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[daemonic]

So I haven't been dating very long, only a few months so far, and three weeks ago I met a guy I really hit it off with. We hung out like five days in a row when we first starting going out. Went out to gay bars three Saturdays in a row. We've been having lot of fun I thought.

This past Saturday hasn't gone as well as the rest of our dates, and there were a few things we didn't see eye to eye on. In particular, our roles in the bedroom. He only wants to top and never wants to bottom at all ever. He said he's tried it before and he doesn't like it. He even kinda said that the whole area is off limits. I said that when I bottom for a guy, I generally like to know them for a while, and that I kinda expect reciprocation. I probably dragged the conversation on longer than it should have gone but it ended amicably with him saying "We'll see what happens" Whatever I was fine with that. We went to the strip club and made out in the corner for a while, so it seemed everything was fine. We even swapped head in his car before we parted ways for the night and he said to call him the next day.

That was Saturday. He hasn't returned my phone call or the handful of texts I sent him since. He did start a new internship today, but he's had the time for facebook statuses (from his phone no less)

Is this guy pretty much just giving me the brush off? Is two days of no contact after three weeks dating normal/abnormal? Like I said I'm very inexperienced dating and this is kinda the first guy I've had multiple dates with. It kinda sucks if that's the case, he was really freaking cute and I enjoyed our time together. And if he isn't interested anymore I wish he would just say so. Maybe I'm just overreacting? Or is he being an ass? I don't know. Kinda feeling rejected at the moment, felt better just to type that out.

I went through something similar to what you described, except we were a a bit further into our relationship. Going by what you wrote, the brush off is a possibility, but I wouldn't rule out the fact that he just might be really busy. I know it's hard to stop texting sometimes, especially when you don't get a reply initally. In my experience it can actually turn the guy off, especially considering you don't know him all too well. I feel like you've made your point -- you want to continue seeing him. Lay off the communication for a little while and see what happens.

It sucks to have to see the person communicating and updating FB, yet doesn't have the decency to send you a quick text to tell you he's alive, or down for hanging out later on. If you don't hear from him soon make one last attempt to contact him. If he's undervaluing the time you spent together and is really turned off by the whole being a bottom conversation, he's probably not someone you want to continue seeing anyway.

 

[sublime085]

I went through something similar to what you described, except we were a a bit further into our relationship. Going by what you wrote, the brush off is a possibility, but I wouldn't rule out the fact that he just might be really busy. I know it's hard to stop texting sometimes, especially when you don't get a reply initally. In my experience it can actually turn the guy off, especially considering you don't know him all too well. I feel like you've made your point -- you want to continue seeing him. Lay off the communication for a little while and see what happens.

It sucks to have to see the person communicating and updating FB, yet doesn't have the decency to send you a quick text to tell you he's alive, or down for hanging out later on. If you don't hear from him soon make one last attempt to contact him. If he's undervaluing the time you spent together and is really turned off by the whole being a bottom conversation, he's probably not someone you want to continue seeing anyway.

Yeah, you make some good points. I'm afraid I might have gone a bit text heavy the last couple days.

It just seemed like things were going so well. And we were texting each other constantly up until then. But looking back on a few other things that happened Saturday night, I'm pretty sure he's purposely flaking out. We had really hit it off, and he kept saying how much he liked me and how it felt like he's known me for so long. I don't know what to think really. It sucks man.

 

[Ollie Pooch]

Stroller meat!

So awesome.

 

[krypt0nian]

Stroller meat!

So awesome.

Shamelessly stolen from the way fun Bear City flic.

 

[ZephyrFate]

Only hot guys: Far left, middle, guy popping out on the right.

 

[runlikehell]

So basically, not the bears amirite? lolzzz

 

[Ollie Pooch]

So using that term.

What about the silver fox in the black shirt?

 

[elohel]

why cant we just have a gay thread?

: (

 

[runlikehell]

why cant we just have a gay thread?

: (

Because

Sucks brah.

 

[krypt0nian]

So using that term.

What about the silver fox in the black shirt?

Hehe he was the one called stroller meat.

Great group sex scene with that one.

