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Bowel-Gaf, emergency help needed.

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Amory

Amory

Member
:lol poor guy.

FWIW the last time I felt like that (though it definitely wasn't that extreme) i tried a method of basically clenching really hard in the beginning so it necessarily had to thin out, and then relaxed.

came out like

o0OOOOOOOOOOO


also, stool softeners. best of luck.
 
Sabotage

Sabotage

Member
I'm on a low carb diet aswell but I consume 10-20g of this every day - no problems

just mix it with water and drink it

NWF146_Xl.jpg
 
S

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
Sabotage said:
I'm on a low carb diet aswell but I consume 10-20g of this every day - no problems

just mix it with water and drink it

NWF146_Xl.jpg
Click to expand...

This is basically what metamucil is. Be sure and drink a LOT of water with water soluble gums. I think a full glass is the minimum suggestion, but I would suggest mixing it in a glass and then chugging down at least another half glass if not more. Without enough water this stuff can get caught in your wind pipe and cause asphyxiation. It isn't likely, but I would consider not fucking around and reading the suggestions on the bag/box.

Prunes work as well.
 
T

TheVampire

Banned
I remember once when I couldnt shit

Took me over 45 minutes on constant pushing and heaving untill it came out.

I gave myself a headache pushing and sweating so hard.

Felt better once it was out though lol
 
Big Chungus

Big Chungus

Member
lift one buttcheek off the seat and slowly massage the side of your butthole.

helped me when i was taking painkillers from a surgery i had recently, i was constipated for a few days.
 
S

Shanadeus

Banned
Xeke said:
Vacuum?

henry-vacuum-cleaner.jpg
Click to expand...
This.

Or you can rub your stomach in clockwise circle motions, pressing your hand gently downwards on the down movement while you squat over the toilet (you might wanna do this in your garden if you're not comfortable squatting over the seat).
If that doesn't work then you should gently press a stick up and spin it slowly while trying to dislodge as many pieces as you can.
 
M

Messypandas

Member
find your bobby brown

The couple aired more than dirty laundry on their Bravo reality show Being Bobby Brown (2005). In one episode, Bobby talks about how he helped a constipated Whitney by putting his hands up her butt to remove her poop. A grateful Houston then proclaimed, "That’s black love!" Sensitive guy.
Click to expand...
 
I

Instro

Member
You know I remember seeing this really weird doujinshi one time that was about girls who were holding their crap in until they were too constipated go and ended killing themselves trying to dig it out of their bowels. It was pretty disgusting and gorey, but very relevant to you somehow. :lol

But seriously go buy some stool softeners and stuff dude.
 
M

micster

Member
Instro said:
You know I remember seeing this really weird doujinshi one time that was about girls who were holding their crap in until they were too constipated go and ended killing themselves trying to dig it out of their bowels. It was pretty disgusting and gorey, but very relevant to you somehow. :lol
Click to expand...

What the fuck :lol :lol
link?
 
I

InaudibleWhispa

Member
Been in a similar situation before, and it's truly awful. I didn't shit for about 1-2 weeks because it was so big, hard and dry and my arsehole was exhausted. I think I posted about it in another Constipation-GAF thread. Anyway I pretty much, terrified, went in and heavily strained every few hours for days. One day, I managed it. It wasn't long like what you're picturing though, more like a tennis ball.
 
G

GDGF

Soothsayer
Is shoving a pencil/pen/toothbrush up your butt really a common solution to getting rid of a stuck turd? I'm asking honestly, since it's been mentioned so often.
 
way more

way more

Member
Xeke said:
Vacuum?

henry-vacuum-cleaner.jpg
Click to expand...


The problem is that there already is a vacuum. In his bowels. Applying a sucking force will do nothing if you can equalize the pressure on the inside. When a stripper gets champagne bottle stuck up her neener you can't just pull it out. At the ER the will snake a small tube into the stuck opening and inflate with air to depressurize the vacuum. Perhaps with a 1/4 piece of tubing you could manage to create the necessary airflow in your pooper but it would be tricky and might require assistance.
 
A

Arthrus

Member
I'm not sure if a low carb diet permits it, but eating kiwis (skin and all) is a fantastic source of fiber and if you have 2-3, it will induce defecation. This won't help you now, obviously, but it's good to keep in mind. They also sort of lubricate things. These effects are lessened as you eat them more often, but definitely come in handy.
 
