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[Miguel]

Met this really cute asian chick in my class tonight. I could tell she was interested in me because she knew my name and we had never spoken before.

She actually invited me to a get together with her friends afterwards. She explained a little more about it, and I realized it was a bible study... UGH. I told her I was busy and that maybe I'd join her next week.

I'll probably give it a try as an opportunity to find out more about her. Hopefully she's a little more relaxed than the last girl, who was also a bible nerd. I guess that's what I get for going to a religious college.

lol, it was all really weird til the last 2 words of the post. I mean, it's still odd, but not so much. Can't hurt? Although definitely don't make a habit out of going if you're not into it (which it doesn't sound like you are)

 

[tranciful]

Met this really cute asian chick in my class tonight. I could tell she was interested in me because she knew my name and we had never spoken before.

She actually invited me to a get together with her friends afterwards. She explained a little more about it, and I realized it was a bible study... UGH. I told her I was busy and that maybe I'd join her next week.

I'll probably give it a try as an opportunity to find out more about her. Hopefully she's a little more relaxed than the last girl, who was also a bible nerd. I guess that's what I get for going to a religious college.

If the first thing she does is invite you to a bible study, I'd be wary that she's just interested in converting you.

 

[threenote]

finally exclusive with my girl, so I guess that means I have a girlfriend.

once I pulled out my dick to her, she said "damn!" Needless to say, my confidence is at an all time high.

She's really special to me, though. I just don't want to get hurt in the end.

 

[hydragonwarrior]

So I got the facebook of a girl tonight with my friend and would like to know:

Add her on facebook now (it's just been 1.5 hours since I've met her) or should I wait till tommorow?

AND should i just add her, or add her with a message?

finally exclusive with my girl, so I guess that means I have a girlfriend.

once I pulled out my dick to her, she said "damn!" Needless to say, my confidence is at an all time high.

She's really special to me, though. I just don't want to get hurt in the end.

Badass - grats!

 

[Miguel]

finally exclusive with my girl, so I guess that means I have a girlfriend.

once I pulled out my dick to her, she said "damn!" Needless to say, my confidence is at an all time high.

She's really special to me, though. I just don't want to get hurt in the end.

Not saying don't be cautious, because that's essentially what just happened to me, but I think ultimately if a girl is special, you will reach the point where you don't worry about her hurting you anymore. If she's special, you've gotta be willing to make the leap of faith that she won't hurt you for now. In time, the notion will just seem silly to you.

 

[ConradCervantes]

finally exclusive with my girl, so I guess that means I have a girlfriend.

once I pulled out my dick to her, she said "damn!" Needless to say, my confidence is at an all time high.

She's really special to me, though. I just don't want to get hurt in the end.

lololol. Too smooth. I can imagine you standing with your back to her, then whirling around with cock in hand. "BAM, BABY!!" Congrats.

I'm liking this OkCupid site. A few girls have messaged me wanting to get more details, while every now and then I'll get an email saying someone is "checking me out!". I'm just not used to this online thing, so I'm still gunshy about sending a message of my own out to someone else.

 

[luckyboyceo]

lol, it was all really weird til the last 2 words of the post. I mean, it's still odd, but not so much. Can't hurt? Although definitely don't make a habit out of going if you're not into it (which it doesn't sound like you are)

I certainly have nothing against religion, hell I consider myself a Christian, it's the things that come with it.

But yeah, I figure I'll give it a go one time around. Like you said, can't hurt.

If the first thing she does is invite you to a bible study, I'd be wary that she's just interested in converting you.

Solid point man, I'll be cautious. I think it was more of a convenience thing than anything, but I definitely know where you're coming from on that.

 

[hydragonwarrior]

lololol. Too smooth. I can imagine you standing with your back to her, then whirling around with cock in hand. "BAM, BABY!!" Congrats.

I'm liking this OkCupid site. A few girls have messaged me wanting to get more details, while every now and then I'll get an email saying someone is "checking me out!". I'm just not used to this online thing, so I'm still gunshy about sending a message of my own out to someone else.

You must be one good looking guy or have a profile that makes a girl curious - I have a profile but rarely visited at all! I guess it doesn't help that I look like the generic asian but... yeah. What do you have on our profile btw?

 

[threenote]

So I got the facebook of a girl tonight with my friend and would like to know:

Add her on facebook now (it's just been 1.5 hours since I've met her) or should I wait till tommorow?

AND should i just add her, or add her with a message?




Badass - grats!

Thanks. I think you should wait a couple days before you add her, and then wait a couple days to message her. If you do things too quickly, you'll come off as desperate.

Not saying don't be cautious, because that's essentially what just happened to me, but I think ultimately if a girl is special, you will reach the point where you don't worry about her hurting you anymore. If she's special, you've gotta be willing to make the leap of faith that she won't hurt you for now. In time, the notion will just seem silly to you.

