Very subtle but very significant
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
Very subtle but very significant
dietertong
Member
So just ignore the fact she didn't reply and straight out tell her?
Huh I never would have thought of it like that. But how does it work with something long distance? Lol
stn
Member
While I agree that asking and telling has some difference, I don't think its much in the grande scheme. If a girl's not interested, the semantics of the proposition won't change that. Still, maybe I'm wrong and a girl would see "want to meetup again?" as some kind of reason that she should ignore the guy. If that's the case, I'd prefer to just sit at home and fap.
But yes, saying something like "I'm going here. Meet me there" is more forward and more confident. But I don't see it as game-changer if the girl is avoiding your request for a second date. Half of her decision whether to date you a second time was likely made before you even said a word, the other half after you did.
But yes, saying something like "I'm going here. Meet me there" is more forward and more confident. But I don't see it as game-changer if the girl is avoiding your request for a second date. Half of her decision whether to date you a second time was likely made before you even said a word, the other half after you did.
dietertong
Member
Hey guys, first time posting here. I'm a newbie in this dating stuff so please bear with me.
So, I had been spending time with a guy from work a lot. He started flirting with me and trying to get to know me, but since I'm not the most talkative person (and a fucking idiot), I avoided answering, which I guess frustrated him. Even so, I tried to hang out with him when I could because I was interested in him.
About two weeks ago, he asked me out. I was going to say yes, but a coworker came to ask something and I chickened out. We didn't have a chance to talk again (and he didn't have a phone at the time), so I thought he'd ask again the next day. Thing is, it never happened. He stopped flirting and didn't seem interested anymore.
So help me out GAF. I know I fucked up by not being so receptive and that probably made him think that I wasn't into him. I also know that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I like this guy. What should I do? Should I ask him if he really meant dating me? Or drop it altogether?
So, I had been spending time with a guy from work a lot. He started flirting with me and trying to get to know me, but since I'm not the most talkative person (and a fucking idiot), I avoided answering, which I guess frustrated him. Even so, I tried to hang out with him when I could because I was interested in him.
About two weeks ago, he asked me out. I was going to say yes, but a coworker came to ask something and I chickened out. We didn't have a chance to talk again (and he didn't have a phone at the time), so I thought he'd ask again the next day. Thing is, it never happened. He stopped flirting and didn't seem interested anymore.
So help me out GAF. I know I fucked up by not being so receptive and that probably made him think that I wasn't into him. I also know that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I like this guy. What should I do? Should I ask him if he really meant dating me? Or drop it altogether?
Pai Pai Master
Banned
Sounds like you may have missed your shot if he's not showing any interest now, but maybe that's just because of how you reacted and he doesn't want to push it.
He asked you out and it didn't happen, just tell him you wanted to but had some things come up or were super busy with work and you would like to take him up on it if the offer still stands.
Though, if you guys work together that's always something to think about. But nothing will happen if you don't try!
He asked you out and it didn't happen, just tell him you wanted to but had some things come up or were super busy with work and you would like to take him up on it if the offer still stands.
Though, if you guys work together that's always something to think about. But nothing will happen if you don't try!
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
If I were you I'd go the "Hey, I think you're pretty cool and would like to get to know you better." route. He already made an attempt, shit went sideways and he's obviously under the delusion that you aren't interested so he's not going to try again. This is how you can let him know you ARE interested, help him gracefully reassert his interest in you, and get the job done all in one fell swoop.
Bam! He says yes, you know, he knows, date happens, get the power up and beat the game.
NeOak
Member
"So about that invitation, I cleared my calendar for you. Where are we going?"
I considered the work stuff, but I'm only going to be here six months and he's going to quit at the end of the year to go to college. So I thought, why not?
Thanks for the replies! I'll talk to him and update you guys
electricshake
Member
I considered the work stuff, but I'm only going to be here six months and he's going to quit at the end of the year to go to college. So I thought, why not?
Thanks for the replies! I'll talk to him and update you guys
Just ask him if he wants to go get a drink/coffee or whatever. He probably thinks you aren't interested.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Don't joke about the non-answer. Just do nothing. If she talks, you talk. If she doesn't talk, you move on. You requested another date so presumably your intentions are clear. If she's for it, she'll let you know; if not, she probably won't say anything.
OK, the story's called "remember not to be too cool for the girl you're interested in". Oh, wait. You already told it.
