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[Prodigal Son]

Phelps had a good run, he can say goodbye to any possible medal come 2020.

Where would Dolphins wear their medals?

 

[Sini]

The dolphins and the corvids get together to attack us by air and sea, then divide the planet amongst themselves.

One thousand years of peace ensue.

Why does the peace end after thousand years?

 

[MCN]

If dolphins were that smart wouldn't they have done more by now? Obviously I don't know much about what dolphins do but don't they just spend the whole day swimming around and finding food to eat?

I don't know about you, but that sounds WAY preferable to spending 8 hours a day sat in an office. Perhaps dolphins have got it right.

 

[Cymbal Head]

Why does the peace end after thousand years?

...

 

[Fallout-NL]

So long and thanks for all the fish

Came here to post this.

 

[Melon Husk]

We already had this thread btw: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1277518&highlight=

 

[Elfforkusu]

Dolphins are going to be pissed when they learn what we're doing to the planet.

 

[G.ZZZ]

Lots of cetaceans have exibithed a strange things to explain without sentience. The desire to kill without eating and the desire to save cubs of other species for no apparent reason than emotional simpathy, or you may even call that benevolence.

We have such a limited view on what actually constitute intelligence. Also yeah, dolphin could easily be smarter than us in a "general" sense, but without hands, you'd still be stuck in the wild age forever, maybe propagating myths and whatsnot but no hands mean no crafting, no trading, no need for math, geometry, or anything really.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

Oh shit the nut job that was the mind behind Ecco The Dolphin was right?

 

[Fuzzery]

Wonder if orcas are similarly intelligent too

 

[WordAssassin]

We can give a person who has lost a hand or arm a robotic replacement that they can actually use to work with, would something like that be at all possible with a dolphin? Stick some robotic arms on them, train them how to use them, watch the world fall to them?

Or maybe dolphins and octopi are secret friends, the octopi act as the dolphin's hands.

 

[FUNKNOWN iXi]

Yet some people slaughter them for food or lock them in zoos


Shameful

Same with cannibals.

 

[Old Gimlet Eyes]

SeaQuest DSV and Darwin about to be real In my lifetime.... Hopefully.

 

[Rushersauce]

Where is the humanfucker.gif???


Also, this is pretty fucking awesome!

 

[slider]

Until I see a dolphin posting photos of its latte on instagram I'm gonna remain nonplussed.

 

[Mivey]

Until I see a dolphin posting photos of its latte on instagram I'm gonna remain nonplussed.

If anything, that proves them more intelligent than most humans. They'd use Google+. Since no ones using it, the dolphins would have it for themselves.

 

[Tal Shiar Agent]

We can give a person who has lost a hand or arm a robotic replacement that they can actually use to work with, would something like that be at all possible with a dolphin? Stick some robotic arms on them, train them how to use them, watch the world fall to them?

Or maybe dolphins and octopi are secret friends, the octopi act as the dolphin's hands.

We have made prosthetic fins for dolphins already. So the first step is done.

 

[wanderingprostheyltite]

Imagine if we could recruit Dolphins to save lives.

Also, y'all fucked up. Remember that researcher who ended up getting sexually assaulted by a Dolphin? Cause she kept getting too close. You form a bond with them and they'll assume you want them to fuck you.

They kind of already do

Naval Base Kitsap, a marine base 20 miles from Seattle, may be home to the world's largest single-location arsenal of nuclear weapons, and it's defended by dolphins trained by the US Navy.

"Nearly one-quarter of America’s 9,962 nuclear weapons are now assigned to the Bangor submarine base on Hood Canal, 20 air miles northwest of downtown Seattle," the Seattle Times reported in 2006.

"This makes Bangor the largest nuclear weapons storehouse in the United States, and possibly the world," according to the Seattle Times.

Navy spokesman Chris Haley told Business Insider that the US Navy has used dolphins to defend the waters around the base since May 2010. Before then, according to another Navy spokesman, trained sea lions were also used to detect unwanted swimmers.

When a dolphin finds a swimmer, the animals swim back to their trainers, who might give them a transponder to drop near the intruder.

Alternatively, according to Clayton Swansen, a dolphin handler who worked in the Navy program between 2003 and 2005, the marine mammals are equipped with a bite plate that holds a shackle that the dolphins can use to disable an intruder. "They just hit the person in the leg and it attaches around their leg and they can't pull it off until it sends a float up," Swansen told Business Insider.

Essentially, dolphins be arresting fools underwater XD

Also had no idea the world's largest stockpile of nukes was in my backyard

 

[CrazyDiamond]

Yare yare daze

 

[the_firewithin]

Soon.

Legit laughing in the middle of my office right now. Thank you

 

[FelixOrion]

Why does the peace end after thousand years?

 

[Regulus Tera]

Fucking Douglas Adams warned us

https://youtu.be/ojydNb3Lrrs

 

[Crayons]

Amazing first post.


Also, you think Dolphins talk shit about Japan?

I want a dolphin on the record on Japan and I want the prime minister of Japan to respond

 

[slider]

If anything, that proves them more intelligent than most humans. They'd use Google+. Since no ones using it, the dolphins would have it for themselves.

NSA, get on that shit. It's where they'll hatch their plan. Thanks, Google.

 

[Regulus Tera]

I wonder how they'll take it when we tell them we've been destroying the oceans.

Inplying they don't already know

 

[Squirrel Killer]

So, does this make that one scientist that masturbated a dolphin more or less in the wrong?

I mean, if dolphins can understand languages, can they consent to interspecies sex?

As I recall that story, the dolphin was pretty clear that he consented.

