deejay8595
my posts are "MEH"
You're a friend. Nothing more will happen. There are plenty of girls out there so don't spend all of your time and energy on worrying/carrying about someone who doesn't share the same feelings.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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You're a friend. Nothing more will happen. There are plenty of girls out there so don't spend all of your time and energy on worrying/carrying about someone who doesn't share the same feelings.
luckyboyceo
Member
Do it. I started a little before the beginning of the year and I've never felt better. I've relapsed (for lack of a better term) about 3 times since but I think that's pretty reasonable considering it's been over 4 months.So that Porn/Dysfunction thread kinda got me thinking, and I'm gonna take that 30-day "contest" challenge. I wonder how it'll affect me...I figure that this is the last month of the semester, so it wouldn't hurt to try one last experiment before summer break.
Also, I really wish I could go jogging tomorrow, but a) I'm still recovering from a virus I caught over Easter; and b) I have to visit family in the hospital back home.
Anyway...I'm proud that I didn't let today get to me. There are gonna be plenty of other girls.
Trust me, you'll be glad you tried it. Major confidence boost, among other things.
Sanky Panky
Banned
I went though the exact same situation. Maybe you are a notch above the other friends, but you are just a friend. These girls are flirts, and get off on attention. They like to receive it from several guys at the same time. When girls like you and are meant for you, there are no games or guessing.
Once you take off the rose-colored tinted glasses, you'll know that this is just a shady chick that is playing with your emotions. She's too immature to know what she wants. Move on.
So I'm in a pretty great place in my life right now. New job, wonderful relationship, just overall pretty happy. Except that this next part makes me feel kind of shitty.
Backstory first: Last June I broke up with my ex because she had started to fall back in love with her ex fiance. I found out through some texts and the end was just kind of shitty overall even though the rest of the relationship was good. Eventually we got to the point where we are still friends and can talk to each other about pretty much anything. It's a decent friendship for the both of us.
Fast forward to now: We talk today and I find out that they broke up today because he's still the same shitty person that he was back then. Even after he told her that he wanted to marry her again and everything he turned around and said that he was just lying. She thought he had changed and that's why she went back to him in the first place. Even though I had told her back then that he was only acting that way because she was dating me. Turns out that I was right. Now the part that makes me feel shitty is that I'm kind of in an I told you so mood right now. I feel bad for her as a friend because I know that she really wanted things to work out with him but at the same time part of me is happy that this happened to her because of what happened between us.
I'm not normally the type of person that takes pleasure in other people's misery so this is a weird feeling for me. Anyway I thought that I would share.
Backstory first: Last June I broke up with my ex because she had started to fall back in love with her ex fiance. I found out through some texts and the end was just kind of shitty overall even though the rest of the relationship was good. Eventually we got to the point where we are still friends and can talk to each other about pretty much anything. It's a decent friendship for the both of us.
Fast forward to now: We talk today and I find out that they broke up today because he's still the same shitty person that he was back then. Even after he told her that he wanted to marry her again and everything he turned around and said that he was just lying. She thought he had changed and that's why she went back to him in the first place. Even though I had told her back then that he was only acting that way because she was dating me. Turns out that I was right. Now the part that makes me feel shitty is that I'm kind of in an I told you so mood right now. I feel bad for her as a friend because I know that she really wanted things to work out with him but at the same time part of me is happy that this happened to her because of what happened between us.
I'm not normally the type of person that takes pleasure in other people's misery so this is a weird feeling for me. Anyway I thought that I would share.
So, upon further consideration, the answer appears to be "yes, I am a complete mess."
I think part of the problem is that I don't live near my close friends anymore, so I don't have a typical "go to" support network right now. Beyond that, this is by far the most serious and successful relationship I've had to date and dealing with it is just so much more intense than anything I've had from a previous relationship.
Keep trying to distract myself, and it keeps not working. Planning on chatting w/ old friends tonight and hoping that will at least help me sort things out to some extent.
