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[The Anti-Monitor]

This girl from my high school and I went out once last year, had fun, we were pretty into each other, then she "disappeared" and never contacted me despite a few attempts of mine to reach her, after we had already agreed to see each other again.

I'm cool with it, whatever. I understand she has a very demanding life with school and work and it's not a big deal, I wasn't hung up over her.

Last week she messages me out of the blue telling me she got a new phone, lost my number, and wants to talk to me. I think about it, decide what the hell, and message her back. We arrange to meet up & get coffee, and we had a great time.

I enjoy the time I spend with her, we have fun together. But when we're not together it's like she doesn't exist, she goes days without responding to text messages, even when we have plans to meet up.

Most recently, we've texted to arrange a date for Saturday (today) and this past Thursday she said she'd love to but she's not sure because she might have work. I say no worries, whatever, let me know. No response. Then I texted her a day later asking if we're on for Saturday. No response.

I understand she has a busy lifestyle and that it's very demanding given her profession, but it's not hard to squeeze a text message confirming yes or no. I'm not going to say anything else to her unless she initiates, but when she does, I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of "Hey, listen. I like spending time with you. But if you don't value my time enough to send me a simple text, this isn't going to go anywhere."

Any thoughts on this? It might seem a bit harsh, but it's really been bugging me and I don't want to be the guy with unconditionally open arms whenever she decides she wants attention.

Have you tried, like, calling her?

 

[hipgnosis]

For all those guys who have broken up recently: it gets better. Seriously.

I broke up with my girl of 6 years last autumn and I was miserable as hell. Now looking back the break up was probably the best thing that has happened to me. I got a new apartment from a large city, started working out, have made lots of new friends, dated awesome girls.

There is some serious magic in making advances with new girls, first kisses, cuddling, exciting dates and getting to know people intimately. I've had one of the best moments of my life during my single months. I'm 24 and enjoying life like never before.

I'm good friends with my ex again too and we hang out weekly. We're also having a really good time now that all the tension is gone.

Things are looking good too with the girl I'm dating now. Last night was incredible, feels good to have someone that affectionate again.

Basically don't stress, enjoy life and wait eagerly what life has to offer in the future.

 

[Xun]

Is it wrong that I don't even want a serious relationship at the moment?

My friend said I have the wrong attitude wanting just something casual, but I honestly don't see it like that at all.

I've never been with anyone before, and I don't feel at all ready for a serious relationship at the moment. The only problem is I'm not sure how exactly I'd go about all of this, since it really just feels like my options are running out.

 

[The Hermit]

Its amazing how little decisions change everything.
Yesterday was a shitty day, couldn't study, no exercise, my self-confidence was in the gutter.
My friend invited me to his girlfriend birthday party, and though I was not in mood, I decided to go out instead staying at home playing games... and I hooked up with a very hot chick, taller than me cute as hell.

And I was sober and so was her!

I will post more if something else happens, but ,for me, that was already an amazing achievement.

 

[shanshan310]

Is it wrong that I don't even want a serious relationship at the moment?

My friend said I have the wrong attitude wanting just something casual, but I honestly don't see it like that at all.

I've never been with anyone before, and I don't feel at all ready for a serious relationship at the moment. The only problem is I'm not sure how exactly I'd go about all of this, since it really just feels like my options are running out.

Its your life, if you aren't living it for you what's the point right? If you've never been in a serious relationship I can understand your feelings about jumping straight in to something long term. Relationships shouldn't be like that, and you shouldn't worry so much about it being that way. When you say "all of this", do you mean dating in general?

 

[Cubsfan23]

Nothing like going to the movies by yourself and seeing all the goddamn couples. Fuck em. Cabin in the Woods was very good btw.

Actually i havent been going to the movies as much lately only cause of this very problem. Its becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me to be the only loner in the room.

It's actually pretty powerful to go out by yourself and not care

 

[Cubsfan23]

Is it wrong that I don't even want a serious relationship at the moment?



.

nope

 

[natethegreat409]

Very long story but going to summarize. My friend got married 3 years ago. Well we only met 6 months before her marriage and I asked her out, but she told me she was seeing someone. Well we became friends anyways, and after 6 months of her being married, we started liking each other more and more. We started talking stupid, then decided to cut ties with each other cause of the feelings.

2 years later in Jan of this year she called me and said she had filed for divorce that day. We have spent some time together the past few months. A month ago we kissed and she freaked out and said it was way too soon. Two weeks later we went to the zoo and had fun. She brought her 16 month old along and she took to me really well. Ever since that day, she has become very distant and has avoided any contact. She said we are fine, her head just feels like it is going to explode. They are finalizing the divorce I guess.

I have never had to end a serious relationship therefore I cannot relate to what she is going through. Does this seem normal and logical? I really care about this girl a ton, and she knows it.

 

[Qwerty710710]

Is it wrong that I'm still hung up over a girl that I've only texted for 2 weeks and the only time I actually talked to her was on our first date which lasted only for 5 minutes???

Fuck me I'm destroyed life.

 

[Epsilon-delta]

Very long story but going to summarize. My friend got married 3 years ago. Well we only met 6 months before her marriage and I asked her out, but she told me she was seeing someone. Well we became friends anyways, and after 6 months of her being married, we started liking each other more and more. We started talking stupid, then decided to cut ties with each other cause of the feelings.

