Support NeoGAF

[davepoobond]

Actually, I just heard about Indian astrology affecting a wedding recently. Astrology was used to determine the wedding date, and it resulted in a out of country resort wedding that will cost 3 times more expensive because of astrology lol.

Astrology is the long arm of the Illuminati

 

[sadaiyappan]

I think you should run away with the girl and flee your parents. How much money do they have? If they are middle class just flee them.

I don't think you can bribe an astrologer because they don't make up their own shit, they go by the time and date you were born and use pre-written shit to see if your horoscope matches the girls.

 

[way more]

Just slip a c-note (hundo) to one of these astrologers and have him say everything will be fine but you need to avoid black cats or some bullshit.

 

[camelCase]

I can't even fathom the words to describe the applesauce that is your proposed in-laws brains

 

[demigod]

In Asian culture they believe this. My cousin passed away and everyone in the family thinks its because of the wife because of her face. Something to do with her cheeks. Its a sign of death for the husband. OP go ask around about her cheeks to see if it coincides to what i said.

 

[ssj5krillhan]

If this is true. Please ask the astrologers predictions for the lottery. Once you win, you can build a doomsday fort to thwart off all evil, also hire the best doctors to monitor for the next 6 months. Just be with her and convince her just because those are beliefs they are not guaranteed to happen.

 

[SoulUnison]

My gut reaction is that the parents never liked you and they're clinging to what they see as a guilt-free easy out.

"Sorry, it's destiny."

 

[kittoo]

Just a little update. After a week (during which I was genuinely happy. Not because of us talking but simply because I decided to focus on other things. I was going out with friends, meeting new people) or so of talking in the most fun and jovial way with my girlfriend, yesterday I finally decided to ask where this thing was going to head. She said that she didnt think there was much possibility of her parents agreeing and that she was going trying to show it to a couple of more astrologers and let me know. Since I knew what they are going to say and since I dont see her actually trying to wrestle it out with her parents, I just told her that she should only call me if there was a positive news, or never call me again as there was nothing more that I could say that I hadnt and that would change her mind. Post that we havent talked.
It was the only thing I could do somwhat maturely. I wanted to explode in anger and arguments about how stupid this is, but I decided to remain calm and just ended it. Did I do the right thing?

 

[Typhares]

Just a little update. After a week (during which I was genuinely happy. Not because of us talking but simply because I decided to focus on other things. I was going out with friends, meeting new people) or so of talking in the most fun and jovial way with my girlfriend, yesterday I finally decided to ask where this thing was going to head. She said that she didnt think there was much possibility of her parents agreeing and that she was going trying to show it to a couple of more astrologers and let me know. Since I knew what they are going to say and since I dont see her actually trying to wrestle it out with her parents, I just told her that she should only call me if there was a positive news, or never call me again as there was nothing more that I could say that I hadnt and that would change her mind. Post that we havent talked.
It was the only thing I could do somwhat maturely. I wanted to explode in anger and arguments about how stupid this is, but I decided to remain calm and just ended it. Did I do the right thing?

I think you did man. It can't have been easy but to be honest it was not really under your control apart from your own reaction. And I'd like to think that not accepting to be dragged along if there was no real hope for the future was the right choice.
I mean you gave her a choice: you or her family/tradition and at the end of day she made it. It's hard to go against your family so I don't necessarily blame her because even if she had she might have been too sad about it to build something nice with you.
Kudos for staying calm too!

 

[///PATRIOT]

Op do you really wanna have children with someone who takes astrology seriously?

 

[WinterIsComing]

You absolutely did the right thing, there's no point in keeping your hopes up and trying to fight something alone, that should be fought as a couple.
If she's not willing to fight by your side, maybe she's not the one... but that one is still out there, go find her!

 

[kittoo]

I think you did man. It can't have been easy but to be honest it was not really under your control apart from your own reaction. And I'd like to think that not accepting to be dragged along if there was no real hope for the future was the right choice.
I mean you gave her a choice: you or her family/tradition and at the end of day she made it. It's hard to go against your family so I don't necessarily blame her because even if she had she might have been too sad about it to build something nice with you.
Kudos for staying calm too!

You absolutely did the right thing, there's no point in keeping your hopes up and trying to fight something alone, that should be fought as a couple.
If she's not willing to fight by your side, maybe she's not the one... but that one is still out there, go find her!

Thank you for the kind words guys. They assure me that what I did wasnt wrong and was the mature thing to do.

Op do you really wanna have children with someone who takes astrology seriously?

She says she doesnt believe in it but her parents do and they are not agreeing. She also says that if it was about her dying in 6 months after marriage she wouldnt care but since its about me dying she cant do it.

 

[Shifty]

They assure me that what I did wasnt wrong and was the mature thing to do.

It definitely was that. Being able to keep the anger down and act in a measured fashion is the mark of a strong individual, respect for that.

She says she doesnt believe in it but her parents do and they are not agreeing.

There's a quote that comes to mind when it comes to matters of family:

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.

It's a tad cynical as quotes go, but I think the deeper message is important- that of realising that your parents are human and imperfect just like everyone else, rather than the absolute bastion of law and truth that they were when you were a child.
In my experience, some people don't seem to make it past the first stage, and that can be very difficult to deal with when it becomes a case of "me or them".

