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[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

People (okay, only some) are full of such shit when it comes to dating profiles. Requirements like "no drama" increases my level of misanthropy.

Something that petty makes you hate humanity? People say a lot of things, it comes from frustrating so I'm not sure why that increases you misanthropy. Everyone says stupid from time to time, no one is free from this.

"no selfies"

has dumb looking selfie in her profile

I usually assume they're trying to be ironic. I don't think I've ever seen it in a profile without a couple selfies.

 

[Sylas]

Hi GAF. I'm in need of some advice, I think. Long story short, I'm in a long distance relationship that started online and the distance is beginning to frustrate me. We've been together for about 6 months now.

We have an amazingly normal relationship, we've both been clear about what we want and we've gotten a lot better at communication since the relationship started. The biggest hurdle we had for a little while was a spot of depression on my behalf because of feeling stuck, etc. I had been out of a legit job for about 2 years and that lack of reliable, steady income was part of the reason we put off any real discussion about a visit. I recently got a great job that leaves me with a very steady income, so I feel like money-related issues aren't a good excuse for avoiding the discussion around a visit of sorts.

She's been going through some stuff in regards to her job and hasn't felt like talking about her coming up here due to that. She doesn't want to visit if I have to pay for everything. Conceptually this doesn't bother me because, hey, being told that someone doesn't want to take advantage of you is great! In reality, however, I'm not happy with the lack of direction in our relationship right now and I don't like that money is still a factor in regards to closing that distance and seeing if we work together when I could easily pay for the trip.

I'm likely going to just straight-up tell her that I don't want money to be a factor in whether or not she comes to visit because it's beginning to feel like a cop-out.

Has anyone else ever experienced something similar or have any sage wisdom to share re: long distance stuff ending well?

Thanks in advance. This has really been aggravating me and it's starting to show.

 

[eliza0224]

Reporting back GAF. Asked him out, and he said yes, but he's short on the money, so I'll have to wait until he gets paid again.

I've been a bit frustrated because the only way to have a proper conversation with him is through texts or calls. He almost never replies back, or when he does, its short answers. I asked him why he did this, and he claims that he's busy. Fuck that GAF. I'm busy too, but I look for a time to ask him how was his day. I don't expect an essay or texts everyday, I'd just like him to acknowledge me from time to time. But oh well, I guess I deserve it for being cold to him at first, so I'll endure. For the time being, I'll just keep making small talk at lunch.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

I usually assume they're trying to be ironic. I don't think I've ever seen it in a profile without a couple selfies.

lol I hope so, because it's a dumb fuckin "requirement" in the first place.

I definitely agree, it's a big turn off to see a huge list of demands or a bunch of negative comments in a profile. Does not make you look like a fun person to be around.

 

[Ghost_Protocol]

I realize that 25 is a bit young to be feeling like I'm going to die alone as a bitter old man, but I'll be 26 in three months and I find myself becoming more cynical with each passing day. I'm constantly seeing smart, beautiful women dating dude-bros and pretty boys, then complaining that they had no life goals or were unfaithful or blah, blah, blah. I've seen a lot of women I know reach an age when they come to the realization that they've been dating the wrong kind of men and settle down with a good, down-to-earth kind of guy. The older I get, the more I fear that when a woman decides that I'm the one she wants I'll be thinking "Oh, now that you've slept with 50 wrong guys, suddenly I'm what you think you need. Great...Thanks."

You need to understand something about those women you see dating idiots/ assholes/ bros/etc.... Like men, women too sometimes like to date people just because they're really attracted to them. I've done it. You may have done it. People do it. I dated a girl for a month that I knew from the start I had no interest in making my girlfriend. She was completely average in every way imaginable, except for her looks, but If you saw us out and about, you would have thought we were in love.

So don't get upset when you see couples like that when you're out. You have no idea what kind of "relationship" that they have. Don't do what I did and start thinking "oh man, even HE has a relationship, why not me?"

In my experience, women, moreso than men, tend to be more comfortable going out with /dating guys they know they have no future with, but just want to have fun/like being entertained/etc.

Do you want to be a fling? Or are you looking for a relationship?

 

[DoktorEvil]

I've been trying OKC, POF, Tinder, etc... for three years now. I've been on a few dates and had some great conversations/connections, even if they didn't pan out romantically. A lot of my trouble online, aside from not looking like Brad Pitt in Fight Club and having a child, is that I'm a fairly liberal-minded agnostic living in a very Christian, conservative area of Central Illinois. Outside of dating apps and sites, I work 50+ hours a week in a private office building with a group of women twice my age. The only shifts that my seniority allows are evenings or weekends, so my social interaction options are limited. My best friend does his part to help by keeping an eye out for potential matches at his workplace. His girlfriend knows some great women that I would like to get to know better, but she hasn't been willing to invite them to our group events. She believes she knows them well enough to say, without a doubt, that I don't have a chance with any of her friends/family members who interest me.

I realize that 25 is a bit young to be feeling like I'm going to die alone as a bitter old man, but I'll be 26 in three months and I find myself becoming more cynical with each passing day. I'm constantly seeing smart, beautiful women dating dude-bros and pretty boys, then complaining that they had no life goals or were unfaithful or blah, blah, blah. I've seen a lot of women I know reach an age when they come to the realization that they've been dating the wrong kind of men and settle down with a good, down-to-earth kind of guy. The older I get, the more I fear that when a woman decides that I'm the one she wants I'll be thinking "Oh, now that you've slept with 50 wrong guys, suddenly I'm what you think you need. Great...Thanks."