 

[_Isaac]

Why stroller meat? What does that mean?

 

[civilstrife]

How do you even get a body like that guy on the far left?

 

[Ollie Pooch]

Why stroller meat? What does that mean?

A hot dad.

How do you even get a body like that guy on the far left?

On Grindr

 

[_Isaac]

How do you even get a body like that guy on the far left?

I think you probably have to exercise. I'm not entirely sure though.

 

[Replicant]

How do you even get a body like that guy on the far left?

Weight training + cardio + diet (no sugar, minimal carbs).

Unfortunately, unlike gaming, it won't happen overnight. If you're genetically blessed though, you may get it within a year of training.

 

[_Isaac]

A hot dad.

Nobody says DILF anymore?

 

[Ollie Pooch]

Nobody says DILF anymore?

I still hear that, but stroller meat made me laugh.

 

[Menaged]

Havn't posted here in a while and I guess I could use the help:

I'm in Sydney for the next couple of days ('till sunday actually), so if anyone have any recommendations for a nice place\s to go, preferbly dance clubs, it would be nice.

I know Oxford street is the main street for the gay community, but it's quite a big one
Maybe I'll do a walk there tonight.

Thanks!

 

[Eccocid]

Oh, trust me, I do. People also complain about dudebros pretty much 100% of the time.

I DON'T! BRING EM!
lol

 

[Mason]

Edit: Both of the posters below have good advice. I'll probably try to take it slow and ask what all the 'change' talk is about.

I feel silly for doing a LiveJournal post, so it's redacted.

 

[2San]

Well, I'm straight so take my advice how you will.

He's taken. I think you are perfectly aware what that means. There aren't problems in their relationship from what I understand. Even if there was do you really want be a person that forces a break up? Talking for a long time doesn't really mean anything. I have had this with a multitude of people and contact broke off pretty fast.

You have only met him 2 times, that really isn't enough to know what someone is really like.

My advice, don't hope for anything and take it slow before doing anything drastic.

 

[badcrumble]

Ask him what brought about this desire for change? I mean, it's a good question, and one he'll have an answer for, and it might help you figure out where his head and heart are.

Nothing wrong with just asking the guy about some of this stuff.

 

[_Isaac]

Ugh. I hate it when people remove their posts. Well, whatever your problem was I hope it works out.

 

[btkadams]

Ugh. I hate it when people remove their posts. Well, whatever your problem was I hope it works out.

haha i feel like you've said this before......

 

[_Isaac]

haha i feel like you've said this before......

Oh I most definitely have.

 

[alternade]

So I've hit a new low in my life. My boss and coworkers have told me that I seem lonely, high strung, depressed, and stressed out and have proceeded to try and "hook me up". They were snapping pictures if me fir my "profile". They said that they never see or hear me talk about anyone and it bothers them. I'm really offended frankly but I need my job my than I need to complain. It is funny though that he told me he would put me on grindr and manhunt, which he found on a Google search for gay dating.

 

[_Isaac]

Does it actually bother you? It seems like more of a joke than anything else.

 

[Cosmic Bus]

I could see if they were jokingly saying they would set him up with guys, but to actively go around taking pictures and trying to list him on hook-up sites - especially without asking if he even wanted to - is downright rude and invasive. I would absolutely confront them about it, alternade, and worrying about losing your job over it sounds pretty extreme (not to mention illegal).

One of my friends announced she wanted to set me up with her roommate and my reaction was so sudden and aggressively negative that I think it scared her!

 

[Deleted member 30609]

Being "set-up" with someone, like a roommates friend, is a really nice gesture as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Cosmic Bus]

This isn't really relationship-oriented, but again, no general gay thread...

I had friends visiting this weekend, so last night we met up for dinner with another couple that they happened to know here. I felt uncomfortable enough spending the evening with these two people I'd never met before, not to mention the awkwardness of being the "fifth wheel," but then after dinner they all decided to go to a gay club.