2 years later in Jan of this year she called me and said she had filed for divorce that day. We have spent some time together the past few months. A month ago we kissed and she freaked out and said it was way too soon. Two weeks later we went to the zoo and had fun. She brought her 16 month old along and she took to me really well. Ever since that day, she has become very distant and has avoided any contact. She said we are fine, her head just feels like it is going to explode. They are finalizing the divorce I guess.

I have never had to end a serious relationship therefore I cannot relate to what she is going through. Does this seem normal and logical? I really care about this girl a ton, and she knows it.

I would end it and leave her alone. She's obviously not ready for anything serious at this point going through a divorce and all.

Even though 6 months into her marriage she had feelings for you and cut off ties eventually, it speaks volumes of her maturity and yours as well.

Don't dwell or waste time with someone who has that baggage, when you can find someone new who doesn't have kids or never was married. Don't let yourself be her rebound.

Just my two cents.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Is it wrong that I'm still hung up over a girl that I've only texted for 2 weeks and the only time I actually talked to her was on our first date which lasted only for 5 minutes???

Fuck me I'm destroyed life.

What does she have (or you think she has) that you can't find somewhere else?

 

[wormstrangler]

It's actually pretty powerful to go out by yourself and not care

Exactly. Besides, Cabin in the Woods seems like the perfect movie to go by yourself.

I was going to do that last night actually. I live with 6 other people and no-one wanted to see it or was available so I was going to pop in to the cinema by myself. I feel a little awkward while waiting for the movie to start but nothing that has ever stopped me doing it multiple times before.

 

[Atramental]

Is it wrong that I'm still hung up over a girl that I've only texted for 2 weeks and the only time I actually talked to her was on our first date which lasted only for 5 minutes???

Fuck me I'm destroyed life.

This might sound a bit ridiculous and somewhat juvenile but it's helped me overcome feelings of attachment before.

Imagine in your mind an image of this girl and all the feelings you have associated to her.
Then create another image in your mind of how you want to be right now, what things you want to do with your life that do not involve her, and all the positive feelings you can get from this ideal life/emotional state that you want.

Then what I want you to do is take this image of this girl and smash it with the second image. Like a sling shot shooting a rock into a pane of glass. While you're doing this make fast and strong gestures with your arms and make a "WOOSH!" sound while the second image breaks through the first image of this girl.

And do this about 15 to 20 times (or more if you need it) in order to interrupt your brain's current pattern involving this girl. If you do this enough times your brain will have a hard time trying to get back to this pattern of attachment because you've associated a new line of thought and emotion that you don't need this girl to be happy in life.

And if the feeling starts to come back just do this technique some more.

This technique has snapped me out of all kinds of negative emotions and if it works for me it can surely work for you or anyone here.

 

[HarryHengst]

What does she have (or you think she has) that you can't find somewhere else?

She gave him attention.

Which is a bit of an asshole reply, i know, but clinging to a girl who you talked to for 5 minutes is really unhealthy.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Is it wrong that I'm still hung up over a girl that I've only texted for 2 weeks and the only time I actually talked to her was on our first date which lasted only for 5 minutes???

Fuck me I'm destroyed life.

you're hung up over the issues you have about yourself that she reflected back to you, not the actual girl.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Shout outs to Altramental for making some real quality posts in this thread lately. Your work has not gone unnoticed my man.

I understand she has a busy lifestyle and that it's very demanding given her profession, but it's not hard to squeeze a text message confirming yes or no. I'm not going to say anything else to her unless she initiates, but when she does, I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of "Hey, listen. I like spending time with you. But if you don't value my time enough to send me a simple text, this isn't going to go anywhere."

Any thoughts on this? It might seem a bit harsh, but it's really been bugging me and I don't want to be the guy with unconditionally open arms whenever she decides she wants attention.

Definitely don't do that. I understand that's how you're feeling right now, but you should absolutely not send that text. It will push her away even more. If it bothers you as much as it does and you really feel the need to talk to her about it, casually make a joke about it next time you see her.

It might actually make you feel better if you type that text out and send it to yourself. Sounds dumb, but I've done that in the past and it's worked. Sometimes it's just the feeling of typing out your thoughts and pushing send that you really need.

For all those guys who have broken up recently: it gets better. Seriously.

I broke up with my girl of 6 years last autumn and I was miserable as hell. Now looking back the break up was probably the best thing that has happened to me. I got a new apartment from a large city, started working out, have made lots of new friends, dated awesome girls.

There is some serious magic in making advances with new girls, first kisses, cuddling, exciting dates and getting to know people intimately. I've had one of the best moments of my life during my single months. I'm 24 and enjoying life like never before.

I'm good friends with my ex again too and we hang out weekly. We're also having a really good time now that all the tension is gone.

Things are looking good too with the girl I'm dating now. Last night was incredible, feels good to have someone that affectionate again.

Basically don't stress, enjoy life and wait eagerly what life has to offer in the future.

Thanks man, I needed this.