 

[pelicansurf]

Must suck to be a dolphin when they have to share the earth with a bunch of stupid assholes called the human race. So many of their kind, potentially as smart as us, being hunted and essentially converted to canned tuna. Others dying due to the complete disregard we have for their habitat. Feels really bad. I'm happy to find out that they may be very intelligent, but also a bit sad.

 

[efyu_lemonardo]

Inplying they don't already know

I'm sure they know about the oceans since they can no doubt feel it, but do they know it was us who did it?

 

[RoadHazard]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/...ecorded-having-a-conversation-for-first-time/

Can't wait until we develop a way to understand and then communicate with dolphins. It will almost be like communicating with aliens.

"So long, and thanks for all the fish!"

EDIT: Dammit, beaten. Which is actually a good thing. Good job!

 

[Jarmel]

So long and thanks for all the fish

I am disappointed beyond words that this wasn't the first post.

 

[Regulus Tera]

If dolphins were that smart wouldn't they have done more by now? Obviously I don't know much about what dolphins do but don't they just spend the whole day swimming around and finding food to eat?

People seriously underestimate the advantage opposable thumbs gave to primates.

 

[Futureman]

Yeah er....

At least that explains that.

Haha where does this quote come from?

 

[M3d10n]

That aren't even dolphins.

That's racist!

 

[Wowfunhappy]

I don't know about you, but that sounds WAY preferable to spending 8 hours a day sat in an office. Perhaps dolphins have got it right.

...so you'd rather go back to being hunter gatherers?

 

[BorkBork]

Wouldn't it also be crazy to think of the types of art/literature produced by dolphins? Like if they had their own version of Shakespeare?

I'm not trying to be funny with that. If they developed language, then literature isn't too far behind, and since they can't write it down, it would likely be performative... like a dolphin play, or whatever their version of it is.

Read this short story by Ursula K. Le Guin.

...It was Professor Duby who, by pointing out the remote affiliation of the script with Low Greylag, made possible the first tentative glossary of Penguin. The analogies with Dolphin which had been employed up to that time never proved very useful, and were often quite misleading.

Indeed it seemed strange that a script written almost entirely in wings, neck, and air should prove the key to the poetry of short-necked, flipper-winged water-writers. But we should not have found it so strange if we had kept in mind that penguins are, despite all evidence to the contrary, birds.

Because their script resembles Dolphin in form, we should never have assumed that is must resemble Dolphin in content. And indeed it does not. There is, of course, the same extraordinary wit, the flashes of crazy humor, the inventiveness, and the inimitable grace. In all the thousands of literatures of the Fish stock, only a few show any humor at all, and that usually of a rather simple, primitive sort; and the superb gracefulness of Shark or Tarpon is utterly different from the joyous vigor of all Cetacean scripts. The joy, the vigor, and the humor are all shared by Penguin authors; and, indeed, by many of the finer Seal auteurs. The temperature of the blood is a bond. But the construction of the brain, and of the womb, makes a barrier! Dolphins do not lay eggs. A world of difference lies in that simple fact....

It's pretty much my favourite.

 

[DrSlek]

Dolphins remember the time we were visited by aliens. They'll tell us how to unlock FTL

Given how many we kill on a daily basis, they might be a little vindictive.

 

[Jarmel]

Let's be honest, though. If there's a dolphin language, and we learn it, one of the first things that will happen is a bunch of weirdo terrorists will try to make a law allowing dolphin/human sex.

SOON

 

[Walpurgis]

If dolphins really can talk using language, I think we will find that elephants can as well.

My childhood dream of having talking animal friends is only an automated human-animal translator away.

 

[Wowfunhappy]

They try to rape and drown people.

Wait, I'm sorry, I just read this again...

...Dolphins try to rape humans...?

 

[hydragonwarrior]

Dolphins are going to be pissed when they learn what we're doing to the planet.

I'm sure they're pretty aware of the warming oceans, the increase in dead zones and of course all the garbage and plastic they gotta avoid or currently digesting in their gut.

 

[RCSI]

Learning to unravel the language Dolphins use may be an important challenge to undertake as we continue to listen for SETI signals. The lessons applied to dolphins may very well help with approaching other communications.

 

[-Plasma Reus-]

Must suck to be a dolphin when they have to share the earth with a bunch of stupid assholes called the human race. So many of their kind, potentially as smart as us, being hunted and essentially converted to canned tuna. Others dying due to the complete disregard we have for their habitat. Feels really bad. I'm happy to find out that they may be very intelligent, but also a bit sad.

They're not nearly as smart as us mate.

 

[wildfire]

Soon.

Good look with that.

(warning link can be depressing)

 

[Hanso]

I wonder even if we understand the language and decode it, would we be able to talk with them or understand the meaning of the words, not just the words itself. I mean it's a dolphin. Who knows how they think and feel. How do they perceive... everything. I think even if they would speak English it would be hard to have a meaningful communication. The two worlds we live in maybe are just too far apart.

 

[Not]

Yeah, so are pigs. But if they're delicious, who give a shit?

 

[Byakuya769]

Yeah, so are pigs. But if they're delicious, who give a shit?

So are pigs, what?

 

[BigDes]

I hope they aren't talking about my ears

 

[therealist]

I don't know about you, but that sounds WAY preferable to spending 8 hours a day sat in an office. Perhaps dolphins have got it right.

No one's stopping you from doing that right now...

 

[PeregrinSe7en]

SOON

OH. MY. GOD.

that is amazing!

legit lol'ed

 

[Gabriel_Logan]

If we can ever speak with them directly, I wonder if they'd be interested in learning about our Lord, Jesus Christ. If a dolphin accepts God into their hearts, will they be allowed into heaven
.

God can you imagine the scramble to convert as many Dolphins as possible to Christianity or Islam? I want my next priest to be a dolphin.