My out-of-town friends knew I wasn't happy about being dragged to one of those places, but since it was essentially their weekend and didn't want to make a fuss, I went along without complaining and sat off to the side while everyone danced. People were crashing into me, spilling drinks, making out practically on top of me... Beyond the general annoyance of spending around 2½ hours treated like a wet doormat, the whole crowd's behavior just made me feel horrible about myself because I'm so incapable of relaxing in that (or almost any) kind of environment -- my self-consciousness totally explodes, and without any release from that, I turn very negative and then angry. I ended up having to fight my way to my friends in the mob of people to let them know I was going to wait outside until they were ready to leave.

It's bullshit like this that sometimes makes me hate being gay, or at the very least, wish that I could be like everyone else instead of being completely fucked in the head.

 

[alternade]

This isn't really relationship-oriented, but again, no general gay thread...

I had friends visiting this weekend, so last night we met up for dinner with another couple that they happened to know here. I felt uncomfortable enough spending the evening with these two people I'd never met before, not to mention the awkwardness of being the "fifth wheel," but then after dinner they all decided to go to a gay club.

My out-of-town friends knew I wasn't happy about being dragged to one of those places, but since it was essentially their weekend and didn't want to make a fuss, I went along without complaining and sat off to the side while everyone danced. People were crashing into me, spilling drinks, making out practically on top of me... Beyond the general annoyance of spending around 2½ hours treated like a wet doormat, the whole crowd's behavior just made me feel horrible about myself because I'm so incapable of relaxing in that (or almost any) kind of environment -- my self-consciousness totally explodes, and without any release from that, I turn very negative and then angry. I ended up having to fight my way to my friends in the mob of people to let them know I was going to wait outside until they were ready to leave.

It's bullshit like this that sometimes makes me hate being gay, or at the very least, wish that I could be like everyone else instead of being completely fucked in the head.

That's EXACTLY how I feel. Once I get in a room full of people, everything wrong about me goes through my head. I look around and see everyone with their perfect bodies laughing with their friends and I get so annoyed and angry.

I've pretty much become a shut in. Haven't gone out(besides work and to get food) in months. I don't talk to my friends anymore because for me its easier to say nothing than to constantly come up with some excuse why I can't go out.

 

[mantidor]

And I'm exactly like both of you, or well I was until I met our friend alcohol. It's not something to be proud of, and I will never recommended it, but it was enough help to get me to drop my defenses, at least initially. That and psychotherapy helped too I guess.



...well yes I'm still alone , but my circle of friends is bigger and I'm much more open to new people. It has been an odd and long journey, and I still have much, much more to travel, but to hell with the notion of living and dying alone. I'm a loner by nature, but you have to recognize there's limits for everything, and extremes are never a good thing.

 

[p_xavier]

That's EXACTLY how I feel. Once I get in a room full of people, everything wrong about me goes through my head. I look around and see everyone with their perfect bodies laughing with their friends and I get so annoyed and angry.

I've pretty much become a shut in. Haven't gone out(besides work and to get food) in months. I don't talk to my friends anymore because for me its easier to say nothing than to constantly come up with some excuse why I can't go out.

It's so funny because I felt exactly the same way ten years ago. But then I started working out (out of jealousy and despair I guess) and got with people that had the same issues and such. Then after a while you become the same guys you loathed years earlier!

 

[Ollie Pooch]

I can relate to that kind of mindset - though I think most of mine came from my own issues with being gay etc 'back in the day'

Sometimes you just need to lighten up and stop digging your heels in to stop stuff from happening - or you'll get old and look back and wished you'd enjoyed those times more. You only get one go at it.

And unlike mantidor I thoroughly recommend the occasional drunk night out to let loose and have a good time.

 

[alternade]

And I'm exactly like both of you, or well I was until I met our friend alcohol. It's not something to be proud of, and I will never recommended it, but it was enough help to get me to drop my defenses, at least initially. That and psychotherapy helped too I guess.



...well yes I'm still alone , but my circle of friends is bigger and I'm much more open to new people. It has been an odd and long journey, and I still have much, much more to travel, but to hell with the notion of living and dying alone. I'm a loner by nature, but you have to recognize there's limits for everything, and extremes are never a good thing.

Yeah drinking wont help, infact it tends to make me even more aware of what I percieve that im "doing wrong". I get even more anxious and paranoid that people are talking about me.

