Does anyone what happens if he calls the cops but she denies it happened? That seems to be possible and then not only can't the cops help but chi would be in even less a position to help. I wonder if telling the husband isn't the best way to go but if she might denie it there really isn't anything he can do.
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Dear Gaf, say your friend was raped.
- Thread starter ChiTownBuffalo
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Trancetronic
Member
Yeah I just got home and wow. So many bans on the first page.
So how do the victims of rape actually feel? I'm not trying to be ignorant, I just want to understand. I know it's not consensual but when a victim receives it, it's pretty much an "unwanted phone call" to have sex, right? But why do some women secretly like it, and in this case, keep going back to the same person?
I know rape instills a lot of psychological mental feelings and what not, but it's like a lot of women are victimized, then walk away like nothing happened. I know you have to move on, but I would be scarred for life. There's counseling too, but the whole thing is just weird to me.
Ninja Scooter
Member
At least the cops will probably send someone out to talk to her. Maybe it will snap something in her. This needs to escalate beyond the OP being the only person who knows though. His heart might be in the right place but he's not in a position to do anything to help her so long as that contines to be the case.
I 'm pretty sure it's nothing to do with "secretly liking it"...
Trancetronic
Member
So a trump card to get some guy in trouble because they feel they have the power to do so?
I want to say his post is full of shit but I remember there was this one poster who said his girlfriend gave him permission to rape her. Yes I know his girlfriend is an idiot and doesn't understand the meaning of the term however there it was. Also she obviously doesn't represent females in general.
You were speaking in the context of rape, not lying sluts.
Both of you need to tone it down.
TheNatural
My Member!
He screwed up and he continues to screw up by not calling the police or doing anything about it. And what this thread is, is a mess of liability with this guy putting into text a potential crime, hell an ONGOING crime.
If I ran this site, I would be pissed the fuck off, not only at the OP's indifference to action; but putting risk on the site itself. I wouldn't want to get a call from authorities to subpoena the dumbass OP's IP address and his posts on the matter.
The original post was under the inquiry of "understanding rape." He's conflating actual rape to super small percent of cases where someone who isn't raped but claims to be for whatever personal reason they have. So two different things entirely.
And another one bites the dust
Trancetronic
Member
Well I was just curious. I wasn't trying to troll or anything. I read the original post and just asked(I guess indirectly) what the mental consequences were.
I assume you are going to have some time available soon. So start here to educate yourself:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victimization_Symptoms
Hate to stereotype GAF but it's no secret that GAD is mostly guys. I'm a guy, too, but as a guy whose closest friends have been girls since high school, I will say this:
Guys tend to think in terms of action-logic wheres girls often think in terms of emotion-logic. People in this thread seem to want the husband to know because Action X needs to be done. People in this thread want the cops called so Action Y needs to be done.
But the woman in question might not be telling her husband or calling the cops because she needs to get her emotional bearings before deciding how to deal with it. As guys we think in terms of urgency and safety for those who need protection. But often, women are thinking in terms of emotional readiness and having the inner strength to deal with it. Strength to women often means ability to endure the circumstances. Strength to men often means ability to change the circumstances to make them durable.
Not saying that the husband shouldn't be told or that the cops shouldn't be called, but I do think it's not exactly respectful to the victim to simply write her off as incapable of rational decision-making and therefore in need of being rescued by her male friend who can think more rationally. What is "rational" to us guys is often stupid in the eyes of women who are thinking in terms of the proper way to deal with something that will have longterm emotional affects. We men often think in terms of immediate tangible results to improve the situation, defined by who's in jail, who got away with what, and who needs protection. But women aren't necessarily looking at the situation in terms of who got away with what crime and who needs protection. In dact there are times they need their friends to specifically not do anything, because they need to know that THEIR actions and thinking solved the problem, and that they didn't need rescuing, and thus giving them long-term confidence to deal with anything similar if it happens again.
Women often come to their friends, male and female alike, for the understanding and support it takes to help gain the strength to endure--not necessarily because they want to be rescued or have anyone try to solve their problems for them. Once on this more emotionally stable ground, they will see if they need to make changes to the situation. But they will do that on their own terms and when they feel they know what will lead to the best long term emotional health.
