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[Frank Zappa]

Get the fuck away from this drama.

Walk the fuck away and let this shit go. Ain't nobody got time for that.

But we have been through too much problems. Should I just throw everything away?

 

[Horseticuffs]

OK, GAF... I really need your help/advice. I don't know for how long I can be like this without exploding.

A little bitof background. I met my current girlfriend last year. We dated for a while but then we had some problems and we broke up on October 2013. We stop talking to each other for 3 months.

Now, keep in mind that this girl... men... I'm crazy about her.

Thing is... it is kinda hard to avoid each other, because, first of all, we have tons of friends in common, and second, we both like heavy metal (well, she is more into black/death metal), but we frequent the same places (there are only 2 rock bars here in the city).

So... we managed to avoid us during those three months. But in January, I contacted her to say Hi and just to talk to her about certain things. We talked for a couple of days and then we stopped talking to each other again.

So... In febraury, I realized that I still wanted to be with her. So, I did some pretty bold move here. I didn't contact her via Facebook, email, text... I just went to her place one Thursday, without notice. We talked for hours (from 8:00 p.m. to 3:00 a.m.), just right outside her house, sitting on the sidewalk. And we kissed. And everything was great.

But... the next day, she told me she was kinda confussed, that she needed to make some other things first.

Well... the next few days, I found out that one of our friends in common asked her out a few days before I showed up at her place. ANd they were supposed to go out precisely the Thursday I visited her. But they didn't. She prefered to stay talking to me instead of dating him.

This is where the big problem started. That guy basically told her that it was very suspicios that I visited her precisely that day (I swear it was a coincidence). And he told her that he believed that I hacked both their Facebook accounts and that I was reading their conversations and stuff. Basically, my girl was scared of me. The guy brainwashed her. I found out that she was telling him to go to my house and beat the crap out of me. But he didn't. Then she told her brothers (she was scared) and they went to my house and gave me a few sucker punches (broken lip, black eye) and she was scared of me. She thought that I was a stalker.

Well... the next week she sent me a message telling me she was sorry. She talked to a few friends and she realized how wrong she was. She realized that the other guy was brainwashing her. So, I accepted her apologies and we started dating (we are a couple now). She stopped talking to the other guy... we both deleted him from Facebook (he is a friend of both of us).

Now, like I said, all of our circle of friends are the same. So, we see this guy at bars, gigs, etc... so, one day he saw us and asked for an apologies. We did accept the apologies. But that's it.

For example, just last week, at the bar, he smoked a cigar with us (and some other friends). But that's it.

But... now, here is the thing that is bugging.

I woke up this morning to go to work. I checked my Facebook. And guess what? They are Facebook friends again! Fuck... I don't know how to react. I don't what to do. Should I say something?

Dude bro, having a chick that's into the same music you are isn't worth it. I know shared interests are important, and some things you're into may be very hard to find a woman who is also into them. I haven't had a ton of luck finding women who are into horror movies, though I did score this time.

Just, like, this chick sounds weak-willed and full of drama and that overshadows her taste in music any fucking day.

Watch your back with this girl, dude. Fuck's sake, my man, she's sending goon squads after you because she believes ridiculous shit people tell her.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

But we have been through too much problems. Should I just throw everything away?

Yes. You can polish a turd all day, at the end of the day it's still shit.

 

[Frank Zappa]

It's just that I really her. We get along very well. But these little details. Fuck.

Specially at this age... I'm 30 and she is 33. Sometimes she acts like we are still teenagers. It's very hard to meet single women or without kids at my age.

 

[Horseticuffs]

It's just that I really her. We get along very well. But these little details. Fuck.

Specially at this age... I'm 30 and she is 33. Sometimes she acts like we are still teenagers. It's very hard to meet single women or without kids at my age.

I get it, dude. I do. I'm 34. I've got kids myself. Sometimes though, dude, you gotta bounce. Before you just told us your ages I figured you guys were like 18-19.

All I can say is at 34 I'm too old and tired for that kinda shit. I'm into that cerebral fucking internal drama now.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Spoiler

I sent flowers.

 

[n64coder]

I woke up this morning to go to work. I checked my Facebook. And guess what? They are Facebook friends again! Fuck... I don't know how to react. I don't what to do. Should I say something?

