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[CrankyJay]

Have you tried prune juice? Not a joke this time.

 

[ClovingWestbrook]

Magnesium Citrate is the next best thing to that stuff. Don't need a prescription either.

I have heard that also although I have never tried it since Golytely always worked. Also to the OP, the pain may be intense but usually you don't have to worry about any negative impact on your body for at least 5 days or so from what I remember. You will be fine although the pain definitely isn't fun. Also, to make sure it doesn't happen again start eating Activia. Many here will say it doesn't work but from my own experience, again after trying everything, Activia is the only thing that has helped me.

 

[soundahfekz]

There is this citrus tasting stuff that makes you take an epic shit. You need it. It's called Magnesium Citrate or something. Drink the whole bottle.

Buy this tomorrow and drink the whole bottle. It's over the counter.

This. by tomorrow you'll be making a thread called OH GOD IT WONT STOP

 

[Gaborn]

Nope, the pharmacies are open like your average store.

Try a pharmacy at a hospital/clinic near you. As in, if you think it's an emergency don't fuck around, go in and deal with it.

 

[captmcblack]

Shitty thread.

 

[BlazingDarkness]

oh god it's one of those threads :lol

 

[Matrix]

Why does this remind me of Lost

 

[Veidt]

Carbs stop constipation?
I'm on a low carb intake lately. More protein and veggies/fruit. Plus brown bread. Will this be sufficient, or am I going to end up like OP?!

 

[teh_pwn]

I'm not sure what would cause that sort of stool. If it's really painful, you may want to go to a doctor.

If that's not possible, try:
-Drinking plenty of water
-Laxative
-Magnesium

Possible things to do in the future to prevent it:
-Whatever the doctor tells you
-Soluble & insoluble fiber (vegetables)
-Fermented food & probiotics

 

[Corky]

Try a pharmacy at a hospital/clinic near you. As in, if you think it's an emergency don't fuck around, go in and deal with it.

Oh believe my, if I felt it was an emergency I'd be at the hospital right now. Right now I "just" have a bad problem that needs to be solved within 24hours. If it doesn't I will run to the hospital if needed.

 

[X26]

Has happened to me a few times in the past, such a fucking miserable experience

If it's cylindrical, try and crush/squeeze it slowly. Eventually you should be able to release some chunks of it

If it's spherical, may god help you. I remember one time I was basically shitting out a softball, when it finally tore my ass up enough to go down it did so with enough force to splash water on my entire ass. Avoided solid food for a week after that

 

[Madman]

I distinctly remember another GAFfer suggesting using a spoon to break it from it's cocoon and said it was an old trucker trick in a past shit thread.

 

[YagizY]

It will be painful, there is no way that this shit will not be painful, but here is the solution, pick your poison.

1) Milk of Magnesia. Don't take more than what it says on the bottle. Trust me. Do not take it before you go to sleep, you will be up for a couple hours going back and forth to the bathroom. It does work and it works quickly.

2) Fleet Enema, once again this will work and it will make you go. Follow the directions on the box. It's important that you try to hold the enema for as long as you can. Don't go to the bathroom on the first urge, hold it for a little while and then go. It's more effective at cleaning you out this way.

Trust me, pick one and get this thing out before you start worrying more and more. It will not be a fun poop but you'll be done with it.

 

[Beardz]

Pic of the OP after he shits:

 

[Gaborn]

Oh believe my, if I felt it was an emergency I'd be at the hospital right now. Right now I "just" have a bad problem that needs to be solved within 24hours. If it doesn't I will run to the hospital if needed.

You shouldn't have exaggerated in your thread title then :lol. Seriously though, the longer you wait, the harder it's going to be and the longer it's going to take. Just remember: It could be a lot worse, and a lot more embarrassing. Trust me.

 

[Corky]

I distinctly remember another GAFfer suggesting using a spoon to break it from it's cocoon and said it was an old trucker trick in a past shit thread.

I was this close to use a chopstick... but I said GAF will help me ( no joke )

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

Why does this remind me of Lost

 

[teh_pwn]

Carbs stop constipation?
I'm on a low carb intake lately. More protein and veggies/fruit. Plus brown bread. Will this be sufficient, or am I going to end up like OP?!

Not any carbohydrates, but insoluble fiber does especially. It reduces bowel transit time.

Strange that the nurse can't give a diagnosis but can say that carbohydrate is necessary for proper bowel function. There's no proof for that.

 

[Forkball]

I've had constipation before and yeah, it sucks. Don't freak out too much though. You aren't going to die because you have to shit really badly. If it has to come out, it will whether you like it or not. For treatment, I recommend taking some metamucil pills every day until you get regular again. They are pretty helpful, and hours after I take them I can sometimes feel a change. If you really want to flush out your bowels and give yourself an epic case of diarrhea that scholars will be talking about years from now, buy some epsom salt, mix it with water, and drink it. Buy a game for you DS though before this because you will be on the toilet a long time.

In the future, to prevent constipation, drink a lot of water. Maybe you are dehydrated from the summer heat. Or maybe it is stress related.

