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[cryptoadam]

Does she have big boobs?

 

[TindalosPup]

I don’t know I have a daughter I’m traditionally catholic overweight and 38. But my wife constantly yells at me every day despite the fact that I do all the housework, cook and clean the kitchen and make more money than Her. If I have an opinion that she disagrees with she yells at me. If I just shut up and say nothing she yells at me. Our biggest debate right. Is is that I want get a house instead of an apartment with central air due to COVID but shes yelling at me for being irrational. Also I live in San Francisco so it’s not like I can afford to move out and not live in a shot hole. My best option would be to take over our mortgage in LA after our renters leave and let her stay up,here. But still I just fear the unknown...she’s nice sometimes but I literally.ly get yelled at at least once a day for being a fat lazy loser despite earning $200k a year on my own.

I want you to think about love, think about what it was that got you to ask her to marry you.

Now, answer these questions to yourself:
Is that still there?
Is she still that person you wanted to spend your life with?
If she's not, what changed?
If she is, what didn't?

There's much to consider with this situation, but what really matters is love. You may find you love each other, you may find one of you is slipping out. If you love her, do what you can to make it work, go to couples therapy and romance her (treat her how you did when you first met).

But if she can't put in the same effort, if she's unwilling to work for it, if she doesn't stop mistreating you, it may not be worth salvaging

 

[Northeastmonk]

I have never seen religion keep families together. In the Christian perspective, things never got better. It didn't for my parents and it didn't for people that I've known who have gone through a divorce. A family friend went through a divorce and their Catholic beliefs didn't save their marriage. There was another couple we use to know and they were Catholic.

Marriage is difficult. I've been in bad scenarios and the worst was when we brought up "trial separation". It was after everything escalated faster than I could have ever imagined. I told her how I felt and it blew up. It didn't get that far, but relationships can suck. Honestly, they can suck ass. I may be married and love my wife, but marriage has its days where its just awful.

 

[bitbydeath]

Don’t rush into saying the word ‘divorce’.
Prepare for one instead. Look into every aspect of what can go wrong and prepare for the worst. More importantly try find out what you can do to lessen the blow.

Divorces are messy and there may be things you can do so you don’t get completely screwed over legally.

 

[appaws]

I have never seen religion keep families together. In the Christian perspective, things never got better. It didn't for my parents and it didn't for people that I've known who have gone through a divorce. A family friend went through a divorce and their Catholic beliefs didn't save their marriage. There was another couple we use to know and they were Catholic.

Marriage is difficult. I've been in bad scenarios and the worst was when we brought up "trial separation". It was after everything escalated faster than I could have ever imagined. I told her how I felt and it blew up. It didn't get that far, but relationships can suck. Honestly, they can suck ass. I may be married and love my wife, but marriage has its days where its just awful.

The secular world has poisoned everything. But I can’t accept what you are saying about Catholics. Millions go around calling themselves “Catholics” but aren’t. I assume those are the people you are talking about. Like the OP they may have had a Catholic upbringing but are not Catholic anymore. I have never seen a traditionalist Latin Mass going couple divorce at my parish. (I know it must happen sometimes.). How can religion save a marriage if the married people don’t practice the faith earnestly?

 

[Northeastmonk]

The secular world has poisoned everything. But I can’t accept what you are saying about Catholics. Millions go around calling themselves “Catholics” but aren’t. I assume those are the people you are talking about. Like the OP they may have had a Catholic upbringing but are not Catholic anymore. I have never seen a traditionalist Latin Mass going couple divorce at my parish. (I know it must happen sometimes.). How can religion save a marriage if the married people don’t practice the faith earnestly?

That’s the hard part. There’s travesty in people’s lives all around. I’m taught differently, I live a completely different life than some, and I’m around completely different people every couple years. The people I meet are my examples of what I come to believe as being my reality.

The couple I met were big into their Church and they’d post about scripture and ministries. They’d argue against abortion and they’d have their homophobic comments. He had past trauma and she did her thing as a mom. They seemed like the “stuck up Catholic” couple. Their views exceeded otherwise invisible views on subjects in the world. We were all shocked when they got a divorce. They actually befriended us for a while and then someone copied their FB status and it turns out there were bigger problems than we thought. They separated when they had just had their second child.

The second story is of a woman whose husband cheated on her for many years. She caught him again by installing a key logger on his computer and read his email. He spent many years cheating before calling it quits. They still got a divorce. I personally think she should have divorced him sooner. He would lie about going on business trips and instead take his girlfriend on vacation.

I think my grandfather’s generation just put up with it. They also put up with a lot of things we can’t justify in our own lives. The old married couple sitting down at church has no real reason to separate because whatever works for them is good. Just like how some couples are just too busy with their lives to figure out their marriage.

Church is another busy task or something that can fill up your time. I think that’s what we see in today’s society. It’s either the kid’s school events, church every couple days, or parents busy with their jobs. Then there’s a breaking point where it’s not about love anymore, it’s just about getting the job done. I’ve met people who dreaded going home to their spouse. Home life was more of a job than their actual job.

I think there’s more to it than just being part of a Church. The Church has a lot of bad stuff behind closed doors. Not everyone who attends a good church will find God. They’ll be around other people whose lives are just as bad. Which is why I think some of it just brainwashes people into financially supporting a church. You feel like a real Christian because you tithe and you scratch off one of those lists that a book tells you you have to do. I might be rambling, but parts of me have been caught up in this cycle for years. It’s been with dealing with whoever I meet or people I’ve known in the past.

 

[Urprobablyright]

Thanks everyone.

Sorry mate i can't reply very promptly, thanks for taking the time to reply.

she can be nice it’s just like lately because of COVID I can’t escape it so little shit like my leaving my socks on the floor occasionally turns into a huge issue.