I'm still a complete wreck over the relationship I got out of on Wednesday. I'm not anywhere near the point where I can see myself dating someone else yet, but it's good to know you were able to make it out in one piece and move on. I'm praying that my recovery will be fast but I have a bad feeling this one is going to stick with me for awhile.

 

[Izick]

Took me a while to write this stuff out so please read it all or I'll be pissed. lol.


You're right. You have to act upon your thoughts eventually.

But thinking is the first and crucial step. Then comes action.

If don't think about or know what you want out of life then you'll be like a sail boat that's lost at sea without a helm. The strong winds of life will blow you around and you will have no way to get to your destination.

For me, acting upon the "how" and "what" questions comes naturally for me. Once I figure out what I want to do or become by asking myself these questions I then go to the internet, or books, or people that know how to get certain results out of life. And once I get those guidelines from those sources I follow those guidelines like a map until I reach my destination/goal.


I would have to disagree.

"What can I do or change to make myself a more likable person?"

You can't be in a romantic relationship if the girl you like doesn't like you back. Also, in order to get into a relationship or to become a more likable person you have to come from a "giving" mindset and not a "taking" mindset. The best way to get girls and people in general to like you is if you give of yourself to them. Figure out ways to make people's boring and mundane lives better. Probably the easiest way to make someone like you is by (oddly enough) asking how their day is going or what they're up to. People love to talk about themselves and when you give to them an outlet to talk about themselves they'll end up liking you a bunch because you're actually taking time to listen about their struggles, triumphs, and so on.

Also, I believe cubsfan posted some Brent Smith videos about the whole "giving" mindset so if you want to learn more about that PM him for those video links.

"Who is getting the results I want to get out of life? And what are they doing to get them?"

When did getting into a romantic relationship not become a result you want to get out of life or a part of life success? To me the word "result" is synonymous with goal, outcome, aspiration, desire etc.

Getting into a romantic relationship is your desire/goal/result that you want to get out of life.

And guess what? There are people out there who have been in your current situation of not being able to get into relationships with girls due to their fear of rejection, approach anxiety, or because they thought they were too "ugly" or too "sub par" to get with the girl that they liked. These people are now having all sorts of relationships with all sorts of women and some of them are here on GAF.

You need to find these people and find out what they did in order to overcome there own personal obstacles.
Then you apply their solutions to your own self and act upon them.


Again. Asking these questions gives yourself a crystal clear outcome of what you want to achieve. And once your mind has a clear outcome it will be a whole lot easier to take action towards that goal.


One more thing:
Before Combine was banned I told him that I wanted (or rather DEMANDED) that he get this audio CD self help program:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/158060076X/?tag=neogaf0e-20

I've been listening to this program over and over and I'm starting to produce results that I didn't think I could produce just a few months ago. All the things I talk about are in this audio CD collection. If you want to make significant changes in your life I highly highly highly recommend you get this program, listen to it, and follow through on all the assignments.

And if you want to get it for a lower price you can probably find this set for a lot cheaper on ebay or buy it used off of amazon.com

Sorry Atramental, better late than never though I suppose! Don't worry, I read the whole thing through.

I retract what I said earlier about the second point; of course women/men want a likable partner, obviously. I think I felt that it was just a more general thing that people should try to do to further every relationship they have, romantic or not.

Anyway, I understand where you're coming from, and I like it, I just don't quite believe all of it. It doesn't matter how badly you want to be in a relationship with someone a lot of the time, because if those feelings aren't reciprocated, then it's still going to be a no-go or failure. Working out, studying, working (at a job/career), these are all singular things, that you have complete and utter control over; things that you can completely dictate the success, failure of (for the most part) due to your own determination. When it comes to a romantic relationship, there's always the other person that you like, and if they don't share those feelings, then there's usually not much you can do about it sadly.

 

[~Kinggi~]

It's actually pretty powerful to go out by yourself and not care

Been doing this for years, probably like 10+, and hasnt typically bothered me. And it also hasnt had be drowning in pussy or anything. Nothing powerful about it tbh

 

[kid ness]

It does sound like she's either playing power games or not that into you - sorry but is it too hard to transfer over a phone number onto a new phone? or reply to a text?

I can understand that the siren call of cooter can make a man put up with a lot of disrespectful behaviour, and where your limit is is up to you, but believe me it's probably not worth it for you in the long run with this chick

Most definitely, appreciate it mate. I'm not looking for anything really serious. The strange thing is, she was the one who was into me back in high school, and I wasn't interested at the time. Again, it also irks me that she was the one who reached out to me this time.

As a personal note, my boyfriend hardly ever texts back, and yes it gives me the shits. I have no idea why he does it. But we are together most of the time so it rarely matters, and we get along get in person. To put it shortly, I feel your pain. I'm also guilty of not responding to texts from people, on occasion. Sometimes I don't have a free moment when I get them and then forget, and sometimes I don't know how to respond. There's no "power playing games" involved. I apologise on behalf of the girl though... If it does bother you a lot I would bring it up with her casually ("I love hanging out, but its so hard to get in touch with you!").

Thanks. I think I'll say something along those lines.

Have you tried, like, calling her?