I'm sure that other people in these 300+ pages have voiced things along these lines. I'm just not in a mood to read everything. I mostly just wanted to take a moment to vent. In the spirit of the mighty Interwebs, feel free to reply with thoughts, advice, opinions, hate, etc....

You can't live you life thinking that because you are who you are, that others wont accept you for it.

Your best friend's girlfriend shouldn't get to decide whether or not a girl's parents/family is good enough for you, you have to make that decision on your own. Ask her to set you up on these dates anyway. At worst, you never see her again. At best, you marry her a year later. Life is funny like that.

Ask her to fix up blind dates. Talk to more women randomly and work on your conversation skills. Try a new hobby. Exercise regularly. Basically do things that would result in a better you. 25 is a young, young age. Its the age where its ok to fuck up as long as you get across the finish line down the road. Dont let it stop you from living your life and doing things/meeting people you want to meet or do.

I'm 23, and while I can pontificate about trying to be a better man I work at it every single day. Its all about trial and error. You learn what works and what doesn't, otherwise you never learn and grow from your mistakes.

Good luck brother.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

You need to understand something about those women you see dating idiots/ assholes/ bros/etc.... Like men, women too sometimes like to date people just because they're really attracted to them. I've done it. You may have done it. People do it. I dated a girl for a month that I knew from the start I had no interest in making my girlfriend. She was completely average in every way imaginable, except for her looks, but If you saw us out and about, you would have thought we were in love.

So don't get upset when you see couples like that when you're out. You have no idea what kind of "relationship" that they have. Don't do what I did and start thinking "oh man, even HE has a relationship, why not me?"

In my experience, women, moreso than men, tend to be more comfortable going out with /dating guys they know they have no future with, but just want to have fun/like being entertained/etc.

Do you want to be a fling? Or are you looking for a relationship?

I think it's true for both sides, it depends on what group you fall into. There's a lot reasons people date each other. Just because they're "dude bros" in your head doesn't make them assholes. Also, a lot of people who get mad into the nice guy™ category and aren't as great of people as they think.

 

[Revoh]

Does anybody have any tips on how to convince my girlfriend to stop smoking? Let me explain, it's going to be 2 months that we're a couple now, I know she did drugs in the past (cocaine, weed, etc) and she dropped it most of it (we smoke weed from time to time), she didn't stop smoking regular cigarettes though. She got sick a few weeks, like, really fucking sick: Pneumonia. The doctors said she needs to stop smoking right now. We talked about it yesterday and I noticed she didn't really wanted to drop it. I don't smoke so I don't know how to deal with it, I said to give electronic cigars a chance, or maybe try those nicotine patches, I don't really know how to approach this.
Any help would be appreciated

 

[NeOak]

Does anybody have any tips on how to convince my girlfriend to stop smoking? Let me explain, it's going to be 2 months that we're a couple now, I know she did drugs in the past (cocaine, weed, etc) and she dropped it most of it (we smoke weed from time to time), she didn't stop smoking regular cigarettes though. She got sick a few weeks, like, really fucking sick: Pneumonia. The doctors said she needs to stop smoking right now. We talked about it yesterday and I noticed she didn't really wanted to drop it. I don't smoke so I don't know how to deal with it, I said to give electronic cigars a chance, or maybe try those nicotine patches, I don't really know how to approach this.
Any help would be appreciated

Patches and show her pics of lungs with cancer from smoking.

 

[hipgnosis]

Does anybody have any tips on how to convince my girlfriend to stop smoking? Let me explain, it's going to be 2 months that we're a couple now, I know she did drugs in the past (cocaine, weed, etc) and she dropped it most of it (we smoke weed from time to time), she didn't stop smoking regular cigarettes though. She got sick a few weeks, like, really fucking sick: Pneumonia. The doctors said she needs to stop smoking right now. We talked about it yesterday and I noticed she didn't really wanted to drop it. I don't smoke so I don't know how to deal with it, I said to give electronic cigars a chance, or maybe try those nicotine patches, I don't really know how to approach this.
Any help would be appreciated

Snus

 

[FaintColt388301]

Does anybody have any tips on how to convince my girlfriend to stop smoking? Let me explain, it's going to be 2 months that we're a couple now, I know she did drugs in the past (cocaine, weed, etc) and she dropped it most of it (we smoke weed from time to time), she didn't stop smoking regular cigarettes though. She got sick a few weeks, like, really fucking sick: Pneumonia. The doctors said she needs to stop smoking right now. We talked about it yesterday and I noticed she didn't really wanted to drop it. I don't smoke so I don't know how to deal with it, I said to give electronic cigars a chance, or maybe try those nicotine patches, I don't really know how to approach this.
Any help would be appreciated

Awhile back I had dated a girl who smoked. At first I tolerated it but around a year later it started to get to me. I just had a serious talk with her about it and how it bothered me and explained why and all that. At first she didn't want to but one day we went on a road trip to the beach and we were walking down the beach and she told me she wanted to stop because it'd make me happy. She actually did and never went back . . . .until after we broke up.

I'd recommend just having a talk with her. Don't be mean or condescending. Just try to explain things to her and make sure she understands that you are wanting this because you care about her. Then go from there. But it's kind of hard because most of the things you tell her about health risks she probably already knows but just doesn't care about.

