
) with love. Sorry gaf I don't care how soppy that sounds.
My wife has been a teacher in a special needs school (specifically working with children with physical special needs however the majority will have some sort of mental disability) for over 10 years. Up until 2 years ago (until she retired) my mother was a teacher in the same school for 25+ years.
My wife carries out an outreach program where she visits families and help them decide if their child should go to their school, a main stream school with help or another special needs school. No matter what harrowing stories she comes home with there is always one constant, if there is love (read support) in the home the kid is always happy.
I have helped out in the school since I was about 10 or so during summer schemes, holiday clubs, etc. I have a 13 year old son who also now helps out and when he was younger he would come in during school holidays to mess around and play.
What I'm trying to get at is one of the things I always see is kids don't see a disability, it really is just a label that adults use.
If you get news on Monday that you not sure how to process it please feel free to PM me the details, I can certainly run any information past my wife for her opinion (if you wish).
Best wishes OP.
TheChewyWaffles
Member
OP you have my heartfelt condolences. I'm sorry to hear about what you and your partner are going through.
RandomTiger
Member
I can relate in the smallest way as we had the extra fluid and tests though everything was OK. Before the results I had the kind of worry that is much more real for you. I'd say you just have to hope for the best and stay positive. Deal with the reality when you actually know what it is imo. Best of luck to you.
I hope everything turns out ok for you and your wife. I don't think I could have the patience and presence of mind to deal with a severely handicapped child, after seeing how hard it is on my mom's friend.
CMV is a odd one, I had it when I was a teenager, and it was basically like a bad case of mono, and they made me stay home from school for a week or two to not spread it to others. But it's one of those viruses you never really hear about.
CMV is a odd one, I had it when I was a teenager, and it was basically like a bad case of mono, and they made me stay home from school for a week or two to not spread it to others. But it's one of those viruses you never really hear about.
Barajas_201
Member
I'm sorry to hear that OP. My brother was diagnosed with autism when my mom was pregnant and was recommended to abort but she thankfully refused and my brother came out fine. He's 18 now and is going to study computer science next semester with me. Don't lose hope and love your baby when he/she is here.
viciouskillersquirrel
Member
We didn't realise anything was wrong until he was around 18 months old and he started squinting at us with one eye. At first we thought it might've been a facial tic, but we followed up and it turns out he's far sighted in that eye. It's common in premie babies.
Getting him to wear the glasses took a lot of work, but he's four now and as far as he's concerned, they're just what he wears, like underwear or a shirt. The good news is that because we found it early, his eyesight in that eye is improving. Maybe when he's an adult, he'll be able to get corrective surgery or something, but for now, he'll just have to wander around looking like Harry Potter.
I am so grateful that Harry Potter wears glasses, by the way. Good role models for kids who wear glasses are so rare in media. So many kid characters who wear glasses are insufferable goobs, it's nice to see one who can be heroic.
nocturnalis
Member
Growing up wearing glasses was rough. I guess Harry Potter becoming popular helped, but I never read the books or watched the movies
Himynameischris
Member
I'm sorry to hear that OP, can't really say much as I've never had children or anything but I just hope for the best and hope your baby is safe,
superdeluxe
Member
Hang in there OP, if it's a recent infection, it's possible the damage might be minor
Possible to have an emergency C-section to prevent any/further complications? 8 months is pretty far along.
Love that kiddo with everything you've got and it'll all be okay, regardless of the outcome.
Edit: Brought it up to my mom who worked in the neonatal unit at Children's Hospital for like 40 years (though she was a nurse and not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt), she said everything is pretty much formed by 32 weeks and thinks any deformities would be unlikely.Though she's not super familiar with the virus, her experience with it was that it mostly manifested as liver issues that can result in hemorrhaging (ie, bruising). Hopefully that eases your concerns some instead of feeling like one more thing you have to be worried about. Good luck to you and your partner.