In short, I'm saying to the OP that my opinion is: Be there for her and do nothin more than what she asks. Not because you might lose uour friendship with her if you do anything, but because what you already do for her is what she values in your friendship now.
Guys tend to think in terms of action-logic wheres girls often think in terms of emotion-logic. People in this thread seem to want the husband to know because Action X needs to be done. People in this thread want the cops called so Action Y needs to be done.
But the woman in question might not be telling her husband or calling the cops because she needs to get her emotional bearings before deciding how to deal with it. As guys we think in terms of urgency and safety for those who need protection. But often, women are thinking in terms of emotional readiness and having the inner strength to deal with it. Strength to women often means ability to endure the circumstances. Strength to men often means ability to change the circumstances to make them durable.
Not saying that the husband shouldn't be told or that the cops shouldn't be called, but I do think it's not exactly respectful to the victim to simply write her off as incapable of rational decision-making and therefore in need of being rescued by her male friend who can think more rationally. What is "rational" to us guys is often stupid in the eyes of women who are thinking in terms of the proper way to deal with something that will have longterm emotional affects. We men often think in terms of immediate tangible results to improve the situation, defined by who's in jail, who got away with what, and who needs protection. But women aren't necessarily looking at the situation in terms of who got away with what crime and who needs protection. In dact there are times they need their friends to specifically not do anything, because they need to know that THEIR actions and thinking solved the problem, and that they didn't need rescuing, and thus giving them long-term confidence to deal with anything similar if it happens again.
Women often come to their friends, male and female alike, for the understanding and support it takes to help gain the strength to endure--not necessarily because they want to be rescued or have anyone try to solve their problems for them. Once on this more emotionally stable ground, they will see if they need to make changes to the situation. But they will do that on their own terms and when they feel they know what will lead to the best long term emotional health.
In short, I'm saying to the OP that my opinion is: Be there for her and do nothin more than what she asks. Not because you might lose uour friendship with her if you do anything, but because what you already do for her is what she values in your friendship now.
Is this some sort of elaborate troll to get insensitive pricks banned from GAF?
If not... asking this forum for advice on such a serious matter probably isn't the best idea...
I would say you should use common sense and HAVE HER REPORT IT TO THE POLICE
A violent crime was committed....
If not... asking this forum for advice on such a serious matter probably isn't the best idea...
I would say you should use common sense and HAVE HER REPORT IT TO THE POLICE
A violent crime was committed....
morningbus
Serious Sam is a wicked gahbidge series for chowdaheads.
No, it's about the same story. It is just easier to follow and understand. There is nothing incompatible between the original and the current version.
-COOLIO-
The Everyman
ah
edit: wait, no. it's pretty different
the family/marriage aspect and home invasion completely changes the dynamic
Zoe
Member
They're mostly the same. The biggest difference is it's not date rape.
original said:
Indrid Cold1
Member
While we're at it, why don't you piss off with your backseat modding. I hate this shit.
Yeah, I didn't see it pre-edit and the first page makes little sense.
Tell the police, tell the husband, or convince her to do it.
Do not get involved beyond that.
Baconsammy
Banned
Zoe
Member
While it may not be the most politically correct use of the term, from the first few pages it's obvious that many people here believe dating is a component of date rape.
Okay, will piss off.
I was just pissed off because he said that a woman got raped and she is coming back to him means she likes it. Woman gets beaten and gets back to her abusive husband = she likes to get beaten. I mean wtf. He should really inform himself about psychological behaviour before writing such crap. Still I didn't insult him in any way. I'm out.
edit- misread
yes i caught my mistake, tried to edit the post out quickly but it seems GAF has a super cache.
They feel and are violated and are also physically harmed by the attack. Some people bury it due to the shame aspect, public or private. There's a lot of reasons why some people are one end of the spectrum of reaction than the other.
yes i caught my mistake, tried to edit the post out quickly but it seems GAF has a super cache.
They feel and are violated and are also physically harmed by the attack. Some people bury it due to the shame aspect, public or private. There's a lot of reasons why some people are one end of the spectrum of reaction than the other.
WHAT?
I didn't say that. He said it. Please read the last posts. Or at least read my post completely.
GrayFoxPL
Member
Going back to abusive husband who lives under the same roof is not the same as going back to some guy.