But yeah, try the patches, the electronic and vape stuff, or like this guy I talked to at a bar said, nicotine pills help

I can't read I guess. You did talk.

Spoiler

TALK MORE

 

[Aurongel]

Well, girlfriend is back to texting her ex after our last big fight about it months ago where she promised (once again...) that she would finally stop.

Now she says she wants to "compromise" (i.e. convince me somehow that this is okay so she won't be burdened by the guilt).

This is gonna be fun :|

 

[WriterGK]

Well, guys. It's been an interesting evening. Just getting home now right at 3am and typing this up before heading to bed since I work at 11:30am. First off, the Strawberry Avocado salad at Applebee's is fucking aces. That chili lime vinaigrette? A delight at 440 calories!

So, she walks in and we smile and hug and there's a quick kiss on the lips before she sits. So far, so good. We sit down and talk about how our work lives have been. She's been making some great impressions on her superiors, and I am really proud of her. We're smiling and laughing. Shit seems pretty natural.

I ask her how she's doing with the whole "tragic thing" that happened and she tells me she feels like she's coming around. She goes on for some times about it, and I'm glad that she's opening up to me about it. I ask her if we're cool, what's going on with us. She says we're totally cool, and that she's enjoying the relationship.We finish our meals and we head outside so she can smoke and she tells me she has a surprise for me.

We've recently both gotten into Geocaching, though we've never done it together, just talked about it a ton and done it separately. Neither of us had ever been on a night hunt before and we sneaked onto a large local park to grab some caches. It was spooky fun, reminiscent of Blair Witch Project. She was using the Geocaching app on her iPhone to locate the drop and I told her I was going to kick her fucking iPhone into the river and she got the reference so I've gotta give her respect for that. We hit up a few more caches before saying our goodbyes since it was super late. We held each other and kissed for a while and I asked her if she was sure that we were cool and that if she had anything to say now would be a great time. She said everything was very cool. I told her that I didn't want it to be another 20 days before I saw her again and her response was the nebulous "20 days? Not like anybody's counting." I told her, "Well no but yeah I was totally counting" and she laughed. So now we're both home and texting before bed and making the requisite cute facebook posts on each other's walls.

So, what do you guys think from all this? The past 20 days have been really shitty for me due to missing her. When we finally hooked up it was an amazing evening and things fell right back into place. I guess all I can do is see where the future takes us. She repeatedly claimed that we were cool and she wanted to be with me. I want to be with her. Maybe this is all part of the "feeling each other out" phase? Maybe it's my insecurities projecting themselves onto her?

To me honestly it sounds good. She really seems to like you and you like her ofcourse. It sounds like your dinner and all was quite awesome. I maybe missed your previous posts about you and her, but why would something be wrong? You asked her twice if everything is cool and she said yes. I had to look up Geocaching but it sounds awesome.
And I know that feels bro. After the first date with my girlfriend it took a whole 18 days for I finally saw her again. I see her again this saturday and its going to be after 10 days. But hell yeah 18/20 days is kind of long. I am just glad with seeing her once a week which I had for quite some time.

I think you should really go all in with this girl. She sounds wonderfull and you guys really connect if you ask me

 

[hipgnosis]

Another date on friday with girl I made out last saturday. Probably gonna check a movie at my place. I've also been texting with another girl I find super interesting and have agreed to see sometime. I'm super paranoid seeing multiple girls at the same time and I don't even know why since I haven't committed to anything. I bonded with the last girl well since we met, but I'm really interested seeing this other girl as well and she seems into me.

Thoughts on seeing multiple girls at the same time?

 

[Granadier]

Meet them at the same time and see where it goes. /s

 

[Femmeworth]

Something that petty makes you hate humanity? People say a lot of things, it comes from frustrating so I'm not sure why that increases you misanthropy. Everyone says stupid from time to time, no one is free from this.

Seeing people buy into their own bullshit like that pisses me off. It's a general thing that irks me.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Seeing people buy into their own bullshit like that pisses me off. It's a general thing that irks me.

And everyone does it... Hating humanity over it seems like way too strong of a reaction. It's stupid but come on.

 

[EviLore]

Does anybody have any tips on how to convince my girlfriend to stop smoking? Let me explain, it's going to be 2 months that we're a couple now, I know she did drugs in the past (cocaine, weed, etc) and she dropped it most of it (we smoke weed from time to time), she didn't stop smoking regular cigarettes though. She got sick a few weeks, like, really fucking sick: Pneumonia. The doctors said she needs to stop smoking right now. We talked about it yesterday and I noticed she didn't really wanted to drop it. I don't smoke so I don't know how to deal with it, I said to give electronic cigars a chance, or maybe try those nicotine patches, I don't really know how to approach this.
Any help would be appreciated

Buy her an e-cig. Just about every young smoker I've met is down to use those instead of cigarettes once they try them out.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Buy her an e-cig. Just about every young smoker I've met is down to use those instead of cigarettes once they try them out.

And most like it more since they don't have to go outside in the cold and such. Much better alternative and easier for them to switch.

 

[Thatoneguy]

Reporting back GAF. Asked him out, and he said yes, but he's short on the money, so I'll have to wait until he gets paid again.