Yeah, once and no response.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

Its amazing how little decisions change everything.
Yesterday was a shitty day, couldn't study, no exercise, my self-confidence was in the gutter.
My friend invited me to his girlfriend birthday party, and though I was not in mood, I decided to go out instead staying at home playing games... and I hooked up with a very hot chick, taller than me cute as hell.

And I was sober and so was her!

I will post more if something else happens, but ,for me, that was already an amazing achievement.

Damn dude just the inspiration I needed. Wait, are a good looking guy?

 

[Atramental]

Sorry Atramental, better late than never though I suppose! Don't worry, I read the whole thing through.

I retract what I said earlier about the second point; of course women/men want a likable partner, obviously. I think I felt that it was just a more general thing that people should try to do to further every relationship they have, romantic or not.

Right on.

Anyway, I understand where you're coming from, and I like it, I just don't quite believe all of it. It doesn't matter how badly you want to be in a relationship with someone a lot of the time, because if those feelings aren't reciprocated, then it's still going to be a no-go or failure. Working out, studying, working (at a job/career), these are all singular things, that you have complete and utter control over; things that you can completely dictate the success, failure of (for the most part) due to your own determination. When it comes to a romantic relationship, there's always the other person that you like, and if they don't share those feelings, then there's usually not much you can do about it sadly.

You can't just focus all your energy into one girl that you want to ask out. You need alternatives.

If girl #1 rejects you then move onto girl #2 and ask her out. And if she rejects you move onto #3 and so on. Eventually one of these girls is going to say yes, statistically speaking. It might be girl #5 or it might be girl #10. And you won't know if they are into until you've asked these girls out.

If you just accept defeat from the first girl that rejects you then you're not going to get very far with your intimate relationships.

And here's a nice allegory for you: Thomas Edison had to fail 10,000 different times before he succeeded at creating the incandescent light bulb.

The only way we can get far when dealing with the unknown is by failing a bunch of times and learning from our failures. Also, you must learn to overcome your fear of failure as well. Failure is a good teacher.

 

[TurboLibre]

Anyway, I understand where you're coming from, and I like it, I just don't quite believe all of it. It doesn't matter how badly you want to be in a relationship with someone a lot of the time, because if those feelings aren't reciprocated, then it's still going to be a no-go or failure. Working out, studying, working (at a job/career), these are all singular things, that you have complete and utter control over; things that you can completely dictate the success, failure of (for the most part) due to your own determination. When it comes to a romantic relationship, there's always the other person that you like, and if they don't share those feelings, then there's usually not much you can do about it sadly.

That's always been my issue. It's one thing to focus on a task that relies on your own willpower/dedication for success. It's another to rely on the feelings or thoughts of another person. That's the disconnect when it comes to confidence. Self-improvement really helps with the former, but it takes some measure of success to gain the latter. For example: How can I approach a woman and "assume attraction" when I've never once seen an example of a woman attracted to me? It's actually driven me to assume disinterest. And while that's a very shitty mindset, I feel like I'd have to be delusional to think otherwise at this point.

Edit: Your post might be pointing towards a different idea, but I just thought it was a good example of the varying ideas of "confidence". While being sure of your abilities and who you are might make you a confident person, that won't always translate to your interactions with women.

 

[Izick]

You can't just focus all your energy into one girl that you want to ask out. You need alternatives.

If girl #1 rejects you then move onto girl #2 and ask her out. And if she rejects you move onto #3 and so on. Eventually one of these girls is going to say yes, statistically speaking. It might be girl #5 or it might be girl #10. And you won't know if they are into until you've asked these girls out.

If you just accept defeat from the first girl that rejects you then you're not going to get very far with your intimate relationships.

And here's a nice allegory for you: Thomas Edison had to fail 10,000 different times before he succeeded at creating the incandescent light bulb.

The only we can get far when dealing with the unknown is by failing a bunch of times and learning from our failures. Also, you must learn to overcome your fear of failure as well. Failure is a good teacher.

I get that, and I understand, but you're almost saying it like it's just attempting to do something over and over again, without a human variable in it, that being the other person you're interested in. When there's another person in it, judging you by your looks, actions, personality, etc., it's not just a keep attempting until you succeed type of thing though.

 

[Danj]

The "inner" questions we ask ourselves determine our outlooks on life.

When anyone asks themselves these questions:
"Why am I single?"
"Why am I such a loser?"
"Why don't girls like me?"

Your brain will come up with an infinite amount of negative reasons as to why you're a single loser that girls don't like.

In order to change your negative outlook you must change your inner questions so that they are more proactive and positive:
"Screw being single! What girl do I want to ask out on a date?
"What can I do or change to make myself a more likeable person?"
"Who is getting the results I want to get out of life? And what are they doing to get them?"

With regard to the negative questions there I think there are maybe a few missing, such as:

"Why don't I know how to meet girls?"
"How do I meet girls when I'm broke?"
"Is it even worth trying to meet girls if I'm broke?"

These are probably the 3 main questions for me and it would be useful to know how to change these.

NOTE: I am not broke because I don't have a job (I do), I'm broke because I just successfully negotiated a massive debt consolidation loan which will leave me debt free in 7 years, and also because I am being forced to move at the end of next month.