I need to control my emotions, even though she's crazy for me (well, we both are). I couldn't imagine losing her at this point. I get what you're saying, though

lololol. Too smooth. I can imagine you standing with your back to her, then whirling around with cock in hand. "BAM, BABY!!" Congrats.

I'm just following GAF's advice. lol,
but to be fair, we were making out, and she said she wanted me so bad, so I pulled my dick out.

 

[tranciful]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNVdkKZ6inM&feature=related

Stop pursuing women by asking numbers? Umm? S'cuse me bro.

(I haven't watched many of his videos, so this is just in reply to this one)

If you're meeting girls at a club, yeah maybe they just want to hook up and these tactics will work. In general though, I think he's wrong; I'd say girls definitely want to go on dates. But not the 'let's hang out sometime' kind of date -- a date date. You pick the place and the day. You call it a date. Bonus points if you find something interesting to do on the first date. They grew up watching movies where the girl gets taken on dates.. they want that. That's how I see it at least, and it seems to work for me.

I just don't want to get hurt in the end.

This kind of thought will just act as friction for you and your relationships. Dive in and have fun. Know that not every relationship works out and that's just how it is. Stop worrying about it and enjoy it.

So I got the facebook of a girl tonight with my friend and would like to know:

Add her on facebook now (it's just been 1.5 hours since I've met her) or should I wait till tommorow?

AND should i just add her, or add her with a message?

Day after is fine. If she's already into you, it probably doesn't matter as long as you don't wait too long.

If you can think of a good message, go for it. Probably what would make you seem desperate is if you 'like' or comment on everything she posts. If she engages you don't blow her off, but don't make her the center of your life

 

[hydragonwarrior]

Thanks for both replies I'll wait till tommorow and add her. Guess I'll message her the day after - maybe try to invite her to something next week (hopefully I had an OK impression today).

 

[LightOfTruth]

I would assume the exact opposite. Like Coalission said, girls will let you know if they're not interested by telling you they have a boyfriend. Its better to take risks than play it safe in terms of expressing your sexuality.

Also worth noting that if a girl's interested in you and has a boyfriend, she usually won't be too quick to mention him.

Noted, and good point. But the way Ive done things so far, I feel like Ive done good just avoiding awkwardness. Its worked for me.

Also, for me, its usually the girl that asks me to ask for her number, and they do in a smooth, natural way. Though this may change once I finish college, not sure.

Isn't it better to assume a girl is single until you learn otherwise?

That's the way I play it anyways.

Okay, but I imagine that to be too much trouble, honestly.

Imagine her playing a 2 player match of battleshit at the girls toilet, in stall next to a friend, squeezing out a generous cleeveland steamer into the toilet or better yet making an audible fart in the class.

Relax man, shes still human.

haha alright, though this may work against her and me

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

finally exclusive with my girl, so I guess that means I have a girlfriend.

once I pulled out my dick to her, she said "damn!" Needless to say, my confidence is at an all time high.

She's really special to me, though. I just don't want to get hurt in the end.

Congrats dude but yea like other posters said sack up and don't worry about getting hurt again. Take it day by day and enjoy this shit because the honeymoon phase probably will be the best times you will have with this girl

 

[ConradCervantes]

You must be one good looking guy or have a profile that makes a girl curious - I have a profile but rarely visited at all! I guess it doesn't help that I look like the generic asian but... yeah. What do you have on your profile btw?

Just one picture thus far, myself at a wedding with a camera shoved in my face. I kind of have that "geek chic" thing going on lately, so hopefully newer pics will bring more visitors. Otherwise just the usual details of my life and what I'm looking for. I mix in some humor in my profile, and I put myself down as looking for just friends at the moment so that girls feel comfortable knowing I'm not on there only to be on the prowl.

The unfortunate thing about it is, since I live in Wisconsin, most of the girls on here are...undesirable, to say the least. Lots of coal to wade through to find the diamonds.

If I could figure out a way to link to my page, I would, but I don't think outside visitors are meant to see it.

 

[Miguel]

I just retyped my profile on POF... thinking I may copy over the info from there to OKC, I feel my OKC profile is pretty bloated, especially with their 19 sections or however many it is.

Sent off a dozen or so messages, now for some sleep, back to work, then back at this at some point tomorrow evening. Trying to get back into the swing of things as quick as possible lol

 

[Miguel]

If I could figure out a way to link to my page, I would, but I don't think outside visitors are meant to see it.

Settings => Profile Options =>

 

[ConradCervantes]

Thanks, Miguel.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/brewerfan88

 

[Calion]

Met this really cute asian chick in my class tonight. I could tell she was interested in me because she knew my name and we had never spoken before.

She actually invited me to a get together with her friends afterwards. She explained a little more about it, and I realized it was a bible study... UGH. I told her I was busy and that maybe I'd join her next week.