Have you asked her why she's friends with the guy? I mean, I would just ignore it and carry on with my life.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Have you asked her why she's friends with the guy? I mean, I would just ignore it and carry on with my life.

That's the thing. Should I ask her or should I just ignore it?

I mean, he already apologized in person and everything. But this Facebook thing... too much drama. We are not fucking teenagers anymore. I mean, I'm not jealous. I just don't know what to think. I don't want to do.

 

[MikeE21286]

Does anyone have some words of wisdom when it comes to moving in with your significant other? I'm a little worried about it because as it stands now, both of us live in our parents homes however over the past 3 years I have saved a substantial amount of money (Enough to pay rent for years off the bat, I don't want to handcuff myself to a house atm) So I'm on my way out in a few months.

My issue is I'm not quite seeing how our lifestyles will line up in the day to day. Right now, in my parents home I'm on my computer all the time, for watching TV or gaming or reading the forums here. She usually spends her time at home talking to her parents, or watching TV with them, talking to them; usually some sort of activity involves everyone in the household, while I'm more used to a solitary lifestyle at home.

When I come over to her house or vice versa, we just watch TV or movies and cuddle, or go out for a movie or a ballgame or something. While that works out just fine now, I don't want to spend every hour of every day doing the same things together... I need some time to myself to function, work on gaming backlogs, watch sports,

Spoiler

watch anime or read neogaf

. We've already discussed this, and while she says that giving me some time to myself won't bother her, but I don't know how she'll respond to it until we're actually in that situation. At this point I'm just rambling so I'll expand further if someone has some input. Not really sure what to do. I'm not saying I'm unwilling to comprimise, but what would be fair?

I recently moved in with my girlfriend of over a year. It will really alll matter upon how she actually feels about alone time for each of you (she may say she's OK with it but her definition of "alone time" may be different than yours) and also how much of it you need.

It'll be a good test for how compatible you are living together, but don't feel bad if you need it. Everyone needs to have their own identity and existence outside of their relationship and someone being completely dependent on a SO is not really healthy for anyone.

You'll find your way through it, it just takes time.

 

[n64coder]

That's the thing. Should I ask her or should I just ignore it?

I mean, he already apologized in person and everything. But this Facebook thing... too much drama. We are not fucking teenagers anymore. I mean, I'm not jealous. I just don't know what to think. I don't want to do.

If the guy apologized, then I guess it would be ok. Do you think the guy is ok or would you never consider being friends with him?

 

[stn]

@Frank Zappa

Dude, stop. You got socked in the face and now you're getting back with her? You said it yourself, there's too much drama. I'm surprised she's 30+, before I read your age I thought she was 16-18.

@grap3fruitman

Dude, also stop. You don't give a girl flowers and try to reward her when she ditches you. She's going to look at the flowers and probably run. Don't let desperation consume you, dude. Think with your brain first before you think with your emotion.

 

[Dilly]

Sigh, long story short I really liked a girl that I got to know over the course of a year. Last time I saw her was in november after I discovered she had a boyfriend she never, ever mentioned to me. Even though she wanted to go to Paris with me after I asked.

Anyway, I was hurt (partially my fault for dragging it out that long) and haven't seen her again since. Sent her a text 2 weeks ago asking how she was doing and we had a friendly chat which I had no problems with.

Then the week after she starts texting me in the middle of the night about how she misses me and that's she's sad that she lost me and stuff, I just said I did too but I can't hang out with her again like I did before, night after she texts again that she really misses me but that she only loved me as a friend (well duh). And now she's texting me about a festival where we're both going and if I wanted to watch 1 concert with her.

So weird, she still has a boyfriend but she obviously still thinks a lot about me. Never happened with other girls that rejected me. Just to clarify, I totally know I have no chance with her, just think it's weird.

 

[Frank Zappa]

@Frank Zappa

Dude, stop. You got socked in the face and now you're getting back with her? You said it yourself, there's too much drama. I'm surprised she's 30+, before I read your age I thought she was 16-18.

@grap3fruitman

Dude, also stop. You don't give a girl flowers and try to reward her when she ditches you. She's going to look at the flowers and probably run. Don't let desperation consume you, dude. Think with your brain first before you think with your emotion.

Yeah. The that happened back in February. We have been a couple for close to 3 months now.