I've kinda accepted that im supposed to be alone and that I deserve it. I just think that some people are not meant to be happy or have friends or meaningful relationships and that im one of them. It just sucks to see everyone else enjoying life while you let it sit and pass you by. It doesnt help that ive never had a single person actually express interest in me ever. Sometimes i really hate being gay, not that I would change it, but it just sucks.

 

[Cosmic Bus]

Yeah drinking wont help, infact it tends to make me even more aware of what I percieve that im "doing wrong". I get even more anxious and paranoid that people are talking about me.

I've kinda accepted that im supposed to be alone and that I deserve it. I just think that some people are not meant to be happy or have friends or meaningful relationships and that im one of them. It just sucks to see everyone else enjoying life while you let it sit and pass you by. It doesnt help that ive never had a single person actually express interest in me ever. Sometimes i really hate being gay, not that I would change it, but it just sucks.

Every single word you just typed could've come directly from my fingers: alcohol only turns me paranoid, and I'm a lightweight so anything much beyond 2-3 drinks and I'll be getting sick.

What you said about "deserving" this is obviously misguided and the product of low confidence and/or depressive thinking (with which I've struggled my entire life) but that certainly doesn't stop the thoughts from rapidly rising up all the time. I'm constantly asking myself what I must've done to be the guy who's always left behind or on the sidelines while everyone else gets to experience happiness, relationships, sex, love, etc. I was practically on the verge of tears in that club, and this really adds to the catch-22 nature of the situation, of course...

I've spent two years emotionally committed to someone that I can so far only interact with online, having made some serious life choices based on the hope that maybe someday we can be together, yet I'm fully aware that it is quite likely to end in heartbreak for me and that these efforts may effectively be throwing away potential opportunities elsewhere, but I genuinely cannot comprehend giving up on this one chance because then I'd be left with absolutely nothing again.

 

[Ollie Pooch]

What you said about "deserving" this is obviously misguided and the product of low confidence and/or depressive thinking (with which I've struggled my entire life) but that certainly doesn't stop the thoughts from rapidly rising up all the time. I'm constantly asking myself what I must've done to be the guy who's always left behind or on the sidelines while everyone else gets to experience happiness, relationships, sex, love, etc. I was practically on the verge of tears in that club, and this really adds to the catch-22 nature of the situation, of course...

I'm curious man, as someone who was the same years ago - I felt anxious and sick when going out, awkward socially etc and just generally negative - what have you done to change it? As in, change your pattern of how you feel about yourself or your behaviour or whatever... I found what helped me the most was getting into a regular exercise/weights routine. Felt better from the exercise, looked better (I think ) and it kinda changed my outlook and confidence and how I felt around other people.

I had a similar online-attachment situation for years which ended horribly - through my own doing - but it was kind of a learning experience. One day I just kind of figured that if thing were gonna change, I had to at least attempt to break out of my comfort zone.

 

[Cosmic Bus]

I'm curious man, as someone who was the same years ago - I felt anxious and sick when going out, awkward socially etc and just generally negative - what have you done to change it? As in, change your pattern of how you feel about yourself or your behaviour or whatever...

I've lost and gained weight repeatedly over the past few years; essentially it goes okay until some little thing causes me to plummet back into a deep depression, then I stop exercising and gorge on food for weeks on end until hitting rock bottom, at which point the cycle starts again. Still, even when I've gotten into decent shape, my esteem in in the toilet and I can't view myself as anything but undesirable.

In terms of venturing into more social territory, it's always ended badly (similar to my clubbing experience). Despite what my therapist seems to think, a person can't be forced into "enjoying" a lifestyle that they're simply not cut out for.

 

[Ollie Pooch]

In terms of venturing into more social territory, it's always ended badly (similar to my clubbing experience). Despite what my therapist seems to think, a person can't be forced into "enjoying" a lifestyle that they're simply not cut out for.

Well, I wasn't suggesting going out to gay clubs and going nuts or anything - but surely by being more social a few times the fear of stuff going badly tends to fade over time?

