I cannot blame young men for choosing games in this modern era.
There's a lot of advice on attracting women out there. And what most of it misses is that attraction, seduction, intimacy, sex, whatever you want to call it — is an emotional process, not a physical or social one. You can say the "wrong" things and still attract a woman. You can say all of the "right" things and repel her. What matters is the intention, the motivation, the authenticity. To improve your dating life, you must improve your emotional life — how you feel about yourself and others, how you express yourself to others, etc.
It's not about learning lines or routines or dressing up a certain way. It's about unmasking the unique and attractive man within yourself and joyfully expressing it to the women of the world.
That may sound vague, but it has very real repercussions on your interactions with women.
People choose who they're going to be with based on how they feel around that person. For us men, it's often quite simple. A beautiful woman makes us feel aroused, so we pursue sex with her. If we feel cared for, respected and admired by her, we pursue a relationship with her.
But women experience sexuality differently than we do, so it can be a bit more complicated and hard for us to decipher what makes them feel attracted to us. But the principle remains the same. Women go with men who make them feel a certain way. There are a number of ways to elicit emotion in a woman, and the way in which you go about eliciting that emotion will determine the quality and quantity (or lack thereof) of the relationships you have with women.
What's I'm saying is this: you'll find a lot of varying advice out there on how to attract women — some will say to tease them, some will say to be selfish and rude around them, some will say to buy them gifts, others will say to be cold and calculating — whichever of these avenues you choose to pursue with women, that is the corresponding relationship you'll create.
The way which you pursue women will determine which ones you end up with.
If you choose to be cold, calculating and manipulative with women, you will naturally screen for women who will create a cold, calculating and manipulative relationship with you. If you pursue women with a neediness and an idealization of them, then you will attract equally naive and insecure women who will create a relationship of neediness and false idolization. If you pursue women in a rude and harsh manner, you will attract women who respond to harsh emotions and elicit harsh emotions themselves.
I encourage men to pursue women with honesty and authenticity because this screens for women who are honest, authentic and conscientious themselves, making for far better relationships.
The other reason I encourage men to pursue women with authenticity is that communicating your sexuality with women openly forces you to become a confident and integrated man. In the short-term, this can be more painful and difficult. But in the long run, this reduces emotional neediness and molds you into a bold and confident man who draws women to him like a magnet.
Sexual attraction from women is determined by status, status is determined by behavior, and what determines whether a man has attractive behavior or not is his perception of himself relative to those around him, particularly women. I refer to this concept as neediness and believe the degree of a man's neediness around women will determine how attractive or unattractive his behavior around them will be.
For instance, a needy man may come up with really clever jokes and have a great job, but he will use them to impress her and get validation from her — needy behaviors — and will therefore be perceived to be unattractive. Whereas a non-needy man may talk about silly conversation topics, openly admit that he's between jobs, but get very excited and passionate about his rock climbing hobby. Believe it or not, this man will be seen as attractive because his behaviors will be genuine, authentic, and non-needy. The reason is he's basing his behavior around her on his perception of himself and not her perception of him.
The needy man, despite having a nice job and clever things to say, is a follower. He's a pawn of those around him. He will only go so far. The non-needy man, even though he may be a bit aimless and in a downturn in his life, he will end up living an enriching and unique life that suits him and makes him happier.
If a man values the perceptions of others more than his perception of himself, then he will naturally behave in an unattractive way around them. If he trusts his perception of himself more than the perceptions of those around him, then he will be perceived as a non-needy man, and therefore behave attractively. All of the outward appearances of status and resources — the fitness, the nice clothes, the cool lifestyle — these things are a result of a man who is inwardly driven, a man who invests in himself and takes care of himself.
When all is said and done, all attractive traits in a man can be traced back to his lack of neediness.