But, fuck... we have been working too much to fix our relationship. We get along very well. But these fucking little details. I mean... I wanna settle down. We both are tired of going out every weekend (this weekend we spent our time time just watching movies at my place).

But then this shit happens. I mean... all these little stupid questions. Did she send him the friend request? Did he send her the friend request? Stupid, immature things. I'm too old for this shit.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Does anyone have some words of wisdom when it comes to moving in with your significant other? I'm a little worried about it because as it stands now, both of us live in our parents homes however over the past 3 years I have saved a substantial amount of money (Enough to pay rent for years off the bat, I don't want to handcuff myself to a house atm) So I'm on my way out in a few months.

My issue is I'm not quite seeing how our lifestyles will line up in the day to day. Right now, in my parents home I'm on my computer all the time, for watching TV or gaming or reading the forums here. She usually spends her time at home talking to her parents, or watching TV with them, talking to them; usually some sort of activity involves everyone in the household, while I'm more used to a solitary lifestyle at home.

When I come over to her house or vice versa, we just watch TV or movies and cuddle, or go out for a movie or a ballgame or something. While that works out just fine now, I don't want to spend every hour of every day doing the same things together... I need some time to myself to function, work on gaming backlogs, watch sports,

Spoiler

watch anime or read neogaf

. We've already discussed this, and while she says that giving me some time to myself won't bother her, but I don't know how she'll respond to it until we're actually in that situation. At this point I'm just rambling so I'll expand further if someone has some input. Not really sure what to do. I'm not saying I'm unwilling to comprimise, but what would be fair?

Ok, I mean going straight from parents house to living together is something, but I only lived by myself for a year before moving in with my gf. It's not going to be a problem, seriously. Also, if you want to be with her you're going to be moving in together at some point anyhow, so it might as well be now.

Before we moved in together it was the same as you. Since we were going to each other's places specifically to be with each other, that's all we did. Now that we're in the same place we spend tons of time doing our own thing. Yes, of course I do less of my own thing than I did before, but who cares? The tradeoff is that I can turn around at any time and she'll be there, smiling at me.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's not going to be a problem.

 

[rugioh]

Thanks for the feedback all, I guess I was a little rattled because my best friend whom I've always seen as a sort of role model in terms of relationships (has been in a longer relationship with his current gf than I have been with mine) has hit a rough patch with his girlfriend a few months after buying a house and moving in with her.. lots of stress with working on the house and disagreeing over rescuing a dog and taking care of it has kind of made things reach a boiling point. It made me feel like if he can't make it work and I've been looking to him for advice on girls and relationships all this time, what chance do I have?

 

[Nyx]

Thanks for the feedback all, I guess I was a little rattled because my best friend whom I've always seen as a sort of role model in terms of relationships (has been in a longer relationship with his current gf than I have been with mine) has hit a rough patch with his girlfriend a few months after buying a house and moving in with her.. lots of stress with working on the house and disagreeing over rescuing a dog and taking care of it has kind of made things reach a boiling point. It made me feel like if he can't make it work and I've been looking to him for advice on girls and relationships all this time, what chance do I have?

What your friend is going through really says absolutely nothing about you.
Sure it's fine to learn about girls/relationships from someone who has more experience but you have to understand that in the end we are all individuals with our own minds. If person A has problems in a relationship with person B, it's not a fact that person C and D will have the exact same problems if the situation was exactly the same, hope you understand what I mean.

Moving in together with another person will always need time to adapt, you're both used to your own daily schedules and will have to re-schedule everything so it fits together. But as someone else said, if you love eachother it will only get better!

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Spoiler

I sent flowers.

Wait, what? Why did you send flowers? One date and then you randomly send her flowers?

 

[Idde]

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Spoiler

I sent flowers.

No offense, but next time you do stuff that you might not be sure about, you might want to ask here Sending someone flowers after one regular date is kind of...weird. And doesn't usually work,

 

[Terra]

Here's what I would personally do. I would call her tomorrow and simply tell her I'm done. No more talking, no more cuddling - none of that shit. You won't get anything out of her because she doesn't respect your emotions. She knows that you love her and yet she's willing to cuddle with you KNOWING the kind of reaction you'll give and the hope you'll have from it. She doesn't care about you, dude. Sorry.

