Support NeoGAF

[triplestation]

let's say you got into a fight with an adult male chimpanzee

what kind of human does it take to win in a fight against a chimpanzee?

like would Manny Pacquiao fuck up a chimpanzee or would it be a tough fight even for him?

 

[nkarafo]

Can a chimp even get knocked out with punches?

I remember a hog attacking someone and someone else was hiting it on the head with a huge piece of wood but it didnt seem to care.

 

[Weilthain]

So a spunky chimp

vs

this guy

maybe alex Jones during a rage, but not manny.

 

[womfalcs3]

Look at the girth of those biceps on that chimp. I'd say no. They're agile, too.

Thank goodness we have brains to overcome physical limitations.

 

[mcz117chief]

Chimpanzees are insanely strong and robust. The only way I'm picking a fight with a chimp is if you give me a gun.

edit: did some research. It seems that the strength of chimpanzees has been wildly exaggerated. They do have about 1.5 times stronger muscles than us but they tire much faster than human muscles. Plus the total amount of muscles is considerably lower than humans have so a fit person should be about an equal if not actually stronger than a chimp and an athlete should be able to overpower a chimp.

 

[JimiNutz]

A full grown wild male chimp would fuck any man up 9/10 times.

They are about four times stronger than the average man, far faster/more agile and have sharp teeth.

What you gonna do, punch and kick it?
The chimp will easily shrug off your meager blows and rip your face off with its bare hands (not an exaggeration a 'tame' chimp has done this in the past).

Oh you know BJJ? Good luck grappling with an animal that swings through the trees all day. Once again, expect the chimp to sink it's giant teeth into your arms/neck while you attempt to grapple with it. It'll then pull your penis off with its bare hands and snacks on your juicy sausage.

Anyone that thinks otherwise hasn't seen Planet of the Apes.

 

[EviLore]

Good luck.

 

[AV]

 

[Blade2.0]

Lol, no. You'd be fucking dead dude. Maybe someone like the mountain, maybe... Probably not even someone like him. They also go for your groin and face. If you do survive, you'll wish you were dead. Don't fuck with chimps.

 

[Kenpachii]

 

[farmerboy]

Yeah right. You seen the balls on those motherfuckers?

Edit: LOL Kenpachii

 

[DoctorEkkoUK]

its a bit like batman vs superman. you would have to use your brain to outwit it by like slowly destoying its habitat over generations until it went extinct. check mate

 

[DKehoe]

 

[Ornlu]

/end thread


I'd take one with a boar spear, maybe. Something to keep that little Sean Sherk muscle midget off of you while it dies.

 

[DESTROYA]

For some reason I read the OP‘s title without the up.

No to both.

 

[Tesseract]

jesus christ no have you seen what they do to people bro they will rip off your arms like yer fucking taffy

rip your fucking feet off and fuck your ass

if you don't think chimps will steal babies and eat them you haven't been paying attention to the literature

 

[Thaedolus]

The first thing they do it grab your junk and rip it right the fuck off. Then while you’re in a daze contemplating your new life as Theon Greyjoy, they start eating your face.

 

[Pagusas]

Isn’t there a whole movie series about this?

 

[DESTROYA]

 

[Birdo]

We evolved to use weapons, so yes, I would shoot it.

 

[lil puff]

For some reason I read the OP‘s title without the up.

No to both.

Same. And I actually considered it.

 

[Kazza]

Chimps are jacked (plus they probably bite):

Your best hope would be to try to get a kick in on those giant testicles:

 

[lil puff]

Chimps are jacked (plus they probably bite):

Your best hope would be to try to get a kick in on those giant testicles:

That guy is ripped. Damn.

Kicking in the nuts may make it even madder.

 

[Schrödinger's cat]

OK. This thread makes a bit more sense now that I've spotted the word "up" in the title.