I've been a bit frustrated because the only way to have a proper conversation with him is through texts or calls. He almost never replies back, or when he does, its short answers. I asked him why he did this, and he claims that he's busy. Fuck that GAF. I'm busy too, but I look for a time to ask him how was his day. I don't expect an essay or texts everyday, I'd just like him to acknowledge me from time to time. But oh well, I guess I deserve it for being cold to him at first, so I'll endure. For the time being, I'll just keep making small talk at lunch.

I know that feeling. A couple of women I really liked don't ever start a conversation or keep the ball rolling once it starts.

 

[coldvein]

e-cigs: cigarettes for teenagers who know better

 

[Femmeworth]

And everyone does it... Hating humanity over it seems like way too strong of a reaction. It's stupid but come on.

I know, I'm in a bitter mood.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I know, I'm in a bitter mood.

Tag quote?

 

[JohnDoe]

People (okay, only some) are full of such shit when it comes to dating profiles. Requirements like "no drama" increases my level of misanthropy.

Misanthropy? *falls of chair laughing*

 

[stn]

@Femmeworth

That's how it is, yeah. When I see someone who either posts "NO DRAMA PLZ" or a list of conditions-precedent needed in order to be able to message them, I literally run. I also tend to avoid profiles where the girls mention they don't want one-night stands or sex. All that stuff is shallow and usually a misrepresentation.

I don't get people who have a small space to present themselves, yet they litter it with negative crap. Oh well.

 

[Granadier]

On the topic of summaries.

What is the consensus on best length/content for profile information?

Also, does OKC shift profiles away from the spotlight after they join to push for the promotion purchases?
When I made my profile I was showing in ~3000 searches/day, but after around two weeks it dropped down to ~20/day.

 

[coldvein]

FUCK EVERYTHING YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON

 

[PlayALLtheGames]

I realize that 25 is a bit young to be feeling like I'm going to die alone as a bitter old man, but I'll be 26 in three months and I find myself becoming more cynical with each passing day. I'm constantly seeing smart, beautiful women dating dude-bros and pretty boys, then complaining that they had no life goals or were unfaithful or blah, blah, blah. I've seen a lot of women I know reach an age when they come to the realization that they've been dating the wrong kind of men and settle down with a good, down-to-earth kind of guy. The older I get, the more I fear that when a woman decides that I'm the one she wants I'll be thinking "Oh, now that you've slept with 50 wrong guys, suddenly I'm what you think you need. Great...Thanks."
.

You have to stop worrying about whom chicks are dating and just focus on yourself. Girls are going to date idiots and cheaters; not much you can do except put yourself in a position to perhaps be an alternative to one of those guys

And your fear is irrational. You should be open to the fact that, just maybe, you might meet the love of your life after she has been plowed by 50 guys. You can cross that bridge once you get there. Until then, forget about it.

Hi GAF. I'm in need of some advice, I think. Long story short, I'm in a long distance relationship that started online and the distance is beginning to frustrate me. We've been together for about 6 months now.

We have an amazingly normal relationship, we've both been clear about what we want and we've gotten a lot better at communication since the relationship started. The biggest hurdle we had for a little while was a spot of depression on my behalf because of feeling stuck, etc. I had been out of a legit job for about 2 years and that lack of reliable, steady income was part of the reason we put off any real discussion about a visit. I recently got a great job that leaves me with a very steady income, so I feel like money-related issues aren't a good excuse for avoiding the discussion around a visit of sorts.
.

6 months is not that long but also not insignificant. If you guys truly have a normal relationship, then you should have been able to talk about the money thing. At worst, she can say she feels bad that you have to pay but she can also show you how much she appreciates it when you're together. There is no reason for her to be so insecure about you paying for everything that she would forego seeing you.

I'm not in a long distance relationship but my girlfriend is 22 and between her last and current jobs, I paid for everything. That wasn't a big deal as I'm 31 and make plenty, but she would always thank me for every meal and bar tab and would tell me often that she felt bad she wasn't contributing but she appreciated it and she'd prove it with her actions. One of them involved my dick in her mouth.

Seriously, though: if she had kept saying "no, I don't want you to pay so I'm not going to come out with you" every time I went out with friends and invited her, or invited just her, then, honestly, I would first be suspicious of her trying to use it as an excuse to end the relationship. If she assured me that wasn't it, I'd tell her she needs to stop worrying about the money thing because it's going to cause a problem in our relationship and possibly end it. At least in that case, we could do things together that didn't cost money, like hang out at home and watch movies or whatever, but you don't have that option.

So, I'd tell her the money thing is starting to sound like an excuse to you and, if it isn't, then at 6 months she should be comfortable enough to let you pay if it means spending time together. Stress how much you want to see her. If really, truly wants to be with you, she'll get over the money thing.

 

[coldvein]

STOP BEING GIGANTIC VAGINAS

it might help your dating life, im serious

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

You have to stop worrying about whom chicks are dating and just focus on yourself. Girls are going to date idiots and cheaters; not much you can do except put yourself in a position to perhaps be an alternative to one of those guys

And your fear is irrational. You should be open to the fact that, just maybe, you might meet the love of your life after she has been plowed by 50 guys. You can cross that bridge once you get there. Until then, forget about it.