I'll probably give it a try as an opportunity to find out more about her. Hopefully she's a little more relaxed than the last girl, who was also a bible nerd. I guess that's what I get for going to a religious college.

You're a student at a religious College, and you're still shocked that every other girl that you're interested in is religious in some way? Am I missing something here?

Never the less, it's an opportunity to learn more about her and network with other people. College is the best opportunity to do that. Go for it. Have some fun. Give us an update man.

 

[RawPower]

I guess now is my chance to ask for some help. If anyone needs it, there is no doubt that I'm one of them.

I'm 25 years old (26 next month) and yet I've never had a girlfriend in my life. I am hardly what you would call a "normal" (whatever that means) guy. I have Asperger's syndrome, and this has made it exponentially harder for me to even carry a conversation with a girl. I frequently lose my train of thought and have trouble composing thoughts and sentences in an expedient manner. As a result, I've never had many friends before, and over the years has pushed me further and further towards isolationism.

As far as being successful? Well, I'm not. I still haven't obtained my Associate's degree, mostly due to a lack of money to pay for school, inability to find a job (see above), and personal problems have all held me back. As for my appearance, I'm pretty much your typical hardcore punk/metal dude. Some might see that as an immediate turn off, but it's who I am, and I can't see myself being any other way.

In short, I have a lot of problems. But I'll take any advice you guys can offer, so long as you're not an asshole about it.

 

[Coalission]

Well fuck. I was talking to her today on fb just before I left work, just a normal conversation. Then she brought up this get together in Seattle I had invited her to because I had noticed it in my events list. She then got sort of upset because she had never been invited to Seattle events before we started going out (our group does Seattle things fairly often). So she said it bothered her that she only got invited because I'm interested in her, like she wasn't worth hanging out with unless someone was trying to get with her. I did the best I could do in response, but I mean how can I respond to that? Its things in the past that I can't do anything about and what's my alternative? Not invite her to Seattle things? That's not going to happen. I can say that there are things that she wasn't invited to because there's an IRC channel that almost of our group hangs out in, except her, and many things get planned there. She also doesn't really know our Seattle friends because she never went to any of these events in the first place. So now I feel like a jerk even though there really isn't anything I can do about it at this point. I feel like the only fix on this is her getting over it.

Tell her to cry you a river. Don't let her attitude make it seem like you're doing anything wrong, you're not. She's wrong here, so treat her and the situation accordingly.

I guess now is my chance to ask for some help. If anyone needs it, there is no doubt that I'm one of them.

I'm 25 years old (26 next month) and yet I've never had a girlfriend in my life. I am hardly what you would call a "normal" (whatever that means) guy. I have Asperger's syndrome, and this has made it exponentially harder for me to even carry a conversation with a girl. I frequently lose my train of thought and have trouble composing thoughts and sentences in an expedient manner. As a result, I've never had many friends before, and over the years has pushed me further and further towards isolationism.

As far as being successful? Well, I'm not. I still haven't obtained my Associate's degree, mostly due to a lack of money to pay for school, inability to find a job (see above), and personal problems have all held me back. As for my appearance, I'm pretty much your typical hardcore punk/metal dude. Some might see that as an immediate turn off, but it's who I am, and I can't see myself being any other way.

In short, I have a lot of problems. But I'll take any advice you guys can offer, so long as you're not an asshole about it.

Your situation is really not that bad, just learn to be more social/confident, and then focus your energy on women who are into your type, not ones who aren't because it would kill your confidence for no reason.

 

[RawPower]

Your situation is really not that bad, just learn to be more social/confident, and then focus your energy on women who are into your type, not ones who aren't because it would kill your confidence for no reason.

That sounds like the easy thing to do, but naturally it gets far more complicated than that. I'm more of a "weirdo" that's into girls that are more normal. The girls in my "clique" are usually either disgusting drug addicts, really loose, loud and obnoxious, dumber than balsa wood, or some unappealing admixture of those things. As for me, I stay away from drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex (or "straight edge" for those in the know), I'm still looking for a career that I will truly enjoy, I'm an aspiring musician, and I know that I'm not a shithead. There's just a lot of things standing in my way and I'm not always sure how to tackle those issues.

 

[PflargBlarg]

She sounds immature.

Tell her to cry you a river. Don't let her attitude make it seem like you're doing anything wrong, you're not. She's wrong here, so treat her and the situation accordingly.

This was pretty much my conclusion I well. I think she knows it was crazy to think that way. I just need to tell her it's a pretty unfair thing to throw at me.

 

[djtiesto]

Super cute blonde girl with green eyes messages me on POF. We have tons of similar interests and she seems super cool.

She's attracted almost exclusively to other women.

I really. Really. Do not like my dating luck.

Note the word "almost". I've gone out with quite a few girls on OKC who say they mostly prefer women, these girls are usually pretty open to experimentation.