 

[Phunkydiabetic]

Chimpanzees are insanely strong and robust. The only way I'm picking a fight with a chimp is if you give me a gun.

edit: did some research. It seems that the strength of chimpanzees has been wildly exaggerated. They do have about 1.5 times stronger muscles than us but they tire much faster than human muscles. Plus the total amount of muscles is considerably lower than humans have so a fit person should be about an equal if not actually stronger than a chimp and an athlete should be able to overpower a chimp.

A full grown wild male chimp would fuck any man up 9/10 times.

They are about four times stronger than the average man, far faster/more agile and have sharp teeth.

What you gonna do, punch and kick it?
The chimp will easily shrug off your meager blows and rip your face off with its bare hands (not an exaggeration a 'tame' chimp has done this in the past).

Oh you know BJJ? Good luck grappling with an animal that swings through the trees all day. Once again, expect the chimp to sink it's giant teeth into your arms/neck while you attempt to grapple with it. It'll then pull your penis off with its bare hands and snacks on your juicy sausage.

Anyone that thinks otherwise hasn't seen Planet of the Apes.

Ugh guys come on. Which one is it? My chimpanzee project is due tomorrow I need some accurate information here.

 

[#Phonepunk#]

LOL no way. if i was in a room with a chimp i would leave the room. chimps would rip your face off without a warning.

 

[strange headache]

Ugh guys come on. Which one is it? My chimpanzee project is due tomorrow I need some accurate information here.

JimiNutz is right, they are about 3-5 times stronger than us humans:



They have fewer motor neurons but have more brute strength. In other words, they would kick our butts in a fight, but we are much better at playing ukulele.

 

[Prison Mike]

I'd rather fight manny

 

[Musky_Cheese]

I could take it. At the very least quickly make it retreat. Run away and throw poop probably.
Dirty beast they are.

 

[MetalAlien]

When I was younger my friends used to make that very joke about me. Saying they wanted to see my fight a full grown chimp to see who would win.

It's those teeth and forearms you have to worry about. The have huge fangs, and their hands are super strong. Great for exploring your eye socket.

 

[TheGreatYosh]

Hell no.

 

[Chairman Tickles]

If you're a big 115kg+ guy taking on an average 60kg chimp, sure you could damage it enough to get it off you before it tears your face off. You'd still be far worse off than the chimp. Maybe if you were a 160kg+ strongman, you could simply pick the chimp up and smash it against the ground repeatedly or tear its limbs off.

Now if its a very large alpha chimp (90kg+) not even a strongman would stand a chance. That chimp would have arms more powerful than a strongman's legs.

 

[The Brooklyn Brawler]

Just give it a poison banana

 

[Shrap]

I'd actually like to see a chimp's reaction if Tyson Fury (6'9" 250+lbs), Anthony Joshua (6'6" 240+lbs) or Deontay Wilder (6'7" 220+lbs) squared up to fight one.They would be absolutely dwarfed. Would they still choose to fight?

 

[The Brooklyn Brawler]

I'd actually like to see a chimp's reaction if Tyson Fury (6'9" 250+lbs), Anthony Joshua (6'6" 240+lbs) or Deontay Wilder (6'7" 220+lbs) squared up to fight one.They would be absolutely dwarfed. Would they still choose to fight?

Damn right they would

They'd climb those fuckers like the giant meat trees they are and then rip off their stupid faces

 

[Fushitsusha]

We've never seen chimps at full strength and potential, imagine a chimp that would pump iron.

 

[NickFire]

Friday threads are the best threads. And I'm pretty sure an adult chimp would put a beating on the average adult human.

 

[Romulus]

I'd actually like to see a chimp's reaction if Tyson Fury (6'9" 250+lbs), Anthony Joshua (6'6" 240+lbs) or Deontay Wilder (6'7" 220+lbs) squared up to fight one.They would be absolutely dwarfed. Would they still choose to fight?

I don't think a pissed alpha chimp would give a fuck.