Also, let it come out naturally. Don't try to push it out with all your strength, that only makes things worse.

 

[Corky]

You shouldn't have exaggerated in your thread title then :lol. Seriously though, the longer you wait, the harder it's going to be and the longer it's going to take. Just remember: It could be a lot worse, and a lot more embarrassing. Trust me.

Well the help I wanted, I wanted asap so in that sense it was an emergency I guess. I will not wait even 1 second after the pharmacies open

 

[Matrix]

:lol

His butthole is the cork keeping the evil from getting out.

 

[A Human Becoming]

There is this citrus tasting stuff that makes you take an epic shit. You need it. It's called Magnesium Citrate or something. Drink the whole bottle.

Buy this tomorrow and drink the whole bottle. It's over the counter.

That did nothing for me personally.

I would recommend this:

Works wonders for many people I know including myself.

 

[GDGF]

I was this close to use a chopstick... but I said GAF will help me ( no joke )

Oh don't do that. It would suck to have splinters in your asshole and still be constipated.

 

[teh_pwn]

That did nothing for me personally.

I would recommend this:

Works wonders for many people I know including myself.

Soluble fiber is the LAST thing the OP needs. It's bulk forming. He wants baby splatter - insoluble.

Edit: Damn, do I have it backwards?

 

[Corky]

I

thank you, and thanks to the rest of ya, I've got alot of things to try now as soon as the stores open their doors. T-minus 9hours

 

[captmcblack]

Chewable laxative or enema is your only hope.

 

[VGChampion]

I honestly don't see why you would come to GAF with this. I really think people who come to a gaming website in general need to rethink things. If anything, post this at a medical forum. You're not going to get many serious replies here.

I'm just imagining the day the Internet goes down. What will hundreds upon hundreds of people do when they have a problem?

 

[A Human Becoming]

Soluble fiber is the LAST thing the OP needs. It's bulk forming. He wants baby splatter - insoluble.

Edit: Damn, do I have it backwards?

All I know is it helps me go. I've gone from going once every two weeks to nearly everyday.

 

[ClovingWestbrook]

I honestly don't see why you would come to GAF with this. I really think people who come to a gaming website in general need to rethink things. If anything, post this at a medical forum. You're not going to get many serious replies here.

I'm just imagining the day the Internet goes down. What will hundreds upon hundreds of people do when they have a problem?

Except many have been helped in certain situations. The OP has been given some advice on techniques and it may help. Just because this is primarily a gaming forum doesn't mean there are not people who from experience and education are unable to assist.

 

[way more]

If you go to a doctor or the ER they will just give you an enema and use water irrigation to loosen it up. I suggest buying a disposable enema and doing that yourself.

I don't think there is a pleasant way out of this. Keep us informed.

 

[Corky]

I honestly don't see why you would come to GAF with this. I really think people who come to a gaming website in general need to rethink things. If anything, post this at a medical forum. You're not going to get many serious replies here.

I'm just imagining the day the Internet goes down. What will hundreds upon hundreds of people do when they have a problem?

I dont know about you but as of yet there's been a good 50% serious, helpful replies, and 50% jokes ( which I also apprecieate, I'd rather sit here and laugh than cry )

 

[Mik2121]

That did nothing for me personally.

I would recommend this:

Works wonders for many people I know including myself.

Fuck. First the topic, and now I read this as Chewaka Tablets.

I need to sleep asap (it's almost 7am here)

 

[Corky]

If you go to a doctor or the ER they will just give you an enema and use water irrigation to loosen it up. I suggest buying a disposable enema and doing that yourself.

I don't think there is a pleasant way out of this. Keep us informed.

Yes, you are right. This is the main reason that I dont feel like going to the hospital while I can solve it myself with [insert given tips].

 

[A Human Becoming]

I honestly don't see why you would come to GAF with this. I really think people who come to a gaming website in general need to rethink things. If anything, post this at a medical forum. You're not going to get many serious replies here.

I'm just imagining the day the Internet goes down. What will hundreds upon hundreds of people do when they have a problem?

As others have said there have been solid responses here. I have IBS and everything that has been recommended is what I've been told before.

 

[Brannon]

Do the enema or get, like, a toothbrush and jam the smooth end up there and break things up a bit. Dunno, it might work.

 

[Gaborn]

I dont know about you but as of yet there's been a good 50% serious, helpful replies, and 50% jokes ( which I also apprecieate, I'd rather sit here and laugh than cry )

Might as well sit while you can until your ass explodes in a shower of gore and shit.

 

[funkmasterb]

Break it up with a finger. Glove up, lube up and crush away.

All the advice people are giving you will just generate more pressure behind it.

 

[Corky]

Might as well sit while you can until your ass explodes in a shower of gore and shit.

damn man, after having a hard-on that needed needle-injections to die down I thought you'd have some sympathy ;(

 

[Gaborn]

damn man, after having a hard-on that needed needle-injections to die down I thought you'd have some sympathy ;(

It's called gallows humor man :lol :lol :lol :lol Just imagine the worst case, most horrible complication that can happen to you. When it doesn't it'll feel much better.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

 

[harSon]

As a former sufferer of chronic constipation, I believe I'm an expert on the subject. I've probably been constipated well over a hundred times in my life, and if there's one thing I've come to know, it's the fact that your stool feels a lot wider than it actually is. The hardest part is typically the first chunk, and after that, it's usually smooth sailing.

