Support NeoGAF

[Starfield]

I can't find a proper answer on the internet so my last solution is to ask GAF.
I think I'm sure I might have hemorrhoids.

Whenever I take a dumb it feels like someone is trying to stick a sharp knife into my anus while its going out. It sometimes makes my whole body shreek in pain.

I have this since a few years already coming and going, sometimes theres even some blood on the toilet paper, but not much. What is it?

Also I hope you weren't eating while reading this.

 

[Cunth]

maybe it’s just grapes

 

[crowbrow]

Lube, people... Lube!

 

[Knch]

WebMD says you have cancer of the anus (known in layman terms as asscancer.)
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!

 

[Efe]

Blood coming from anus isn't something not to care about, I recommend you to go see a gastroenterologist ASAP. It's probably just hemorrhoids like you said but better safe than sorry.

 

[Roufianos]

Sounds like it. If the blood isn't mixed in with the shit then you don't need to worry but if it's really that uncomfortable, you should get this resolved.

 

[Birdo]

I had one a few months ago. But has cleared up a bit now. I went to the docs because I was seeing blood when wiping and lots of pain when pushing large shits.

He sent me to have a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy to check that it's not something higher up in my colon. But it turned out just to be a little hemorroid next to my asshole.

I was told to rub Topical Steroid Cream on it. But it slowly went away by itself.

NOTE: You are given the choice of sedation with the Sigmoidoscopy. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PICK SEDATION! I chose not to have it and the pain was unbearable.

 

[M1chl]

Maybe it's just cancer. I would get checked imediatelly, but colonoscopy is pretty cruel shit.

 

[Manus]

I had what MedExpress told me was hemorrhoids. So was treating it as such and it got to be much worse. Went to an actual doctor and it turned out to be an anal fissure.

Most painful thing I ever experienced. Doctor even said most people pass out after a poop it's so painful. Took like 6 months to heal.

 

[Jooxed]

To the people freaking him out saying its cancer, general blood from cancer in the stool is a dark black color not a bright red so watch out for that.. Its probably hemorrhoids.

 

[*Nightwing]

Have you ever felt like you are alone in the world as well OP? I'm putting my money on you are the last surviving alien of your race and evolution has poked it's head and you are actually reproducing asexually, not dropping dueces for the survival of your alien species. Think of all the children you've flushed you monster!

 

[sonomamashine]

Since you can't go to the doctor (corona), warm up a garlic and put it in your anus.
PS : this is not a troll message.

 

[Armorian]

Maybe it's just cancer. I will get checked imediatelly, but colonoscopy is pretty cruel shit.

They wouldn't have to drill that deep if his problem is located around asshole.

 

[M1chl]

They wouldn't have to drill that deep if his problem is located around asshole.

Yes, but the opening is the most painful shit. Not the mention whole colonscopy shit is pretty humiliating. Worse than being naked and being washed by same age hot nurses, while cannot even stand on my own legs. Happned to me.

 

[Thaedolus]

Post a pic of your butthole OP if you want a proper MedGAF diagnosis.

 

[Rival]

Start taking fiber daily to make your doodies pass more easily. Do minimum wiping for a couple of weeks. Take a shower after shitting if you must. Buy some prepH to reduce symptoms. You are likely forcing your shits too much and then wiping too hard and too long.

 

[sonomamashine]

Post a pic of your butthole OP if you want a proper MedGAF diagnosis.

 

[V2Tommy]

NOTE: You are given the choice of sedation with the Sigmoidoscopy. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PICK SEDATION! I chose not to have it and the pain was unbearable.

A Sigmoidoscopy is probably the utter peak of human discomfort. I'm a writer and I can't find the words to describe exactly how it feels.

 

[Elektro Demon]

Well, good luck getting to a doctors place because of all the corona hysteria.
Endure and after this covid stuff ends see a doctor.

 

[M1chl]

Stop abusing alcohol, I know it's tough times.

 

[GobbledeeGoo]

Anal fissure.

 

[Starfield]

Since you can't go to the doctor (corona), warm up a garlic and put it in your anus.
PS : this is not a troll message.

