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Couples inventing a new last name when getting married...
- Thread starter Cagey
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I hate my first name AND last name. After 29 years with it I still feel awkward telling people my name.... But I could never change it, that would be like giving up. My name doesn't define me, I define it.
OP I think you and your wife need to own that shit. Be the coolest Grubers ever.
Also Imagine how weird it would be to get everyone who knows you to stop calling you John Gruber, and start calling you John thundercock.
OP I think you and your wife need to own that shit. Be the coolest Grubers ever.
Also Imagine how weird it would be to get everyone who knows you to stop calling you John Gruber, and start calling you John thundercock.
Fisticuffs
Member
What's wrong with Gruber? It doesn't sound bad at all..
Guerrillas in the Mist
Member
A friend of mine, whose parents weren't married and separated when she was young, has both her father and mother's surname in double-barrelled form. She used to joke about how it made her sound like landed gentry.
Razgriz-Specter
Member
Damn I lost it.
Why the fuck not? You hate it, she hates it, and neither of you are attached to it.
If you want to keep the Die Hard villain theme, go with Stuart.
freenudemacusers
Member
It's not expensive. Just some forms, a statement in front of a judge, done. Probably varies somewhat state to state.
arglebargle
Member
i would never change my last name, and my fiance is pretty excited to take mine because its awesome.
one of my best friends is probably doing that. they just got married and havent taken any steps yet but he tells me that is most likely.
this is essentially how russians get middle names. i assume there are other cultures that do similar things.
one of my best friends is probably doing that. they just got married and havent taken any steps yet but he tells me that is most likely.
this is essentially how russians get middle names. i assume there are other cultures that do similar things.
Rentahamster
Rodent Whores
You don't like "Gruber"? Why? It's perfectly fine.
If you're soon to be wife is so "traditional", she'd just take it. Otherwise, just keep your own names.
If you must make a new name, your mom's maiden name should probably be your first choice since your dad liked it.
But by all means holy, do not hyphenate your last names.
If you're soon to be wife is so "traditional", she'd just take it. Otherwise, just keep your own names.
If you must make a new name, your mom's maiden name should probably be your first choice since your dad liked it.
But by all means holy, do not hyphenate your last names.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I don't think it matters. My name's fine and I could see myself keeping my name, changing my name to my partner's, or coming up with a new name. I think changing your first name would be hard, because it's what you've been called all your life and the association would be so strong, but to me my surname is little more than a dangler.
SteveWinwood
Member
That applies to some other nordic parts as well as my family is norwegian. My mother's family did the same thing and I have my mother's maiden name as my middle.
I have a horrible last name and I'd never want my wife or children to be burdened with it. In my case though my potential mate has a pretty rad name and I doubt she'd want to give it up.
If it was me I'd just take her name. But since that supposedly isn't an option for you, and if you really don't want to give up your name, I'd say you should argue that picking a completely new name isn't at all fulfilling 'traditional' customs, and she's just as well keeping her maiden name.
If it was me I'd just take her name. But since that supposedly isn't an option for you, and if you really don't want to give up your name, I'd say you should argue that picking a completely new name isn't at all fulfilling 'traditional' customs, and she's just as well keeping her maiden name.
Gatekeeper
Member
Cagey, to address your questions and thoughts.
#1. Yes. I would, and I did. Both of our last names were very nondescript. Neither of us liked the way her new name would sound, or the way it would sound if I took her name. Both of us despised the idea of hyphenation. So the only logical choice was to take a new name. It is legal, the legalities just need to be complete before the ceremony.
#2. No, it is not a bad thing. If the thought of doing it makes you less happy than the act of changing it would, don't do it. Your fiancee should, and, I believe would, accept that.
#3. If you truly don't care for it, change it. You'll both be happier, it seems.
But let me say that the idea that doing so forsakes your ancestors or somehow makes your lineage non-existent is as equally narrow-minded as sticking with tradition for tradition's sake. Just make sure whatever you choose it's the right choice for your (and her) own actual reasons, not perceived ones.