Joking aside, there's a good lesson to be learnt here. If a girl starts flirting with other guys, sure, just get out of dodge. You're not pushover, and you'll show her that she can't treat you like that and expect you to do that. But you just rejected this girl because she got hit on by someone else. That's not her fault, and she seemed to have acted pretty well given the situation. I'd just hang back, look over in her direction. When she looks over, I'd just give a sort of "I'll just be over here. Just let me know when you're tired of someone not as great as I am". It's the one way you should actually be arrogant, in the belief that you are the best guy around. Have the confidence that she'll be back. You had no confidence in that, so you showed the opposite of confidence. You were uncertain of the situation, so you bolted.
Exactly how is this situation any different from if you hadn't been told by your friend what happened? You left. There was no chance of her coming back to you, since you removed yourself. Instead of playing the odds and seeing if she came back, you made sure you couldn't win. So you didn't win. What fucking difference does it make that she came back? You made her choice moot.
This has nothing to do with the fact that she came back, and if you're gonna beat yourself up because you left when she actually was interested, you're asking for clairvoyance to see when they'll come back or not. You won't play the game. You should always stay around, because you're always the best guy around, so why wouldn't she come back?
Learn to let go. Some things are forever like the dew on the grass in the morning sun, and they should remain that way.
Remember when I said you should take a break from your ex? This is why. If you continue down this road, someone is gonna get hurt, and there'll be a lot of time lost in the process. Do you really want to take another spin around your "let's try it again" merry-go-round? You said the last go you had convinced you of it. You don't sound so convinced anymore, so you've started down the path. You know where it ends.
I don't say the stuff I do for no reason. You both need a break.
Yeah, I remember the 8 hour date. There should be no reason why she shouldn't reply. Given that, something's not the way it should be. Stop wondering about it. Just ask for clarification. Don't do any like "you're stupid for not replying", just say "hey, I never heard back. What's up?". If she's refraining from answering, she's being rude and impolite. It's an indicator of a plethora of other problems. If that's the case, it's probably best to move on. So you have nothing to lose by asking for a clarification. It's also a confident move.
Sitting around and waiting will just have you walk around in mental circles, and if she actually does get back to you or it was some sort of mishap, your head'll be in the completely wrong place, and the second date will be at jeopardy because of it. Don't be passive about this. This isn't the way someone should treat someone, so it's fair to ask for clarification.
Not in this context. You won't forever be a salesman when dating. It might be true for the first date, but any girl will have a good grip on if they want to see you again after a first date. You've displayed all your value and stuff already. The wording should be congruent with that. That's incredibly more important than displaying something, because she already knows you who are. If you haven't come off as assertive, and you say it like that, it'll be incongruent and displeasing.
He stopped talking with you because he figured nothing'd come of it. Funny to hear that this is sometimes the case. If you do want to go out with him, you have to ask him out. He will say yes. Don't go "to talk with him". Go to ask him out. If you leave yourself openings not to have it happen, you will not see that it happens. Tell yourself "I will ask him out" and then do it the next time you meet him. Just say "About when you asked me out; I got sidetracked by <our colleague>. I didn't get to say that I'd to go out". Bam. Fixed.
D
Deleted member 10571
Unconfirmed Member
Imma just give up Managed being alone for quite some time, will manage again. YOLO and all that shit.
Don't even care anymore.
Managed being alone for quite some time, will manage again. YOLO and all that shit.Don't even care anymore.
Pai Pai Master
Banned
Noooo Septimius! What did you do!? ;_;
Heck yeah, go for it!
What happened?
I considered the work stuff, but I'm only going to be here six months and he's going to quit at the end of the year to go to college. So I thought, why not?
Thanks for the replies! I'll talk to him and update you guys
Heck yeah, go for it!
Imma just give up
Don't even care anymore.
What happened?
Frank Zappa
Banned
I dated a doctor last December. She was crazy.
So... I was browsing Facebook and I noticed a girl liked a post of one of my friends. She seemed familiar, so I clicked on her profile. She was a girl I met like 5 years ago at a bar. So, I sent her a message (we have a lot of friends in common... the metal community is kinda small in this city)... I told her:" Hey, do you remember me? I think I met you like 5 years ago at the bar". She replied immediately: "Yeah, I remember you? How are you?"
We talked for a few hours and I told her if the wanted to go and grab a beer the next day and she said yes.
Well, this woman is beautiful. But what I didn't know is that her ex-boyfriend was dating my ex-girlfriend. And she did know. She basically was using me to get information about my ex.
Then I dumped her and I contacted my ex to warn her about the doctor girl.
