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[SMT]

Women are less likely to report rape than men, in fact, 90% of all women who are raped chose to keep it a secret and take to their graves.
If you were to alert authorities out of the goodness of your own heart, I'm sure that wouldn't sit well with her, but sometimes people are trapped within a haze of their own neurosis and can't tell what good for them, right?
On the other hand, you must allot her the power to speak-up, let's hope she does before the situation degrades further.

She must empower herself.

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

in fact, 90% of all women who are raped chose to keep it a secret and take to their graves.

I fucking hope this statistic isn't true. Damn.

 

[pompidu]

Did op call the police yet???? How has this not been done yet?

 

[Vermillion]

Women are less likely to report rape than men, in fact, 90% of all women who are raped chose to keep it a secret and take to their graves.
If you were to alert authorities out of the goodness of your own heart, I'm sure that wouldn't sit well with her, but sometimes people are trapped within a haze of their own neurosis and can't tell what good for them, right?
On the other hand, you must allot her the power to speak-up, let's hope she does before the situation degrades further.

She must empower herself.

Preettttyyy sure that's bullshit.

 

[Onemic]

I fucking hope this statistic isn't true. Damn.

It's SMT so there's a 90% chance it's bullshit

 

[butter_stick]

Was it ever answered why she came to your place and stayed in your bed? Where did her husband think she was?

 

[Byakuya769]

Was it ever answered why she came to your place and stayed in your bed? Where did her husband think she was?

Quiet, Puritan!

 

[Mudkips]

Women are less likely to report rape than men, in fact, 90% of all women who are raped chose to keep it a secret and take to their graves.

You wouldn't happen to have data to back up that claim, would you?

 

[krypt0nian]

Did op call the police yet???? How has this not been done yet?

This is what I clicked back in for too.

Update?

 

[butter_stick]

You wouldn't happen to have data to back up that claim, would you?

I googled 'women less likely to report rape than men' and this thread is the top result. Looks legit.

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

Seems like SMT isn't pulling shit out of his ass, at least the under reporting part. Found some differing of opinions through google, but wikipedia says:

According to the American Medical Association (1995), sexual violence, and rape in particular, is considered the most under-reported violent crime.

The most common reasons given by victims for not reporting rapes are the belief that it is a personal or private matter, and that they fear reprisal from the assailant. A 2007 government report in England says "Estimates from research suggest that between 75 and 95 percent of rape crimes are never reported to the police."

 

[Vermillion]

Seems like SMT isn't pulling shit out of his ass, at least the under reporting part. Found some differing of opinions through google, but wikipedia says:

Yes, but that link says nothing about:

1) Whether or not women are less likely to report rape than men (they aren't)
2) How much of that percentage are men

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

Yes, but that link says nothing about:

1) Whether or not women are less likely to report rape than men (they aren't)
2) How much of that percentage are men

I realized my wording wasn't great, that's what I meant. The part I had quoted before was about the 90% not reporting it, and I was kind of continuing on from there.

The wikipedia goes on to say there is very little data on men being raped in general, and pretty much none for female/female rape.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

Update:

Basically, there is little that can be done as far as policewise. I am not surprised about that. However, he did give me the number of a therapist and to call her on Monday and she can guide me through the steps of trying to get my friend to maybe come in for a talk.

Right now this is all that I can proactively do.

 

[Vagabundo]

Hopefully she will go.

 

[krypt0nian]

Update:

Basically, there is little that can be done as far as policewise. I am not surprised about that. However, he did give me the number of a therapist and to call her on Monday and she can guide me through the steps of trying to get my friend to maybe come in for a talk.

Right now this is all that I can proactively do.

So needs to go. Needs.

 

[Sealda]

What type of person is the husband? Feels like his actions will make or break it. I know guys who would get real mad at you even... Not to say her and especially the rapist.

 

[SMT]

This is substantiated research, and yes women are less likely to report rape.
Men might boast about being raped, distort reality and claim it was consensual. Men might be tormented by their peers for accusing the woman of wrongdoing, because a man is supposed to be strong enough to fend off a woman, or colleagues may question their manhood or sexual orientation. There's also the comforting notion of your friend reassuring you that coercive sex with another woman is definitely not rape. Males often gloat about these encounters, while women often are the victims of the double standard in gender roles, and avoid leaking this information to anyone out of fear that it may damage their reputation in the eyes of society.

You can rest assured that I know what I'm talking about since I am a criminologist/psychologist. When have I ever pulled something out of my ass? (I invite you to search my post history)

I'm the one who shoves things, or information, directly up the asses of the masses when I post.