#1. Yes. I would, and I did. Both of our last names were very nondescript. Neither of us liked the way her new name would sound, or the way it would sound if I took her name. Both of us despised the idea of hyphenation. So the only logical choice was to take a new name. It is legal, the legalities just need to be complete before the ceremony.
#2. No, it is not a bad thing. If the thought of doing it makes you less happy than the act of changing it would, don't do it. Your fiancee should, and, I believe would, accept that.
#3. If you truly don't care for it, change it. You'll both be happier, it seems.
But let me say that the idea that doing so forsakes your ancestors or somehow makes your lineage non-existent is as equally narrow-minded as sticking with tradition for tradition's sake. Just make sure whatever you choose it's the right choice for your (and her) own actual reasons, not perceived ones.
Indrid Cold1
Member
The only practical solution I can see is to change your entire name to Bill Clay.
SpiderJerusalem
Banned
My wife and I tried it but they said that we couldn't without the court or something. So I just took hers.
I'm kinda surprised at the number of posters who have either 1) thought about this or 2) actually done it. I didn't know this was even a thing people did.
I've decided I don't want to change the name, but to respond to the lineage/ancestors concept...
See the ancestors thing doesn't apply to me. My mother's side is Polish. My father's side was more than half Italian; my grandfather on that side was part-Italian and grandmother full Italian, but grandfather's father was German/Austrian (at least part German/Austrian) and thus the surname.
I've never known anyone from my grandfather's extended family except for him (no uncles etc.) and he divorced my grandmother when I was 6. I've got zero connection with anyone related to the lineage of my last name. My father always self-identified as Italian, because we're in New Jersey, and if you're part Italian, it means you're Italian, because Italian was "cool" (whatever). My father's extended family is exclusively his mother's family, who are all 100% Italian.
As a kid I was confused why my name was weird sounding when my father's family was all fully Italian. My mother's maiden name was Polish, because her dad was Polish. That made sense.
tl;dr -- I've got no connection to the last name beyond my grandfather, and in reality, it's just my father and no further.
I've decided I don't want to change the name, but to respond to the lineage/ancestors concept...
See the ancestors thing doesn't apply to me. My mother's side is Polish. My father's side was more than half Italian; my grandfather on that side was part-Italian and grandmother full Italian, but grandfather's father was German/Austrian (at least part German/Austrian) and thus the surname.
I've never known anyone from my grandfather's extended family except for him (no uncles etc.) and he divorced my grandmother when I was 6. I've got zero connection with anyone related to the lineage of my last name. My father always self-identified as Italian, because we're in New Jersey, and if you're part Italian, it means you're Italian, because Italian was "cool" (whatever). My father's extended family is exclusively his mother's family, who are all 100% Italian.
As a kid I was confused why my name was weird sounding when my father's family was all fully Italian. My mother's maiden name was Polish, because her dad was Polish. That made sense.
tl;dr -- I've got no connection to the last name beyond my grandfather, and in reality, it's just my father and no further.
secretanchitman
Member
patel or shah? lol my chem professor in undergrad always made the joke about pulling out the "p for patel" drawer when learning names because there are so many of them...
back on topic, OP your last name sounds fine. i dont think you should change it honestly.
TAJ
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
The mayor of Los Angeles did that. He's divorced now. Awkward.
matthewwhatever
Member
I second this. I kept my last name because I like it, my wife kept hers because she likes it, and we both thought there was something kind of creepy about taking over another person's last name.
Having said that, the idea of a new last name is neat. Probably a massive headache in terms of paperwork, but there's something neat about creating your own history like that.
Hoya Destroyer
Member
My Dad randomly changed his surname back in the 70's. Of course, I have inherited the changed surname.
His original name was "Smith", which I suspect he felt, was too common and/or boring.
His original name was "Smith", which I suspect he felt, was too common and/or boring.
singh.
agreed.
Arozay
Member
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