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Should I get a divorce?

MrMephistoX

Member
I don’t know I have a daughter I’m traditionally catholic overweight and 38. But my wife constantly yells at me every day despite the fact that I do all the housework, cook and clean the kitchen and make more money than Her. If I have an opinion that she disagrees with she yells at me. If I just shut up and say nothing she yells at me. Our biggest debate right. Is is that I want get a house instead of an apartment with central air due to COVID but shes yelling at me for being irrational. Also I live in San Francisco so it’s not like I can afford to move out and not live in a shot hole. My best option would be to take over our mortgage in LA after our renters leave and let her stay up,here. But still I just fear the unknown...she’s nice sometimes but I literally.ly get yelled at at least once a day for being a fat lazy loser despite earning $200k a year on my own.
 

MrMephistoX

Member
Tough call man, personally you NEED to get some counselling and soon. Sounds like it's been festering for a while so you need to find out what's going on and either try and fix it or determine if you need to walk away.

I agree I love my kid though and my biggest fear is moving out and her making my kid think I’m a piece of shit.
 

MrMephistoX

Member
Look into marriage counseling. This is something you need to talk to your wife. But dont stay in a relationship if you are not happy.

She literally tells me she wants to divorce at least once a month as a power move for the last 5 years as a power move llol. I dont know if this is just an empty threat or if she’s serious. English is not her first language.
 

pr0cs

Member
I agree I love my kid though and my biggest fear is moving out and her making my kid think I’m a piece of shit.
Kids are tougher than you think, just keep your heads on straight and be civil.
I worried about the same thing as you when I got divorced, especially when my ex played dirty pool and got more custody of them than I did. I was terrified she'd turn them against me but in the end I was still their dad and still spent a ton of time playing with and being there for them.
They're older now and recollect how much time we spent having fun even if their mom and I weren't together.
But your first priority needs to be yourself. Fix the problems or move on because staying in a nasty relationship is not worth it. Life is too short my friend
 

TwoDurans

"Never said I wasn't a hypocrite."
There's clearly something going on. If you think it would be fruitful talk to her about it. Otherwise you might want to be the one to pull the trigger on divorce because she clearly is holding back for some reason.
 

MrMephistoX

Member
How old is the kid?

Oh and maybe watch the first half of Marriage Story on Netflix.

She’s 7 my pride and joy love that kid she even games with me. But I know if I file there’s no way I’m getting custody from the state of California :( Literally I’ve never said a bad word about her to her face but I am yelled at on a daily basis and COVID makes it worse because there’s no escape like going to work. I literally make double what she makes in a year but she’s just not a nice person unless I don’t share my opinion.
 
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nush

Member
I don’t know I have a daughter I’m traditionally catholic overweight and 38. But my wife constantly yells at me every day despite the fact that I do all the housework, cook and clean the kitchen and make more money than Her. If I have an opinion that she disagrees with she yells at me. If I just shut up and say nothing she yells at me. Our biggest debate right. Is is that I want get a house instead of an apartment with central air due to COVID but shes yelling at me for being irrational. Also I live in San Francisco so it’s not like I can afford to move out and not live in a shot hole. My best option would be to take over our mortgage in LA after our renters leave and let her stay up,here. But still I just fear the unknown...she’s nice sometimes but I literally.ly get yelled at at least once a day for being a fat lazy loser despite earning $200k a year on my own.

She clearly no longer respects you, and as someone that's been where you are I can feel more than what you are writing. Call her bluff when she's yelling and ask if she want's a divorce, but before you do that bank some bucks make a plan of where to go. Take it on the chin if she says yes, if she says no then bring up her behavior. Even though she'll just make everything your fault.

I divorced my abusive ex. It did suck for a while but eventually I felt like myself again and not a pay pig/emotional punching bag.

My life, it's normal now. Her life, well nobody wants to be with her. She still refuses to work and was forced to work too keep claiming benefits.

Fuck counseling, serously she'll just agree to "Try" and then you'll be back where you are now. Daffy Duck Daffy Duck Am I right?
 