First of all, try not to eat much from this point on. And if you must, try to eat vegetables or fruit in moderation. DRINK LOTS OF WATER. Buy yourself some stool softeners, the directions depend on the brand but the ones I took allowed me to take up to two stool softeners 2-3 times a day. This will help draw water into your stool and hopefully soften it.

If you still can't use the bathroom within the next 24-hours, your next options are going to be a suppository or an enema. The prior is basically a pill that you shove up your sphincter, unfortunately it does little to soften/break down the stool (hopefully the stool softeners did that), instead, it will cause sharp contractions (hopefully) forcing you to use the bathroom. If your stool is not softened enough, then this method may cause you to take one of the most painful shits of your life. It doesn't give a fuck if it hurts, it going to shove that boulder out of your ass no matter what.

The latter is a liquid that you pump into and hold in your colon for X amount of time (you probably won't be able to hold it for longer then 3-5 minutes I'd imagine), fortunately, this breaks down/softens the stool quite a bit as well as forces you to use the bathroom.

Good luck, hopefully you don't have to suffer for 2-3 weeks like I did. I literally didn't take a dumb for 17 days on one occasion, and when I finally did, I literally had to lift up out of the seat because the stool hit the bottom of the toilet and I had to allow more room for it to come out.

 

[StoOgE]

So I don't get sued: go see a doctor.

This is why those super low carb diets are a bad idea if you never every cheat. If you are going to do them, at least take some metamucil or drink some beer. This is how I handle my diets.. eat well all week and have trouble pooping. Go to a happy hour and down 5-6 beers and shit like crazy the next day.

You also need to drink a ton of water. And I mean a ton of water. Stool softeners are probably a good idea. Metamucil can't hurt either at this point as it is a natural laxative that should kick in in the next 12-18 hours. If you still aint pooped tomorrow, try a suppository. I've never gotten to that point, but those are supposed to work.

Have you never seen King of the Hill? Hank gets his colon blocked by a turd he can't pass because he ate too much meat and not enough veggies. This is what has happened to you.

 

[Corky]

It's called gallows humor man :lol :lol :lol :lol Just imagine the worst case, most horrible complication that can happen to you. When it doesn't it'll feel much better.

Ah so thats how it works.:lol

 

[Corky]

.

Thanks, for some bizarre reason I feel somewhat relieved nowing that a guy didn't go to the bathroom for 17 days and lived to tell about it.

The most humane method of those you suggested seem to be that liquid pump, to soften it. Because thats the worst thing about this. It's not my movements, or lach thereof, per se but that it feels like somebody poured a packet of cement in my bowels and mixed it with razorblades.

 

[besiktas1]

Eat lots of fibre, yoghurt and drink lots of water. Don't wait until you're turtling to have a bowel movement, don't strain but don't take too long. That's for the future.

For now, take some stool softeners, drink lots of water and have some soluble fibre. The shit you take will be VERY painful but just the first bit of it, grit your teeth after that it's smooth sailing.

 

[StoOgE]

The most humane method of those you suggested seem to be that liquid pump, to soften it. Because thats the worst thing about this. It's not my movements, or lach thereof, per se but that it feels like somebody poured a packet of cement in my bowels and mixed it with razorblades.

Drink lots of water and use an OTC stool softener first. And yes, that feeling of carrying a bag of bricks in your intestines is a really shitty feeling (pun not originally intended, but I'm going to claim it now).

And remember this lesson kids: it doesn't matter how effective the diet is at losing weight. If you aren't getting a balanced diet your body does weird shit. It needs all sorts of nutrients in it, and fiber is one of them. Eat more whole grains when you out of the danger zone. Don't go nuts with refined carbs, but don't be afraid of some whole grain pasta, oatmeal, rice or bread every few days.

Also, eat yogurt. The probiotics in them will help your bowels break down stuff it has a harder time with.

Also, drink lots of water. Even off of nothing but protein eating it wouldn't get this bad if you have 5-6 glasses of water a day.

 

[-x.Red.x-]

damn i haven't been constipated in years, i remember when i have those rare moments when i am.
i hate the feeling,

godspeed OP and two

i dont get the "pic" i just dont see it

 

[Corky]

thanks stooge, appreciate it.

Guys wish me luck, I'm going to bed

opening hour : 8,5h from now. Hopefully this shit will be over tomorrow.

edit: to the guy above, the black ring is my sphincter at its ABSOLUT WIDEST, the brown is the brown

 

[Nakazato]

try laxative. growing up this happen to me all the time what the doctor to me is do a liquid diet if you can see through it you CANT have it.

Chicken Broth
Sprite
Etc
Etc

 

[Dubbedinenglish]

Sounds like you need a depth charge to sink that sub...