First day has got to be the hardest one, right?
luckyboyceo
Member
It's going to be pretty hard for awhile but it will get better. There's no timetable on these things. I'm telling you this as someone who's currently a complete mess over my break-up earlier this week.
Hanging out or talking with your friends is definitely a good choice. It's not going to cure your heartache, but it will make you forget about her for a little while, and if necessary, it'll feel good to get some of your emotions out to people who are willing to listen. I wish you the best in your recovery and please keep us posted.
Did some thinking about my situation last night, and talked to a real life friend that knows the girl in question. She brought up another possible reason for her strange behavior, which definitely all adds up. If that's the case, all I have to do is give it time. I may not be in friendzoneville after all.
blackwatchplad
Neo Member
I'm in the exact same thing right now...
If I've learned one thing is.. wow, I've really made some friends over the past few days.
All with 'those' people.. the ones where you're around them but never really interact with them.. some are friends of friends.
I feel like I've made a good friend or two since then.
That first hurdle has to be the hardest one.. I feel like that "first day" for me has turned into a whole week.
I feel stupid giving advice, but your words really made me think and reflect and see all of that.
I hope for the best with your recovery.. everyone's recovery even.
blackwatchplad
Neo Member
I've remember being with a super shy, ultra reserved girl sorta like that once.
After a few months of just working with her, and doing small stuff.. she slowly opened up.
Then she turned out to be really wild and stuff after she was comfortable with me, and in one of her "comfortable zones".
My (female) friend suggested that she might be on her period. That would explain why she didn't want to get close last night, and why she didn't want to go bowling tonight because she's "feeling cruddy". Granted that's not any proof of that, but all I have to do is wait a week and find out, so what can that hurt?
Lone_Prodigy
Member
A few things:
-never talk about your pictures. If they show you in an exciting place, they'll ask you about it. Caption it briefly. Let them stand alone, and never make excuses for them. Also don't date them because you could've gained/lost 50 pounds since that picture was taken.
-in your self-summary, talk about yourself. What's your personality like? What makes you stand out?
-elaborate on your double major. Why pick those two subjects? Also mention something outside your schoolwork.
-show, don't tell. Tell a funny story about your voice impressions. Make a joke about the gap in your teeth. Be more specific about your favourite books. You like history: what kind? World War II? Renaissance?
-remove that part about nu-metal. If someone likes it they're not going to message you. Don't be negative.
-change your "private thing" and "you should message me if". And your Friday night answer. They're generic answers. You can bend the truth a bit here for the sake of originality.
TheSchwab_7
Member
Yeah, I've been in a few situations where a girl doesn't want to go out cause of her period. Granted, they won't tell you straight up, but they told me later.
Anyway, the girl I met last night spent some time with me today. She's really cute, we have a lot in common, but she's different than most girls I've been with. It's hard to explain. She knows I like her, and I know she likes me, but she isn't blunt about anything. She's even more sarcastic than me, and half the time I have no idea whether what she's saying is true. It's extremely hard to read her.
Not your fault she's stupid.
Don't get involved. Doing so might fuck with what you have now.
blackwatchplad
Neo Member
Ah. Well that can put a hamper on things too!
And I like that attitude! Keep a positive mindset.
I certainly think you're doing everything right on your end, so if she warms up to you, I say you have more than a chance.
Go to the show off thread. Be jelly. <3
I ain't in Jellyfish Fields.
Nothing like going to the movies by yourself and seeing all the goddamn couples. Fuck em. Cabin in the Woods was very good btw.
Actually i havent been going to the movies as much lately only cause of this very problem. Its becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me to be the only loner in the room.
Actually i havent been going to the movies as much lately only cause of this very problem. Its becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me to be the only loner in the room.
Atramental
Banned
You don't have to be a loner if you change that shitty attitude of yours and ask a girl out.
oh yeah its that easy i forgot thanks guys!
Atramental
Banned
Yeah! It is that easy! You can change this attitude right now if you want.
But you don't want to because you get more pleasure from bitching and moping in this thread.