On that note, I saw a profile of a cute Jewish girl who mentions how she loves house music and going to dance clubs... as well as Indian, Moroccan, and Thai food... I'm thinking OMG sounds like a winner! But then she says she is only looking for Jewish men

Emailed her, I figured 'what the hell'? Never know, maybe I'll meet a cool person to go to parties to and talk music with.

 

[MutantCyborg]

Hey guys, you were right.. I need to get over my ex. Earlier this week a good friend of mine told me that a girl he knows (who he is pretty good friends with) has had a crush on me for a while now. (Sound like high school >.>) She is pretty cute and she can at least hold a conversation with me.

I'm wondering if it would be a good idea to ask her to go do something this weekend or early next week. If so can I get some inspiration for something to do? I'm kinda lost for ideas right now, but I know I want to do something that allows us to talk most of the time.

Is this just a bad idea for someone who still has feelings for their ex? Am I setting myself up for failure before I even make a move?

 

[Idde]

That sounds like the easy thing to do, but naturally it gets far more complicated than that. I'm more of a "weirdo" that's into girls that are more normal. The girls in my "clique" are usually either disgusting drug addicts, really loose, loud and obnoxious, dumber than balsa wood, or some unappealing admixture of those things. As for me, I stay away from drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex (or "straight edge" for those in the know), I'm still looking for a career that I will truly enjoy, I'm an aspiring musician, and I know that I'm not a shithead. There's just a lot of things standing in my way and I'm not always sure how to tackle those issues.

Damn...that's kind of a shitty situation to be in dude. Not to take anything away from the, usually, great advice GAF has to give on dating/women...but I wonder if people here will be able to help tackle your issues. You might need a licensed therapist for that. Are you able to hold a normal conversation with people you're really comfortable with?

I know one guy with (relatively mild) Asperger's who found a girlfriend (on the other side of the world) through WoW. He got extremely lucky. Do you have a really hard time connecting with people or getting out of your routine? Because if you're really not interested in being with someone from your clique you have practically no other choice then looking further then that. Which might prove difficult.

 

[tranciful]

Hey guys, you were right.. I need to get over my ex. Earlier this week a good friend of mine told me that a girl he knows (who he is pretty good friends with) has had a crush on me for a while now. (Sound like high school >.>) She is pretty cute and she can at least hold a conversation with me.

I'm wondering if it would be a good idea to ask her to go do something this weekend or early next week. If so can I get some inspiration for something to do? I'm kinda lost for ideas right now, but I know I want to do something that allows us to talk most of the time.

Is this just a bad idea for someone who still has feelings for their ex? Am I setting myself up for failure before I even make a move?

Museum, putt putt (think of the weather first), and always check out local events to see if anything neat is going on.

You can still have some feelings for your ex -- you're human. Just don't try to use this chick to get back with your ex or anything stupid like that. Hopefully this is an obvious one, too: avoid bringing you ex up in conversation and try not to think about your ex too much. Your ex is the past; give attention to the present/future.

 

[Hylian7]

I don't know if this really fits under this thread's hat, but I'll give it a try anyway, if it's wrong then I'll edit this to nothing and go somewhere else.

I'm having trouble coping with the fact that I was just dumped in a 5.5 year relationship. I posted about this in another thread (The "Do breaks really work?" thread) but it's kind of dead. I'll try not to make this into a book of a post. On Saturday we had a fight, she said she wanted a "break" for a few days and would call me in a few days. She needed to consider things. On Monday night, I gave in and texted her and asked her if she could talk to me yet. She then said we should just split up because she doesn't think she is happy, but she says she still loves me. Since then she has said that if she realizes she is actually not any happier without me, then we can be together. She has no idea how long that would take though. I've been crying off and on almost non-stop since Monday, I didn't even go to my classes yesterday. I really cannot do this. I don't even know if I should take her back if the opportunity arises. I'm not sure if she will just hurt me again.

This is the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. My friend has been trying to comfort me since it happened, but she and I both know that doesn't fix it. Nothing is making me feel better. I'm planning on going drinking with my friend next week even (I have rarely ever drank in my entire life, and I wanted to go with someone I can trust. Plus she has similar tastes in food and drinks as me, so she could help me find something I like.), but I don't even know if that will make me feel any better. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

 

[RelentlessRolento]

looking for more OKCupid input but more basic this time:

I've been sending messages out to girls, but have yet to get responses (then again I think some just havent logged on n a while).

Majority of my messages have been more in the vein of "Oh wow, you like (so and so)! Awesome to see someone else who likes (so and so) as well"

I know it dosnt really ask for a response but better than nothing... my question is should I be more direct? something like:

"I came across your profile and find you super attractive and you sound pretty damn interesting"

or whatever...

basically I don't mind shooting out messages, I just don't think I say the right stuff.