And let's be honest, you're going to do the same thing at least a couple times unless you just don't date. You can't predict the future or see everything about the person. No one is perfect, and there's obviously some thing at least intriguing about them that they were initially attracted or interested just like you have with romantic and not romantic relationships you've been in. No friends you have had turned out to be jerks or whatever? Don't fall into the trap of hating others because all it does is turn you bitter and make you into what you hate. That's where the nice guy™ usually starts to rear its head.

 

[Femmeworth]

And let's be honest, you're going to do the same thing at least a couple times unless you just don't date. You can't predict the future or see everything about the person. No one is perfect, and there's obviously some thing at least intriguing about them that they were initially attracted or interested just like you have with romantic and not romantic relationships you've been in. No friends you have had turned out to be jerks or whatever? Don't fall into the trap of hating others because all it does is turn you bitter and make you into what you hate. That's where the nice guy™ usually starts to rear its head.

Too true.

 

[Out of Working Order]

Well, I am 28 and have pretty much given up hope on ever being with a woman, even for sex.

How do you not become bitter and jealous of others that have never been short of sex and romantic partners? They've been livin' it up while I've stared at the four walls of my room all my life (because of social anxiety). It's a hard thing to live without, more so when you think you're being denied it by the opposite sex.

Sex and relationships are healthy, and I firmly believe that for somebody that wants that (perfectly normal), being without is very unhealthy. It can warp your worldview, as well as being frustrating as hell. Not a nice place to be in, and I speak from experience. Something I really wish wasn't the case, I assure you. It's utterly destroyed me, and left me a fucking empty, depressed wreck.

Just try imagining that no woman wants you for a second. That you're not interesting or good looking enough. But you're supposed to be fine with that, and accept yourself; love yourself? Then you watch some porn where some guy gets fucked good and proper, because he's lucky enough to possess all these qualities you don't have, like charisma, a good body, and social skills. Alright for a quick wank, but you feel envy and jealousy all the while, and then depressed afterwards.

I sound bitter, yeah? Doubt there's much I can do to change that, and even if I did somehow manage to do a complete 180 on the way I think, I am still a virgin at 28. The less people that feel the way I do, the better. It's such a dark, hopeless place to be in.

 

[Ultima_5]

On the topic of summaries.

What is the consensus on best length/content for profile information?

Also, does OKC shift profiles away from the spotlight after they join to push for the promotion purchases?
When I made my profile I was showing in ~3000 searches/day, but after around two weeks it dropped down to ~20/day.

Change up your profile a bit. Replace a joke every once in awhile or switch pics around. Usually you turn up a lot more afterwards

 

[PlayALLtheGames]

Well, I am 28 and have pretty much given up hope on ever being with a woman, even for sex.

How do you not become bitter and jealous of others that have never been short of sex and romance? They've been livin' it up while I've stared at the four walls of my room all my life. It's a hard thing to live without, more so when you think you're being denied it by the opposite sex.

There are some people for whom sex and romance is pretty much constant (I was friends with some in college and know a couple now) and we can all be jealous of that, but realistically the average person gets sex and romance in spurts.

Don't give up and remember it's not the end by a longshot. 28 is young. A friend of mine recently broke up with his live in girlfriend of 13 years at age 37. They bought a house together and everything but he realized he liked her more than a friend than anything. He was devastated, even though he was the one to initiate it, and kept freaking out that he was going to be alone because he hadn't dated in so long. He was so worried about it, he considered getting back together with her. I kept telling him to relax. Sure enough, 5 months later, he meets a girl (25) and they're in a solid relationship.

I don't know what you've tried and haven't tried but the best course of action is to make sure you're taking care of yourself and to put yourself in social situations. Use dating sites. If you have friends, go out with them (best way to meet girls by far). If not, try to see if you can attend events or other things that relate to your interests so you can meet friends.

Don't want to sound like I'm lecturing; just want you to know there's no reason to give up and lose hope. The process isn't easy for most of us, and at some point you have to decide whether you're going to be defeated and stop trying, in which case you ultimately have to accept the lack of sex and romance, or you're going to continue to make an effort.

We all know the saying, "There's someone out there for everyone," but the truth is there are at least several people out there for everyone. You, me, everyone. I've had relationships since middle school but it took me 31 years to find "the one." It's a process. Stick with it, take advice from people, and be confident that you'll eventually cross paths with the person that's right for you.

 

[Out of Working Order]

There are some people for whom sex and romance is pretty much constant (I was friends with some in college and know a couple now) and we can all be jealous of that, but realistically the average person gets sex and romance in spurts.

Don't give up and remember it's not the end by a longshot. 28 is young. A friend of mine recently broke up with his live in girlfriend of 13 years at age 37. They bought a house together and everything but he realized he liked her more than a friend than anything. He was devastated, even though he was the one to initiate it, and kept freaking out that he was going to be alone because he hadn't dated in so long. He was so worried about it, he considered getting back together with her. I kept telling him to relax. Sure enough, 5 months later, he meets a girl (25) and they're in a solid relationship.

I don't know what you've tried and haven't tried but the best course of action is to make sure you're taking care of yourself and to put yourself in social situations. Use dating sites. If you have friends, go out with them (best way to meet girls by far). If not, try to see if you can attend events or other things that relate to your interests so you can meet friends.

Don't want to sound like I'm lecturing; just want you to know there's no reason to give up and lose hope. The process isn't easy for most of us, and at some point you have to decide whether you're going to be defeated and stop trying, in which case you ultimately have to accept the lack of sex and romance, or you're going to continue to make an effort.

