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Bowel-Gaf, emergency help needed.

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i_am_ben

i_am_ben

running_here_and_there
Corky said:
well GAF my life flashed before my eyes, I really thought I was gonna die.

I went to the pharmacy and bought a butt-load of stuff. Microlax, oral lax this or that.
I did ye old switcherou and waited for the meds to take effect.

Problem is, the shall we say "cork" in my system was soo solid, almost diamond-esque, that it was impervious to the effects of the meds.

However my bowels where not. So everything kicks into automatic, I have no control and can feel that " this is it".

I wont go into that much detail, but whoever said " god help you if it's not cylindrical " was right. God should've helped me, because as I gazed at the toilet I saw but a one tennisball sized and shaped piece of poop.

Right now my butt stings, it stings badly.


But thanks to gaf I did not die.

Huzza for Gaf and modern medicine
Click to expand...


you're going to end up a spinster because you're loose and now no man will ever want you :(
 
S

SolarPowered

Member
Shanadeus said:
ShiftyEyes.gif
Click to expand...
aww fuck.

:lol :lol :lol
 
B

Backfoggen

Banned
It's a scary thought that doctors don't have any kinda solution to this problem except for "Well, you gotta get it out sometime"
Science needs to get on this asap
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
karasu said:
Stool softener, dog.
Click to expand...

I used it mang.

Diamond.
Hard.

Softening something hard as diamond will still net you, say, titanium.

Which still hurts pretty bad might I add..


But yea I kinda feel better, also before going I weighed myself, 180 pounds. After : 179, and that scale is fucking accurate
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
rhfb said:
Where does the op live? Can't believe there isn't a nearby gas station or 24/7 drugstore
Click to expand...

sweden. Drug-stores were up until just recently a government monopoly.
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
akachan ningen said:
are you still gonna do the low carb diet? :lol
Click to expand...

Well, here's the thing. I'm going to up the carb abit, but I'm hoping that drinking tons of water will prevent this from happening again.

I still got 15 pounds to shed or so...

But my butt cant take another beating like this I can tell you that much.
 
R

Raist

Banned
Corky said:
I still got 15 pounds to shed or so...
Click to expand...

Looks like you just shedded 5 in 2mins.

Anyways, laxatives were a very bad idea. Just go to the fucking hospital next time, there's absolutely no point in calling.
 
K

Kritz

Banned
I'm kinda sleepy, butt I feel it's my moral duty to say that I take big poops all the time and one time I pooped so big it took four flushes and about 10 minutes between flushes for it to go down, because the poop clogged up the toilet by itself (no toilet paper). The ten minute durations were to try and let the water soften the poop. This was about a month or two ago, and this poop was so big and hard that I literally thought I was going to die taking it. No blood, butt it took about 4 minutes for the single log to come out and it was the largest poop I've ever taken, and my only regret was not taking a photo. Since then I've been pooping once every day with pretty massive turds, butt I figure if I keep the pooping I won't have to die while pooping which would be really shit.
 
S

SolarPowered

Member
Corky said:
Well, here's the thing. I'm going to up the carb abit, but I'm hoping that drinking tons of water will prevent this from happening again.

I still got 15 pounds to shed or so...

But my butt cant take another beating like this I can tell you that much.
Click to expand...
Make sure to eat your vegetables too dude. In a low carb diet you have to replace the fiber from wheats/fruits with vegetable fiber.

GAF won't be able to handle this again.:lol
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
SolarPowered said:
Make sure to eat your vegetables too dude. In a low carb diet you have to replace the fiber from wheats/fruits with vegetable fiber.

GAF won't be able to handle this again.:lol
Click to expand...

xD,

so what should I go for, when it comes to veggie fibres?
 
C

CrankyJay

Banned
Corky said:
well GAF my life flashed before my eyes, I really thought I was gonna die.

I went to the pharmacy and bought a butt-load of stuff. Microlax, oral lax this or that.
I did ye old switcherou and waited for the meds to take effect.

Problem is, the shall we say "cork" in my system was soo solid, almost diamond-esque, that it was impervious to the effects of the meds.

However my bowels where not. So everything kicks into automatic, I have no control and can feel that " this is it".

I wont go into that much detail, but whoever said " god help you if it's not cylindrical " was right. God should've helped me, because as I gazed at the toilet I saw but a one tennisball sized and shaped piece of poop.

Right now my butt stings, it stings badly.


But thanks to gaf I did not die.

Huzza for Gaf and modern medicine
Click to expand...

That's really gape news.
 
B

Barberetti

Member
GDGF said:
Is shoving a pencil/pen/toothbrush up your butt really a common solution to getting rid of a stuck turd? I'm asking honestly, since it's been mentioned so often.
Click to expand...

Yep it works, although I probably wouldn't choose a pencil. Wouldn't want to risk getting splinters in the ol' tea towel holder.
 
D

dofry

That's "Dr." dofry to you.
I had to go to the toilet after reading this thread, just to make sure nothing starts to clog up down there. :D

Now you can just paint the poop yellow with white stripes and go suprise your tennis partner!
 
Bitmap Frogs

Bitmap Frogs

Mr. Community
Corky said:
well GAF my life flashed before my eyes, I really thought I was gonna die.