In the end everything worked great for me. Thanks to me warning my ex about the doctor girl, we started to talk again over Facebook.
And now we are a couple again, thanks to the craziness of the doc-girl.
So... I was browsing Facebook and I noticed a girl liked a post of one of my friends. She seemed familiar, so I clicked on her profile. She was a girl I met like 5 years ago at a bar. So, I sent her a message (we have a lot of friends in common... the metal community is kinda small in this city)... I told her:" Hey, do you remember me? I think I met you like 5 years ago at the bar". She replied immediately: "Yeah, I remember you? How are you?"
We talked for a few hours and I told her if the wanted to go and grab a beer the next day and she said yes.
Well, this woman is beautiful. But what I didn't know is that her ex-boyfriend was dating my ex-girlfriend. And she did know. She basically was using me to get information about my ex.
Then I dumped her and I contacted my ex to warn her about the doctor girl.
In the end everything worked great for me. Thanks to me warning my ex about the doctor girl, we started to talk again over Facebook.
And now we are a couple again, thanks to the craziness of the doc-girl.
Woody Invincible
Banned
It's really not that significant. Would you really want a girl who didn't respond because of the difference anyway? If she was interested in meeting up a second time, she would have responded.
dietertong
Member
I didn't think there was a reason for her not to reply. Cause I thought I portrayed who I was and she seemed to have picked up on that (allegedly) but this reflects well on how I feel. I think I'll give it a try, thanks Septimius.
That is also a good point, I figured I'd give her the benefit of the doubt - phone could have issues, etc etc but it's been over a day and still nothing so you speak truth.
Man, Dating-GAF is stepping it up!
Wha happen?
stn
Member
Woah, why is Sep banned? That's a bloody shame, he's one of my favorite posters!
@dietertong
If she's not replying, she's not interested. An interested girl WILL make an effort to reach out, whether her phone breaks, she gets stranded on a desert, or whatever. My advice is never assume its working out until you're actually on the next date. Girls WILL pretend to be interested and having a good time because it avoids drama and confrontation. You can either pretend to be interested and then go home and ignore, or show lack of interest and put up with awkward moments. Know what I mean?
@eliza0224
He's lost interest. He probably doesn't want to smother you so he's not trying again. There's zero reason for you to wait for him to try again, he probably won't. Unless you want to risk it you'll have to make a move. But why do you hesitate? You know he's going to say yes! If there was ever a time to be brave, its when you KNOW the answer will result in your favor. Go go go!
@dietertong
If she's not replying, she's not interested. An interested girl WILL make an effort to reach out, whether her phone breaks, she gets stranded on a desert, or whatever. My advice is never assume its working out until you're actually on the next date. Girls WILL pretend to be interested and having a good time because it avoids drama and confrontation. You can either pretend to be interested and then go home and ignore, or show lack of interest and put up with awkward moments. Know what I mean?
@eliza0224
He's lost interest. He probably doesn't want to smother you so he's not trying again. There's zero reason for you to wait for him to try again, he probably won't. Unless you want to risk it you'll have to make a move. But why do you hesitate? You know he's going to say yes! If there was ever a time to be brave, its when you KNOW the answer will result in your favor.
Go go go!tringworldso
Member
It's a temp ban. When it's a perma ban the avatar is hidden.
dietertong
Member
I see. I'm on the phone so no avies for me
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
No, that's not true. That's just a glitch that happens sometimes. Mods have said this for ages now.
D
Deleted member 10571
Unconfirmed Member
Nothing. At all. Not in RL, not on Tinder, not on other apps I'm testing out. And I'm getting so tired of it.
NeOak
Member
Woah, why is Sep banned? That's a bloody shame, he's one of my favorite posters!
@dietertong
If she's not replying, she's not interested. An interested girl WILL make an effort to reach out, whether her phone breaks, she gets stranded on a desert, or whatever. My advice is never assume its working out until you're actually on the next date. Girls WILL pretend to be interested and having a good time because it avoids drama and confrontation. You can either pretend to be interested and then go home and ignore, or show lack of interest and put up with awkward moments. Know what I mean?
@eliza0224
He's lost interest. He probably doesn't want to smother you so he's not trying again. There's zero reason for you to wait for him to try again, he probably won't. Unless you want to risk it you'll have to make a move. But why do you hesitate? You know he's going to say yes! If there was ever a time to be brave, its when you KNOW the answer will result in your favor.
http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=812116
1st post. I think it was this one.