But i just said i did want to and said thanks what the fuck is wrong with you?
grap3fruitman
Banned
How come no girls on OKCupid play fighting games?
Atramental
Banned
I took it as sarcasm.
Discotheque
Banned
lol that totally read as sarcasm to me too. And Kingii don't you have friends? How do other single people watch films?
Devolution
Member
I go in a big group of friends whom are mostly single and we always give each other characters in the movie, then snicker when someone dies.
Discotheque
Banned
I was joking with that question but haha good to know, Devo. That could be awkward during a holocaust film though.
There are people that actually dont have any real friends. This is hard to believe i know.
Discotheque
Banned
Nah it's pretty easy to believe judging by your posts so far tbh.
edit: okay I'm sorry, that was a bit snarky.
edit: okay I'm sorry, that was a bit snarky.
classy guy you.
Atramental
Banned
The "inner" questions we ask ourselves determine our outlooks on life.
When anyone asks themselves these questions:
"Why am I single?"
"Why am I such a loser?"
"Why don't girls like me?"
Your brain will come up with an infinite amount of negative reasons as to why you're a single loser that girls don't like.
In order to change your negative outlook you must change your inner questions so that they are more proactive and positive:
"Screw being single! What girl do I want to ask out on a date?
"What can I do or change to make myself a more likeable person?"
"Who is getting the results I want to get out of life? And what are they doing to get them?"
When anyone asks themselves these questions:
"Why am I single?"
"Why am I such a loser?"
"Why don't girls like me?"
Your brain will come up with an infinite amount of negative reasons as to why you're a single loser that girls don't like.
In order to change your negative outlook you must change your inner questions so that they are more proactive and positive:
"Screw being single! What girl do I want to ask out on a date?
"What can I do or change to make myself a more likeable person?"
"Who is getting the results I want to get out of life? And what are they doing to get them?"
I KNOW RIGHT
Vigilant Walrus
Member
I'm really trying. I really tried tonight. Went to a party with a small group of friends. I really like them. Lots of people. Around 400. We drink for an hour or two and then we hit the dance floor.
I hit it alone, and I dance for 3-4 hours with tons of people. However, I never made any real connections. I got the feel that I got lots of looks from girls, but I eventually got shot off. Other guys came in between, or the girls turned around towards their girlfriends. I never managed to really hit it off with anyone. I really tried. Maybe I just suck at dancing, but I would have thought I might have sparked a conversation with at least one, but nope. Eye contact was not continued. I feel sort of dumb right now. It's 5 am and I am drunk.
I didn't went out to get laid, just to forget my ex and live a little. Should be happy. It was nice partying with friends, music was decent.
I hit it alone, and I dance for 3-4 hours with tons of people. However, I never made any real connections. I got the feel that I got lots of looks from girls, but I eventually got shot off. Other guys came in between, or the girls turned around towards their girlfriends. I never managed to really hit it off with anyone. I really tried. Maybe I just suck at dancing, but I would have thought I might have sparked a conversation with at least one, but nope. Eye contact was not continued. I feel sort of dumb right now. It's 5 am and I am drunk.
I didn't went out to get laid, just to forget my ex and live a little. Should be happy. It was nice partying with friends, music was decent.
Atramental
Banned
"The only way to have a friend is to be one."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
CliqWriter
Member
Just call her and ask her straight up how she feels about the question.
It's better than torturing yourself wondering if it is going to happen or not.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
That fucking blows. Don't know what to suggest to you. Maybe a change of venue/event next time?
Cross-posting from the OKCupid thread.
You should have just left it alone honestly. Especially after only a few dates. If you happen to get messages just ignore them. OkC isn't like say, facebook, where people check relationship statuses. Because there are so many people who swing or look for a partner to add to their relationship the statuses don't matter so much on OkC.
Do you think it will fuck me over with this girl if she noticed though?
No. Unless she is one of those girls that weirdly obsesses over shit like that. I've dated a few people from OkC over the years and no one has given a shit about it. Once I'm in a relationship I just completely ignore any dating profile I have. If she knows that you are only interested in her then that should be the only thing that matters.