 

[Atramental]

I get that, and I understand, but you're almost saying it like it's just attempting to do something over and over again, without a human variable in it, that being the other person you're interested in. When there's another person in it, judging you by your looks, actions, personality, etc.,

You shouldn't get hung up on things that you can't control AND you shouldn't assume things that you can't possibly know. Again, there's no way for you to know if a girl will reject you or not until you ask her out.

it's not just a keep attempting until you succeed type of thing though.

It is.

I mean, do sincerely believe that every girl on the face of the planet or even in your area is going to reject you? I mean really?

There's no way in hell that is possible. There's sooo many girls out there and they all have their own preferences.

Also, remember what I said a couple of pages back. I want you to ask that girl out that you're interested in THIS week. If you succeed GREAT! If you get rejected GREAT!

And you might be thinking "Has Atramental lost his mind? Why would he be happy about me getting rejected?" I'm not happy that you got rejected. I'm happy that you went out and ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING. All I hear is a lot of talk from you. I want to see ACTION!

Don't fail me, Izick. I expect a status report from you by Saturday.

With regard to the negative questions there I think there are maybe a few missing, such as:

These are probably the 3 main questions for me and it would be useful to know how to change these.

Very well, I'll do my best.

"Why don't I know how to meet girls?"

"What resources (books/websites/people) can I go to in order to find out how to meet girls?"
"Who can I talk to that has no problems meeting girls and what questions should I come up with to ask him?"

"How do I meet girls when I'm broke?"

"How can I save money now so I'll have some when I do start dating?"
"What ways can I earn some money on the side?"
"What things can I sell that I don't need or use any more?"
"Who is someone that I can talk to who has come out of debt and what questions can I ask them about coming out of debt and living/dating while in debt?"
"What am I wasting my time on during my daily life and how can I turn that wasted time into something more productive?"

"Is it even worth trying to meet girls if I'm broke?"

"Who can I talk with that has dated girls while they were broke and what questions do I want to ask him?"
"What books could I read at the public library that talk about dating while being broke?"
"What are some relatively inexpensive dating ideas?"
"Where can I go to get ideas about dating while on a tight budget?"
"What kind of girls are not hung up about men who don't have a lot of money?"

NOTE: I am not broke because I don't have a job (I do), I'm broke because I just successfully negotiated a massive debt consolidation loan which will leave me debt free in 7 years, and also because I am being forced to move at the end of next month.

Okay, if you're moving next month then you probably shouldn't focus on dating right now until you've moved to your new residence (but you probably already know this). For now just keep on exercising, eating healthy, and finding ways to save and make money.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

And you might be thinking "Has Atramental lost his mind? Why would he be happy about me getting rejected?" I'm not happy that you got rejected. I'm happy that you went out and ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING. All I hear is a lot of talk from you. I want to see ACTION!

Don't fail me, Izick. I expect a status report from you by Saturday.

I agree with this. Worst case scenario, you gain some experience and learned how to actively try. The point where you learn how to approach other people properly is tough, but once you do everything is 10x easier.

Best case scenario, something that would've never happened if you never tried.

There's way too many people out there to obsess over one.

 

[Izick]

You shouldn't get hung up on things that you can't control AND you shouldn't assume things that you can't possibly know. Again, there's no way for you to know if a girl will reject you or not until you ask her out.


It is.

I mean, do sincerely believe that every girl on the face of the planet or even in your area is going to reject you? I mean really?

There's no way in hell that is possible. There's sooo many girls out there and they all have their own preferences.

Also, remember what I said a couple of pages back. I want you to ask that girl out that you're interested in THIS week. If you succeed GREAT! If you get rejected GREAT!

And you might be thinking "Has Atramental lost his mind? Why would he be happy about me getting rejected?" I'm not happy that you got rejected. I'm happy that you went out and ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING. All I hear is a lot of talk from you. I want to see ACTION!

Don't fail me, Izick. I expect a status report from you by Saturday.

Obviously not. People have standards, and when I have been talking, I was referring to attractive women of course. Anybody could find somebody to fuck, that's not really hard.

As I was saying earlier, you can usually pick things up from people, you can tell if they're not interested in you, or you're not worth their time at all. You give off the same vibe if someone is annoying if you're not interested in.

 

[Atramental]

Obviously not. People have standards, and when I have been talking, I was referring to attractive women of course. Anybody could find somebody to fuck, that's not really hard.

As I was saying earlier, you can usually pick things up from people, you can tell if they're not interested in you, or you're not worth their time at all. You give off the same vibe if someone is annoying if you're not interested in.

I don't care. Ask them out anyway.

And if you're not going to ask anyone out then you're wasting your time here. And more importantly, you're wasting MY time in which I can better myself.

This thread is for people who want to get into relationships. It's not for people who want to make up a billion excuses as to why they can't go up to some girl and ask her out on a date.

If you do end up getting rejected who fucking cares? It's just one girl. Plus, if you do get rejected you can focus your attention on other girls. It seems like you have all your attention on this one when you really should be branching out and focusing on many.

Sometimes one door of possibility has to close so that many others can open.

 

[Izick]

I don't care. Ask them out anyway.

And if you're not going to ask anyone out then you're wasting your time here. And more importantly, you're wasting MY time in which I can better myself.

