A source tells us that Nintendo's Satoru Iwata, shortly after seeing the movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, has commissioned a similar museum/factory for Nintendo. The cost of construction is reportedly quite high, especially due to the secret nature of the project, and is estimated to cost roughly $15 billion. One upper management Nintendo official project manner executive reportedly said in an on-the-record anonymous off the record quote "Iwata stole bonuses to construct this thing."
It is perhaps Nintendo's greatest failure that they do not innovate outside the box, but within that box innovation, one can philosophically wonder out their longterm status as a company inside the box. Would that Satoru Iwata's Factory be a success, perhaps the whole industry could benefit, but third parties are already complaining that the factory only services Nintendo intelligent properties. One source claims that the addition of a Gears of War park that traps overweight children in tubes was "summarily dismissed" due to Nintendo egos.
A museum factory showing Nintendo's history may not bare the entire story; it it did, perhaps it is a story Nintendo would not want to show. Like a giant with toddler feet, Nintendo is struggling to find footing, like a fish without gills in water. The once-proud, once-tall giant with toddler feet and gill-less fish has grown complacent and angry, knocking toys off its desk and kicking its feet. Is this the Nintendo we have grown up with? I can't 100% say absolutely no, but definitely so it is not. One leaker has even agreed, saying that Nintendo is cutting itself on the knees and that my tie is very attractive. How can Nintendo face these reactions in a modern, winding game industry where everything is new and nothing is a known quantity?
Reports of Iwata's Nintendo Factory, according to one leaker, are "wicked sweet," suggesting that Nintendo is pulling children from small Japanese villages and forcing them to perform psycho-sexual acts from within Mario outfits. We feel this is unlikely, as Nintendo seems too lazy to capture children on their own, prompting us to wonder and then subsequently confirm somehow that they have outsourced this project to external developers and then refused to pay them. The thundering giant with lacy underwear has struck again, claims one leaker, suggesting that our food may be poisoned if we do not check it thoroughly.
Check tomorrow for further news about this secret factory and why Nintendo might be poisoning the food.