 

[grumble]

I don't know if this really fits under this thread's hat, but I'll give it a try anyway, if it's wrong then I'll edit this to nothing and go somewhere else.

I'm having trouble coping with the fact that I was just dumped in a 5.5 year relationship. I posted about this in another thread (The "Do breaks really work?" thread) but it's kind of dead. I'll try not to make this into a book of a post. On Saturday we had a fight, she said she wanted a "break" for a few days and would call me in a few days. She needed to consider things. On Monday night, I gave in and texted her and asked her if she could talk to me yet. She then said we should just split up because she doesn't think she is happy, but she says she still loves me. Since then she has said that if she realizes she is actually not any happier without me, then we can be together. She has no idea how long that would take though. I've been crying off and on almost non-stop since Monday, I didn't even go to my classes yesterday. I really cannot do this. I don't even know if I should take her back if the opportunity arises. I'm not sure if she will just hurt me again.

This is the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. My friend has been trying to comfort me since it happened, but she and I both know that doesn't fix it. Nothing is making me feel better. I'm planning on going drinking with my friend next week even (I have rarely ever drank in my entire life, and I wanted to go with someone I can trust. Plus she has similar tastes in food and drinks as me, so she could help me find something I like.), but I don't even know if that will make me feel any better. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I'm not sure what to say, because the circumstances are different when you're talking about 5+ years.

First off, think of what's happened as a learning experience. You've gotten something out of this relationship so far, and you'll have the opportunity to figure out what went wrong. It's quite possible that you didn't do anything wrong, and it's posible that she didn't either; we can't say. But going forward you'll hopefully have learned how to spot when things aren't working well and you can nip them in the bud in the future.

As for whether or not you should take this girl back, I'd say not to, simply because many girls will hold onto a relationship even after they've decided on some level to move on. Any begging on your part would probably not be an attractive act, and if she comes back then the relationship will have been dealt a pretty serious bodyblow. Sometimes it still works, but I'd lean towards moving on.

What you should do is try to focus on other parts of your life right now. If you have hobbies, do them. If you don't, then this is a great chance to explore something new. If you can handle it at all, be as social as possible and try to put a smile on your face. Don't contact the girl, as it'll be like tearing the scab off a cut. Go get drunk, and don't spend the whole time whining. Try to find something to take your mind off things.

Just remember that there are thousands on women in the world that you could be very happy with, and that this isn't the end. Stay strong, and you'll get through this as a better person.

 

[SpectreFire]

Met this really cute asian chick in my class tonight. I could tell she was interested in me because she knew my name and we had never spoken before.

She actually invited me to a get together with her friends afterwards. She explained a little more about it, and I realized it was a bible study... UGH. I told her I was busy and that maybe I'd join her next week.

I'll probably give it a try as an opportunity to find out more about her. Hopefully she's a little more relaxed than the last girl, who was also a bible nerd. I guess that's what I get for going to a religious college.

Asian chicks creep me out already, bible asian chicks have to be even worse. I'd bail out if I were you.

looking for more OKCupid input but more basic this time:

I've been sending messages out to girls, but have yet to get responses (then again I think some just havent logged on n a while).

Majority of my messages have been more in the vein of "Oh wow, you like (so and so)! Awesome to see someone else who likes (so and so) as well"

I know it dosnt really ask for a response but better than nothing... my question is should I be more direct? something like:

"I came across your profile and find you super attractive and you sound pretty damn interesting"

or whatever...

basically I don't mind shooting out messages, I just don't think I say the right stuff.

My thing is basically reply just as how I would've replied to anything on her profile in real life.

IE. She likes Doctor Who

My message:

David Tenant is obviously the best Doctor. No man or woman can deny those beautiful eyes.

Throw any formal writing cues you've been taught out the window. Don't write it as if you're a 19th century minutemen writing back to his wife at home. Just write it as something you'd say if something you found interesting on her profile was said to you in person by her.

 

[PflargBlarg]

looking for more OKCupid input but more basic this time:

I've been sending messages out to girls, but have yet to get responses (then again I think some just havent logged on n a while).

Majority of my messages have been more in the vein of "Oh wow, you like (so and so)! Awesome to see someone else who likes (so and so) as well"

I know it dosnt really ask for a response but better than nothing... my question is should I be more direct? something like:

"I came across your profile and find you super attractive and you sound pretty damn interesting"

or whatever...

basically I don't mind shooting out messages, I just don't think I say the right stuff.

Yeah dude, the first one is fine except you need to throw in something for them to respond to. "What did you think of (so and so)'s album? I thought it was __________" for example.

The second one just sounds like the non-neanderthal version of "hay gurl, sup!". It could work though I suppose.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As for me. I sent her a pretty blunt text today saying that what she said to me yesterday was pretty unfair and made me feel like crap for no good reason. She apologized and said it wasn't my fault, that she just had been annoyed at the clique type things that have emerged in our group of friends (I'm not going to get into it, but there was an incident that broke a lot of friendships. It's perfectly valid to be upset about what happened, it's not valid to target that frustration at me). I'm not going to talk to her again until I see her in person (possibly friday, definitely saturday) because I'm still not completely sure she understands how weird of a thing it was to get upset over and if she's truly sorry.

