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[javac]

Perfect for Dead or alive then right?

 

[The Blackrose]

Next article by Ben Kuchera will be titled "The Xbox One controller feels like putting my finger in a pussy"

Now you're just giving him ideas.

 

[Philthy]

High Art

 

[mr teaspoon]

That quote reads like something out of GamePro.

 

[Dahbomb]

The Citizen Kane of game controllers.

 

[Ploid 3.0]

It felt like the first time I touched a girl’s breast

Not going to lie, I stopped right here and looked down at the replies to make sure it was safe to continue. What the crap?

 

[PatzCU]

Can you point me to some articles that are orgasming the same way about the Xbone controller? Or are you just basing their quality on fucking internet JPEGs and a personal bias.

Come on, son. These "Game Journalists" are no strangers to either controller, be it PS4 or Xbone, yet they lavish the praise on the Sony hardware. And here you are claiming it's worse than something you have never even held or seen in person.

I don't think there have been any orgasming articles about the Xbone controller because games journalism hasn't gotten past their Microsoft-DRM-24Hours Online-Xbone Hate-athon (and I'm not saying Microsoft isn't deserving of it). People are still focused on ripping on Microsoft's policies instead of giving the console an unbiased assessment.

And likewise, it seems the hyperbole train keeps on rolling for the PS4 (and I'm not saying Sony isn't deserving of it), so we're getting these ridiculous reviews of everything PS4. Personally, I'm going to wait until everyone calms down before I take anything seriously one way or another.

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Them are some loaded words, now there's a ton of pressure on the PS4 controller being good.

Also calm down folks, the article gave me a chuckle. I didn't expect a meltdown here.

 

[EvB]

Griffin McElroy, Polygon:

Polygon has some amazing powers to sway people's opinions of them.

Say something positive about Microsoft:

FUCKIN POLYGON ARE MICROSHAFT MOUTHPIECES!

Say something positive about Sony :

Goodness my old fellow, what an outstanding purveyor of spiffing journalism!

 

[toymachine]

Them are some loaded words, now there's a ton of pressure on the PS4 controller being good.

Also calm down folks, the article gave me a chuckle. I didn't expect a meltdown here.

He's objectifying women, it made me feel uncomfortable until I donated $200 to ms. sarkeesian. I feel much better now contributing to the dismantling of Patriarchy

 

[Adam Prime]

Great so the PS4 controller is better than a teenager girl's breasts.

RINGING ENDORSEMENT!

 

[TheExodu5]

Ahahaha the comments:

I feel so stupid for supporting your fucking games on both XBOX and PS3 + steam - oh all the money I've spent om merchandise and other Penny Arcade related stuff, just for you guys to jump out as PS fanboys. It's such a shame. And pathetic.

 

[razgriz417]

3 pages and no gif of Brad Shoemaker fondling the PS4 controller? For shame gaf, for shame

 

[out0v0rder]

 

[olympia]

That is just a sad sad thing to write

My thoughts exactly.

 

[SolarPowered]

Did it feel like bags of sand?

 

[iMerc]

great for the new controller if it is that comfortable and functional but...i feel like i'm reading that trip hawkins quote about the ps2.

 

[M.D]

Ahahaha the comments:

At first I thought it was going to be about how this article is disrespectful to women

 

[ERC198X]

Symmetrical breasts are awesome. Symmetrical sticks are awesome too!

 

[Wonder Cheese]

Pretty terrible article but I am happy to hear so many positive impressions of the DS4. Can't stand the DS3 so this was my last real hangup about purchasing a PS4.

 

[jacksepticeye]

Mmmm bewbs.

 

[Air Zombie Meat]

That was awkward to read. Kouche chills. Even the most rabid fanboy would balk at typing that out.

 

[Cornbread78]

Bags of sand? What are these comments? If her breasts feel like bags of sand, then there are some issues with them... just saying..

 

[bomblord]

So what does that make the wiiU controller.

 

[Jake Tower]

What an embarrassing piece of writing. Reminds me of Harry Knowles review of Charlie's Angels.

magical swirling ass

 

[Appollowexx]

The new controller looks nigh on perfect.

 

[Dogfacedgod]

It is just a videogame controller you god damned weirdo.

This is just an awesome line.

 

[scoobs]

Bags of sand? What are these comments? If her breasts feel like bags of sand, then there are some issues with them... just saying..

Its a reference to the movie '40 year old virgin'.

 

[DrM]

Holy shit Batman, now that is a description.

I think that this description could be at least candidate for 'description of the year' award

 

[Pie Lord]

Well... uh... I guess if his first experience touching a woman's breast was anything like mine (IE: flat chested), then I guess holding a Dualshock 4 for the first time could be just as unexciting.

Spoiler

This article is absurd. A fine example of "game journalism", to be sure.

 

[Kaizer]

Button layout too flat. Would not hold.

 

[ElectricBlue187]

WTF??? i know you want hits but devaluing a person an comparing the controller to female breast?

He wants those clicks bad, wanna hear a metaphor about how bad he wants your clicks?

 

[flatearthpandas]

That is just a sad sad thing to write

.

 

[angelcage87]

The controller is good, and I'm very happy to hear it.

The article is trying to be funny, and it would be perfect if it were a comment on a forum.
The fact that this guy is getting paid for this shit, while many members on this community with similar writing skills are unemployed, makes me sad and somehow confused.

 

[xenorevlis]

Ah, good, the sticks are in the correct spot.

 

[Naked Lunch]

So they improved the triggers, fine. Couldnt get worse than DS3.
They still didnt fix the sticks. Its still a dual shock.
Xbox's controller is still better.

 

[Moussuki]

I'm not sure the PA guys ever touched one

 

[exmachina64]

*Ben Kuchera*

So apt. Every time.

 

[Sid]

So they improved the triggers, fine. Couldnt get worse than DS3.
They still didnt fix the sticks. Its still a dual shock.
Xbox's controller is still better.

People who've played with it are saying that the controller's design is made as such that the symmetrical sticks aren't much of an issue since there is enough space between the two sides,at least that's what I think I read.

 

[Hedge]

Honestly, that is a really, really creepy comment. Really creepy. Like.. wow.

Other than that, can't wait to see how it feels in comparison to the PS3 controller!

 

[Spinluck]

What did PS4 mess up with PS4? Everything seems just... perfect.

Having to pay for online is shit.

But we probably wouldn't be getting it if it didn't work so well for Microsoft.

Although, PS Plus gives you a shit ton of benefits, and is more like an actual service.

So, if the comments posted in the OP are true, I should get an erection while holding the DS4? No?

 

[Draft]

Surely "almost as good as feeling my son move for the first time" must be the zenith of PS4 praise.

 

[SonicMegaDrive]

I like video games, but I don't like them that much. Sorry.

 

[Radec]

What the hell at the boobs reference. :lol

Perfect.

 

[shinobi602]

Huh, what'd adamc01 get banned for?

 

[Castle Doctrine]

Brad from Giantbomb was also in love with the thing the moment he held it.

That's when I was convinced, when even Brad liked it. I think he used the word "fantastic".

 

[Portugeezer]

So we lick the PS4 controller's analogue sticks?

 

[darkistheway]

Bad metaphor: most gamers have never touched a boob before.

 

[Cornbread78]

Its a reference to the movie '40 year old virgin'.

Oh, I got ya, I'll have to go back and watch it again because I forgot all about that one, lol.

 

[polyh3dron]

The sticks are still placed incorrectly.

From my point of view the XBone's sticks are placed incorrectly!