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Bowel-Gaf, emergency help needed.
- Thread starter Corky
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The Frankman
Banned
You ever have a shit so bad you thought you might die? Man you do some crazy things after an hour on a toilet... I'm talking mangled hangers to try and break the mass up until finally, you go so insane you go all Aliens 3 (?) and try to forcibly yank it out of you. :lol
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
It's the tip of the chunky, sharded crap that hurts the most. You're fighting for your life for those 45 seconds.
The Frankman
Banned
No way man, it's the gynormous middle that's like 2 inches in diameter that hurts the most. And GOD HELP YOU if it breaks off at that point, Because then that massive piece has to come out first instead of starting off small.Jason's Ultimatum said:
Barberetti
Member
I hate the ones that are so thick that they get stuck half way out of your arsehole and won't budge, and when you do the clench it sucks the shit back inside instead of snapping the exposed piece off. So you end up lifting your bum cheeks off of the toilet a bit, and shaking your hips in the hope that the wiggling will dislodge the piece that's hanging out of your ringpiece.
I swear if I ever have another dump like that, I'll be straight onto Ebay afterwards to order myself a length of cheesewire.
I swear if I ever have another dump like that, I'll be straight onto Ebay afterwards to order myself a length of cheesewire.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
The Frankman said:
Dude. What? That shit just glides on out, no matter how wide it is. Feels good, man. What sucks is having a hairy cornhole where the hair protrudes from your ass crack that's visible.
:lol :lolClydefrog said:
One of the best loveline calls of all time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ochWWmrwIZE
TheQueen'sOwn
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Snytbaggen said:I almost did this half a year ago, but managed to stop in time... Scared the shit out of me (no pun intended) and I'm scared to death it will happen again... Please tell me your rectum healed so it never happened again
At the time, my parents were really worried because it started to turn blue.
But they poured warm water on it and massaged it back in.
As far as I know, no damage done.
Although I might have had it before, I was diagnosed with Lazy Bowel Syndrome after it happened.
Other than the fact that my shits are huge, I poop relatively normally now.
FunkyPajamas
Member
I'm guessing I don't want to google image this, right?TheQueen'sOwn said:
TheQueen'sOwn
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FunkyPajamas said:
Yes sir. You really really don't. :lol
hulkamania-owns-you
Banned
Before you push shit out of your ass, if you smell trouble or stiffness you need to shoot a bunch of nasty lubing oil up your ass and finger yourself in there all around until you ram the poop and get it into your fingernails. for real, your ass can't naturally handle that so always have a tube of the slickest lube in the bathroom on the shelf next to tp.
Not only is there no proof, the Inuit tribe provides a nice counterexample. (Inuits ("Eskimos") can go their entire lives without eating any carbohydrates. Fish and seal, baby! Or, they used to. Most of them have found civilization, now. Poor bastards.)teh_pwn said:
That said, being on a low carb diet is no reason for not getting plenty of fiber. Fiber is totally "allowed", even though it is technically a carb. I tend to be a lot more regular when low carbing, since I eat so many salads and celery and protein shakes laced with Metamucil. (It makes them more filling.)
And, there's nothing "fake" or unnatural about a low carb diet. Before the agricultural revolution, pretty much the entire human race was on that diet. The modern expectation that most meals "need" to contain a hearty helping of grains/corn/potatoes? That's unnatural. (And delicious!)
PjotrStroganov
Member
The Frankman
Banned
TheQueen'sOwn
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Horsebite said:
:lol
TheVampire
Banned
With all this sick talk about having serious trouble getting the shit out, when its not even that big in size, how the hell do people go about having anal sex??
Thunder Monkey
Banned
This would all be easier if you had figs in there to lube up the works.
bistromathics
facing a bright new dawn
trunk-butt
mattiewheels
And then the LORD David Bowie saith to his Son, Jonny Depp: 'Go, and spread my image amongst the cosmos. For every living thing is in anguish and only the LIGHT shall give them reprieve.'
I read this as 'Bowie-GAF'.
Count Dookkake
Member
mattiewheels said:
Scat People
GDGF said:There is this citrus tasting stuff that makes you take an epic shit. You need it. It's called Magnesium Citrate or something. Drink the whole bottle.
Buy this tomorrow and drink the whole bottle. It's over the counter.
This will make you shit water for 24h. You can lose 5lbs overnight with it.
mattiewheels
And then the LORD David Bowie saith to his Son, Jonny Depp: 'Go, and spread my image amongst the cosmos. For every living thing is in anguish and only the LIGHT shall give them reprieve.'
Putting out.....um, yeah.Count Dookkake said:
courage201
Member
Its sounds like you're severely impacted-- My suggestion-- see a GI specialist-- do some deimpaction and take a laxative to clear the rest out. You could end up perforating your bowel if your not careful.
Count Dookkake
Member
mattiewheels said:
And I've been putting out the fire...
WITH VASELINE!
TheVampire said:
Dick, even at its hardest, can't beat the hardest stool ever produced by your ass when it's all dried up and huge. Of course you have some guys with monstrous girth but the issue here is more of tight anal area. People who don't use their anal area that often (ie. those whose stool are normally soft and thin), can't possibly handle large, humongous stool that materialize out of nowhere one day due to poor diet.
Why do you think doctors keep telling people to "eat fiber"? It's not only because that it'll soften your stool (providing you drink a lot of water) but also because fiber basically bulks up your stool. That way, your anal area is stretched out regularly by large (but soft) stool so that when you do have a rather hard stool on one of those unfortunate days when you eat too much meat/carbs, your anal area don't get a tear from it.
Oh I forgot to say, this is why I never recommend people to take fiber supplement when they are not drinking A LOT of water. Fiber supplement without LOTS of water = humongous hard stool. Don't try it!!!
Nose Master
Member
Horsebite said:
I HATE YOU SO MUCH. I was forever scarred away from anal when my friend explained to me what this meant. I am not squeemish in the least, but, good god is that horrfying.
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