Those are all good questions, but I feel like it's just mind games asking yourself that if you don't follow up. I would say that last two are good, but they pertain more to non-romantic relationships and life success.
As for the last, you can ask yourself who you want to ask out on a date, but that doesn't change their answer by thinking it.
I guess it's not that big of a deal I suppose, my mind is wandering again and getting the better of me. I'll just not change if I'm ever in a similar situation in the future. I think changing it back now would just make it look worse though.
YoYo Switch
Banned
Well, it was a really long story...plus it was late at night and couldn't sleep. Boredom will do that to you I guess. I do have other things going on besides all this, but it's always been that thing in the back of my mind that annoys me to no end. But, I will take what you said into consideration. Thanks, man.
She confuses her friends too...she's vague with them when it comes to her feelings about me. She says one thing, and immediately after says something to contradict that. When she's with me, she shows a lot of affection. So yea. The whole thing is confusing. For all involved. She's probably confused herself. Or an attention whore. I think both.
I hear you. And I'm prepared to do that. It's just a thing with me I guess. Need to find out from her when she's right in front of me. If there's nothing there, then yea, I'm fully ready and willing to move on.
I personally feel like I definitely am a notch above those guys. A lot of notches actually.
And I hear you on that "no games and guessing part" I felt like, during November and December, there definitely wasn't any, but I let personal stuff get in the way of that. I feel like she has changed a lot. In her attitude towards me and other guys.
Well I did just call her and ask her out. Short phone call too. I'm not torturing myself. When we do go out, I'll find out for myself from her. And whatever that answer is, I'll accept it. I just don't care anymore.
So that's the plan GAF, come the time we go out, I'll hopefully find out what her deal is. and whatever that answer is, I'll accept it and move on. Sound good? I think so.
Thanks to everyone I quoted by the way. You guys are a good, normal, unbiased source. Thanks again.
Atramental
Banned
Took me a while to write this stuff out so please read it all or I'll be pissed. lol. 
But thinking is the first and crucial step. Then comes action.
If don't think about or know what you want out of life then you'll be like a sail boat that's lost at sea without a helm. The strong winds of life will blow you around and you will have no way to get to your destination.
For me, acting upon the "how" and "what" questions comes naturally for me. Once I figure out what I want to do or become by asking myself these questions I then go to the internet, or books, or people that know how to get certain results out of life. And once I get those guidelines from those sources I follow those guidelines like a map until I reach my destination/goal.
"What can I do or change to make myself a more likable person?"
You can't be in a romantic relationship if the girl you like doesn't like you back. Also, in order to get into a relationship or to become a more likable person you have to come from a "giving" mindset and not a "taking" mindset. The best way to get girls and people in general to like you is if you give of yourself to them. Figure out ways to make people's boring and mundane lives better. Probably the easiest way to make someone like you is by (oddly enough) asking how their day is going or what they're up to. People love to talk about themselves and when you give to them an outlet to talk about themselves they'll end up liking you a bunch because you're actually taking time to listen about their struggles, triumphs, and so on.
Also, I believe cubsfan posted some Brent Smith videos about the whole "giving" mindset so if you want to learn more about that PM him for those video links.
"Who is getting the results I want to get out of life? And what are they doing to get them?"
When did getting into a romantic relationship not become a result you want to get out of life or a part of life success? To me the word "result" is synonymous with goal, outcome, aspiration, desire etc.
Getting into a romantic relationship is your desire/goal/result that you want to get out of life.
And guess what? There are people out there who have been in your current situation of not being able to get into relationships with girls due to their fear of rejection, approach anxiety, or because they thought they were too "ugly" or too "sub par" to get with the girl that they liked. These people are now having all sorts of relationships with all sorts of women and some of them are here on GAF.
You need to find these people and find out what they did in order to overcome there own personal obstacles.
Then you apply their solutions to your own self and act upon them.