Thing is, it seems like you're too much in love to do the right thing here. You'll probably approach her, she'll justify her crap and say "BUT BUT THERE ARE FEELINGS!!!" and then you'll give her another chance. Except nothing will come of it. She'll just linger around, see you at parties, and each time raise your hopes and expectations. But nothing will change. You can't "make someone yours", you can't convince a girl to like you just because you like her. You can't appeal to her logic. The more you try the more you fail. You have this undying need that is not only clouding your judgment, but also preventing you from meeting women who WILL reciprocate your needs.

In light of this post I feel compelled to make a general statement open to anyone who wants to read it. When in a relationship you MUST MUST MUST remember your own needs first. You need to respect yourself and NEVER allow yourself to be used in someone else's ploy. The only choice in these situations is to stand up for yourself and ask yourself if you're being treated properly. Why try to make things with someone who's dumped you, cheated on you, or doesn't support his/her words with actions? Anyone can tell you they have feelings for you. But what does it matter if nothing changes in the end? If a girl or guy truly likes you then they will take ACTION. Words mean shit.

The majority of relationship issues I see arise from one party not having enough love and respect for him/herself.

NOTE: OP - some of my reply is in your original post, in bold. Hope this helps.

I get your point stn. And you are giving some good and rational advice to a lot of people in this thread. And I appreciate that.

Very clear advice where to go and what to do. And these are surely good ways to go, if you simply count out the feelings and emotion surrounding the situation.

For example, in my situation. Yeah, I am aware that I am being roughed around by this girl that I talked about on page 333. She penetrates my mind like nothing else. She is absolutely stunning.

But you should clearly know that there is a big reason why I still ended up there in the sofa this weekend, cuddling with her. Even if I know nothing good comes out of it in the end. I know I just end up there lonely again when the week starts over, while she continues to be courted by a lot of other guys. Two years of this. Plain torture I tell ya. Horrible feeling. Always looking forward to the next time I will see her again. And it hurts like hell. But when we see each other, at least it is amazingly soothing for me and my soul. I feel alive.

The reason is that I really love her.
I love her smile. Her talk. A lot of her values in life. We laugh at the same stuff.

It is not that I don't get that she's playing me like a game of poker. It's just more complicated than you make it.
Of course. I could try stop caring altogether when we see each other on the housparties.
But...well...I have a hard time doing so. Maybe I am just plain stupid. And in love.

Spoiler

And it sucks .

 

[hipgnosis]

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Spoiler

I sent flowers.

Probably nothing good will come out of this. But don't fall into desperation. Lesson learned here. You're in the game and just go into the next one if this move won't work.

 

[stn]

@Terra

I know the feeling, trust me. I was also really invested in one particular girl, we both liked one-another. It all seemed smooth sailing. Wrong. Mind-games started, problems started, and lack of respect started. The thing is that I realized this immediately and backed out. It was hard for me because I found her really attractive. Still do. Buuuuut, that's not enough for me to surrender my principles and my own respect for myself.

So, basically, your situation has never happened to me. Because I never allowed it to. You need to do the same. There comes a point in time when pursuing a certain person just isn't worth it. Period. For what its worth, this girl CONTINUES to this day to try to keep in touch with me. Which is funny considering she supposedly hates me, lol. Meh. I just ignore her invitations to socialize and continue on my way. My hormones hate me for it but I'm proud of myself at the end of the day. Even more proud when I see what she's done to other guys.

Stick to the script, dude.

 

[Terra]

@Terra

I know the feeling, trust me. I was also really invested in one particular girl, we both liked one-another. It all seemed smooth sailing. Wrong. Mind-games started, problems started, and lack of respect started. The thing is that I realized this immediately and backed out. It was hard for me because I found her really attractive. Still do. Buuuuut, that's not enough for me to surrender my principles and my own respect for myself.

So, basically, your situation has never happened to me. Because I never allowed it to. You need to do the same. There comes a point in time when pursuing a certain person just isn't worth it. Period. For what its worth, this girl CONTINUES to this day to try to keep in touch with me. Which is funny considering she supposedly hates me, lol. Meh. I just ignore her invitations to socialize and continue on my way. My hormones hate me for it but I'm proud of myself at the end of the day. Even more proud when I see what she's done to other guys.