 

[tranciful]

I don't know if this really fits under this thread's hat, but I'll give it a try anyway, if it's wrong then I'll edit this to nothing and go somewhere else.

I'm having trouble coping with the fact that I was just dumped in a 5.5 year relationship. I posted about this in another thread (The "Do breaks really work?" thread) but it's kind of dead. I'll try not to make this into a book of a post. On Saturday we had a fight, she said she wanted a "break" for a few days and would call me in a few days. She needed to consider things. On Monday night, I gave in and texted her and asked her if she could talk to me yet. She then said we should just split up because she doesn't think she is happy, but she says she still loves me. Since then she has said that if she realizes she is actually not any happier without me, then we can be together. She has no idea how long that would take though. I've been crying off and on almost non-stop since Monday, I didn't even go to my classes yesterday. I really cannot do this. I don't even know if I should take her back if the opportunity arises. I'm not sure if she will just hurt me again.

This is the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. My friend has been trying to comfort me since it happened, but she and I both know that doesn't fix it. Nothing is making me feel better. I'm planning on going drinking with my friend next week even (I have rarely ever drank in my entire life, and I wanted to go with someone I can trust. Plus she has similar tastes in food and drinks as me, so she could help me find something I like.), but I don't even know if that will make me feel any better. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

There's no magic fix. It'll hurt for a while. Time is the best medicine. Being around people will help, too. Make an effort to fill your boredom with activities and friends.

As for me. I sent her a pretty blunt text today saying that what she said to me yesterday was pretty unfair and made me feel like crap for no good reason. She apologized and said it wasn't my fault, that she just had been annoyed at the clique type things that have emerged in our group of friends (I'm not going to get into it, but there was an incident that broke a lot of friendships. It's perfectly valid to be upset about what happened, it's not valid to target that frustration at me). I'm not going to talk to her again until I see her in person (possibly friday, definitely saturday) because I'm still not completely sure she understands how weird of a thing it was to get upset over and if she's truly sorry.

Meh, if she says she's sorry and that it wasn't your fault I'd just take her word for it and move on (keep a lookout for similar things in the future). I hope you aren't intentionally not talking to her until some arbitrary deadline. Especially if she messages you, please don't ignore her. The silent treatment is a huge pet peeve of mine.

I think it's important to not let people walk all over you, and if it turns you off of wanting to talk or hang out with her, that's obviously fine (but if that's the case, it probably won't have an arbitrary deadline). But I don't really believe in punishing people for the sake of punishment/revenge/retaliation/etc -- that's just unnecessary drama and I don't think it helps anything.

 

[Hypereides]

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As for me. I sent her a pretty blunt text today saying that what she said to me yesterday was pretty unfair and made me feel like crap for no good reason. She apologized and said it wasn't my fault, that she just had been annoyed at the clique type things that have emerged in our group of friends (I'm not going to get into it, but there was an incident that broke a lot of friendships. It's perfectly valid to be upset about what happened, it's not valid to target that frustration at me). I'm not going to talk to her again until I see her in person (possibly friday, definitely saturday) because I'm still not completely sure she understands how weird of a thing it was to get upset over and if she's truly sorry.

You did well. Just stay mute, laid back, and cool till you meet again, till she contacts you. I think you got her, if you play it right.

Next time, formulate that you forgive her and its alright (... but only if she brings it up!...). If you get to this event together, you should find a place where you can sit closely, tight together, and then you should put your arm around her, and create some comfort. Make her feel like shes forgiven and you werent thinking much about it.

It should display confidence and trust.

Take it from there.

 

[tigerin]

so after striking a conversation with a girl, what do i say to ask the girl for her number without appearing random or weird?

 

[Hypereides]

"Hey, you know it was cool talking to you, lets figure out something another time. You got a number/lets exchange numbers?"

Or something like that.

 

[tranciful]

I'd lean toward something like "Hey, you know it was cool talking to you, let's go on a date sometime." If she responds positively, you get her number. If she doesn't respond positively, her number was useless anyway.

When you use the word "date," everyone's on the same page and it makes things so much easier.

 

[Combine]

One of the biggest problems (yeah, among all of them) I have, that Mr.City pointed out to me was how "meek" or something like that, I seem to be when in public and how poorly I carry myself. This is going off of pictures that are taken of me among groups of people (a rarity in itself) and the common theme of them is how I'm always in the background, either as an afterthought or looking like someone who just doesn't belong. Most other pictures of me just don't seem "genuine" or so (smile appears forced/fake, demeanor in general seems off).

