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[Walpurgis]

If you can't handle a kid, get her to abort. If she has this child and you go your separate ways, that may come back to bite you years down the line. Your child may seek you out and you will have a moral obligation to reciprocate, she may try to get child support or you may agree to take care of the child with her but she becomes yandere. You can't make decisions like this rashly.

I don't understand the mechanics of an abortion and don't care to know but I am sure it is a really scary thing for a woman to go through. What you need to do is make it easy for her. Prepare everything that needs preparing, pay for everything that needs to be paid and give her emotional support. You have to remember that this isn't balanced, she is the one that has to see a doctor and get the abortion so be sure to do your part as well. Don't completely disappear after the abortion too. She might need support after that.

 

[THRILLH0]

we need to find a way to make abortions commonplace and easygoing, at least until archaic child support laws are sent into a black hole.




that should be our goal.

Oh really? So what if dad only decides at 8 months that he's got cold feet and "isn't ready"?

 

[Kama_1082]

If op is from the US, there are plenty of legal implications that involve huge sums of money or jail time.


This affects the mom sure, but the effects for the father are nothing to scoff at.

of course, we've already discussed that. I imagine that if he wants to be 100% involved as a father, he will avoid monthly child support payments. And if he doesn't, he'll avoid jail time just as long he makes his court appointed payments.

 

[ryutaro's mama]

It's her choice if that baby comes into this earth or not, right? He gets 0 say. Doesn't matter it's the mothers body her choice that's fine. But what protects the father in the situation? He's forced to pay child support no matter what right? Is that really fair if he wanted nothing to do with the kid? Shouldn't the father be allowed to choose just as she chose to have it? Father didn't force her to have it. It's not unheard of some women popping condoms for the purpose of getting pregnant then collecting child support.

Welcome to the way things are. No one said the legal system was fair concerning reproductive rights and they are hardly equal.

So why isn't there a system in place to protect the other body in that bed?

Because the child resides inside the mother and she has the legal right to choose, not the father.

 

[March of the Crabs]

Oh really? So what if dad only decides at 8 months that he's got cold feet and "isn't ready"?

Well then they're obviously out of luck at that point. However, if a couple agrees on an abortion very early in the pregnancy it should be simple and without stigma.

 

[Hilbert]

Man, pregnancy is scary stuff. I just went through a pregnancy scare myself and my girlfriend just got her monthly visitor yesterday so I'm in the clear. I wish you nothing but the best, OP.

Not to scare you, but my wife had her period twice after we found out from the doctor she was pregnant. Sometimes it doesn't stop for that.

 

[t-storm]

no kids, i'm asexual.

Thankfully.

You need to not reproduce, ever.

 

[March of the Crabs]

Not to scare you, but my wife had her period twice after we found out from the doctor she was pregnant. Sometimes it doesn't stop for that.

Noooo don't tell me that!

 

[Ishida]

Thankfully.

You need to not reproduce, ever.

Ooouch.

 

[Arrogant Bastard]

if you're man enough to stick it in, you damn sure better be man enough to take responsibility for what comes out of it.

Comments like this and many other in this thread leave me a bit surprised. The fact of the matter is abortion, parental rights, and parental responsibilities are a bit more complex than a often repeated quip.

 

[THRILLH0]

Well then they're obviously out of luck at that point. However, if a couple agrees on an abortion very early in the pregnancy it should be simple and without stigma.

Tesseract was referring to a situation in which the couple disagrees.

 

[Kama_1082]

Well then they're obviously out of luck at that point. However, if a couple agrees on an abortion very early in the pregnancy it should be simple and without stigma.

for the father, perhaps. The mom is gonna live with the choice for the rest of her life.

 

[March of the Crabs]

Tesseract was referring to a situation in which the couple disagrees.

I should learn to read past the original quotes. My bad

 

[Zoe]

the mother has the choice to not put the father's name on the birth certificate.

That doesn't always work, especially if she seeks government assistance.

 

[railGUN]

Man, pregnancy is scary stuff. I just went through a pregnancy scare myself and my girlfriend just got her monthly visitor yesterday so I'm in the clear. I wish you nothing but the best, OP.

Monthly visitor, or implantation bleeding?

My wife though her aunt flow had come for a visit too... 9 and 1/2 months later, I'm watching a head emerge from... well... I'll save you the details.

Granted, we wanted ours.

 

[Booshka]

Hail Mary.

lol.

 

[ryutaro's mama]

That doesn't always work, especially if she seeks government assistance.

This is correct.

 

[Kama_1082]

That doesn't always work, especially if she seeks government assistance.

a single mother with low income will usually get government assistance.

 

[Africanus]

for the father, perhaps. The mom is gonna live with the choice for the rest of her life.

Not really, considering, once more, 95% of women feel no regret for an abortion.

 

[pupcoffee]

OP will have to work two dead end jobs to barely pay for the kid and never be around since he'll be working.

Okay, but so what? Parents have made do with many more kids in much worse conditions. If this is what happens, well, welcome to the realities of being part of mankind, OP.

 

[Fushin]

Comments like this and many other in this thread leave me a bit surprised. The fact of the matter is abortion, parental rights, and parental responsibilities are a bit more complex than a often repeated quip.