Stick to the script, dude.

Of course. You are spot on again.
Sticking to the script is probably what I should do. It's just that is has been years since I felt this way.

Although, my male friends says just the same as you do. They see as I cool down against her, she makes her moves and gets me into the game again.

One time this winter, when I was leaving the party earlier than usual. She even told me to stay a little bit longer...and I did...:/ And we did share the walk home, as we live pretty close to each other.

I make that promise here and now. Next time I will not let down the guard.
I will simply try to enjoy the party for what it is. And I will try not to walk her ways.

 

[DyTonic]

I'm done with online, maybe it's OKC but after last time waster with chick who lead me on for weeks and ended up being socially awkward. I'd rather just keep it irl. I think OKC is just for short term dating tbh.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Probably nothing good will come out of this. But don't fall into desperation. Lesson learned here. You're in the game and just go into the next one if this move won't work.

She had a really rough day yesterday and I wanted to cheer her up somehow. It worked! I think. She definitely perked up and texted me a lot more today. Still not sure when, if, I'll see her again though.

Did that post about flowers get my phone's IP banned? The heck is that about GAF?

 

[Horseticuffs]

Hey guys. So we've got dinner tomorrow night, at which point it'll be 19 days since we last saw each other or had any physical intimacy whatsoever.

So, do you guys think I ought to bring up my feelings or ask what the hell the deal is? Do you think she's maybe just needed some time and space for healing and my bringing it up will be seen as aggressive or insensitive? I care about her but, despite her protests, I sense a real change in the time of our relationship.

We used to text about 18-20 hours a day and see each other a few times a week. Now all of the sudden she can't text during work. I asked her if she's had trouble and she said no, that she just needed to concentrate on her job. Certainly I don't begrudge her that, but given the lack of physical interaction lately her sudden loss of willingness to take that risk strikes me as her losing interest. Am I just being paranoid and insecure? She finds time to pop onto Facebook pretty often.

Maybe if I just concentrate on being cool and making it a good date she'll loosen up and volunteer an explanation, or maybe she'll realize she missed me or something.

What say you, lords and ladies? Should I clam up or man up?

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

I was wondering how I should approach my polyamory with new dates, GAF. I want to be honest and straight-up about who I am and the life I live. I note it on OKC but it's very difficult to bring up in conversation if I have a first date with someone I haven't met online. I want it to be known but in a way that feels natural and fluid. How would you bring it up if you were me? Would you mention it on the first date or would you wait until a couple dates in when you think something could come of dating?

Hey, me, how's it going?

Friending the girl on FB first is usually pretty good, but that happens more often with online dates. Otherwise, if my partner comes up in the course of conversation, I'll bring it up. Other-otherwise, a frank conversation about expectations (which if you're poly should be SOP for you) should do the trick: "I'm not monogamous. In fact, I already have a partner, which I'm happy to discuss if you have questions."

 

[Horseticuffs]

Awww, damn it. Double post. Wrote that in the middle of the woods and it said it didn't succeed :'(

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

She had a really rough day yesterday and I wanted to cheer her up somehow. It worked! I think. She definitely perked up and texted me a lot more today. Still not sure when, if, I'll see her again though.

Did that post about flowers get my phone's IP banned? The heck is that about GAF?

Yeah dude, mods care enough about your love problems to ban your IP. It was a botched update for the site.

 

[Femmeworth]

Holy fuck. I hadn't really looked before but the number of straight/bi men, on Okcupid in my area, interested in dating women eclipses the opposite. It's by my estimates a 3:1 ratio, maybe more.

 

[MogCakes]

Holy fuck. I hadn't really looked before but the number of straight/bi men, on Okcupid in my area, interested in dating women eclipses the opposite. It's by my estimates a 3:1 ratio, maybe more.

Yeah the straight M/F ratio is veeerry skewed. I think 3:1 is actually a conservative estimate, haha.

 

[Wreck-It Ralph]

I have a date on Saturday. I'm 25 and it's my first date in years. I've also never been in any sort of relationship in my life.

pls help. What do I do and do not do? How do I know if it's going well or not?

 

[Horseticuffs]

I have a date on Saturday. I'm 25 and it's my first date in years. I've also never been in any sort of relationship in my life.

pls help. What do I do and do not do? How do I know if it's going well or not?