But I've discovered upon thinking of it further that it has been a main hangup for me for a long time, the feeling that I just don't belong or am unwelcome wherever I go (except of course, for the safety of my parents house). And I have no clue how to begin getting over that feeling.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Meh, if she says she's sorry and that it wasn't your fault I'd just take her word for it and move on (keep a lookout for similar things in the future). I hope you aren't intentionally not talking to her until some arbitrary deadline. Especially if she messages you, please don't ignore her. The silent treatment is a huge pet peeve of mine.

I think it's important to not let people walk all over you, and if it turns you off of wanting to talk or hang out with her, that's obviously fine (but if that's the case, it probably won't have an arbitrary deadline). But I don't really believe in punishing people for the sake of punishment/revenge/retaliation/etc -- that's just unnecessary drama and I don't think it helps anything.

Yeah, that's not what I meant. I've just said my piece to her and I don't really feel like talking to her right now. There is no way I'm going to ignore her if she comes to me before then, it's just that I need some face to face interaction to suss things out properly and I don't think I'm going to do any good if I talk to her again before then.

I left that conversation telling her that we can put this behind us now. Honestly, I would be happy if she never even brought it up again.

 

[Black-Box]

Yeah when I say go out and meet people in the real world, I don't necessarily mean doing so solely to meet girls. I just think it's important to be social in general, and I think it will help inside and outside of dating.

Throughout highschool and most of college I was very introverted. Over the past few years I've made an effort to work on that by forcing myself out of my comfort zone. It has paid off tremendously. I've been doing great business networking, meeting new friends, and having an easier time meeting girls. I still don't have all that much desire to go to bars and clubs (it's more than okay to not live life for the bar/club scene), but at least I'm not as uncomfortable when I do go to them and I can enjoy myself when I do occasionally go. And if you ask me, going to bars/clubs won't make you more interesting; I'd say you'd be better off picking up new hobbies or having an interesting career. New hobbies are also a good way to meet new people.

In regards to being friendzoned, I think online dating and 'IRL' dating can differ in important ways. With online dating it's important to note that, because you're both on an online dating site, it's usually safe to assume you are both single and looking to date. It's also easier to get to know someone before the first date -- you have a whole profile to read and you can chat some to give you an idea of whether or not you're interested in each other before you even meet in person. So you might be able to get away with being a little more 'friendly' or neutral at first, but I think it still helps if your communication is in sync with your intentions (and remember, your intentions are to meet romantic partners).

When meeting new girls in the wild, I think you have to approach things slightly differently. First, whether or not they're single and looking to date is totally up in the air -- therefor, it's more important to make your intent known. That way if they're not single or interested they can make that fact clear and you won't waste your time. Trust me, I know how strong the tendency may be to become friends with the girl first. You want to get to know them, then take it from close platonic friend to romantic relationship later when you confirm it's worth a shot. But on a practical level, that is hard to do. I think it's much more effective to be upfront about it. As a bonus, it also makes you seem more confident because you're sticking yourself out there. So to conclude: if you're getting friend zoned, I think it's most likely because you're initially coming on as a friend. You aren't clearly communicating that you are romantically interested from the start. I always recommend that instead of saying "we should hang out sometime, can I get your number?" say "how about a date sometime?" and then get her number; that way, everybody's on the same page. And again, it shows you have confidence.

I don't necessarily think online or IRL is better than the other. Whether you get to know them before or during the first date is inconsequential, but as long as you understand how to approach different situations I think you'll be better off.

Also somewhat related: Some girls want platonic guy friends. If they meet a guy who is being very friendly but not romantic, they may get their hopes up that they've met a potential guy friend. Then weeks later when you want to move it to the next level, they're caught off guard and they can even feel like they've been tricked. They are always worrying that their guy friends will suddenly flip and want something romantic. There are some girls who use guys and friendzone them intentionally, sure -- but there are also girls who aren't so evil.

ya, I am not a fan of bar/club scene, my whole class and a teacher included having been trying to get me out of my shell. very thick, I don't trust people, because thought high school I thought I had friends, but they are more like people who are your friend to be nice, and because people know someone family related. my major problem is that, I am too nice, like to anyone, there is like no bad side inside of me. people make fun of me..in a friendly way that I could never hurt a fly, or do anything mean. right now the only girls that have wanted to date me are ones I can not stand, and drive me up the wall...maybe I should just suck it up, I also have given up and almost to the point where I will never get the gf I want, and just end up with someone who drives me insane. I think I am friend zoned, just because I am easy to talk to, and that I am a very good friend. I also don't have the balls to ask a girl out, I have lost friends when I told them I liked them

 

[~Kinggi~]

One of the biggest problems (yeah, among all of them) I have, that Mr.City pointed out to me was how "meek" or something like that, I seem to be when in public and how poorly I carry myself. This is going off of pictures that are taken of me among groups of people (a rarity in itself) and the common theme of them is how I'm always in the background, either as an afterthought or looking like someone who just doesn't belong. Most other pictures of me just don't seem "genuine" or so (smile appears forced/fake, demeanor in general seems off).

