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do you think you could fuck up a chimpanzee?

GymWolf

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Jun 11, 2019
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I'm 190 cm with a judo and bobyduilding background and the answer is still a resembling nope, chimpanzee are nasty and with far better reflex than normal human.

Also they aim at dick and testicles or eyes first and they bite and throw their waste at you, so maybe you can win but at the price of your masculinity or pride (or both)
 
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Gashtronomy

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Ages ago, lets say, 1800's or summat, there was this boxing match, right, and the people running it had a prize fighter who couldn't be beat, they offered like, loads of money, for any one who could beat this fighter, right. So, so this, lets say, mafia fella, right, came along and said "ohh, my fighter can beat your fighter", but, he has to wear a gown while he's fighting. The champion thought "well, that's a little weird, but we want a good competition and we're running out of challengers" so he accepted it.

So anyway, there was a hussle and tussle and the fight went along. On the day of the fight this little fella jumped into the ring, he like swung between the ropes and went straight in to the ring. After only a few minutes, the new fighter in a gown beat the undebeatable champion and was awarded his belt. The little fellas manager rushed his fighter away from the paparazzi before they took all these pictures and that, right. Anyway, one paparazzi got through security and saw the little fella without his robe on. Turned out, he was a little monkey fella.

Chimpanzee that. #monkeynews
 

Space Runaway

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Heck no. Apes are strong motherfuckers.

Ape story!

In the 50's, Bruno Sammartino wrestled a live an Orangutan at a carnival for a chance to win $25. It basically overpowered him and after being unable to out-wrestle it, he got himself DQ'd after punching the ape in the gut out of frustration. :messenger_smirking:
 

triplestation

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goddamn chimpanzees are absolute savages

i never really paid attention to them before

they're cannibalize chimps from other groups and in rare cases, chimps in their own group
 

MrTickles

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I'd see the chimp and let loose my pet bear Stepan. Chimp would be fucked.


No way.
A chimp spends most of its days swinging through trees.
So does a strongman. 210kg strongmen in peak condition can literally do pull ups and lift their own weight. 6-8 hours a day training and eating at a level a chimp could only dream of, for 10-15 years at a time. :messenger_grinning_sweat: Could a chimp bench press 350kg? Dead Lift 500kg? Grip pull 102kg? I doubt it. They say chimps have up to 5x the upper body strength of an average man. So do strongmen. Easily. Mass does matter. Size does matter.
 
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Texas Pride

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I always wanted to wrestle an alligator so I'd volunteer to take one of these fuckers on. I'm 6'3 300 and I think I could do it. Been in fights my whole life so I'd be down. But with something like that it'd have to be a fight to the death bcs I'm not letting it back up if I put it down. Nature doesn't play fair so I wouldn't either.
 
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DESTROYA

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JimiNutz

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I'd see the chimp and let loose my pet bear Stepan. Chimp would be fucked.




So does a strongman. 210kg strongmen in peak condition can literally do pull ups and lift their own weight. 6-8 hours a day training and eating at a level a chimp could only dream of, for 10-15 years at a time. :messenger_grinning_sweat: Could a chimp bench press 350kg? Dead Lift 500kg? Grip pull 102kg? I doubt it. They say chimps have up to 5x the upper body strength of an average man. So do strongmen. Easily. Mass does matter. Size does matter.
Size and mass matters for sure, especially when fighting other men.
The ability to deadlift 500kg is completely irrelevant in a fight to death against a wild animal though.

Still not sure how you're picturing this fight going down? The strong man will lift the chimp over his head and throw it away?
 
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triplestation

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Size and mass matters for sure, especially when fighting other men.
The ability to deadlift 500kg is completely irrelevant in a fight to death against a wild animal though.

Still not sure how you're picturing this fight going down? The strong man will lift the chimp over his head and throw it away?
maybe grab it by the ankle and do some of this

 

SLoWMoTIoN

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Give me a nine iron and I'll beat an animal to death. But why would you want me to do so you sick person?
 

DiscoJer

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The idea that chimps are super strong is a myth. Some guy about 100 years ago did a really slapdash study and claimed they were 5x stronger than humans. And people have bought that for 100 years.

But more recent, accurate studies they are only about 1 1/2 times stronger. And that's based on body weight. Most chimps are like 120 lbs, so they're about as strong as a 180 lb human. So really not any stronger.

Their teeth on the other hand, might mess you up.
 

Ahjumbie

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From what I've read not only are they about as strong as a grown fit man , they are also quite agile and have immense grip strength . They are also animals so they will fight quite ferociously , jump on you , gouge your eyes out , bite with very pointy big teeth all while squeezing your nuts right out of their sack. So if you wanna go and two-stepp jab jab one of these dudes ....THEY.WILL.F*CK.YOU.UP.
 
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highrider

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You also have to remember how much more durable they are than us, bone density and skin is much tougher. I always remember an experience I had on the Eastern Shore where there was a group of Labradors, the English kind of burly dogs and an older big male began attacking a younger male. I’ve never seen dogs fight where they were looking to kill each other but this older male was just mauling the younger male. The owner who saw it transpire from the house came out with a baseball bat, and he was a big guy. He hit the large male with full force on the head, the kind of blow that could potentially kill a person, and this dog wasn’t even phased. I imagine a chimp being that tough, but faster and more savage. You’d have to choke it. You’re not hurting it with your hands or feet. Good luck getting a hold of that fucker.
 
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sahlberg

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The only way to find out is to test it. And televise it.