I was recently in a similar situation at 34. Very few dates after the end of my 10+ year marriage a few years back. Only one "relationship" since then and it wasn't healthy or honest. Keep conversation going at all costs. Everyone's favorite subject is themselves. Ask tons of questions, make them the focus. LISTEN, REMEMBER. THIS IS A TEST.

Generally when you first meet let her set the pace. Light handshake? Hug? Follow her lead, bro. When I was waiting for my GF on our first date I was researching this shit on my phone.Take mental notes of every detail she gives you and reference them in conversation if you can fit it in naturally.

Pay attention to her body language, that'll help clue you in to how she feels shit is going. If you're lucky she might try for some sort of physical contact, whether it be touching your arm or shoulder or what have you. At this point it'll all be very innocent more than likely, but very important. Keep it light and fun. Show her a good time and that you're a good dude.

Believe me, I know this is important to you but DO NOT LET HER KNOW HOW HUGE A DEAL THIS IS. It's just not a good look. Certainly show interest in her if you feel it. Always be your authentic self, just be your coolest authentic self.

Good luck and have fun.

 

[PlayALLtheGames]

Hey guys. So we've got dinner tomorrow night, at which point it'll be 19 days since we last saw each other or had any physical intimacy whatsoever.

So, do you guys think I ought to bring up my feelings or ask what the hell the deal is? Do you think she's maybe just needed some time and space for healing and my bringing it up will be seen as aggressive or insensitive? I care about her but, despite her protests, I sense a real change in the time of our relationship.

We used to text about 18-20 hours a day and see each other a few times a week. Now all of the sudden she can't text during work. I asked her if she's had trouble and she said no, that she just needed to concentrate on her job. Certainly I don't begrudge her that, but given the lack of physical interaction lately her sudden loss of willingness to take that risk strikes me as her losing interest. Am I just being paranoid and insecure? She finds time to pop onto Facebook pretty often.

Maybe if I just concentrate on being cool and making it a good date she'll loosen up and volunteer an explanation, or maybe she'll realize she missed me or something.

What say you, lords and ladies? Should I clam up or man up?

I mean, the only time you should go 19 days without seeing each other or having physical contact is if someone is out of town. Of course you should ask what's going on. I wouldn't be vague. Maybe ask her if she is still interested in being together. Coincidentally I was out of the country for 19 days in January when I went on a family trip. We almost went crazy not seeing each other that long; that's how it should feel in a normal relationship.

 

[Horseticuffs]

I mean, the only time you should go 19 days without seeing each other or having physical contact is if someone is out of town. Of course you should ask what's going on. I wouldn't be vague. Maybe ask her if she is still interested in being together. Coincidentally I was out of the country for 19 days in January when I went on a family trip. We almost went crazy not seeing each other that long; that's how it should feel in a normal relationship.

That's how I'VE thought. I've been a fucking basket case but figured I was being over-invested or something since we were pretty new.


Tonight she was texting me a bit from work and she was joking about it being near our one-month official anniversary! I was thinking to myself "WTF?". Could her traumatic experience have just made her want to go solo for a bit? I don't deal with grief in that way, but maybe she does? I don't know.

Shit is hella weird.

 

[Jhoan]

I have a date on Saturday. I'm 25 and it's my first date in years. I've also never been in any sort of relationship in my life.

pls help. What do I do and do not do? How do I know if it's going well or not?

Congrats man. How did you guys meet? I'm in a similar boat as you except that I haven't been on a date in several months but have never had a girlfriend (25 too; will be 26 next month). I went out with 2 different women last year after 2+ years out of the dating scene but I played it cool the former woman and it was fantastic; the latter woman was from OKC and I wasn't physically attracted to her. If you guys are having drinks or something along the lines where both of you are able to relax, it'll be fine.

Butterflies in the stomach are perfectly normal but remind yourself that you're not meeting your future wife. I would advise getting to the place a bit early to relieve some anxiety.