I'm feeling depressed again tonite... last time I posted in here I was upset about feeling lonely, struggling with that, wishing I had friends / wingman, and tonite I feel the same way all over again...
I have another free evening and don't know what I'm supposed to do with it!!
I can go back to a bar, but I hate going alone! I wish I had people to go with, but I don't and get anxiety when I see everyone there with their groups and friends and I'm not a part of it, and I feel like they all don't want me to be a part of it... in April I already went to bars alone three times so it's not like I should force myself to go tonight because it's gonna make a huge difference, I already did it three times last month hoping for the best each time! I still feel like I should go, but I'm suffering from this mini panic attack that tells me I should not go tonight. Even last night I went alone to grab some ice cream and felt terrible because I was the only one in line by myself, everyone else was out there with their friends having a good time enjoying themselves and there's me by myself struggling to enjoy that same time...
as a member of gaf, one of my favorite hobbies is gaming, something I have neglected all year due to shifting my priorities to dating and social. It sucks, it really does. I enjoy games, I respect them for the art and because I feel they provide me with a worthwhile experience, but in the year I turn 30 I completely lack the peace of mind to enjoy them anymore, feeling like they take up too much time that could be spent improving social aspects of life. I spend all day at work listening to podcasts, thinking how fun it would be to go home and play some games. But when I get home I worry about all my other problems and completely neglect my gaming hobby in favor of my dance hobby and fitness goals.
I dont want to force myself to go to a bar tonight, I'm already miserable so I jus want to spend time alone and play games.
but I lack the peace of mind to play games, and if I force myself to play I'll still be miserable.
it's a lose lose situation... no matter what I choose I feel it's the wrong choice, so what should I do? What other choice is there??
I miss having a girlfriend... my favorite thing about it is that I still have the same problems, only difference is none if it matters. Relationships to me lifted so much anxiety and loneliness off of me and made it so much easier to shrug off or move on from things in life that'll always attempt to set you back. No matter what kind of rejection or stress you have, you always have someone there to talk to and confide in, you always have a place you feel you can belong and be accepted in.
Without that acceptance the loneliness kills you so hard... bad things matter so much more, you constantly think of them, think of ways to overcome them, and then feel like no matter how hard you work or how much effort you put into overcoming that it's never enough, thus causing you to question why you even bother?
so that's my rambling... I feel miserable tonight, but I have the night free... how do I spend it?
I have another free evening and don't know what I'm supposed to do with it!!
I can go back to a bar, but I hate going alone! I wish I had people to go with, but I don't and get anxiety when I see everyone there with their groups and friends and I'm not a part of it, and I feel like they all don't want me to be a part of it... in April I already went to bars alone three times so it's not like I should force myself to go tonight because it's gonna make a huge difference, I already did it three times last month hoping for the best each time! I still feel like I should go, but I'm suffering from this mini panic attack that tells me I should not go tonight. Even last night I went alone to grab some ice cream and felt terrible because I was the only one in line by myself, everyone else was out there with their friends having a good time enjoying themselves and there's me by myself struggling to enjoy that same time...
as a member of gaf, one of my favorite hobbies is gaming, something I have neglected all year due to shifting my priorities to dating and social. It sucks, it really does. I enjoy games, I respect them for the art and because I feel they provide me with a worthwhile experience, but in the year I turn 30 I completely lack the peace of mind to enjoy them anymore, feeling like they take up too much time that could be spent improving social aspects of life. I spend all day at work listening to podcasts, thinking how fun it would be to go home and play some games. But when I get home I worry about all my other problems and completely neglect my gaming hobby in favor of my dance hobby and fitness goals.
I dont want to force myself to go to a bar tonight, I'm already miserable so I jus want to spend time alone and play games.
but I lack the peace of mind to play games, and if I force myself to play I'll still be miserable.
it's a lose lose situation... no matter what I choose I feel it's the wrong choice, so what should I do? What other choice is there??
I miss having a girlfriend... my favorite thing about it is that I still have the same problems, only difference is none if it matters. Relationships to me lifted so much anxiety and loneliness off of me and made it so much easier to shrug off or move on from things in life that'll always attempt to set you back. No matter what kind of rejection or stress you have, you always have someone there to talk to and confide in, you always have a place you feel you can belong and be accepted in.
Without that acceptance the loneliness kills you so hard... bad things matter so much more, you constantly think of them, think of ways to overcome them, and then feel like no matter how hard you work or how much effort you put into overcoming that it's never enough, thus causing you to question why you even bother?
so that's my rambling... I feel miserable tonight, but I have the night free... how do I spend it?