I'm like a bolt of knowledgeable lightning, striking education into the hearts of the nescient.

Now it's late, I must retire.

No Clue Joker? Sounds like a good tag, because you clearly have no idea what you're going on about, bedtime?

 

[Ignis Fatuus]

You can rest assured that I know what I'm talking about since I am a criminologist/psychologist.

When have I ever pulled something out of my ass? (I invite you to search my post history)

I'm the one who shoves things, or information, directly up the asses of the masses when I post.

I'm like a bolt of knowledgeable lightning, striking education into the hearts of the nescient.

Now it's late, I must retire.

:lol I'm sorry, you just sound a little crazy here.

 

[MattKeil]

This is substantiated research, and yes women are less likely to report rape.

Source?

You can rest assured that I know what I'm talking about since I am a criminologist/psychologist.

How much do you know about Japanese culture?

 

[AzureSkies]

Source?



How much do you know about Japanese culture?

I guess you could say that the topic creator shot themselves in the foot.

 

[MechaX]

To back up SMT, I personally thought it was better known these days that women frequently do not report a majority of rapes and are less likely to report than men. In terms of giving specific studies, that would require some textbook digging, so I'll get back to you on that. But I wanted to chime in on this because what SMT is saying has been pretty substantiated in my psychology (and even legal) experience.

EDIT: Actually, nevermind. The underreporting of women in general is substantiated, but male reporting most commonly fall under 10% of reported rape and sexual assault reports, so...

Update:

Basically, there is little that can be done as far as policewise. I am not surprised about that. However, he did give me the number of a therapist and to call her on Monday and she can guide me through the steps of trying to get my friend to maybe come in for a talk.

Right now this is all that I can proactively do.

I would have thought that the police would have taken this a little bit more serious when considering that the acquaintance's time for "good humor" is apparently crawling into her house through her bedroom window while children are present.

But make sure to call that therapist. At this point, your friend needs positive reinforcement, not ultimatums or victim-blaming or anything of the sort.

Now in terms of telling the husband.... this might be pretty dicey. Your friend could be holding off on telling her husband out of fear of breaking up the family or the husband could potentially be a domestic violence abuser, or anything. Or maybe he is rather level-headed, I don't know. I would make sure I have a pretty good grasp on his personality before taking this action.

 

[jimi_dini]

This is substantiated research, and yes women are less likely to report rape.
Men might boast about being raped, distort reality and claim it was consensual. Men might be tormented by their peers for accusing the woman of wrongdoing, because a man is supposed to be strong enough to fend off a woman, or colleagues may question their manhood or sexual orientation.

colleagues may also make fun of him, another reason why actually a man would probably less likely report rape because of how society thinks. A woman will normally get taken seriously in case of reporting rape. A man? I would say that many wouldn't.

And how does it fit, that men getting raped and "claiming it was consensual" make him report rape more often? Or do you mean because his mind changed it to consensual (I guess some woman may do the same in their head, maybe even the victim here, thinking that it could be considered cheating by her husband), that it wouldn't be rape anymore?

And this matches http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics

Traditional rape-related advocacy groups are also beginning to support male-male rape victims as well as female-male rape victims. Other advocacy groups that support male victims of female rape encourage recognition of female-male rape as rape rather than as a 'love affair', a 'relationship', or as a beneficial form of sex 'education'. However, female-male and female-female rape is rarely recognized as a statistically significant form of rape despite research indicating otherwise. Thus reporting rape by females remains difficult or impossible especially in jurisdictions where rape by a female is considered no crime or where the false perception persists that rape of a male by a female is impossible.

I didn't even know this. Rape by female is not considered a crime? Where? wtf.

 

[abusori]

78.46% of statistics are made up on the spot.

 

[Mudkips]

I didn't even know this. Rape by female is not considered a crime? Where? wtf.

Many jurisdictions either define rape as a female being the victim or as involving penetration of the victim, so women can't rape men.

 

[Jackpot]

.


You really shouldn't get to involved. I mean you already pleaded your case to her, and if she continues to see this person, then that is her choice. If she is aware that this is happening to her and she continues to stay with this person, then again, that is her choice and she'll need to come to the decision at some point that what is going on is wrong and needs to stop.

If you get involved, even after she asked you not to, all you are going to do is piss her off and probably lose a friend.

Is it worth losing a friend over?

Stopping her from getting raped again? Yeah, I'd say so.

Anyway, this is a serious crime that needs to be reported. What the hell's next, "GAF I know this guy who keeps murdering people, should I do something?"

I don't get it, do some posters here not view rape as a real crime or are they just too shocked by it to take the OP seriously?