We all know the saying, "There's someone out there for everyone," but the truth is there are at least several people out there for everyone. You, me, everyone. I've had relationships since middle school but it took me 31 years to find "the one." It's a process. Stick with it, take advice from people, and be confident that you'll eventually cross paths with the person that's right for you.

Some people are made for relationships (that's why your friend had no problems meeting a new partner), but I am not. I can't deal with that.

Your friend had a new girlfriend in 5 months. I've been single and on the market for, well, my entire life. Nobody's interested.

This is something that just happens naturally for most people, but I've overthought it to the point of insanity now. A relationship is never going to be normal or come naturally for me, yet I desire one intensely. I am absolutely fucked.

Truth is, nobody here can help me. I am just posting my thoughts, that's all.

 

[PlayALLtheGames]

Some people are made for relationships (that's why your friend had no problems meeting a new partner), but I am not. I can't deal with that.

Your friend had a new girlfriend in 5 months. I've been single and on the market for, well, my entire life. Nobody's interested.

This is something that just happens naturally for most people, but I've overthought it to the point of insanity now. A relationship is never going to be normal or come naturally for me, yet I desire one intensely. I am absolutely fucked.

Truth is, nobody here can help me. I am just posting my thoughts, that's all.

Well, before his 13 year relationship he had one girlfriend. So he has only ever had 3 in his life and that is in 37 years. So, I'm not sure I would say he's "made for relationships." He and the girl of 13 years just happened to be a good match initially, but then they stayed together because both were afraid of going back to being single, and he finally got over that enough to make a hard decision.

You can say " I haven't met anyone that is interested in me" but that is absolutely not the same thing as claiming that nobody is. There are people out there who would be; you just haven't met them.

It may be true that being in a relationship may not be the norm or come naturally for you, but then they don't need to. You might only ever be in one, and it might end up being the one in which you spend the rest of your life. It happens all the time.

It's also true that nobody here can directly help you, but you must realize that there are people in this thread who once thought like you did and have since had dates or are in a committed relationship. Just soak in as much of the advice as you can and I'd encourage you to keep making an effort. Like I said: this is a process that takes longer for some than others, but there are people all around the world who didn't have a relationship until their 20's, 30's, and beyond, and who said the same things you're saying now, but are now with someone and happier than ever.

 

[stn]

@Out Of Working Order

First thing is first, you need to change your mindset. The whole "nobody wants me" stuff honestly doesn't lead anywhere. What do you think of yourself? What do you think makes you unappealing? What kinds of things have you tried doing to remedy the situation?

 

[Granadier]

ElMelonTerrible from reddit with some solid relationship advice that I feel should be shared here.

They're trying to tell you to cast a wider net instead of putting a lot of effort and emotional investment into people who haven't showed any signs of reciprocating.

Here's how it's ideally supposed to work: if you like someone, you ramp up your interaction with them at the same time you ramp up your interest. If they don't reciprocate, your interest wanes and you move on. If they reciprocate a little bit, your interest deepens. That way, your emotional investment in them is never out of proportion to the interest they've shown in you.

Here's how it's NOT supposed to work: you develop a deep and intense interest in somebody before they have showed any sign of reciprocating your feelings, and you invest a great deal of effort in trying to induce them to like you, much to their embarrassment and discomfort.

"Putting yourself out there" means interacting with a bunch of people so you can find somebody who is interested in you. "Trying too hard" means investing a lot of emotion and effort in women who haven't given you any reason or encouragement.

It's important to note that people's emotions don't neatly conform to the ideal. In reality, it's common to suffer from unrequited love. People routinely fall head-over-heels at first sight for people who despise them. Your emotions may not conform to the ideal, but you should at least observe the ideal pro forma, for the sake of politeness. You might suffer from a horrible, gnawing emptiness that can only be filled by the love of a certain woman, but it wouldn't be polite to show it to her directly, because it's unfair to dump that on someone if they aren't in any way responsible for it. Unless you're a poet or a musician. They can get away with that shit; hell, they even fake it. But you need to play it a little bit cooler. Try not to let your emotional investment in a woman grow too far out of proportion with the interest she has shown in you, and if it does, do your best to play it down. No woman likes the pressure of feeling unwanted responsibility for some guy's mental health.

Move on, don't get stuck, keep moving, keep showing casual interest in women until you find one who reciprocates at least a little bit, then ramp up the intensity and see if she keeps reciprocating. If not, move on. Playing hard to get is passé. The market is bigger and more liquid than ever. No woman with half a brain in her head is going to hide the fact that she's interested in you.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

ElMelonTerrible from reddit with some solid relationship advice that I feel should be shared here.

This is so true.


I'm talking to this women I went to school with. A back story: In high school I looked like Hagrid in a overly tight Filla shirt. I smelled, my hair was greasy, I always wore the same clothes. Yeah. I looked like a 6'6 mix between Hodor, Gomer Pyle from full metal jacket and Hagrid from Harry Potter. 60 pounds overweight, so chubby, but not really fat fat. Because I was so tall, I was just a giant. Should have been a football player.

Anyway. it's been 10 years, and all that time I had tried to forget about that time. I didn't expect to have anything for these people ever again, but then I noticed this girl I went to school with for 9 years. She was always a sweetheart, and it just hit me like a truck that I wanted to see her and hang out with her. So I just contacted her on facebook and discovered she was cute as fuck.