"she likes to get beaten"
"i have no idea what i'm talking about and i've never given this topic a serious thought before this thread popped up either"
OpinionatedCyborg
Member
unless you want to be this chick's therapist you should either take some action or do nothing and cut her out of your life. this is way beyond anything most of us are capable of helping with (and for those of us who are, we are generally paid for this sort of thing). how long is his friend going to let this go on? If the OP isn't emotionally exhausted from trying to help her, he will be in the future if this keeps up. she is behaving like a crazy person right now and needs help from her immediate family, the police, and mental health professionals.
in most situations, I would completely agree wtih you. but now is not the time to stand by and be a supportive friend. once her husband or the police are aware of what's happened, the OP can take on that role.
basically this.
Before some mod accidentaly bans me, because it's overlooked somehow:
jimi_dini said:
Please, read the post completely instead of just reading a few words.
Of course - my intention was to show the logic behind his sentence and all of those behaviours don't make sense logically. But they happen, because people in such situations don't think logically. Hostages have also sometimes positive feelings about their captors and may even defend them, although they have no previous relationship at all.
Fury Sense
Member
Hey man, just hang in there. One day he'll beat her so badly she dies and you won't have to worry about her problems anymore. Just make sure to let her enjoy the ride before it all ends. With luck, the children will grow up with an enlightened understanding of civil rights and spread the joy as they enter into their own relationships. Maybe even your daughter!
Indrid Cold1
Member
Bail out guys, this is a bait thread if I ever saw one and too many have fallen for it already. Shame on you OP
This thread is really bringing people out of the woodworks.
Yes lying about rape can ruin lives however you shouldn't just call them "lying sluts" as the case an circumstances might be complicated. Rape in of itself causes serious psychological damage and the whole thing about women being branded liars until proven otherwise doesn't help.
You won't get banned if you're not an idiot.
shanshan310
Member
The Elite
BOSS
The original OP said "date rape" and didn't mention that she was married or that this guy crawled into her bedroom window.
shanshan310
Member
Yeah I'm just reading back through the thread. Didn't realise how long it was ><
Trancetronic
Member
Thank you for answering my question without attacking me with a silly "you're gonna get banned" threat. That's all I wanted to know. I just wanted to understand the reaction that a victim receives and how they are psychologically altered in the future.
With that being said, I'm out of this thread.
Dice
Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
This is what I don't get. Does she think men just get a little rapey sometimes and can't help it? Are we dogs?
computers putin'
Member
Holy shit, what a horrific situation. I'd wanna put hands on the guy and hurt him, but it won't help. Calling the police may make things worse too depending on how things play out ( she may not admit to anything and would probably resent you for it ), but I can't think of any other option considering her life could be in danger ( he's unstable AND knows where she lives ). You're a great friend for being there for her though, just keep a close eye out for her and support her until she is able to sort through this somewhat and come forward to the police about the rape...... hopefully.
OP, this situation is so messed up but you really need to act on it to help her. She is clearly not capable of helping herself right now and since you are the only one who knows about the situation, you need to help her out of this. The longer you leave it, it can only get worse. Call the police or tell her husband, something seriously needs to be done and for this to be stopped.
shanshan310
Member
No, I think its more like, she feels incredibly guilty about what happened - even though it wasn't her fault. She hates the situation that she is in now and probably wants things to just go back to the way they were so she can keep on living her life. If she takes the step forward to fix the friendship and forgive him I bet she feels like she can fix everything. If she takes this to court everyone will know. It will probably change the dynamic with many of her friends, family and co-workers. You can bet there will be people among them who will say she was just cheating, and she felt bad about cheating so lied about it to get him in jail or something. She herself is probably incredibly messed up at the moment, and might even feel like it constitutes cheating.
Making a lot of assumptions, but I know if that happened to me I would feel that way.
Regardless, I think you need to convince her to come to the police station with you Chi. Its not your place to tell the husband, but in a way taking her to the police station will force her hand. If you don't give her this push she will likely keep putting it off and trying to make it better on her own. She needs you to intervene or the problem will not go away.
Didn't get out fast enough
Byakuya769
Member
I'm going to be waiting for my update on monday.
shanshan310
Member
Yup, same.
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