 

[Vermillion]

This is substantiated research, and yes women are less likely to report rape.
Men might boast about being raped, distort reality and claim it was consensual. Men might be tormented by their peers for accusing the woman of wrongdoing, because a man is supposed to be strong enough to fend off a woman, or colleagues may question their manhood or sexual orientation. There's also the comforting notion of your friend reassuring you that coercive sex with another woman is definitely not rape. Males often gloat about these encounters, while women often are the victims of the double standard in gender roles, and avoid leaking this information to anyone out of fear that it may damage their reputation in the eyes of society.

You can rest assured that I know what I'm talking about since I am a criminologist/psychologist. When have I ever pulled something out of my ass? (I invite you to search my post history)

I'm the one who shoves things, or information, directly up the asses of the masses when I post.

I'm like a bolt of knowledgeable lightning, striking education into the hearts of the nescient.

Now it's late, I must retire.

No Clue Joker? Sounds like a good tag, because you clearly have no idea what you're going on about, bedtime?

I don't know what your post is.

At any rate:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/15/health/nearly-1-in-5-women-in-us-survey-report-sexual-assault.html

I don't get it, do some posters here not view rape as a real crime or are they just too shocked by it to take the OP seriously?

I imagine people are still hung up on the fact that she keeps going back, and assume that because of that she's lying or that it's her fault. It's probably some deeper issue or fear of the guy, really. I'd say go talk to him (aggressively), but that may only end up making things worse for her.

Chi, do you know the depth of her relationship with her rapist? Also, how is she holding up?

 

[shanshan310]

I'm really surprised and disappointed nothing can be done legally. That doesn't really make sense to me. Is it because she wasn't examined at the time?

Was it ever answered why she came to your place and stayed in your bed? Where did her husband think she was?

Her husband works night shift. OP is obviously the support guy which is why she went to him for support, especially if she isn't keen on telling her husband. Really I didn't find it that strange.

 

[Vermillion]

I'm really surprised and disappointed nothing can be done legally. That doesn't really make sense to me. Is it because she wasn't examined at the time?

I thought it was because she didn't go to the cops - so long as it's only OP talking, and OP there, and the girl didn't go to be examined or anything, the cops can't do anything. She needs to go with him, IIRC.

 

[shanshan310]

I thought it was because she didn't go to the cops - so long as it's only OP talking, and OP there, and the girl didn't go to be examined or anything, the cops can't do anything. She needs to go with him, IIRC.

Ah right, well I guess Chi's job now is to convince her of the importance of going to the police.

 

[Zoe]

Her husband works night shift. OP is obviously the support guy which is why she went to him for support, especially if she isn't keen on telling her husband. Really I didn't find it that strange.

That's really troubling though because it means she leaves her kids home alone at night while all of this is happening. It's more than her at stake here.

 

[butter_stick]

That's really troubling though because it means she leaves her kids home alone at night while all of this is happening. It's more than her at stake here.

The whole thing is so weird. This is some Lost shit.

 

[SMT]

I don't know what your post is.

At any rate:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/15/health/nearly-1-in-5-women-in-us-survey-report-sexual-assault.html



I imagine people are still hung up on the fact that she keeps going back, and assume that because of that she's lying or that it's her fault. It's probably some deeper issue or fear of the guy, really. I'd say go talk to him (aggressively), but that may only end up making things worse for her.

Chi, do you know the depth of her relationship with her rapist? Also, how is she holding up?

In Canada, it is prohibited to use American statistics because they are not representative of the population. ''I have no idea what your post is?'' Why are you making excuses for your ignorance after challenging me? Your data means nothing to me.

I didn't even know this. Rape by female is not considered a crime? Where? wtf.

The more you know, but this should depend on the state and circumstances, up here (all of Canada) it is not considered a crime among colleagues of the male victim, but in the eyes of the law, it is. And yes, the male rationalizes or distorts his perception of the even to claim his lost masculinity, it is only after sharing his plight with certain individuals that he clearly feels injustice, beckoning an official report with the law.

Which is why catharsis can put things into perspective, also being a dual-edged sword.

:lol I'm sorry, you just sound a little crazy here.

It seems you are new around these parts, I always slip-in a hint of mental illness when creating my posts as an attempt of humor, I'm glad you loled. It was also 5 am, and I was still tinkering around the house.

Source?

How much do you know about Japanese culture?