I totally noticed my expectations spiraled out of proportions immeditately. Really unfair since she was just being nice to reply and be like "wats up". My dick got hard the instance I saw she wrote me back. JESUS CHRIST MATES.

 

[Syuurin]

Another date on friday with girl I made out last saturday. Probably gonna check a movie at my place. I've also been texting with another girl I find super interesting and have agreed to see sometime. I'm super paranoid seeing multiple girls at the same time and I don't even know why since I haven't committed to anything. I bonded with the last girl well since we met, but I'm really interested seeing this other girl as well and she seems into me.

Thoughts on seeing multiple girls at the same time?

I think it mainly depends on what you're comfortable with. Some people like to date around before they settle on someone, and as long as you're not giving off the wrong impression (i.e. making it seem as though you are committed), this is okay. Personally, I can't do it--deciding that I'm interested in a guy necessarily involves committing to be interested in only that guy, because the idea of having to deal with multiple people and the potential turning down of some of those people is too stressful for me. Similarly, I don't like dealing with guys who date around, because I dislike the uncertainty involved. But if you're sure that all sides are clear on there being no official commitment to exclusivity or a relationship or whatever, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

 

[mikeGFG]

Well, I am 28 and have pretty much given up hope on ever being with a woman, even for sex.

How do you not become bitter and jealous of others that have never been short of sex and romantic partners? They've been livin' it up while I've stared at the four walls of my room all my life (because of social anxiety). It's a hard thing to live without, more so when you think you're being denied it by the opposite sex.

Sex and relationships are healthy, and I firmly believe that for somebody that wants that (perfectly normal), being without is very unhealthy. It can warp your worldview, as well as being frustrating as hell. Not a nice place to be in, and I speak from experience. Something I really wish wasn't the case, I assure you. It's utterly destroyed me, and left me a fucking empty, depressed wreck.

Just try imagining that no woman wants you for a second. That you're not interesting or good looking enough. But you're supposed to be fine with that, and accept yourself; love yourself? Then you watch some porn where some guy gets fucked good and proper, because he's lucky enough to possess all these qualities you don't have, like charisma, a good body, and social skills. Alright for a quick wank, but you feel envy and jealousy all the while, and then depressed afterwards.

I sound bitter, yeah? Doubt there's much I can do to change that, and even if I did somehow manage to do a complete 180 on the way I think, I am still a virgin at 28. The less people that feel the way I do, the better. It's such a dark, hopeless place to be in.

I was a virgin until last year and I guarantee you that one year before that I was ten times the loser that you think you are now.

Get into good physical shape, change wardrobe, groom yourself, work very hard and plenty of women will come to you.

 

[LosDaddie]

:lol @ at someone "stealing" your GF.

If that happens, then she wasn't your GF in the first place. She was just using you for attention (or sex, if you're lucky) until she found somebody worth dating for real.

Alright so i have a mad crush on the girl working in the pizza joint next to my work and really want to ask her to lunch, thing is i know her pretty well now ( i chat her up and we both know each other by first name) she has a boyfriend of 5 years and has talked around them breaking up and getting back together over the past few weeks. I feel a connection between us and i actually know her BF, I think I'm just going to go for it and say fuck it and ask her to lunch. Gaf what dose it think?

Go for it. Seriously. If you feel there's a genuine connection there (and not just you mistaking some casual customer-flirting for actual interest), then do something about it. Fortune favors the bold.

Ladies, at least the attractive ones, are used to being hit on constantly. So, she'll let you know quickly if she's interested, or not, because she's used to dealing with guys asking her out. And besides, what's the worst case scenario? She rejects you, and you're right where you started? A bit of awkwardness at the job? So what. That's nothing.

You'll be happier knowing where you stand with her, rather than be left wondering what might've been. Don't wait for life/love to come to you. Most guys don't have the luxury of waiting for ladies to approach them

 

[Horseticuffs]

To me honestly it sounds good. She really seems to like you and you like her ofcourse. It sounds like your dinner and all was quite awesome. I maybe missed your previous posts about you and her, but why would something be wrong? You asked her twice if everything is cool and she said yes. I had to look up Geocaching but it sounds awesome.
And I know that feels bro. After the first date with my girlfriend it took a whole 18 days for I finally saw her again. I see her again this saturday and its going to be after 10 days. But hell yeah 18/20 days is kind of long. I am just glad with seeing her once a week which I had for quite some time.

I think you should really go all in with this girl. She sounds wonderfull and you guys really connect if you ask me

Thanks for the lengthy reply. It's nice to read positive shit in this thread when it happens. Yeah, we get along really well. We had a tiff for a few minutes when she thought I was being condescending when in reality I was just over-explaining because I'm always scared of not getting my point across clearly. I explained myself and it blew over quickly. This lady doesn't take a lot of bullshit or even the illusion of bullshit and I really like that as long as she's reasonable about it and she was.

I'm really interested in this being long-term, and she has said the same. Hopefully we're both equally invested in doing right by our relationship. At this moment we're in the preliminary planning phase for a little camping/ night-time geocaching trip at a nearby state park, so that'll be fun if it gets off the ground.

Again, thanks for the hopeful and helpful response!