This thread is for people who want to get into relationships. It's not for people who want to make up a billion excuses as to why they can't go up to some girl and ask her out on a date.

If you do end up getting rejected who fucking cares? It's just one girl. Plus, if you do get rejected you can focus your attention on other girls. It seems like you have all your attention on this one when you really should be branching out and focusing on many.

Sometimes one door of possibility has to close so that many others can open.

You've never liked on girl, singularly? I doubt that, Atramental.

 

[-PXG-]

I don't care. Ask them out anyway.

And if you're not going to ask anyone out then you're wasting your time here. And more importantly, you're wasting MY time in which I can better myself.

This thread is for people who want to get into relationships. It's not for people who want to make up a billion excuses as to why they can't go up to some girl and ask her out on a date.

If you do end up getting rejected who fucking cares? It's just one girl. Plus, if you do get rejected you can focus your attention on other girls. It seems like you have all your attention on this one when you really should be branching out and focusing on many.

Sometimes one door of possibility has to close so that many others can open.

Look at you.

 

[hawkshockey11]

This might sound a bit ridiculous and somewhat juvenile but it's helped me overcome feelings of attachment before.

Imagine in your mind an image of this girl and all the feelings you have associated to her.
Then create another image in your mind of how you want to be right now, what things you want to do with your life that do not involve her, and all the positive feelings you can get from this ideal life/emotional state that you want.

Then what I want you to do is take this image of this girl and smash it with the second image. Like a sling shot shooting a rock into a pane of glass. While you're doing this make fast and strong gestures with your arms and make a "WOOSH!" sound while the second image breaks through the first image of this girl.

And do this about 15 to 20 times (or more if you need it) in order to interrupt your brain's current pattern involving this girl. If you do this enough times your brain will have a hard time trying to get back to this pattern of attachment because you've associated a new line of thought and emotion that you don't need this girl to be happy in life.

And if the feeling starts to come back just do this technique some more.

This technique has snapped me out of all kinds of negative emotions and if it works for me it can surely work for you or anyone here.

Is it okay if I do this in public?

 

[Atramental]

You've never liked on girl, singularly? I doubt that, Atramental.

I did during my senior year of high school BUT I ACTUALLY ASKED HER OUT.

TWICE!

I got rejected both times but at least I asked that girl out and learned from my failure.

Is it okay if I do this in public?

Haha...

It's probably best you do this in private so that you have less distractions.

 

[hawkshockey11]

Ok, I have a question. What is the best way to get something that is yours back from your ex that will not respond to any kind of message I throw at her. She legitimately owes ~$100 that she agreed to pay back (This was back during Christmas).

The last thing she said while breaking up with me on facebook was "..and before you ask, Ill give you your money the next time I am in town." She has been in town once since since and has not talked to me since the break-up almost 3 months ago, despite me sending a few "probe" messages. (basically "hi's") It is almost like she wanted me to absolutely hate her...

 

[Izick]

I did during my senior year of high school BUT I ACTUALLY ASKED HER OUT.

TWICE!

I got rejected both times but at least I asked that girl out and learned from my failure.


Haha...

It's probably best you do this in private so that you have less distractions.

But what can you learn from that though? If you're rejected, then you were rejected. I doubt if it happened twice, then it would be any different the third time. I'm not sure what can be gained from that besides "she doesn't like me (romantically)."

Sorry though.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

With regard to the negative questions there I think there are maybe a few missing, such as:

"Why don't I know how to meet girls?"
"How do I meet girls when I'm broke?"
"Is it even worth trying to meet girls if I'm broke?"

These are probably the 3 main questions for me and it would be useful to know how to change these.

NOTE: I am not broke because I don't have a job (I do), I'm broke because I just successfully negotiated a massive debt consolidation loan which will leave me debt free in 7 years, and also because I am being forced to move at the end of next month.

What the fuck did you do to get into so much debt? Did you just get the most fucked up financial aid in collegiate history or something? Every time you mention your debt you make it sound like Sudanese slaves have more to their name than you.

 

[Freedom = $1.05]

Ok, I have a question. What is the best way to get something that is yours back from your ex that will not respond to any kind of message I throw at her. She legitimately owes ~$100 that she agreed to pay back (This was back during Christmas).

The last thing she said while breaking up with me on facebook was "..and before you ask, Ill give you your money the next time I am in town." She has been in town once since since and has not talked to me since the break-up almost 3 months ago, despite me sending a few "probe" messages. (basically "hi's") It is almost like she wanted me to absolutely hate her...

Write that shit off. That's the "hey, I shouldn't lend someone $$ with whom I'm in a middling relationship with" tax. You pay it once and (hopefully) never again.

 

[Atrus]

Well... I just got flaked on by a girl for our second date and it looks like she's slowly pulling away lol.

I just opted to do something else. I knew there'd be problems given that she sometimes acts 10 years younger than her age but... well, you can't help who you like and unfortunately I liked her a lot.

Anyways, I guess my calendar just opened up again. I knew where I went wrong too, she's never had a technical 'date' date at 27 so I stupidly took her out for a fun '1st' date and didn't make a move to make sure it went well and that's what killed it I think. One step of compassion too far lol.