I know what I've read in textbooks (that I don't agree with sometimes), I haven't been abroad yet, hopefully one day. But there are a lot of forum discussions that seem to convey new knowledge about the situation of gender roles in Japan. But forum posts and news articles cannot be considered tributes to the scientific community, and thus become baseless data à la subjective. :/

 

[FlyingTeacup]

Update:

Basically, there is little that can be done as far as policewise. I am not surprised about that. However, he did give me the number of a therapist and to call her on Monday and she can guide me through the steps of trying to get my friend to maybe come in for a talk.

Right now this is all that I can proactively do.

all the best, hope you can talk through her.

 

[Vermillion]

In Canada, it is prohibited to use American statistics because they are not representative of the population. ''I have no idea what your post is?'' Why are you making excuses for your ignorance after challenging me? Your data means nothing to me.

Excuses? You seemed insane at best. I'm thus far the only one between the two of use who has provided any stats. And I was sure we were talking about America - a Google search has given me nothing about Canada.

So I'd like stats, not your anecdotes.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Stopping her from getting raped again? Yeah, I'd say so.

Anyway, this is a serious crime that needs to be reported. What the hell's next, "GAF I know this guy who keeps murdering people, should I do something?"

I don't get it, do some posters here not view rape as a real crime or are they just too shocked by it to take the OP seriously?

Not just her, any other woman that the rapist know and might be in a position to take advantage of.

With all the "rape rape", "date rape", and whatnot being thrown around in this thread I wonder how many here consider rape to be a serious crime.

I mean, come on at shit like this:

sounds like she's not really being raped

 

[davepoobond]

the only thing that can and should be said is that nothing can (or should) happen unless she reports it and comes forth. You beating up the guy will just put the only person that can help her in trouble.

the best thing would have been to report the crime as soon as she came over to your house. even if she took a shower (washing out majority of the evidence) there would still have been bruising to document.


i feel for you in this situation and it sucks to be watching a friend go through what is literally torture.

 

[K.Jack]

This is way beyond the rape, to me, and I'm not trivializing that. Her life is in serious danger. This man is a sociopath. I mean, he comes over to apologize, and it ended in violent rape? He's creeping in her windows, and into her bed?

Is this being taken seriously enough? I don't know enough to make a call on whether she doesn't realize how dangerous he is, or if she does and that's why she's so terrified of action.

Forget the friendship. Doing what ensures she like you at the end of the day can not be the focus, if it at all is. You may have to lose her, to save her.

It's time to stop referring to him as her friend, too. He is a predator. What would this guy do, if he knew that you know about the rapes?

Just think about it. I'd hate for something worse to happen, before you wish you'd done more. Is the worry of what her husband might do worse than the possibility of her losing her life? Dude should have the right to protect his own, imo, if no one else can or will.

 

[shanshan310]

Has your friend taken any action yet?

 

[RyougaSaotome]

This is way beyond the rape, to me, and I'm not trivializing that. Her life is in serious danger. This man is a sociopath. I mean, he comes over to apologize, and it ended in violent rape? He's creeping in her windows, and into her bed?

Is this being taken seriously enough? I don't know enough to make a call on whether she doesn't realize how dangerous he is, or if she does and that's why she's so terrified of action.

Forget the friendship. Doing what ensures she like you at the end of the day can not be the focus, if it at all is. You may have to lose her, to save her.

This. Your friendship is more than worth sacrificing if you can help prevent her from getting raped again.

This goes beyond even the rape, which is big enough to begin with, also putting her life and her children's lives in danger as well. This guy sounds fucking insane.

I just wish I knew what you could actually do in this situation. =/

 

[NoRéN]

I'm the one who shoves things, or information, directly up the asses of the masses when I post.

I would like to know what percentage of posters on gaf have had something shoved up their asa by SMT?

If it was unwanted, would it be considered rape?

 

[border]

Women are less likely to report rape than men, in fact, 90% of all women who are raped chose to keep it a secret and take to their graves.

How would you even come up with that statistic if rape victims keep it a secret till they die?

 

[Byakuya769]

Sorry for the bump, but where is my conclusion to this story?

 

[DarkKyo]

Sorry for the bump, but where is my conclusion to this story?

Some stories in life just don't have conclusions, man.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

Sorry for the bump, but where is my conclusion to this story?

The OP was dead the whole time.

 

[Byakuya769]

There was supposed to be some showdown or something the next time the guy showed up.

I was on the "this story is fake" train, so just curious.

 

[CB3]

The OP was dead the whole time.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

Conclusion: She wants to keep it quiet. And I told the dude, via mutual acquaintances that I would break his arm off if I ever saw him.

 

[akira28]

I don't even know...

 

[EatinOlives]

EDIT: Looks like you sort of dealt with it already