 

[Femmeworth]

I signed up for a site called Badoo after seeing it was one of the most popular dating sites. After reading some articles (albeit from a few years ago) I quickly deleted my account. Maybe it is better now, but apparently it was shady as fuck not too long ago. I didn't upload any pictures or give it access to Facebook and the like, luckily.

 

[Minamu]

I signed up for a site called Badoo after seeing it was one of the most popular dating sites. After reading some articles (albeit from a few years ago) I quickly deleted my account. Maybe it is better now, but apparently it was shady as fuck not too long ago. I didn't upload any pictures or give it access to Facebook and the like, luckily.

Shady how? I've met and talked to a lot of interesting and loveable people there. My closest guy friends live on that site and have lots of success. There was nothing shady about it for us at least.

 

[Femmeworth]

Shady how? I've met and talked to a lot of interesting and loveable people there. My closest guy friends live on that site and have lots of success. There was nothing shady about it for us at least.

As I said, it might be better now. At least a few years ago they were exploiting personal data.

http://motherboard.vice.com/blog/badoo-is-an-enigma-wrapped-in-a-puzzle-wrapped-in-spam

What data will you give away to join the party? Will it be your Gmail account? Yahoo? Facebook? MSN? If you have a contact list somewhere on the web, or a photo album, Badoo wants to source it, mimic it, and get your friends hooked too. The site sends messages to all email addresses it can find through your accounts, with minimal consent, promising that a message from you awaited them at the other end.

An article last year by the Finnish newspaper Iltalehti reported complaints that numerous Badoo profiles had been created without people’s consent.

 

[Revoh]

Patches and show her pics of lungs with cancer from smoking.

Snus

Awhile back I had dated a girl who smoked. At first I tolerated it but around a year later it started to get to me. I just had a serious talk with her about it and how it bothered me and explained why and all that. At first she didn't want to but one day we went on a road trip to the beach and we were walking down the beach and she told me she wanted to stop because it'd make me happy. She actually did and never went back . . . .until after we broke up.

I'd recommend just having a talk with her. Don't be mean or condescending. Just try to explain things to her and make sure she understands that you are wanting this because you care about her. Then go from there. But it's kind of hard because most of the things you tell her about health risks she probably already knows but just doesn't care about.

But yeah, try the patches, the electronic and vape stuff, or like this guy I talked to at a bar said, nicotine pills help

I can't read I guess. You did talk.

Spoiler

TALK MORE

Buy her an e-cig. Just about every young smoker I've met is down to use those instead of cigarettes once they try them out.

Thanks guys!

 

[Minamu]

As I said, it might be better now. At least a few years ago they were exploiting personal data.

http://motherboard.vice.com/blog/badoo-is-an-enigma-wrapped-in-a-puzzle-wrapped-in-spam

Ah yes, I've seen pictures of friends appear on the site saying "these friends are waiting for your friend request" or whatever, without even having some of them in my contacts (this was way before I even considered connecting my facebook to the site). One of them was even a girl from another dating site that I went out with once but never talked to again :lol Kinda weird but not really sinister or annoying. Connecting my facebook to it haven't resulted in anything but better access to my own photos and actually getting an upswing in people responding to me (which I doubt have anything to do with my facebook, just better pictures). Where I live at least, Badoo is by far the best free site to use, it's not even a competition, and their mobile app, while a bit creepy, is a godsend if you want to find new people fast.

 

[Sylas]

6 months is not that long but also not insignificant. If you guys truly have a normal relationship, then you should have been able to talk about the money thing. At worst, she can say she feels bad that you have to pay but she can also show you how much she appreciates it when you're together. There is no reason for her to be so insecure about you paying for everything that she would forego seeing you.

I'm not in a long distance relationship but my girlfriend is 22 and between her last and current jobs, I paid for everything. That wasn't a big deal as I'm 31 and make plenty, but she would always thank me for every meal and bar tab and would tell me often that she felt bad she wasn't contributing but she appreciated it and she'd prove it with her actions. One of them involved my dick in her mouth.

Seriously, though: if she had kept saying "no, I don't want you to pay so I'm not going to come out with you" every time I went out with friends and invited her, or invited just her, then, honestly, I would first be suspicious of her trying to use it as an excuse to end the relationship. If she assured me that wasn't it, I'd tell her she needs to stop worrying about the money thing because it's going to cause a problem in our relationship and possibly end it. At least in that case, we could do things together that didn't cost money, like hang out at home and watch movies or whatever, but you don't have that option.

So, I'd tell her the money thing is starting to sound like an excuse to you and, if it isn't, then at 6 months she should be comfortable enough to let you pay if it means spending time together. Stress how much you want to see her. If really, truly wants to be with you, she'll get over the money thing.

Thanks for this! We had a talk about it last night before I passed out super early and we agreed that money should not be an excuse any more. There are still some goals to reach before we get visit plans going (I get a car, she takes care of some personal stuff) but those are all things that we're actively working towards so I feel okay about them.

All of this just reminds me that while a relationship is hard, long distance occasionally feels like it's for insane people, haha.

 

[Horseticuffs]

Thanks guys!

Yeah, it's sound advice. I smoked from 12 to 30 and quit when my work banned it on campus and my state jacked the taxes. A year or so later I tried a hit off this dude I know and it was just like the real thing, even made me a bit light headed.

If everything continues going well with my girlfriend and we're still together for her birthday I intend to buy her one of the starter kits with all the shit you need in it (along with something fun because who wants only something responsible for their birthday?).