I'm somewhat getting tired of 'games' though the older I get though. I kind of wish honesty was the best policy but unfortunately dating is more akin to Sun Tzu's Art of War these days.

 

[Atramental]

But what can you learn from that though? If you're rejected, then you were rejected. I doubt if it happened twice, then it would be any different the third time. I'm not sure what can be gained from that besides "she doesn't like me (romantically)."

Sorry though.

Why are you sorry for me? This happened back in 2008 and it's merely a footnote in my own personal timeline.

The real tragedy is that I ended up going to Bob Jones University, an ultra conservative Christian university, for two years and got all sort of psychological baggage piled upon me thanks to that fucking joke of school.

And it's only up to now that I've recovered from my social anxiety, agoraphobia, and depression.

Anyways, here's what I learned from this "asking out" experience:
-Talking in a weak and quite voice is not attractive.
-Not maintaining eye contact is another big no-no.
-Asking the same girl out twice is probably not the best thing you can do because it comes off as being desperate and needy.

 

[Izick]

Why are you sorry for me? This happened back in 2008 and it's merely a footnote in my own personal timeline.

The real tragedy is that I ended up going to Bob Jones University, an ultra conservative Christian university, for two years and got all sort of psychological baggage piled upon me thanks to that fucking joke of school.

And it's only up to now that I've recovered from my social anxiety, agoraphobia, and depression.

Anyways, here's what I learned from this "asking out" experience:
-Talking in a weak and quite voice is not attractive.
-Not maintaining eye contact is another big no-no.
-Asking the same girl out twice is probably not the best thing you can do because it comes off as being desperate and needy.

I guess so, but those first two really are no-brainers for me. You seem to think that I'm talking about people who are socially inept in some way, but I'm not. I'm just talking about people that are very good socially, have lots of good relationships, but are unfortanetly unattractive, so they can't seem to find themsleves in relationships with the types of women/men that they do find attractive.

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better now though, and it sucks that you went to a Christian University. I would think most of the people there would still go crazy, as they likely went there to appease their parents, and then likely rebelled in groups.

EDIT: Oh and I said 'sorry" because I thought it was bullshit that you got rejected twice, and I felt bad.

 

[RawPower]

Two questions. What do I say to myself when I A) get rejected and B) feel reticence in approaching her?

 

[Atramental]

I guess so, but those first two really are no-brainers for me. You seem to think that I'm talking about people who are socially inept in some way, but I'm not. I'm just talking about people that are very good socially, have lots of good relationships, but are unfortanetly unattractive, so they can't seem to find themsleves in relationships with the types of women/men that they do find attractive.

ugh... okay Izick. Whatever.

You've got all the advice I can give you.
Take it or leave it.

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better now though, and it sucks that you went to a Christian University. I would think most of the people there would still go crazy, as they likely went there to appease their parents, and then likely rebelled in groups.

Yep.

Well I'm just glad that I'm back on my journey towards self fulfillment.

EDIT: Oh and I said 'sorry" because I thought it was bullshit that you got rejected twice, and I felt bad.

It's not bullshit. She wasn't that into me and that's okay.

Anyways, once I get done doing that p90x workout program I'm going to ask out or hook up with as many girls as I possibly can. There's no way I'm letting my last year of college go to waste. Haha.

 

[Izick]

ugh... okay Izick. Whatever.

You've got all the advice I can give you.
Take it or leave it.



Yep.

Well I'm just glad that I'm back on my journey towards self fulfillment.


It's not bullshit. She wasn't that into me and that's okay.

Anyways, once I get done doing that p90x workout program I'm going to ask out or hook up with as many girls as I possibly can. There's no way I'm letting my last year of college go to waste. Haha.

I appreciate the advice, Atramental, I still think my opinion on that is still valid though.

Either way, I'm glad that you're getting fit and into shape, and I hope you do have a really good time with your last year!

 

[Atramental]

Two questions. What do I say to myself when I A) get rejected

If you do get rejected just brush it off as nothing and begin your search for another girl that you can ask out.

And don't get sad, angry, or upset if you do get rejected. There's no logical reason to feel those emotions because there's many girls out there that you can ask out. The world has an abundance of women.

Also, if you're worried about how you actually ask out a girl try to find videos online of guys asking out girls (successfully) and try to emulate what they do.

and B) feel reticence in approaching her?

I have certain gestures, movements, and breathing techniques that I do in order to psych myself up into a confident state. Also, I have certain songs that I play in my head in order to psych myself up to a confident state.

Hell, sometimes I imagine that I have a large cape flowing from my shoulders in order to get myself into a confident state.

Figure out something that works for you in order to snap yourself out of a timid state. I think the cape technique might the easiest one because you don't have to make any crazy movements or gestures in order to work yourself up into a confident frenzy.

 

[luckyboyceo]

So the girl who split up with me on Wednesday (for someone else) just called me asking if I wanted to go get ice cream with her tonight. I told her I didn't think it was a great idea and that as much as I might want to see her right now, I just can't.

I was totally caught off guard and the conversation didn't really go as smoothly as I would've liked on my part. She said she could tell I was stressed. Not sure whether I feel better or worse after talking with her.

Did I make the right decision/handle this right? Thoughts?