The problem with wild animals vs humans is the increased amount of fast twitch explosive muscle fibers. That's why they're able go tear off flesh and snap bones so easily, human tissue can't withstand the explosiveness of the movement.

So whereas you and I get in a tussle and get bruises etc, they literally tear through your flesh and rip out large hunks of it. Also, we don't have fangs.

 

[Ornlu]

We've never seen chimps at full strength and potential, imagine a chimp that would pump iron.

Jamie, pull that up.

 

[420bits]

Sure, if the chip were in a wheelchair or just plain retarded.

But if you go by the scenario that a human and a chimp is put in a cage and only one leaves (and they both understand it), Chimp would leave the human in a torn up pile of shit, piss and blood.

 

[Sakura]

Chimp strength is overrated. They are around 1.35x stronger than humans, pound for pound. But they are also only like what, 100lbs? A chimp isn't going to be stronger overall than a phsyically fit adult human male.
The 5 times stronger or whatever bullshit number is a number that is like over 100 years old, and has long since been disproven.

 

[synchronicity]

Are you kidding? Chimps would wreck our shit.

 

[Starlight Lotice]

Has the OP watched Planet of the Apes and thought it'd make a good thread?

You'd likely lose against Koba, Caeser or Cornelius

 

[Fox Mulder]

they're animals that would go right to primal fighting eating your face and fingers and probably asshole too.

 

[JimiNutz]

If you're a big 115kg+ guy taking on an average 60kg chimp, sure you could damage it enough to get it off you before it tears your face off. You'd still be far worse off than the chimp. Maybe if you were a 160kg+ strongman, you could simply pick the chimp up and smash it against the ground repeatedly or tear its limbs off.

Now if its a very large alpha chimp (90kg+) not even a strongman would stand a chance. That chimp would have arms more powerful than a strongman's legs.

No way.
A chimp spends most of its days swinging through trees. The grip strength on that thing would be incredible. There is absolutely no way that you are shrugging it off regardless of your mass or height.

What's gonna happen is that the chimp is gonna run at the man on all fours (we are not used to facing opponents that run this way). Your only real option is to maybe kick it back (if the chimp is within punching range it's too close and you're already fucked).

The chimp is then gonna leap through the air and grab a hold of you. How are you gonna defend that? Catch it out of the air? lol. Good luck. Most people are either gonna be dumb enough to stand their ground (chimp lands on your upper body/face) or instinct kicks in and you turn to run/shield yourself (chimp lands on your back/shoulders).

Using that incredible grip strength it'll be stuck to you like glue and within seconds it's gonna sink those giant fangs into your neck, face and back.

What the fuck you gonna do then? Thrash around screaming? Try and punch it? Where is your punching power coming from when you've got a fucking chimp attached to you? You think you're gonna land anything substantial on this beast while it sinks it's fangs into your body and tears your flesh/limbs off with its incredibly strong hands?

Sure, if a chimp just stood there staring at you, a full power roundhouse kick to the head/body would probably ward it off.
Good fucking luck landing that lol

 

[Tesseract]

a chimp will rip your fucking arms off

rips your eyes out, snack on your fucking tongue, stomp on your balls

 

[*Nightwing]

Nah, we'd be pals and bond over giving the world the two fingers salute

 

[Tesseract]

Nah, we'd be pals and bond over giving the world the two fingers salute

oh hell no, i wouldn't get within 100 feet of those crazy mother fuckers

 

[Stilton Disco]

Most animals fall into one of two broad muscle categories.

Nimble and agile, with potential for far greater speed and/or stamina.

Hulking great powerhouse motherfuckers that have incredible strength but need a sit down after any great exertion.

Humans are in the former category, all other great apes are in the latter.

In a straight fight a chimp would absolutely fuck our shit up.

But if you could stay out of it's reach, dodge the little shit until it got tired, you could then pelt rocks at the sodding thing until you brained it.

So yes, if...

 

[The Brooklyn Brawler]

Youd just choke the little shit surely