We need a new reality show : "Man vs Beast"
where one or more men face off against beasts in unarmed combat.
For Chimps, I think it would have to be 2-3 men vs one chimp to be a fair fight.
But why just fight a chimp? Can 5 men fight off an angry Hippo? I need to know.


I would pay serious money for a show like that.
 

highrider

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The only way to find out is to test it. And televise it.

We need a new reality show : "Man vs Beast"
where one or more men face off against beasts in unarmed combat.
For Chimps, I think it would have to be 2-3 men vs one chimp to be a fair fight.
But why just fight a chimp? Can 5 men fight off an angry Hippo? I need to know.


I would pay serious money for a show like that.
There’s a couple of house cats in my neighborhood that could take out most adults.
 

It's Jeff

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I think I've got a good chance.

Grapplers haven't historically done well against me. If the chimp keeps his distance, it's fireballs all day. If he jumps in, it's DP city. I'm trying to bait the dash because I'm gonna feed him the st axe kick > st. lk > ex Tatsu when he does, and that's his ass.
 
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DESTROYA

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Do you think you could fuck a chimpanzee?
Apparently Jeff wants to DP a chimp.

I think I've got a good chance.

Grapplers haven't historically done well against me. If the chimp keeps his distance, it's fireballs all day. If he jumps in, it's DP city. I'm trying to bait the dash because I'm gonna feed him the st axe kick > st. lk > ex Tatsu when he does, and that's his ass.
 

MaestroMike

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lol fuuuukkk noo u'd get ur face ripped off

but if i ever did get in a fight with a chimp and I'm amped up and I know I'm full of energy and had my meals in, i'd just try to wear him out and then go in for the kill. thats how we would hunt animals we'd wear their as$ out and then go in for the kill once they slow down.
 

petran79

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There was an old TV liqueur advertisement with a chimpanzee and a sexy woman dancing. Dont remember the brand. Maybe having him drunk first would work
 

Ahjumbie

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I think I've got a good chance.

Grapplers haven't historically done well against me. If the chimp keeps his distance, it's fireballs all day. If he jumps in, it's DP city. I'm trying to bait the dash because I'm gonna feed him the st axe kick > st. lk > ex Tatsu when he does, and that's his ass.
You really want to get into a zoning war with a chimp? You do know what they are infamous for flinging at people right?
 
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synchronicity

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They are also animals so they will fight quite ferociously , jump on you , gouge your eyes out , bite with very pointy big teeth all while squeezing your nuts right out of their sack. So if you wanna go and two-stepp jab jab one of these dudes ....THEY.WILL.F*CK.YOU.UP.
This is a significant issue. The wild has been domesticated right out of us squishy pink humans, poking at our phones, sitting in our comfy car seats while having endless calories directly shoved into our gaping maws, doing our netflix-and-chill routines, and so on. The chimps, on the other hand, will have no problem letting their freak OUT.

We think we know what it's like to let loose - to live the law of the jungle, but we'd be taught a clear lesson that, no, we do not understand how the truly wild get down.

Edit: It would be our last lesson.
 
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Ahjumbie

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You make it sound taboo or something. I can't help what I'm into and I'll thank you not to shame me.



Fuck, new information. I think this matchup goes back to 5-5.
I would imagine it being a lob projectile like Sim and have a damage over time effect like F.AN.G. 's V-Skill ..ooo...also make it cause some stun over time!!
 

Blade2.0

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I always wanted to wrestle an alligator so I'd volunteer to take one of these fuckers on. I'm 6'3 300 and I think I could do it. Been in fights my whole life so I'd be down. But with something like that it'd have to be a fight to the death bcs I'm not letting it back up if I put it down. Nature doesn't play fair so I wouldn't either.
would love to see you get your dick ripped off, lol
 
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It's Jeff

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I would imagine it being a lob projectile like Sim and have a damage over time effect like F.AN.G. 's V-Skill ..ooo...also make it cause some stun over time!!
As long as the damage doesn't stack. If it stacks, Chimpanzee is broken.
 
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triplestation

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What makes you ask?
i just remembered a thought when joe rogan was once talking about chimpanzees on the podcast and he was talking with someone else about the back of chimpanzees and how the backs of chimpanzees are like a big solid chunk of wood

as far as i thought chimpanzees were as soft as any other monkey

i've recently started figuring out that these things are absolute monsters not just because of their features but their ruthlessness

i just saw the video where a group of chimps chase down a smaller monkey and eat it alive

this is one of those most metal things i've seen

if i had to live near chimpanzees i'd wanna be locked and loaded at all times

 

Ahjumbie

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i just remembered a thought when joe rogan was once talking about chimpanzees on the podcast and he was talking with someone else about the back of chimpanzees and how the backs of chimpanzees are like a big solid chunk of wood

as far as i thought chimpanzees were as soft as any other monkey

i've recently started figuring out that these things are absolute monsters not just because of their features but their ruthlessness

i just saw the video where a group of chimps chase down a smaller monkey and eat it alive

this is one of those most metal things i've seen

if i had to live near chimpanzees i'd wanna be locked and loaded at all times

At least lions and tigers have the decency to kill first (for the most part)
 

triplestation

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gorillas are so charming compared to when you look at a chimp


you know what i think you can place a big high end television a safe distance away from the gorilla and the gorilla would enjoy it
 
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triplestation

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Good to see Joe Rogan clips. He loves talking about this shit. Lol
bro look at the video i posted 2 posts up

joe comments that the lady who owned the chimp probably fucked the chimp since she also bathed and slept with it

 
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