She also says that if it was about her dying in 6 months after marriage she wouldnt care but since its about me dying she cant do it.

This sounds like the old "it's not you it's me" line. On the surface it comes from a place of care because she doesn't want to risk your life, but phrasing things like that can end up being quite hurtful and selfish as it pins the blame squarely on you for simply existing, while giving you no way to actually fix the problem.

And if she claims to not believe, then there should be no risk to begin with. If she's still unwilling to move forward given that, then it sounds like either a case of the superstition being stronger than she's willing to admit, or the parents running her life.

For what it's worth I think you went the right way. I had a sort of similar (life choice/family breaking up an otherwise great relationship) thing happen to me some years ago and - while it feels like your world has suddenly gone from coupled bliss to a schadenfreude comedy with you in the starring role - stepping back, accepting that the other person has made their choice, and getting on with your life is so much more healthy than keeping yourself eyes-deep in the situation clinging to the notion that there's some tiny chance that things will work out. Better to carpe diem and keep going.

Sorry to drivel on, but sometimes things pop into a man's head that just need to be put to text- this thread has been quite the thought provoker. Hope my rambling is helpful in some way, keep your head high OP

 

[kittoo]

It definitely was that. Being able to keep the anger down and act in a measured fashion is the mark of a strong individual, respect for that.


There's a quote that comes to mind when it comes to matters of family:

It's a tad cynical as quotes go, but I think the deeper message is important- that of realising that your parents are human and imperfect just like everyone else, rather than the absolute bastion of law and truth that they were when you were a child.
In my experience, some people don't seem to make it past the first stage, and that can be very difficult to deal with when it becomes a case of "me or them".


This sounds like the old "it's not you it's me" line. On the surface it comes from a place of care because she doesn't want to risk your life, but phrasing things like that can end up being quite hurtful and selfish as it pins the blame squarely on you for simply existing, while giving you no way to actually fix the problem.

And if she claims to not believe, then there should be no risk to begin with. If she's still unwilling to move forward given that, then it sounds like either a case of the superstition being stronger than she's willing to admit, or the parents running her life.

For what it's worth I think you went the right way. I had a sort of similar (life choice/family breaking up an otherwise great relationship) thing happen to me some years ago and - while it feels like your world has suddenly gone from coupled bliss to a schadenfreude comedy with you in the starring role - stepping back, accepting that the other person has made their choice, and getting on with your life is so much more healthy than keeping yourself eyes-deep in the situation clinging to the notion that there's some tiny chance that things will work out. Better to carpe diem and keep going.

Sorry to drivel on, but sometimes things pop into a man's head that just need to be put to text- this thread has been quite the thought provoker. Hope my rambling is helpful in some way, keep your head high OP

Your posts have been absolutely helpful. Thank you brother.
I agree that I dont know how seriously she meant the 'If it was about me dying it wouldve been OK but I cant risk your life.' She has said this 3 or 4 times, but it does seem a quick way out kinda thingy. As you said, it really doesnt give me any chance or option of solving the issue.
As of now I am just going ahead with my life. Trying to focus on myself and moving on and not contacting her. Its true though that some part of me still wishes that me not contacting her will somehow bring her back to me. I hope in time that part will also understand the truth.

 

[PtM]

Just a little update. After a week (during which I was genuinely happy. Not because of us talking but simply because I decided to focus on other things. I was going out with friends, meeting new people) or so of talking in the most fun and jovial way, yesterday I finally decided to ask where this thing was going to head. She said that she didnt think there was much possibility of her parents agreeing and that she was going trying to show it to a couple of more astrologers and let me know. Since I knew what they are going to say and since I dont see her actually trying to wrestle it out with her parents, I just told her that she should only call me if there was a positive news, or never call me again as there was nothing more that I could say that I hadnt and that would change her mind. Post that we havent talked.
It was the only thing I could do somwhat maturely. I wanted to explode in anger and arguments about how stupid this is, but I decided to remain calm and just ended it. Did I do the right thing?

I don't see how you could have done anything else.

 

[kittoo]

Update 2-

Last week Friday, we had a long call in which she truly seemed frustrated about the situation. Her mom has been staying with het since past 3 weeks and I also wad asking answers from her. It felt to me that these things made her feel completely drained and all she wanted was for her life to become normal again. While we couldn't end the talk as her mom kept eyeballing her, the next day I dropped her a msg that I understood she was frustrated, and I was tired of discussing the same thing again and again too. And so, we should meet for one last time, at the same place where we met first (a restaurant) and end it. She said she felt very bad after reading but said ok. I said nothing after that. 2 days after it she called me a few times and I finally picked. She said that she showed my msgs to her mother and started crying, at which point her mother finally relented a bit and said they would go to a few more astrologers, but meanwhile she won't talk to me. So she called me to tell me she was trying from her side but will call me after 2 weeks or so.
So that's where we stand. I suppose she did start trying again a little bit, earlier I had started to think she wasn't interested at all. Now I feel she wants but the situation has her too frustrated. Maybe me saying let's end it spurred her a little again.
So I wait, still almost as tense but it's not like I have any other option.