Like Horseticuffs said you should generally play it by ear and gauge her reaction and pay attention to her body language. I would say that the tone is set once the pleasantries have been said and the initial conversation starts. Don't focus so much on trying to get a kiss (assuming you're feeling her) at the end of the night but more about keeping it light, and having a good time in general. You can lightly use physical contact to touch her e.g. her hand, examine an accessory that she's wearing up close, etc. Avoid uncomfortable topics such as things pertaining to bodily functions, politics, and religion. Also eye contact is a must. Good luck man and remember that if things don't go well, then at least you had fun.

 

[Horseticuffs]

Congrats man. How did you guys meet? I'm in a similar boat as you except that I haven't been on a date in several months but have never had a girlfriend (25 too; will be 26 next month). I went out with 2 different women last year after 2+ years out of the dating scene but I played it cool the former woman and it was fantastic; the latter woman was from OKC and I wasn't physically attracted to her. If you guys are having drinks or something along the lines where both of you are able to relax, it'll be fine.

Butterflies in the stomach are perfectly normal but remind yourself that you're not meeting your future wife. I would advise getting to the place a bit early to relieve some anxiety.

Like Horseticuffs said you should generally play it by ear and gauge her reaction and pay attention to her body language. I would say that the tone is set once the pleasantries have been said and the initial conversation starts. Don't focus so much on trying to get a kiss (assuming you're feeling her) at the end of the night but more about keeping it light, and having a good time in general. You can lightly use physical contact to touch her e.g. her hand, examine an accessory that she's wearing up close, etc. Avoid uncomfortable topics such as things pertaining to bodily functions, politics, and religion. Also eye contact is a must. Good luck man and remember that if things don't go well, then at least you had fun.

All good tips! Also, I've gotten compliments using their name a time or two. Like be like "Well, X, I don't mind telling you..." Or some shit. Don't be weird about it or use it every 5 minutes. Just once or twice to let her know you're not just running lines.

Keep it light, keep it tight. Have fun.

Dating sucks.


I need more ice cream

May I suggest, whatever you gorge on, you cover it in Nutella? I've become a bit too friendly with Nutella of late.

 

[hgarrett54]

Dating sucks.


I need more ice cream

 

[MilkBeard]

It's just that I really her. We get along very well. But these little details. Fuck.

Specially at this age... I'm 30 and she is 33. Sometimes she acts like we are still teenagers. It's very hard to meet single women or without kids at my age.

Just as another person chipping in, I disagree with all the others who say to 'drop it.' Why? Because you all made amends. The truth came out and everything is fine, unless there is more you aren't telling.

Just ignore the dude. She's probably a little creeped out by him anyway. But I don't think you should 'walk away' like everyone else seems to be saying. You know the situation best because you experienced it, not them.

I'd say don't get too worked up over the facebook request. And if they seem to be pretty close you can always ask her about it.

The truth about relationships that a lot of people might not understand is that they take work to keep strong. They just don't magically become perfect. Listen to your own gut.

 

[etrain911]

Hey, me, how's it going?

Friending the girl on FB first is usually pretty good, but that happens more often with online dates. Otherwise, if my partner comes up in the course of conversation, I'll bring it up. Other-otherwise, a frank conversation about expectations (which if you're poly should be SOP for you) should do the trick: "I'm not monogamous. In fact, I already have a partner, which I'm happy to discuss if you have questions."

Right now, I think I'm at a point where I have a lot of intimacy issues banning me from really letting in the people I choose to couple with and so I'm kind of tossing aside the label of "partner" in an attempt to be able to garner a kind of friendship with them without the expectations of a romantic relationship from which I can build a level of comfort in letting them in. I just recently became aware of how deep these issues ran and I don't want to force things with people in an attempt to get over them.

I'm currently planning on going to counseling, but I wonder if anyone here might have some advice on how to overcome issues with trust and intimacy.

 

[Femmeworth]

Yeah the straight M/F ratio is veeerry skewed. I think 3:1 is actually a conservative estimate, haha.

It's hard to estimate because Okcupid doesn't give any numbers. I basically just scrolled down to very bottom of the search results and compared the length of the scroll bar.

 

[gosox333]

Welp just got really drunk and messaged an ex that I want to try and be friends again. This coming after I explicitly said the opposite about five months ago.

Drunk me so cray.

 

[isoquant]

Hey friends, I'm looking for some advice.

I hooked up with a friend of my ex-girlfriend and I really want to date this girl.