One more thing:
Before Combine was banned I told him that I wanted (or rather DEMANDED) that he get this audio CD self help program:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/158060076X/?tag=neogaf0e-20
I've been listening to this program over and over and I'm starting to produce results that I didn't think I could produce just a few months ago. All the things I talk about are in this audio CD collection. If you want to make significant changes in your life I highly highly highly recommend you get this program, listen to it, and follow through on all the assignments.
And if you want to get it for a lower price you can probably find this set for a lot cheaper on ebay or buy it used off of amazon.com
You're right. You have to act upon your thoughts eventually.
But thinking is the first and crucial step. Then comes action.
If don't think about or know what you want out of life then you'll be like a sail boat that's lost at sea without a helm. The strong winds of life will blow you around and you will have no way to get to your destination.
For me, acting upon the "how" and "what" questions comes naturally for me. Once I figure out what I want to do or become by asking myself these questions I then go to the internet, or books, or people that know how to get certain results out of life. And once I get those guidelines from those sources I follow those guidelines like a map until I reach my destination/goal.
I would have to disagree.
"What can I do or change to make myself a more likable person?"
You can't be in a romantic relationship if the girl you like doesn't like you back. Also, in order to get into a relationship or to become a more likable person you have to come from a "giving" mindset and not a "taking" mindset. The best way to get girls and people in general to like you is if you give of yourself to them. Figure out ways to make people's boring and mundane lives better. Probably the easiest way to make someone like you is by (oddly enough) asking how their day is going or what they're up to. People love to talk about themselves and when you give to them an outlet to talk about themselves they'll end up liking you a bunch because you're actually taking time to listen about their struggles, triumphs, and so on.
Also, I believe cubsfan posted some Brent Smith videos about the whole "giving" mindset so if you want to learn more about that PM him for those video links.
"Who is getting the results I want to get out of life? And what are they doing to get them?"
When did getting into a romantic relationship not become a result you want to get out of life or a part of life success? To me the word "result" is synonymous with goal, outcome, aspiration, desire etc.
Getting into a romantic relationship is your desire/goal/result that you want to get out of life.
And guess what? There are people out there who have been in your current situation of not being able to get into relationships with girls due to their fear of rejection, approach anxiety, or because they thought they were too "ugly" or too "sub par" to get with the girl that they liked. These people are now having all sorts of relationships with all sorts of women and some of them are here on GAF.
You need to find these people and find out what they did in order to overcome there own personal obstacles.
Then you apply their solutions to your own self and act upon them.
Again. Asking these questions gives yourself a crystal clear outcome of what you want to achieve. And once your mind has a clear outcome it will be a whole lot easier to take action towards that goal.
One more thing:
Before Combine was banned I told him that I wanted (or rather DEMANDED) that he get this audio CD self help program:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/158060076X/?tag=neogaf0e-20
I've been listening to this program over and over and I'm starting to produce results that I didn't think I could produce just a few months ago. All the things I talk about are in this audio CD collection. If you want to make significant changes in your life I highly highly highly recommend you get this program, listen to it, and follow through on all the assignments.
And if you want to get it for a lower price you can probably find this set for a lot cheaper on ebay or buy it used off of amazon.com
iAmMaximus
Member
x-post from the OkC thread -
How should I go about long-distance (100 miles) with a girl that just got out of a relationship and is looking to just make friends. I've been talking to her via IM for nearly 2-3 hrs for the past 3 days, but not sure exactly how to approach this. I'm thinking about just meeting up with her next weekend, just as friends. Good idea or too soon?
How should I go about long-distance (100 miles) with a girl that just got out of a relationship and is looking to just make friends. I've been talking to her via IM for nearly 2-3 hrs for the past 3 days, but not sure exactly how to approach this. I'm thinking about just meeting up with her next weekend, just as friends. Good idea or too soon?
lawlohwhat
Banned
What is your intention? Do you want to date this girl? People who are fresh out of a relationship are not ready for any kind of commitment.
My advice is to leave her alone. You're talking to someone for 2-3 hours and you haven't even met? Sorry dude, she is just looking for emotional support while she deals with her baggage. Meeting somebody under the pretense of 'just friendship' while having a hidden agenda is manipulative.