But I've discovered upon thinking of it further that it has been a main hangup for me for a long time, the feeling that I just don't belong or am unwelcome wherever I go (except of course, for the safety of my parents house). And I have no clue how to begin getting over that feeling.

Yeah i'm pretty much in the same boat in regards to this.

Of late i have been seriously stressed out at work. Tensions are flaring and i just dont feel good about myself. Makes it virtually impossible for my after-work life to feel like anything positive. Only time i dont think about things is when i get drunk and watch some movies.

 

[Black-Box]

so you guys have given me the courage to try OKcupid again, maybe I should try to take pics in random places. because I have a new look than before, might help

 

[RawPower]

Damn...that's kind of a shitty situation to be in dude. Not to take anything away from the, usually, great advice GAF has to give on dating/women...but I wonder if people here will be able to help tackle your issues. You might need a licensed therapist for that. Are you able to hold a normal conversation with people you're really comfortable with?

I know one guy with (relatively mild) Asperger's who found a girlfriend (on the other side of the world) through WoW. He got extremely lucky. Do you have a really hard time connecting with people or getting out of your routine? Because if you're really not interested in being with someone from your clique you have practically no other choice then looking further then that. Which might prove difficult.

Yeah, I can hold my own with my family and people who I know aren't judgmental assholes. But even with them, there are periods of "delay" where I have trouble composing my thought and spitting it out quickly enough. This hampers the flow of conversation.

To be fair though, I may have exaggerated a bit in my previous post, because there have been people who weren't able to tell the difference between me and any non-autistic person. This has proven to be both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I don't seem to instantly repulse girls that I'm interested in, but a curse because they expect better of me since I don't outwardly appear to have Asperger's.

 

[Miguel]

My subconscious is one sick masochistic motherfucker. Last two times I've slept I've dreamed...well had a vivid dream and remembered it. Usually its weeks between dreams for me... both have been about contacting not only my immediate ex, but also the girl right before. My escape (sleep) is no longer an escape, lol. At least both dreams only cofirmed that both are bad ideas.

 

[greenry]

looking for more OKCupid input but more basic this time:

I've been sending messages out to girls, but have yet to get responses (then again I think some just havent logged on n a while).

Majority of my messages have been more in the vein of "Oh wow, you like (so and so)! Awesome to see someone else who likes (so and so) as well"

I know it dosnt really ask for a response but better than nothing... my question is should I be more direct? something like:

"I came across your profile and find you super attractive and you sound pretty damn interesting"

or whatever...

basically I don't mind shooting out messages, I just don't think I say the right stuff.

If a girl sent me a message like this I would just think "cool" and then move on to something else. SpectreFire has it right with the type of message to send. You have to stand out in some way, girls get inundated with messages. If your photo or profile are not flawless, stand out in your message.

 

[Khalifa Jayy]

Do you guys ever feel like women come in waves?

 

[RelentlessRolento]

If a girl sent me a message like this I would just think "cool" and then move on to something else. SpectreFire has it right with the type of message to send. You have to stand out in some way, girls get inundated with messages. If your photo or profile are not flawless, stand out in your message.

Point taken. thanks guys for the responses. Will do to improve my contacting skills or something.

Wish me luck tomorrow as well since I start my gallery job with a girl I might want to ask out depending on if working with her proves a plus or negative ^_^

 

[SpectreFire]

I may have competition for the cute girl in my class. There's another guy who's in both the classes we're in who she also talks to and hangs out with.

 

[tranciful]

I may have competition for the cute girl in my class. There's another guy who's in both the classes we're in who she also talks to and hangs out with.

If the girl is even remotely cute, there's always competition.

 

[Tater Tot]

Hi, I joined a Latin Dance class that meets every wendsday night. Today was my third class and the instructor had us switch partners through out the night. Anyways, I was very nervous as I know I am not a good dancer and I was sweating because of the nerves. Well, when the instructor informed us to switch parters, I got to partner up with a very cute girl. She was smiling the whole time we were dancing and even went easy on me as I told her about my two left feet. Anyways, I found her attractive and want to get to know her better, I could tell that there was interest on her part as well as she kept looking at me throughout the whole time we were dancing. Anyways, I want to get to know her more and eventually see what happens but this is the part where I always fail. I always get alot of attention from women but I always pussy out and never do anything. I just want to see what tips or steps I should take to over come this fear, I know once I get past the initial hurdle it will be alot easier.

 

[SpectreFire]

If the girl is even remotely cute, there's always competition.

This is the first time I might have active competition on a girl though. If it actually is that. They could just very well be friends.

I also labelled the guy to myself as a know-it-all douche my first day in our lecture.