The trouble is, I'm also still fairly close with my ex (broke up over 18 months ago) and I'm worried this won't go down well. My ex has made it clear on plenty of occasions that she is still interested in being with me. My ex is also the nicest person alive.

I want to know whether, objectively, I would be a huge dick if I pursued this girl.

 

[Dies Iræ]

Hey friends, I'm looking for some advice.

I hooked up with a friend of my ex-girlfriend and I really want to date this girl.

The trouble is, I'm also still fairly close with my ex (broke up over 18 months ago) and I'm worried this won't go down well. My ex has made it clear on plenty of occasions that she is still interested in being with me. My ex is also the nicest person alive.

I want to know whether, objectively, I would be a huge dick if I pursued this girl.

Does this friend of your ex know that she's still interested in you? Are they close friends?

FYI, you're broken up. You have no allegiances to your ex. Her friend, on the other hand...

 

[isoquant]

I assume she knows.

They're not best friends. They used to be really close years ago but now they only see each other every few months.

You're right on that last point, and it's definitely the girl's decision to make here, but I can't help but feel like I also owe my ex - as a friend - not to take up this opportunity.

 

[Dies Iræ]

If your ex wants the best for you -- and she should, as your friend -- then she shouldn't mind. It sounds like her friend is more of an acquaintance. They speak every couple of months? That's really not very often. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Sure, they may have been close friends a few years back -- guess what, you used to be closer to your ex, too. Relationships change over time, that's just part of life. Don't let your ex hold you (or your mutual friend) back from a potentially fantastic relationship. You're all adults, go for it.

 

[isoquant]

If your ex wants the best for you -- and she should, as your friend -- then she shouldn't mind. It sounds like her friend is more of an acquaintance. They speak every couple of months? That's really not very often. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Sure, they may have been close friends a few years back -- guess what, you used to be closer to your ex, too. Relationships change over time, that's just part of life. Don't let your ex hold you (or your mutual friend) back from a potentially fantastic relationship. You're all adults, go for it.

You've succeeded in making me feel less guilty, thanks man!

 

[WriterGK]

If your ex wants the best for you -- and she should, as your friend -- then she shouldn't mind. It sounds like her friend is more of an acquaintance. They speak every couple of months? That's really not very often. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Sure, they may have been close friends a few years back -- guess what, you used to be closer to your ex, too. Relationships change over time, that's just part of life. Don't let your ex hold you (or your mutual friend) back from a potentially fantastic relationship. You're all adults, go for it.

I totally agree with you. You have no reason to feel guilty towards your ex. If she really doesnt want you to pursue other girls, she should try get back together with you. And it also sounds to me that your ex and the other girl are not that close anymore.
It's not like your going to date her sister or best friend if you ask me. You guys probably broke up for a good reason so you owe her nothing.


Me and my girlfriend had sex for the first time like 10 days ago. It was really amazing, akwkward , sweet, hilarious and funny. I am glad it went well and it wasn't painfull for her. She is on the pill for quite some time now but we used a condom anyway. We don't want any baby risks or such things. I am really happy how things are going her family is so sweet and generous and she is just amazing. Its my first relationship and I am her first as well. I could really see this going somewhere. Couple weeks ago her family met my family as well. They also connected and really like each other. She is really busy with school and so am I so we are not that kind of couple that see each other everyday or so. If I am lucky its 1-2 times a week. But now I am going to see her this saturday after 10 days. But I don't mind. Its going to be great

 

[TheVampire]

I went on a coffee date with a girl last week and kinda like her.

But today while chatting on facebook I find out she has her own place which is great but she is living with her ex-boyfriend who has asbergous syndrome and cheated on her which is why they broke up but she cant afford to move out.....

Bail ?

 

[Guiberu]

I went on a coffee date with a girl last week and kinda like her.

But today while chatting on facebook I find out she has her own place which is great but she is living with her ex-boyfriend who has asbergous syndrome and cheated on her which is why they broke up but she cant afford to move out.....

Bail ?

Fucking run.

 

[GK86]

I went on a coffee date with a girl last week and kinda like her.

But today while chatting on facebook I find out she has her own place which is great but she is living with her ex-boyfriend who has asbergous syndrome and cheated on her which is why they broke up but she cant afford to move out.....

Bail ?

Kinda like? Bail like the wind.