I went to the pharmacy and bought a butt-load of stuff. Microlax, oral lax this or that.
I did ye old switcherou and waited for the meds to take effect.

Problem is, the shall we say "cork" in my system was soo solid, almost diamond-esque, that it was impervious to the effects of the meds.

However my bowels where not. So everything kicks into automatic, I have no control and can feel that " this is it".

I wont go into that much detail, but whoever said " god help you if it's not cylindrical " was right. God should've helped me, because as I gazed at the toilet I saw but a one tennisball sized and shaped piece of poop.

Right now my butt stings, it stings badly.


But thanks to gaf I did not die.

Huzza for Gaf and modern medicine
Click to expand...

You should have a doctor check your bottom... chances are you might have fissured something.

Keep an eye on your stools/toilet paper, if you see blood go see a doctor.
 
P

Patrick Bateman

Member
Corky said:
I used it mang.

Diamond.
Hard.

Softening something hard as diamond will still net you, say, titanium.

Which still hurts pretty bad might I add..


But yea I kinda feel better, also before going I weighed myself, 180 pounds. After : 179, and that scale is fucking accurate
Click to expand...

Visit a doctor. Maybe he has to digitally clear you out. Also, if you have coprostasis most laxatives won't work and harder pressing just might turn into a torn sphincter, haemorrhoids and hernias.
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
Bitmap Frogs said:
You should have a doctor check your bottom... chances are you might have fissured something.

Keep an eye on your stools/toilet paper, if you see blood go see a doctor.
Click to expand...

Yea I'm pretty sure I've fissured, this ball of shit was something for the books. I've got some cream thats supposed to help the healing process of the area...

fml
 
K

kagete

Member
Damn Corky, the bad RAM sticks you got must have really stressed you out :( Take a day off from work and play some games man, you deserve it.
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
kagete said:
Damn Corky, the bad RAM sticks you got must have really stressed you out :( Take a day off from work and play some games man, you deserve it.
Click to expand...

lol, I wish I could.

The old ram works, but I dont know why but I got 1 BSOD today and didnt get it again. Not sure if the bsod is hardware related or whatever...
 
R

Replicant

Member
Corky said:
But yea I kinda feel better, also before going I weighed myself, 180 pounds. After : 179, and that scale is fucking accurate
Click to expand...

The next few days can be quite painful depending on the severity of the fissure. Make sure your next bowel movement is soft or else, the fissure will get worse. So eat a lot of veggies (instead of taking one of those fiber supplements - which will make your stool bigger and harder if you don't drink enough water), drink lots of water and try not to eat too much meat.
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
Replicant said:
The next few days can be quite painful depending on the severity of the fissure. Make sure your next bowel movement is soft or else, the fissure will get worse. So eat a lot of veggies (instead of taking one of those fiber supplements - which will make your stool bigger and harder if you don't drink enough water), drink lots of water and try not to eat too much meat.
Click to expand...

thanks, I will follow this advice because even the slightest fart burns my ass right now :(
 
S

Smash88

Banned
Corky said:
thanks, I will follow this advice because even the slightest fart burns my ass right now :(
Click to expand...

Sweet. You fixed your computer and your asshole (sorta) all in a weeks time. Things are looking up! :lol

Scratch that it seems you are having problems....again! :lol
 
H

harSon

Banned
The worst is when you have two constipations back to back. Your butthole is still fucked up from the last shit and you're depending on a string of soft ones so your ass can heal, but no, you've got to pump out back to back skyscrapers and it hurts 34579387934x more than the last.
 
S

SmokyDave

Member
harSon said:
The worst is when you have two constipations back to back. Your butthole is still fucked up from the last shit and you're depending on a string of soft ones so your ass can heal, but no, you've got to pump out back to back skyscrapers and it hurts 34569387934x more than the last.
Click to expand...
Fixed.
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
TheQueen'sOwn said:
At least you didn't do what I did as a kid.

I pushed so hard, my rectum prolapsed.
Click to expand...

omfg, this was one of the things that I was scared to death of on the toilet.
 
T

TheRagnCajun

Member
Gratz on your successfull poop. Chickpeas have a ton of fibre. Also, You will need to take care of your ass for a while (fissures/hemheriods). Drink lots of water. Cream is good. Don't sit for longer than 45min straight. Be carefull when you wipe, soak toliet paper with witch hazel. It will be more gentle, it cleans better, and will help heal.
 
P

Pterion

Member
hockeypuck said:
Docusate and senna. The good ol' bowel regimen for inpatients.
Click to expand...
I always throw in some lactulose 15-30 cc PO daily PRN for good luck.:lol If that fails too, time for a ''RN to please manually disimpact pt''.
 
A

Angry Grimace

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
Dude, just close your eyes and think of England.
 
S

speculawyer

Member
[Austin Powers is drowning a man in the toilet]
Austin Powers: Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?
Cowboy: Yeah, that's it! You show that turd who's boss.
 
S

Snytbaggen

Member
TheQueen'sOwn said:
At least you didn't do what I did as a kid.

I pushed so hard, my rectum prolapsed.
Click to expand...

I almost did this half a year ago, but managed to stop in time... Scared the shit out of me (no pun intended) and I'm scared to death it will happen again... Please tell me your rectum healed so it never happened again :(
 
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