X

Xeke

Banned
mac said:
The problem is that there already is a vacuum. In his bowels. Applying a sucking force will do nothing if you can equalize the pressure on the inside. When a stripper gets champagne bottle stuck up her neener you can't just pull it out. At the ER the will snake a small tube into the stuck opening and inflate with air to depressurize the vacuum. Perhaps with a 1/4 piece of tubing you could manage to create the necessary airflow in your pooper but it would be tricky and might require assistance.
Click to expand...

Damn physics. Go for a water birth in the tub. Just scoop it out when you're done!:lol
 
G

GDGF

Soothsayer
mac said:
The problem is that there already is a vacuum. In his bowels. Applying a sucking force will do nothing if you can equalize the pressure on the inside. When a stripper gets champagne bottle stuck up her neener you can't just pull it out. At the ER the will snake a small tube into the stuck opening and inflate with air to depressurize the vacuum. Perhaps with a 1/4 piece of tubing you could manage to create the necessary airflow in your pooper but it would be tricky and might require assistance.
Click to expand...

A butt pump...

I'm going to be rich.
 
R

revolverjgw

Member
GDGF said:
There is this citrus tasting stuff that makes you take an epic shit. You need it. It's called Magnesium Citrate or something. Drink the whole bottle.

WAL06670_89917_5.JPG


Buy this tomorrow and drink the whole bottle. It's over the counter.
Click to expand...

I hate to drink this all day before a colonoscopy. Oh man, it's like I had a high-powered supersoaker in my ass shooting off every 5 minutes
 
S

Shanadeus

Banned
GDGF said:
Is shoving a pencil/pen/toothbrush up your butt really a common solution to getting rid of a stuck turd? I'm asking honestly, since it's been mentioned so often.
Click to expand...
It's a pretty genius one imho.
If your drains are clogged then you just start digging into them with some sort of stick, it's the same principle.
 
W

wormstrangler

Banned
Xeke said:
Damn physics. Go for a water birth in the tub. Just scoop it out when you're done!:lol
Click to expand...

Actually, that may help? Warm water soften the turd a bit maybe. A bit like an enema without sticking a hose up your arse.
 
L

lobdale

3 ft, coiled to the sky
Jesus christ guys we should all become doctors.

"Welcome to Health-Age, where a grenade up your ass is the solution not the problem"
 
J

Javaman

Member
Matrix said:
I had to take two bottles of this crap for my colonoscopy and it causes lovely explosive diarrhea. I can imagine this rocket ship he's carrying in his ass will come flying right out from this stuff.
Click to expand...


Does it liqufy the entire thing or is there still a cork holding back Niagra? I'd imagine if it didn't the the whole thing someone would go through hell with the cramping.
 
R

Replicant

Member
Liquid normally does a good job of motivating your bowel to move. Try orange juice, milk, warm water.

You do need to expel it soon though because otherwise the stool will get even more dry (due to the lack of liquid to absorb down there) and harder.

Judging from your description it seems your anal area already has a slight tear. So if possible, do not try to push it unless it's already coming out and it just needs that little nudge to get it out.

At any rate, good luck! Next time, eat your vegies, drink a lot of water, and exercise.
 
V

Veritas_

Member
2qlr6ds.jpg


But seriously, follow the advice and check into the hospital if things don't improve. I know it sucks, hang in there. Best of luck.
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
well GAF my life flashed before my eyes, I really thought I was gonna die.

I went to the pharmacy and bought a butt-load of stuff. Microlax, oral lax this or that.
I did ye old switcherou and waited for the meds to take effect.

Problem is, the shall we say "cork" in my system was soo solid, almost diamond-esque, that it was impervious to the effects of the meds.

However my bowels where not. So everything kicks into automatic, I have no control and can feel that " this is it".

I wont go into that much detail, but whoever said " god help you if it's not cylindrical " was right. God should've helped me, because as I gazed at the toilet I saw but a one tennisball sized and shaped piece of poop.

Right now my butt stings, it stings badly.


But thanks to gaf I did not die.

Huzza for Gaf and modern medicine
 
N

NintendoGal

Member
GDGF said:
There is this citrus tasting stuff that makes you take an epic shit. You need it. It's called Magnesium Citrate or something. Drink the whole bottle.

WAL06670_89917_5.JPG


Buy this tomorrow and drink the whole bottle. It's over the counter.
Click to expand...

I actually take a teaspoon of the powdered form of this daily to regulate myself. Couldn't imagine taking an entire bottle though!

As for the OP, they do make homemade enemas, could try that first.

EDIT: Well grats on feeling better?
 
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