Hey dudes, help me clear out here.
Girl asked me a few weeks to help her install office but she cancels the day right before and never rescheduled. I met her today by chance at a test we needed to take and there was lots of good interaction, we hadn't met since quite a bit of time.
I didn't have the chance to talk after the test because I had to go back to work but I think I want to call her up and invite her somewhere with friends tomorrow. I don't think I have too much of a shot there, but she kinda gave me the whole "look down then look up" look thing that female psychology makes women do.
Wat do.
Girl asked me a few weeks to help her install office but she cancels the day right before and never rescheduled. I met her today by chance at a test we needed to take and there was lots of good interaction, we hadn't met since quite a bit of time.
I didn't have the chance to talk after the test because I had to go back to work but I think I want to call her up and invite her somewhere with friends tomorrow. I don't think I have too much of a shot there, but she kinda gave me the whole "look down then look up" look thing that female psychology makes women do.
Wat do.
bigfunkychiken
Member
I totally understand the depressive nights thing. That's how it was for me; depression would only strike on certain nights, but it was pretty bad. If you are feeling able, I'd suggest going to a bar or something of the sort. I know you dislike going by yourself, but it's really the best way sometimes. Getting out of the house is a great cure for that wonderful mix of depression and boredom. Dress nice, feel good about yourself! Spark up conversation with people as often as you are able. You'll likely never see these people again so nothing can hurt!
I didn't want to play games for the longest time either. It was strange: I was more bored playing games than I was just sitting and doing nothing. But meds have really helped with my depression and I'm just now getting back into gaming.
I can't catch a break. Started talking to a girl over Tinder, who happened to be the cousin of someone I know very well. Turns out she hangs out in the same crowd I do, we've just never come across each other.
We text, flirt, things seem okay. We happen to be going out to the same place tonight. I learn from a mutual friend that she's already fucking someone else. The person she's fucking? The exact same guy that was all over the last girl I was trying to hit things off with. I fucking swear, this one guy is just sabotaging the shit out of me.
We text, flirt, things seem okay. We happen to be going out to the same place tonight. I learn from a mutual friend that she's already fucking someone else. The person she's fucking? The exact same guy that was all over the last girl I was trying to hit things off with. I fucking swear, this one guy is just sabotaging the shit out of me.
Frank Zappa
Banned
I have had similar experiences. Specially with my current girlfriend. I mean, the circle we are in (metal music) is kinda small in my city, so I have dated and she has dated mutual friends (well, not friends, but people we both know).
Fuck them. Do not worry about the past or about other persons.
Trying and potentially failing will *ALWAYS* be better than not doing anything and wondering what if for the rest of your life. Nike knows what's up.
well I ended up staying in...
actually went shopping then came home... like I said I really did not want to force myself to socialize...
ugh... well next weekend is mother's day so the weekend after will be my next opportunity to go out
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
You can't go out on Mother's Day weekend? Is this some rule I don't know about?
grap3fruitman
Banned
You should probably spend the day with your mommies.
Another day. Another date. Another girl. Holy shit did this night go well. Had a couple of drinks with a new girl I met some time ago. The first bar we went was pretty bad and first I thought this was going to be a disaster. Somebody was singing karaoke really badly and the atmosphere wasn't perfect for a date. We laughed it off and made jokes about it and seemed to get along really well dispate the shitty place. After those drinks we switched the place. This time the bar was great and we had a lot of laughs and a couple of more drinks. At some point we started making out and basically it went on the whole date. She walked me to my place and we were making out outside for an hour, she couldn't keep her hands off me. I asked if she wanted to come in, but we decided it would be better to leave it for a another time. I'm perfectly fine with it, I don't like to have sex on the first night to be honest.
It's funny that sometimes things doesn't go anywhere and other nights it's perfectly natural. This was like we had known for a long time and making out was really natural and great. She didn't want to leave, but I had to cut it off some point, otherwise we would have stood there for the whole night. We agreed to see next week and I think things will go really well with this one.
It's funny that sometimes things doesn't go anywhere and other nights it's perfectly natural. This was like we had known for a long time and making out was really natural and great. She didn't want to leave, but I had to cut it off some point, otherwise we would have stood there for the whole night. We agreed to see next week and I think things will go really well with this one.
bigfunkychiken
Member
Glad it went well! It really is crazy how fast time passes while making out. It's like a whole other dimension.