Thanks for the advice, canI eat the garlic after?

 

[sonomamashine]

Thanks for the advice, canI eat the garlic after?

Make it a garlic vinegar, will become your secret sauce.

 

[teezzy]

You have blood in your shit and your asshole hurts and it's been going on for years?

See a doctor dude

 

[kingwingin]

15 years ago I started having shits that made my toilet blown look like a murder scene.

15 years later and I'm still alive, dont waste your time going to a doctor.

 

[Grinchy]

Everything you search on the internet is cancer. I burned the roof of my mouth a week ago, and when I was brushing it a few days later, it started bleeding.

The first search told me I had oral cancer. Then I remembered that I just didn't let my chicken wings cool down enough before eating them.

 

[Knch]

To the people freaking him out saying its cancer, general blood from cancer in the stool is a dark black color not a bright red so watch out for that.. Its probably hemorrhoids.

Your trelping needs more trolling and less helping...

Thanks for the advice, canI eat the garlic after?

It's the easiest way of making black garlic!

 

[Jooxed]

Your trelping needs more trolling and less helping...



It's the easiest way of making black garlic!

Oh sorry. It's probably ass Coronavirus OP.

 

[Bigrx1]

Internal hemorrhoid - get preparation H suppository at your local pharmacy

 

[Jill Valentine]

You need to learn how to poop properly. I just paid $300 recently to be taught how to poop. Then you pretty much won't develop hemorrhoids, like ever. Bit late now though I guess.

I can't explain how you do it, but they have these devices they shove up your ass that measure tension, and you practice squeezing and releasing.

The whole point of pooping is you don't squeeze out, you squeeze inward like you're sucking up, then release.

 

[Daxter32jak]

Lemme see bro

 

[highrider]

Fuck this thread scarier than corona

 

[navii]

Oh man. I have been there. Have you tried having a look with a mirror or taking a photo to see if they are internal or external?

I had external ones. Hot baths helped. My doc told me to buy this ointment:

Proctosedyl - Uses, Side Effects, Interactions - MedBroadcast.com

Proctosedyl: This medication is a combination product that is used for the reduction of swelling, pain, and inflammation of hemorrhoids and other rectal lesions. It is also used to treat proctitis, fissures, cryptitis, pain following rectal surgery, and rectal itching.

www.medbroadcast.com

I tried other ointments, but that one was a game changer.

 

[SLoWMoTIoN]

I had what MedExpress told me was hemorrhoids. So was treating it as such and it got to be much worse. Went to an actual doctor and it turned out to be an anal fissure.

Most painful thing I ever experienced. Doctor even said most people pass out after a poop it's so painful. Took like 6 months to heal.

What the fuck

 

[DragoonKain]

It also might be a fissure. They're really painful. I've had half a dozen colorectal surgeries, so I'm pretty much an expert in this field.

Won't know til you see a doctor. You can order hemorrhoid cream to try that. Also after bowel movements take 20 minute soaks in either a sitz bath or a tub in lukewarm water with a sprinkle of table salt 3 times a day.

Don't push when you need to take a smash. Let it come out naturally. Try some stool softener if you have it.

Fissures are extremely painful. I get them chronically and also get fistulas which are like fissures but a million times worse. Infected fissures can lead to fistulas. Make sure you clean up well as painful as it is to wipe.

 

[Night.Ninja]

Sounds like you need to adjust you eating habits

 

[vpance]

If you're overweight losing some pounds can help a lot.

And believe or not, fiber makes it worse. I'd cut out all fruits, veg and cut down on carbs.

 

[mango drank]

And believe or not, fiber makes it worse.

How so?

 

[DragoonKain]

I'd just eat soft foods. Don't eat anything with seeds like strawberries have those tiny little seeds on them or cornmeal. Maybe have some chicken noodle soup and for dinner some grilled fish or chicken. Your body should be able to break that down easily. Maybe some yogurt in there. Don't eat anything spicy either. You don't want constipation, but you also don't want diarrhea or it to burn when going to the bathroom. Both can contribute to hemorrhoids or fissures, depending on what you have. It may not be either of those, who knows, but they're the most likely. If it doesn't get better, see a doctor.