BigBooper

Member
She’s 7 my pride and joy love that kid she even games with me. But I know if I file there’s no way I’m getting custody from the state of California :( Literally I’ve never said a bad word about her to her face but I am yelled at on a daily basis and COVID makes it worse because there’s no escape like going to work. I literally make double what she makes in a year but she’s just not a nice person unless I don’t share my opinion.
That's tough. My sympathies my man. If I were in your spot and really thinking about divorce, I'd start recording her abuse and if she ever hits you or throws anything call the cops. You need to think about building your case now.
 

nush

Member
Don't air your dirty laundry on a message board. You should go back inside your hen-house if you want to cluck like a chicken.

This is mean, nasty and ignorant. Thank god you've never been stuck in a relationship like this with nobody to confide in that would gossip about your life as if it was a soap opera story line behind your back and fucking assume becuse you're the mad you MUST be the one doing something wrong.
 

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
She doesn't respect you.

Hit the gym and get shredded first, personal trainer if you need one. Don't engage with her bullshit and don't give her attention. Start doing activities after work instead of coming home. Make some new friends.

If you need to divorce her at that point, you can hit the ground running. Her disposition may change along the way, though.
 
God hates divorce, so much so that it's mentioned multiple times in the bible specifically. Work on your weight issue, and see if there are other changes you can make to improve your relationship. You can make your marriage work, but you won't do whatever is necessary if you have the idea in the back of your head that divorce is an option.
 

nush

Member
Start doing activities after work instead of coming home.

While this is good and well intentioned advice, there is a potential backfire of him changing his routine and making her suspicious he's having an affair. There's a level with abusive partners that they do know what they are doing and think that they'll be able to get away with it consequence free, especially with the genders in this situation. I avoided going home, working later in the office to shorten the time before coming home and going to bed. Was accused of cheating, becuse that's actually what they want as it retcons thier former abuse as being justified, in some cases.
 
If it’s salvageable you gotta bring some excitement back into it. She sounds absolutely bored and a coward.

If you love her then become a savage. Get ripped for your own sake and become the savage she wants to be a spider monkey on.
 

Raven117

Member
Yup, like others have said, get some professional counseling and give it your best shot. If it doesn’t work out, you have to walk away. Life is too short and too hard to be yelled at by your partner everyday.
 

10000

Banned
u should play hard to get and frame her all the time until she become so depressed, then manipulate the way she is thinking
 

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
While this is good and well intentioned advice, there is a potential backfire of him changing his routine and making her suspicious he's having an affair. There's a level with abusive partners that they do know what they are doing and think that they'll be able to get away with it consequence free, especially with the genders in this situation. I avoided going home, working later in the office to shorten the time before coming home and going to bed. Was accused of cheating, becuse that's actually what they want as it retcons thier former abuse as being justified, in some cases.

It's designed to make her insecure, yeah. She'll either modify her own behavior or have a meltdown. As long as he's not cheating, though, he should be okay in the eventual divorce (as okay as you can be in "HALF!" Cali, at least...). Hope you're past all that BS though and in livin' it up these days nush.
 
She has a toxic personality and won't change no matter what you do. I say divorce her. It's not worth living with such a person, it's just too mentally draining. You make great money and can take care of yourself. You'll eventually find someone who will respect you for who you are. Good people are out there.

You can work on yourself all you want (and you probably should for your health), but nothing will change an adult with such personality issues. It's going to be an enormous waste of time and money.
 
i wont coddle you.


she thinks you are a pussy, so you should divorce her.


Pretty much this, you should have put a stop to her attitude long ago. It's probably too late to correct it now without running the risk of her calling the cops on you for hitting her.

I dont know how you speak to her but i would at least get the point across that as the husband/man you are doing your job and she is not doing her job as a woman. But how that point is put across is probably very different in your country to how it would be made clear to her in my country.

You make all the money AND do the cooking and cleaning? I dont know, my first instinct would be to get aggressive with her and show her you will not be fucked with but i think you let it go on way too long to finally step up and discipline her
 

bronk

Banned
Dude take your nice 200k a year and leave her. I gurantee once you leave her you wont feel like a fat loser. You'll lose a huge weight off your shoulder, lose weight from eating better and being happy. No one deserves to be verbally beat down.
 

Punished Miku

Gold Member
She doesn't respect you.

Hit the gym and get shredded first, personal trainer if you need one. Don't engage with her bullshit and don't give her attention. Start doing activities after work instead of coming home. Make some new friends.

If you need to divorce her at that point, you can hit the ground running. Her disposition may change along the way, though.


The older you get, the more you realize how great this movie was.
 
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