It depends how big your campus is. I live in a college town and go to a tiny liberal arts college there, it makes being ignored on OKC pretty awkward when you bump into these people in person, if your school is large enough where that won't happen then I totally recommend it.
I was wondering how I should approach my polyamory with new dates, GAF. I want to be honest and straight-up about who I am and the life I live. I note it on OKC but it's very difficult to bring up in conversation if I have a first date with someone I haven't met online. I want it to be known but in a way that feels natural and fluid. How would you bring it up if you were me? Would you mention it on the first date or would you wait until a couple dates in when you think something could come of dating?
I was wondering how I should approach my polyamory with new dates, GAF. I want to be honest and straight-up about who I am and the life I live. I note it on OKC but it's very difficult to bring up in conversation if I have a first date with someone I haven't met online. I want it to be known but in a way that feels natural and fluid. How would you bring it up if you were me? Would you mention it on the first date or would you wait until a couple dates in when you think something could come of dating?
Been lurking in the thread but it's finally a good to see a success story given the last string of posts. That's pretty cool that you guys clicked after changing places. Looking forward to the next update.
As a college student myself, I can easily tell you that it's not but then again it depends how big your college is; I go to a city college that has a student population of 20,000 with the ratio being more women than men. I once hit up a girl that goes to my college since I was able to make out the area she was in. Unfortunately, it didn't go anywhere. You can try your hand at Tinder for a higher chance of hooking up with girls from the same campus. The easiest way to meet people is starting with classes and branching out from there.
With frats it's YMMV; I used to be in a frat and left it for personal reasons on top of not being able to comply with the monthly dues so take that into consideration. Your best bet is to join a club or two (or start one), attend college events, try working in student government (I did a several month stint), join a college publication, or get an on-campus job. You'd be surprised how easy girls express interest in you if you're involved with a club/organization or hang out with a crew of friends. I'm currently involved in my college's comic book publication and regularly contribute to it as the Treasurer of it. I've had a few girls express interest in me but I usually miss the signals or subconsciously dismiss them.
Heck just yesterday I went to a college publication dinner event and met a bunch of girls through 2 common friends but was pretty oblivious to their signs of interest in retrospect; the girls saw my comic and liked it, name in the credits/table of contents, asked for nationality, and kept asking me to join their table which I did; one in particular took a liking to me but it sailed over my head. I haven't really been actively going out of my way to meet girls this semester since it usually happens organically.
silentcapybara
Banned
What's the general consensus on relationships within the workplace?
Wreck-It Ralph
Member
Holy crap, I got a date on OKC for once. I hope it goes well.
avoid like the plague, unless you two are so far removed that you won't ever run into the other person ever
Good luck!
Dice//
Banned
I wouldn't. Obviously it can work, but more often then not I find it makes problems, awkward issues if you work together, fight, might make others uncomfortable. Maybe it can work if you know the gig is temporary and you're moving on soon. But I've had bad experiences myself/
Man, far worse things have been said and not been banninated for.
I hope it's a temp ban, I thought he Septimus was pretty super-duper.
I live 100 miles away from my parents,
visiting them puts a stop to any social activities I would want to do that weekend.
also I went to a friend's dinner party today, and one of the guys there told me it's okay to take a night off and be unproductive as long as u balance it okay.
but again, it's hard to balance when you get a free evening once or twice a month, like that's your only chance to go out and make a difference, do not waste it.
ugh...
electricshake
Member
As someone who is only interested in a strictly monogamous relationship I'd want to know ASAP if the person I was dating wasn't so I could bail out. So yeh, first date. Not sure how you could bring it up though.
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
Gaf...oh, Gaf. I find myself still in the same situation. You've given me some terrific advice, which I've not fully heeded. It's an amazingly complex situation for me and I just sort of need to vent someplace and have no place else to do so. Sometimes just writing shit down helps.
So, this chick. I really care about her. She claims to really care about me. We went out like 6 or 7 times in three weeks. Got to know each other. Made it official. Met her mom. Been intimate. Text very frequently. Really enjoy our company.
Again, haven't psychically spent time with this chick in now 16 days. We're always texting. I've asked her if she's being distant, I've asked if she just wants to be friends, or if her feelings have changed. "No" on all accounts. I've suggested things for us to do. I've offered to pay any potential costs associated with those activities. Even when we can't sync up days off I only sleep like 4-5 hours a night so I'm like "Hey, why don't we hang out once I'm off work?". I feel I've tried to be accommodating.