 

[blackwatchplad]

So the girl who split up with me on Wednesday (for someone else) just called me asking if I wanted to go get ice cream with her tonight. I told her I didn't think it was a great idea and that as much as I might want to see her right now, I just can't.

I was totally caught off guard and the conversation didn't really go as smoothly as I would've liked on my part. She said she could tell I was stressed. Not sure whether I feel better or worse after talking with her.

Did I make the right decision/handle this right? Thoughts?

I know how that feels.
Sometimes you just gotta give yourself some 'you-time'.

 

[Izick]

So the girl who split up with me on Wednesday (for someone else) just called me asking if I wanted to go get ice cream with her tonight. I told her I didn't think it was a great idea and that as much as I might want to see her right now, I just can't.

I was totally caught off guard and the conversation didn't really go as smoothly as I would've liked on my part. She said she could tell I was stressed. Not sure whether I feel better or worse after talking with her.

Did I make the right decision/handle this right? Thoughts?

As long as you honestly didn't want to go, then yes, because it shows that you can be an independent person, and it also shows that you're okay being separated and on your own right now.

 

[shanshan310]

It seems kind of insensitive to dump you for someone else and then four days later call for hang outs. Maybe she wants to apologise, but then that's just going to make her feel better. You probably need sometime to clear your head before you see her again. I think you made the right choice. When you're ready you can get in touch with her, if you still wanna see her.

Ok, I have a question. What is the best way to get something that is yours back from your ex that will not respond to any kind of message I throw at her. She legitimately owes ~$100 that she agreed to pay back (This was back during Christmas).

The last thing she said while breaking up with me on facebook was "..and before you ask, Ill give you your money the next time I am in town." She has been in town once since since and has not talked to me since the break-up almost 3 months ago, despite me sending a few "probe" messages. (basically "hi's") It is almost like she wanted me to absolutely hate her...

If you get desperate, you can post it onto her wall on facebook. If other people can see it she might be more inclined to cough up. Next time you know she's in town call her about it. It looks like you guys aren't going to end on a nice note either way, so would you rather do it with $100 or with her keeping your money?

 

[soultron]

Is it wrong that I don't even want a serious relationship at the moment?

My friend said I have the wrong attitude wanting just something casual, but I honestly don't see it like that at all.

I've never been with anyone before, and I don't feel at all ready for a serious relationship at the moment. The only problem is I'm not sure how exactly I'd go about all of this, since it really just feels like my options are running out.

This is the best possible attitude to have, in my opinion. You should never start dating a girl because you want a serious relationship. Then you're either going to settle for crazy or end up butthurt when she stops calling you.

You date girls to see if they're crazy and to see if they're worth your time. Once they start showing signs towards being crazy, you pull the plug.

Even if you're in a serious relationship, if shit goes south and you've tried to make it work, you get out. It's not like you upgrade your mission objective to marriage once you're in a serious relationship, at least I wouldn't. You take things easy and decide what's right for you when the circumstances are also right for you.

Also, hot damn @ Atra. Spitting hot fire and sounding the truth siren at the same time. Regulate, my dude.

 

[hawkshockey11]

It seems kind of insensitive to dump you for someone else and then four days later call for hang outs. Maybe she wants to apologise, but then that's just going to make her feel better. You probably need sometime to clear your head before you see her again. I think you made the right choice. When you're ready you can get in touch with her, if you still wanna see her.



If you get desperate, you can post it onto her wall on facebook. If other people can see it she might be more inclined to cough up. Next time you know she's in town call her about it. It looks like you guys aren't going to end on a nice note either way, so would you rather do it with $100 or with her keeping your money?

I kind of would like that money. I don't think I will do the facebook thing. Seems kind of douche-y. She didn't answer when I called her during spring break. Guess I could try from another number.

I guess I still have hope that someday we actually will be friends. She was good friends with her ex while we were dating. I know she is dealing with the stress of school, and shit-load of guy drama and she probably doesn't want to "deal" with me right now.

 

[luckyboyceo]

I know how that feels.
Sometimes you just gotta give yourself some 'you-time'.

Yeah, especially after a break up. A bunch of my friends are taking me out tonight though. Just going to get really drunk and forget about things for awhile. I'm excited.

As long as you honestly didn't want to go, then yes, because it shows that you can be an independent person, and it also shows that you're okay being separated and on your own right now.

Well, I do want to see her, but I know it would make things worse. I'm not really okay being on my own right now, seeing as it wasn't my choice, and I'm pretty sure she's aware of that. I think I'm just a little insulted she thought I would be okay with seeing her 4 days after splitting up to be honest.

It seems kind of insensitive to dump you for someone else and then four days later call for hang outs. Maybe she wants to apologise, but then that's just going to make her feel better. You probably need sometime to clear your head before you see her again. I think you made the right choice. When you're ready you can get in touch with her, if you still wanna see her.

Yeah, you pretty much just echoed everything I was thinking. I was a little insulted by it to be honest. I don't think she was trying to apologize, I think she just thinks that I'm willing to remain friends with her despite the circumstances of our split. Maybe now that she knows I'm not she'll think about it more carefully? I don't know.

Thanks for your thoughts, guys.