Editx2: She was thinking of a different virus >_< I guess being retired for like 5 years will do that to you. She corrected herself and said it can affect hearing and such but a lot of children born with CMV are completely asymptomatic. Keep your chin up bud.
Love that kiddo with everything you've got and it'll all be okay, regardless of the outcome.
Edit: Brought it up to my mom who worked in the neonatal unit at Children's Hospital for like 40 years (though she was a nurse and not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt), she said everything is pretty much formed by 32 weeks and thinks any deformities would be unlikely.
Editx2: She was thinking of a different virus >_< I guess being retired for like 5 years will do that to you. She corrected herself and said it can affect hearing and such but a lot of children born with CMV are completely asymptomatic. Keep your chin up bud.
RustyNails
Member
OP hoping the damage is none or truly minor. At 32 weeks I think she has luck on her side. Hoping for the best.
Auron_Kale
Member
Definitely unfortunate news, but I think at 8 months she'll be okay, though still sending positive vibes to you and your partner and wishing you all the best.
Regardless, I know you guys will love her unconditionally no matter what happens.
Regardless, I know you guys will love her unconditionally no matter what happens.
ParentGAF checking in. I'm so sorry about the bad news.
While I don't have any advice for dealing with a special needs child, the best parenting advice I can give is to only worry about stuff you can control. There's going to be so many things regarding your child that will frustrate you that are out of your control. You'll have to learn to let go of trying to control life around your child, and focus on what you can control. Grind hard to set up your family for the best chance at success.
Hope all goes well with you and yours ❤️
Really sorry to hear that Sik. Stay strong, stay positive and hopeful.
I've never shared this outside of real life, but my family went through something similar when our 3rd child was born this last summer. Long story short, after 3 weeks in the nicu with a "failure to thrive" newborn with some fairly obvious issues, she was diagnosed with a life long, scary, genetic disorder. Doctors have always told us that there is a fairly wide range of lives people with this can have, largely dependent on how they are raised, but it was and still is scary as shit. But she's amazing and we love her. I'm not sure how similar our stories are, which ultimately is more severe, but stay hopeful. However she ends up, she'll be a daughter you love with all your heart.
Now I'm tearing up.
I've never shared this outside of real life, but my family went through something similar when our 3rd child was born this last summer. Long story short, after 3 weeks in the nicu with a "failure to thrive" newborn with some fairly obvious issues, she was diagnosed with a life long, scary, genetic disorder. Doctors have always told us that there is a fairly wide range of lives people with this can have, largely dependent on how they are raised, but it was and still is scary as shit. But she's amazing and we love her. I'm not sure how similar our stories are, which ultimately is more severe, but stay hopeful. However she ends up, she'll be a daughter you love with all your heart.
Now I'm tearing up.
UpUpDownDown
Member
Sending all the positive vibes I can your way.
Thelonelykoopa
Member
I wish you the best of luck and as other have said as she 32 Weeks in development already she should be fine . I had to be born at 32 weeks due to my mothers womb becoming toxic(Or something like that .) and I am fine so I would think that is a good sign for your child will be fine as well.
LegendofJoe
Member
You aren't kidding. I've had a pretty good life, but my son's first laugh surpassed all of it. I'm really, really looking forward to having a similar moment with my two week old daughter.
That said I was in a similar situation to you OP and after several months of emotional agony it turned out to be nothing. So don't dwell on the worst, just be excited about bringing your child into the world. If the worst happens you'll deal with it. Don't ruin this special time by overthinking things.
twentytwo22
Member
Sorry to hear it, OP. As a father of two, I know that our kids are everything to us.
Will be keeping you and your baby in my thoughts and hoping that this turns out as minor as possible.
Will be keeping you and your baby in my thoughts and hoping that this turns out as minor as possible.
CanUKlehead
Member
Nothing to contribute, except much love and strength your way for whatever happens, OP.
OP I cried a little reading your post. Having a kid makes you feel everything so much more strongly in my experience.
I don't have any advice but my thoughts are with you. I actually read your post to my wife so I guess hers are too.