We've both put in with our works to be off on the 21st of this month to go on a big, day-long Geocaching date at the beach. I'm finally going to meet her dog, whom I've always wanted to meet, we're working on a big cache we're going to plant, etc... It'll be a fun day out with someone whom I care about and who, again, CLAIMS to care about me.
The thing is, even if that day comes without a hitch, the date happens, and a good time is had by all. Even if that all happens like I'm hoping it'll have been over a month since we'd seen each other at that point. That's some bullshit.
How can you profess to care about someone so much and then never try to see them. I've done everything in my power to try to make it appealing and convenient. I'm feeling like some thirsty-ass simp begging this chick to spend time with me when it was her goddamned idea to make us official in the first place. Her who first messaged me on OKC, her who suggested I meet her mom, her who initiated everything, and her who swears up and down that her feelings have not changed.
What in the flipping fuck, Gaf? I'm so at a loss. When I'm into a woman, I want to neglect every single responsibility and spend time with them. Of course, I don't, but I want to. This shit doesn't even seem like a real relationship to me. I feel like I'm dating a fucking ghost up in this shit. I can't hug a text. I can't fucking hold hands with a Facebook post.
Here's the thing. She had a personal tragedy happen recently. I don't want to go into details because it's so highly personal. Suffice it to say, though I'm a dude and can't truly understand women's issues, I'm assuming this would be highly traumatic for a lot of women. She's apologized for being neglectful, she's asked me for understanding in this time. Thing is, Gaf, it's been while now and I don't know if I'm just being understanding or if I'm being a fool and taken advantage of. Has my relationship gone off the rails and turned me into some pathetic, thirsty dude? Have I become "Friendzoned" in my own relationship?
Is my continued patience in this matter me being a fucking simp or me being a caring, understanding partner? I want to be a good dude, but I want to see my damned girlfriend and this shit doesn't even feel real to me anymore despite the fact that I really like her and want it to be. Hey, there's a lot of shit I wish was real, but wishes don't make shit real, man.
I do NOT feel good about this. I feel like my pressing the issue is essentially saying to her "HEY, AREN'T YOU DONE GRIEVING YET? YOUR BOYFRIEND DEMANDS YOUR ATTENTION HERE. HELLLOOOOOOO!!!!" which seems sort of like a dick move, too. I don't want to lose her but, again, do I even "have" her? What the fuck good is a relationship that's just over the phone save once or twice a month? I feel literally like I've been bamboozled and somehow become merely her emotional support system.
My hope has been that I be a kind, understanding, and supportive boyfriend so when she comes out the other side of this shit that she sees what a worthwhile partner I am. Now I'm wondering if she'll EVER come out and, if she does, if her perception of me or of us will have shifted to some weird non-sexual "Friend" bullshit. Fuck that. I've got lots of friends, and I don't go through my days heartsick at not seeing THOSE motherfuckers.
So, if you were in my shoes what are the limits on your patience, Gaf? I'm definitely going to have a kind, well-thought-out sitdown with her come the 21st if she has not made a concerted goddamned effort to see me before then. I'm going to ask her what she's looking for in a relationship because, as much as I care about her, and even might potentially more than care, if she's only looking for an e-penpal she dates once or twice a month I'm not really interested in that.
It's just so incredibly frustrating, guys. I thank you for enduring with me. This post was cathartic. You guys have been great with the advice, thanks. It hasn't fallen entirely on deaf ears, it's just such an incredibly complex line I'm dancing here between my own wants and needs and trying to care about someone else's wants and needs who is going through some shit. And that's another thing. I get over shit super fast. Everyone heals at their own pace so maybe I'm not a good judge of emotional convalescence but I almost want to be like "Jesus, you're still depressed at that awful fucking thing that happened to you? Move on, girl!".
I'm dumb, but not dumb enough to vocalize that thought. I understand not everyone is me and not everyone gets over shit super quick. Especially when I, as a guy, can't ever truly comprehend what it's like to go through it.So would you stay the course? Play the good, thoughtful boyfriend who gives her the time and space to heal? Or would you go renegade and be like "Hey, you want to be my girlfriend? What about MY emotional needs?".
It really does feel like a Mass Effect choice
So, this chick. I really care about her. She claims to really care about me. We went out like 6 or 7 times in three weeks. Got to know each other. Made it official. Met her mom. Been intimate. Text very frequently. Really enjoy our company.