I also recommend using some baby wipes instead of toilet paper for a little while unless it's really soft. Just don't flush the wipes, it'll create septic issues.

 

[vpance]

How so?

Fiber only serves to do one thing: make more shit. It's the last thing you want to do with hemorrhoids.

The notion of fiber being necessary or good is second greatest con in modern dietary history. Look up the Seventh Day Adventist church and Kellogg. They're why we eat cereal and had the food pyramid taught to us in school.

 

[mekes]

Dr. GAF says that your butthole is your conjoined twins mouth. It’s just his teeth coming through. Nothing to worry about!

 

[ThatStupidLion]

sounds like youve got yourself some friends. ive have 1 that pops up every so often. i dread dumping during those times.

my only advice is witch hazel pads, preperation h ( which for some reason ive never used), and using wet wipes/ cold wet TP to dab your butthole clean.

also, pooping right before a shower is an easy way to avoid wiping as well. just lather up that grape!

also, reduce pushing farts out and stop lingering on the toilet...

and for god sakes DONT drain it with a pin!

 

[GymWolf]

i had the same problem during the last months...not much pain, more a disturbing feeling and some blood in my shit.
i'm a little scared...

 

[teezzy]

Real talk: how do you all even develop these conditions? Poor diets?

 

[DragoonKain]

Real talk: how do you all even develop these conditions? Poor diets?

I have IBD which makes me prone to all intestinal issues, but it's different for everybody, a lot of times diet has nothing to do with it.

 

[Airola]

I've had it a few times. It was usually pretty terrible feeling but nothing unbearable and I didn't tell anyone about it.
It's usually at its most painful in around 3rd and 4th day into getting them, and then it becomes easier and I've had them gone in 1,5 to 3 weeks.
A friend had months long hemorrhoid problem and told it was painful as hell.
I guessed I had been lucky with that.

Then last year I got hemorrhoids so damn painful I just had to tell my gf about it and go to pharmacy to get some stuff to help it. It was so bad I just couldn't be silent about it anymore. Even walking hurt like hell!
Eventually got rid of them as quickly as usual but man the pain was almost unbearable.

I wonder if ass stuff start to get more painful when we get older. I've heard about "shitting lava" after eating hot and spicy stuff, and I've shat some hot stuff but nothing too bad... until a few months ago! I ate some chili stuff and it was ok, very hot but nothing I haven't eaten before. But holy hell the next day it literally felt like my ass was burning in fire while being poked with a hot iron. It was then when I truly understood the phrase "shitting lava", hot damn it was unbearable as hell!
As I've become older it seems these ass things have become more painful. Maybe it's just coincidence, maybe not.

15 years ago I started having shits that made my toilet blown look like a murder scene.

15 years later and I'm still alive, dont waste your time going to a doctor.

Plot twist: we have the ability to see dead people on internet forums.
You died 15 years ago in a nasty toilet incident.
If you can see this message, please, you need to realize you're dead and go towards the light!

 

[Macapala]

Real talk: how do you all even develop these conditions? Poor diets?

Hemorrhoids can be caused by heavy lifting as well.

Starfield if you have an external hemorrhoid, as in you can see it sticking out of your anus, you can gently push it back inside. This will SIGNIFICANTLY reduce the pain.

Obviously be very careful when doing this. Use some lubricant and make sure your finger is clean. Use a condom if you have one.

Also, go see your doctor. You may need to get a colonoscopy.

 

[MadAnon]

I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned lack of exercise, movement and too much sitting.

 

[Elektro Demon]

You need to learn how to poop properly. I just paid $300 recently to be taught how to poop.

You're kidding, right?

 

[Jill Valentine]

You're kidding, right?

No. I had been pooping wrong for my entire life and my anus became lazy. That's how people develop roids, from making their assholes lazy and straining to push it out repeatedly.

They jam a device up your ass and guide you through, it's physical therapy. There's also posture, sitting up straight and not leaning forward. Lastly, the Indians have it right on washing their butts with water, toilet paper makes roids more likely to happen.