Well the upside is everyone's in a pretty similar boat i live in Japan and i quiver for all the kiddies locked up with abusive fathers and the like~ it's a trying time. Unprecedented... You're allowed to be tried by it...

Our biggest trigger lately

Trigger's the word.. i know how it feels, danger subject gets about one second too much airtime and you're rolling off a cliff..

The point about her childhood makes sense; her dad in particular has a horrible temper and yells at everyone in her room family. Not in an abusive way though like insulting people he’s just passionate when he thinks he’s right and doesn’t value counter opinions just like her.

This kind of behaviour can, in my mind, only come from a childhood environment that encouraged it. This could well be her idea of how marriages are meant to be~ i bet she didn't enjoy it as a kid though, maybe you can appeal to that~ really though, professionals should be giving this advice~

Everything is fine if I go along and just agree to everything she says but even if I laugh it off or ignore her still won’t stop until she wears herself out lol. I think she does have depression and takes it out on me.

Yeah, that sounds pretty textbook.. i guess something healthy for you to realise might be that you're not alone, she's not unique, you've come across a situation that's been documented and examined for generations~ there's a reason we do this, hard wired instincts from prehistory, learn lessons from parents~ so there can be a solution. Your wife, if you'll pardon my saying so, may just be "bugged" and needing a patch, heh~

There was also a time before we moved where not only was she sleeping in a different bedroom but also at her friends house at least twice a week: all ladies but that hurt.

Well this suggests to me that your collective family building instinct isn't so strong~ i guess you guys got in to marriage with different priorities and ideas about how important you would become for one another.. i can't really say anything about that, my experiences were with someone who at their core had the same strong sense of devotion that i do~ [for the record we got past it and are happily married]

So what’s bad about me? Again over weight but I’m working on it. I stress eat and drink too much but career wise I’m successful and if I made this salary anywhere but SF I’d consider myself to be super successful. I don’t know I used to not argue back and apologize way too much early on in our marriage so now it’s weird for her if I stand up for myself which makes things worse.

Well that whole paragraph sounds extremely positive. Good on you, you clearly know what's up. Maybe keep asserting yourself and showing some determination~it's your life, you deserve better than to have dat belleh and dat stress.

Good luck bro~

Ps. When you jog, make sure it's over 40 minutes.. under that and it doesn't burn your fat~ and try to mix it up with a short exercise video or two straight after while your body's burning the right stuff

 

[Karmic Raze]

Hit her with a Tiger Driver 98 instead.

 

[highrider]

She doesn't respect you.

Hit the gym and get shredded first, personal trainer if you need one. Don't engage with her bullshit and don't give her attention. Start doing activities after work instead of coming home. Make some new friends.

If you need to divorce her at that point, you can hit the ground running. Her disposition may change along the way, though.

Best advice I see. You can’t beat women at the argument game, better to fuck off in to your own self improvement and focus on your daughter. I have to keep it real though, uphill battle ahead. She has zero respect for you and will happily divorce rape you in court so she sees everything as a win win for her, because in the western court system it is.

 

[Deleted member 17706]

Already probably got all the advice you need, but regardless of what you end up doing, ceasing to be a fat loser is going to make your life a lot better. Glad to hear you're already losing weight. My recommendation is always to cut the carbs and hit the weights. It will dramatically improve your health and appearance and self-esteem.

While we're only getting one side of the story here, definitely try to do some introspection and see if you think any of your behaviors might be prompting the kind of verbal abuse she throws your way (not that it excuses it, but it's an important factor to identify if you want to salvage the relationship). If it really is just unprompted abuse, then try to shrug it off and spend less mental energy on her. Focus on yourself and your relationship with your daughter. It might change her tune and make her start appreciating you more if you stop giving her attention and make it look like you have a good thing going even without her.

This is also easier said than done, but just start with small steps. Every positive move you make makes it easier to take the next step and so on.

 

[kiunchbb]

Like it or not, it is going to be a financial decision, not a relationship decision. Talk to a lawyer, if you understand the monetary damage then you can make a better decision.

 

[Cutty Flam]

I should have probably given more sound advice. The other posters are sort of right. What would be the purpose of the marriage and what you saw in her, if you easily caved in? A true man would give his all to try to restore and fix something that is invaluable to him. If someone is in a tough spot mentally, it's best to work it out and try to help. But I think you two might have to discuss it in depth together, let her spill her heart out to you and exactly how she feels, simply listen earnestly because I imagine she's going to be all over the place, and just be for her during that vulnerable time in that conversation, hear her out, and come up with your best solutions and offer and explain them to your wife and how they will help. It's important that stay level headed and 100% neutral during her conversation. She needs a strong person, you, to hold confidence in to help her, assuming she truly wants to have help and take steps to better her life. That's what partnership is all about. Helping one another to reach further in life

Probably wouldn't hurt to also assume the worst as well, and prepare for that divorce. Not saying to lose faith or hope in your marriage, but if she isn't willing to work with you, things could get worse possibly. It's a delicate situation.

Does she have big boobs?

Based off the lack of responses from TC, yes I have deduced that she likely has very big boobs. I'm sure TC has an archive of pics and freaky videos and her big boobs give him a great reserve of hope, joy, and the stamina to persevere. Never underestimate a great pair

 

[caffeware]

1. lawyer up
2. shave your head
3. hit the gym

 

[Faenrir]

Communication is everything, man. Don't be like me, don't try to solve everything yourself. You're in this together, you can support each other and find solutions. Think about your daughter and what's important in life.

If you can't solve it together, find help and if that doesn't work, then yes, get separated but knowing you tried everything.
Regrets suck,...