I also dont mean to act like an armchair psychologist, that's not my intention at all - just frustrating to watch cos I felt the same way for a long time.

 

[mantidor]

And unlike mantidor I thoroughly recommend the occasional drunk night out to let loose and have a good time.

Oh I don't disagree with this, is just that it can be dangerous if you go alone, and being depressed or nervous is not a good reason to drink, but if you have good friends that won't leave you and would even clean your own vomit, then go ahead. I admit I had awesome, if somewhat embarrassing drunk nights, but they can end badly, so as everything in life, proceed with caution, just not too much! as you say, you have to take a risk of some type at some point, you have to leave the comfort zone and venture into the unknown, is the only way life will reward you with anything.

 

[stupei]

Got a message on facebook the other day from a girl I knew in high school that I sort of had a crush on. When I met her it was in that early phase when I was still accepting the fact that I was gay and she was also two years younger than me, so I never thought much of it. She was cute and funny, laughed at my jokes, and ... for some reason I felt way more touchy feely with her than I was with most people, always hugging on her, putting my arm around her shoulder when we were walking and talking, that kind of thing. I sort of barely acknowledged to myself that this was a part of the crush then felt hugely guilty about it -- partially because she was "just a freshman," partially because of my own issues still coming to terms with being queer.

So I check out her facebook page and... she's in a domestic partnership with a woman.

Holy shit. This is almost depressing.

I should have jumped on that shit when I had the chance.

 

[Escape Goat]

Facebook really doesn't mean much and should be taken with a grain of salt. I have people who are married but are (in reality) married to men.

 

[stupei]

Facebook really doesn't mean much and should be taken with a grain of salt. I have people who are married but are (in reality) married to men.

Oh, I know. Just the overall tone of their interactions between each other -- lots of "my god, isn't she beautiful? " left on pictures of each other -- seems sincere. Have known girls to say they are married to other girls in a "playful" fashion, but never "domestic partnership."

Also the moment it occurred to me that she might be queer the fact that she never minded that I was so damned grabby before we even knew each other that well sort of fell into place.

Edit: And though "depressing" on one level, it's also sort of nice to imagine an alternate reality America where homophobia is less prevalent so the young queer girl growing up in a small town in Ohio is less insecure about her own sexuality and ends up making out with the cute freshman.

 

[Onion_Relish]

My idea of flaunting my sexuality is wearing a wide cock ring under tight jeans and counting how many guys clock my basket.

Note: this is the most fun at supposedly straight events like motorcycle rallys.

I actually think this is hilarious. I think I would end up looking at it (straight guy) just because something would look really wrong out of the corner of my eye and i would have to double check.

That being said, i always understood the flaunting of gay sexuality as both a choice as well as an identity thing. There are so many people ive known gay or straight who've latched onto a new piece of their identity and blown it out of proportion just because they finally have something that defines them. In the case of gays, where your parents still raise you from day one to be straight, I could definately see that "super gayness" as a kind of reaction to finally coming to grips with who you are.

A friend of mine in uni was a lesbian, but she had been a lesbian for so long that she just didnt give a shit anymore. She walked around with her girlfriend and looked just as normal as any straight person. My stepdads brother is gay as well and him and his partner are super cool and pretty "normal". They do like wine drinking tours and plays, but otherwise they dont seem to have any reason to be flamboyant.

 

[ZephyrFate]

I actually think this is hilarious. I think I would end up looking at it (straight guy) just because something would look really wrong out of the corner of my eye and i would have to double check.

That being said, i always understood the flaunting of gay sexuality as both a choice as well as an identity thing. There are so many people ive known gay or straight who've latched onto a new piece of their identity and blown it out of proportion just because they finally have something that defines them. In the case of gays, where your parents still raise you from day one to be straight, I could definately see that "super gayness" as a kind of reaction to finally coming to grips with who you are.

A friend of mine in uni was a lesbian, but she had been a lesbian for so long that she just didnt give a shit anymore. She walked around with her girlfriend and looked just as normal as any straight person. My stepdads brother is gay as well and him and his partner are super cool and pretty "normal". They do like wine drinking tours and plays, but otherwise they dont seem to have any reason to be flamboyant.