Again, haven't psychically spent time with this chick in now 16 days. We're always texting. I've asked her if she's being distant, I've asked if she just wants to be friends, or if her feelings have changed. "No" on all accounts. I've suggested things for us to do. I've offered to pay any potential costs associated with those activities. Even when we can't sync up days off I only sleep like 4-5 hours a night so I'm like "Hey, why don't we hang out once I'm off work?". I feel I've tried to be accommodating.
We've both put in with our works to be off on the 21st of this month to go on a big, day-long Geocaching date at the beach. I'm finally going to meet her dog, whom I've always wanted to meet, we're working on a big cache we're going to plant, etc... It'll be a fun day out with someone whom I care about and who, again, CLAIMS to care about me.
The thing is, even if that day comes without a hitch, the date happens, and a good time is had by all. Even if that all happens like I'm hoping it'll have been over a month since we'd seen each other at that point. That's some bullshit.
How can you profess to care about someone so much and then never try to see them. I've done everything in my power to try to make it appealing and convenient. I'm feeling like some thirsty-ass simp begging this chick to spend time with me when it was her goddamned idea to make us official in the first place. Her who first messaged me on OKC, her who suggested I meet her mom, her who initiated everything, and her who swears up and down that her feelings have not changed.
What in the flipping fuck, Gaf? I'm so at a loss. When I'm into a woman, I want to neglect every single responsibility and spend time with them. Of course, I don't, but I want to. This shit doesn't even seem like a real relationship to me. I feel like I'm dating a fucking ghost up in this shit. I can't hug a text. I can't fucking hold hands with a Facebook post.
Here's the thing. She had a personal tragedy happen recently. I don't want to go into details because it's so highly personal. Suffice it to say, though I'm a dude and can't truly understand women's issues, I'm assuming this would be highly traumatic for a lot of women. She's apologized for being neglectful, she's asked me for understanding in this time. Thing is, Gaf, it's been while now and I don't know if I'm just being understanding or if I'm being a fool and taken advantage of. Has my relationship gone off the rails and turned me into some pathetic, thirsty dude? Have I become "Friendzoned" in my own relationship?
Is my continued patience in this matter me being a fucking simp or me being a caring, understanding partner? I want to be a good dude, but I want to see my damned girlfriend and this shit doesn't even feel real to me anymore despite the fact that I really like her and want it to be. Hey, there's a lot of shit I wish was real, but wishes don't make shit real, man.
I do NOT feel good about this. I feel like my pressing the issue is essentially saying to her "HEY, AREN'T YOU DONE GRIEVING YET? YOUR BOYFRIEND DEMANDS YOUR ATTENTION HERE. HELLLOOOOOOO!!!!" which seems sort of like a dick move, too. I don't want to lose her but, again, do I even "have" her? What the fuck good is a relationship that's just over the phone save once or twice a month? I feel literally like I've been bamboozled and somehow become merely her emotional support system.
My hope has been that I be a kind, understanding, and supportive boyfriend so when she comes out the other side of this shit that she sees what a worthwhile partner I am. Now I'm wondering if she'll EVER come out and, if she does, if her perception of me or of us will have shifted to some weird non-sexual "Friend" bullshit. Fuck that. I've got lots of friends, and I don't go through my days heartsick at not seeing THOSE motherfuckers.
So, if you were in my shoes what are the limits on your patience, Gaf? I'm definitely going to have a kind, well-thought-out sitdown with her come the 21st if she has not made a concerted goddamned effort to see me before then. I'm going to ask her what she's looking for in a relationship because, as much as I care about her, and even might potentially more than care, if she's only looking for an e-penpal she dates once or twice a month I'm not really interested in that.
It's just so incredibly frustrating, guys. I thank you for enduring with me. This post was cathartic. You guys have been great with the advice, thanks. It hasn't fallen entirely on deaf ears, it's just such an incredibly complex line I'm dancing here between my own wants and needs and trying to care about someone else's wants and needs who is going through some shit. And that's another thing. I get over shit super fast. Everyone heals at their own pace so maybe I'm not a good judge of emotional convalescence but I almost want to be like "Jesus, you're still depressed at that awful fucking thing that happened to you? Move on, girl!".
I'm dumb, but not dumb enough to vocalize that thought. I understand not everyone is me and not everyone gets over shit super quick. Especially when I, as a guy, can't ever truly comprehend what it's like to go through it.So would you stay the course? Play the good, thoughtful boyfriend who gives her the time and space to heal? Or would you go renegade and be like "Hey, you want to be my girlfriend? What about MY emotional needs?".
It really does feel like a Mass Effect choice
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