This girl from my high school and I went out once last year, had fun, we were pretty into each other, then she "disappeared" and never contacted me despite a few attempts of mine to reach her, after we had already agreed to see each other again.
I'm cool with it, whatever. I understand she has a very demanding life with school and work and it's not a big deal, I wasn't hung up over her.
Last week she messages me out of the blue telling me she got a new phone, lost my number, and wants to talk to me. I think about it, decide what the hell, and message her back. We arrange to meet up & get coffee, and we had a great time.
I enjoy the time I spend with her, we have fun together. But when we're not together it's like she doesn't exist, she goes days without responding to text messages, even when we have plans to meet up.
Most recently, we've texted to arrange a date for Saturday (today) and this past Thursday she said she'd love to but she's not sure because she might have work. I say no worries, whatever, let me know. No response. Then I texted her a day later asking if we're on for Saturday. No response.
I understand she has a busy lifestyle and that it's very demanding given her profession, but it's not hard to squeeze a text message confirming yes or no. I'm not going to say anything else to her unless she initiates, but when she does, I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of "Hey, listen. I like spending time with you. But if you don't value my time enough to send me a simple text, this isn't going to go anywhere."
Any thoughts on this? It might seem a bit harsh, but it's really been bugging me and I don't want to be the guy with unconditionally open arms whenever she decides she wants attention.
I'm cool with it, whatever. I understand she has a very demanding life with school and work and it's not a big deal, I wasn't hung up over her.
Last week she messages me out of the blue telling me she got a new phone, lost my number, and wants to talk to me. I think about it, decide what the hell, and message her back. We arrange to meet up & get coffee, and we had a great time.
I enjoy the time I spend with her, we have fun together. But when we're not together it's like she doesn't exist, she goes days without responding to text messages, even when we have plans to meet up.
Most recently, we've texted to arrange a date for Saturday (today) and this past Thursday she said she'd love to but she's not sure because she might have work. I say no worries, whatever, let me know. No response. Then I texted her a day later asking if we're on for Saturday. No response.
I understand she has a busy lifestyle and that it's very demanding given her profession, but it's not hard to squeeze a text message confirming yes or no. I'm not going to say anything else to her unless she initiates, but when she does, I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of "Hey, listen. I like spending time with you. But if you don't value my time enough to send me a simple text, this isn't going to go anywhere."
Any thoughts on this? It might seem a bit harsh, but it's really been bugging me and I don't want to be the guy with unconditionally open arms whenever she decides she wants attention.
It does sound like she's either playing power games or not that into you - sorry but is it too hard to transfer over a phone number onto a new phone? or reply to a text?
I can understand that the siren call of cooter can make a man put up with a lot of disrespectful behaviour, and where your limit is is up to you, but believe me it's probably not worth it for you in the long run with this chick
shanshan310
Member
Of all the things he wrote that stood out for me the least. I've lost people's numbers a couple of times because my phone broke and the numbers were stored on there. Its not a big deal.
It sounds like texting isn't her preferred method of communication. This honestly doesn't seem like relationship breaking behaviour to me. All you can really do at this point is hope she makes contact with you. If she says she's not sure if she can meet up its her move. She might find you texting after that to be a bit pushy. Maybe she never responded cause she still doesn't have an answer. I would recommend trying to talk to her through other avenues if you want to organise a date (if she says she'll get back to you this doesn't apply). Things like skype, facebook messages, and phone calls.
As a personal note, my boyfriend hardly ever texts back, and yes it gives me the shits. I have no idea why he does it. But we are together most of the time so it rarely matters, and we get along get in person. To put it shortly, I feel your pain. I'm also guilty of not responding to texts from people, on occasion. Sometimes I don't have a free moment when I get them and then forget, and sometimes I don't know how to respond. There's no "power playing games" involved. I apologise on behalf of the girl though... If it does bother you a lot I would bring it up with her casually ("I love hanging out, but its so hard to get in touch with you!").
- Status