Will say though, with a kid comes a lot of things no matter what. One of them is usually being absolutely amazed at what you and your partner can handle and how much you love the baby. Obviously every kid deserves a healthy start and shit like this isn't fair, but if there is any silver lining it's that you'll be stronger when you meet the kid than you were 10 min before.
I don't have any advice but my thoughts are with you. I actually read your post to my wife so I guess hers are too.
Will say though, with a kid comes a lot of things no matter what. One of them is usually being absolutely amazed at what you and your partner can handle and how much you love the baby. Obviously every kid deserves a healthy start and shit like this isn't fair, but if there is any silver lining it's that you'll be stronger when you meet the kid than you were 10 min before.
timetokill
Banned
Let out a shaking breath reading your post, OP. I wish you and your little girl the best of luck.
Sikamikanico
#1 Dad
Thank you all - it really helps just reading the good vibes. I'll plonk a post in here late Monday after the scan with an update. Here's hoping for the best result possible!
tiredheadcrab
Member
I dont know what my issue was at birth, but my mother did have diabetes when she was pregnant with me and my sister. Also I was born really early, about a month and I was tiny. I have a learning disability and my hand writing is mostly shit, but I pulled through. I know I had some breathing issues as well and had to stay in the hospital for an extra few days but on the last day I past whatever test they gave me.
I hope everything turns out okay for you OP. I got a little choked up reading that and cant imagine what you are going through.
I hope everything turns out okay for you OP. I got a little choked up reading that and cant imagine what you are going through.
fallingdove
Member
My daughter was positive for every down syndrome test that doctors did during my wife's pregnancy so I can relate, in some small way, to the anxieties that a father can experience around health of their unborn child. In the end, my daughter was born without down syndrome but the concern that I had leading up to her birth really took its toll. keep your head up.
Any Questions
Member
Mate, i really feel for you. You probably want to try and fix it but can't and it's a waiting game full of angst.
Having just had a son i understand the helplessness of not being able to help.
I have my fingers crossed for you and your girls. It will be ok am sure.
Having just had a son i understand the helplessness of not being able to help.
I have my fingers crossed for you and your girls. It will be ok am sure.
Knocked up a college gf back in 2009.
I still remember that awful feeling in the hospital, when the doctors were telling us that the heartbeat was too slow and there was an extremely low chance of survival. I was one of those who initially held the opinion of "If we find out something is wrong with it early, I hope my partner is ok with termination". But when I was actually in that position though, "I don't care if the baby is born with deformities/syndromes, I'll take care of him/her" is what I truly felt while in that waiting room.
She ended up miscarrying a few days later, we broke up within a year.
When my friends/peers who are all settled down stress about shit like the gender (OH GOD IT BETTER BE A BOY, BRO), I smh and tell them to just hope for a healthy baby.
My deepest condolences, OP. I hope everything works out for y'all.
I still remember that awful feeling in the hospital, when the doctors were telling us that the heartbeat was too slow and there was an extremely low chance of survival. I was one of those who initially held the opinion of "If we find out something is wrong with it early, I hope my partner is ok with termination". But when I was actually in that position though, "I don't care if the baby is born with deformities/syndromes, I'll take care of him/her" is what I truly felt while in that waiting room.
She ended up miscarrying a few days later, we broke up within a year.
When my friends/peers who are all settled down stress about shit like the gender (OH GOD IT BETTER BE A BOY, BRO), I smh and tell them to just hope for a healthy baby.
My deepest condolences, OP. I hope everything works out for y'all.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
More Parent GAF checking in. Really sorry to hear your sit, OP. I remember being beyond anxious for the results of the initial DS test. I can't imagine how much more stressful and worrying your sit it. As others have said, could turn out perfectly fine, and I'm crossing my fingers for a happy result. If you want to talk more about it, or see if any of the other parents/expecting GAF have more experience, come check out the Parent Thread. Lots of support and info in there.
Sikamikanico
#1 Dad
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