Meh, I still don't see it as a reason. When I came out, there were minute changes but I made sure that people knew there was so much more to be than the fact that I was gay. It was others that interpreted it that way, and it was a bit depressing. This was because all they knew of gays were the type who flaunted it like it was part of their clothes or something.

 

[royalan]

Meh, I still don't see it as a reason. When I came out, there were minute changes but I made sure that people knew there was so much more to be than the fact that I was gay. It was others that interpreted it that way, and it was a bit depressing. This was because all they knew of gays were the type who flaunted it like it was part of their clothes or something.

I think that was just the way you handled your coming out. Everyone's different. I was one of those guys who turned Super Gay!!! when I came out my freshman year of college. I joined every GLBT group I could, and covered everything I had in rainbows. For a good two years I latched onto everything gay. It really felt good to be able to flaunt something that I had to keep hidden for so long.

Now, I'm a lot more conservative. I only volunteer occasionally, and most people I meet these days don't know I'm gay until I specifically point it out. Not because I hide my sexuality, but I finally grew into it, and it fits me the way I want it to.

There are some guys out there who choose to always live their lives loudly, and I don't judge them. That's who they are -- who they have the right to be.

I think of it like the guys out there who let themselves be defined by their favorite sports team, or the car they drive. Everyone has something.

 

[hateradio]

It's bullshit like this that sometimes makes me hate being gay, or at the very least, wish that I could be like everyone else instead of being completely fucked in the head.

Being dragged to gay clubs makes you hate being gay? I guess that would be annoying . . .

Sometimes i really hate being gay, not that I would change it, but it just sucks.

Yeah, it's not your sexuality but your social ineptitude that is the problem, and it's also the issue that you could resolve if there was a way to do that.


Actually, it sounds like Cosmic and alternade should reminisce to one another about the woes that a life of the forever aloneness brings.

Spoiler

Together Alone! jk

Oh, I know. Just the overall tone of their interactions between each other -- lots of "my god, isn't she beautiful? " left on pictures of each other -- seems sincere. Have known girls to say they are married to other girls in a "playful" fashion, but never "domestic partnership."

You should tell her that she's a lucky girl.

 

[Ollie Pooch]

Yeah, it's not your sexuality but your social ineptitude that is the problem, and it's also the issue that you could resolve if there was a way to do that.

Pretty much - and the only way to attempt to resolve that is by pushing themselves and going out more and breaking out of comfort zones. It's one of those things that is just self perpetuating - 'it's awful! it always ends so badly, so i don't go out, so i don't develop social skills' *cut to 50 years old* 'i wasted my life'.

There's so many awesome people to meet and places to see that I can't imagine being trapped by my own fear of it. The whole 'coming out' thing for me was ultimately such an amazingly liberating thing for my own perception of myself and how I felt around others. I probably could have handled it better at the time but eh - live and learn Living life now.

 

[Solaros]

Cosmic Bus and Alternade posts made me

Look for people in the clubs that are doing what you are doing and strike up a conversation with them.

I went through something similar to what you described, except we were a a bit further into our relationship. Going by what you wrote, the brush off is a possibility, but I wouldn't rule out the fact that he just might be really busy. I know it's hard to stop texting sometimes, especially when you don't get a reply initally. In my experience it can actually turn the guy off, especially considering you don't know him all too well. I feel like you've made your point -- you want to continue seeing him. Lay off the communication for a little while and see what happens.

It sucks to have to see the person communicating and updating FB, yet doesn't have the decency to send you a quick text to tell you he's alive, or down for hanging out later on. If you don't hear from him soon make one last attempt to contact him. If he's undervaluing the time you spent together and is really turned off by the whole being a bottom conversation, he's probably not someone you want to continue seeing anyway.

I made a post in the girl-age thread about some happenings in my life. I clicked this thread, scrolled down a bit, and saw this. The advice worked for me too, thanks.

 

[Magnus]

Dear GAF/GOD,

Can I please have chemistry (both interpersonal and sexual) with a fellow long-term/date-minded guy instead of just with the one nighters?

Fuck.