I've got nothing against sticking it in different partners, just practice safe sex if you don't want to deal with having a child. Condoms aren't expensive, they're even free if you want to roll the dice with the free variety.

 

[Kama_1082]

Monthly visitor, or implantation bleeding?

My wife though her aunt flow had come for a visit too... 9 and 1/2 months later, I'm watching a head emerge from... well... I'll save you the details.

Granted, we wanted ours.

I'll never unsee that lol

At the same time, my wife dropped her wedding ring and when I picked it up she screamed "DON'T YOU FUCKING LET GO OF MY HAND TO PICK THAT FUCKING THING UP" lol

 

[Zoe]

a single mother with low income will usually get government assistance.

I'm saying the government will work to identify the father to collect from him.

 

[Kama_1082]

Not really, considering, once more, 95% of women feel no regret for an abortion.

and if she's part of the 5%, then what?

 

[Tesseract]

Oh really? So what if dad only decides at 8 months that he's got cold feet and "isn't ready"?

then he walks away, sans child support

Thankfully.

You need to not reproduce, ever.

attacking my character doesn't phase me, irrelevant fallacies and such

 

[quesalupa]

Welp, you messed up. Don't pressure her into an abortion. If she has the kid, you should be there for it.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

Get a dna test if she decides to keep the baby.

 

[Kama_1082]

I'm saying the government will work to identify the father to collect from him.

ah ok, now I understand.

 

[March of the Crabs]

Monthly visitor, or implantation bleeding?

My wife though her aunt flow had come for a visit too... 9 and 1/2 months later, I'm watching a head emerge from... well... I'll save you the details.

Granted, we wanted ours.

Almost definitely not implantion bleeding. According to paranoid Googling if that were the case it would have been last week at the latest. I think/hope I'm in the clear.

 

[Ishida]

Okay, but so what? Parents have made do with many more kids in much worse conditions. If this is what happens, well, welcome to the realities of being part of mankind, OP.

We live in a time of "your life is over"'s and "end of the world"'s of people who just refuse to fight for something other than themselves.

 

[HUELEN10]

uh, do i really need to answer this?

Well yeah, unless you want misinformed thoughts like these being spread.

People who don't fuck, don't impregnate people.

But don't press it further, I don't want to derail the thread. Sucks to be queer and misunderstood though, perhaps it will get better one day.

Thankfully.

You need to not reproduce, ever.

See what I'm talking about Tesseract?

Not to scare you, but my wife had her period twice after we found out from the doctor she was pregnant. Sometimes it doesn't stop for that.

Wow, I had no idea that was even possible.

Not if she puts the child up for adoption?

In some places, the father actually is momentarily responsible for some of the paperwork.

 

[Raiku]

 

[oneils]

op, your first post is weird. Yeah, an abortion is an "option" until she decides to not have one. It being an option does not mean it had been decided.

 

[railGUN]

Almost definitely not implantion bleeding. According to paranoid Googling if that were the case it would have been last week at the latest. I think/hope I'm in the clear.

Just don't count your chickens 'till they've hatched...

 

[Africanus]

and if she's part of the 5%, then what?

The chances of that are so low as to be not worth considering given the situation she has gotten pregnant in.

 

[norm9]

Okay, but so what? Parents have made do with many more kids in much worse conditions. If this is what happens, well, welcome to the realities of being part of mankind, OP.

You might be comfortable bringing a child into this world without having adequate resources, money, and struggling to raise them, but I am not. Neither is the OP. If there is an option to not have this baby, I would take it. Seems more selfish to just have the baby when you're in no way prepared to.

The world is already overpopulated.

 

[Brannon]

Sooooo... abortion, adoption, or acceptance.

Awkward.

 

[ClayKavalier]

disagree with this, having a babby or not should be decided by the dude and the lady. fun sex shouldn't ruin your life.

Yeah, there should be more to the conversation than "Whatever you want." That makes it sound like you don't care one way or the other. How you feel about should factor into her decision.

Definitely don't pressure her into anything, but you also shouldn't just be passively along for the ride on something this life-changing.

 

[Drencrom]

Lol @ people telling him to say "Whatever you decide, I'm here for you" even when he said he doesn't want a child.

OP, you fucked up and you're most likely paying for it one way or another, but there's nothing wrong with voicing your honest opinion here. She's got the final say tho and your only option is to either have a serious talk with here about this (the future of the child, you not wanting it and you two not being mature enough etc) so that she might understand that maybe abortion is the best solution or you just accept your position and do your best.

 

[NastyBook]

Ghost her.

It's the only way to be sure.

 

[Straight Edge]

But it's his kid too... Shouldn't he have a say in what goes on? I mean if she decides to go through with it, he'll be the one paying child support. And conversely if she decides to get the abortion and he decides he wants it? I think both parties should have a say and come to an agreement.

It takes two to tango, therefore those two should be able to make a decision going forward.

Who makes the final decision if they can't agree?

 

[Arrogant Bastard]

I've got nothing against sticking it in different partners, just practice safe sex if you don't want to deal with having a child. Condoms aren't expensive, they're even free if you want to roll the dice with the free variety.

Fully understand that, but I think there should be a broader conversation on the issue as a whole. Two individuals engaged in unprotected sex, it is not merely one individuals responsibility to make sure you are engaging in safe sex. People get passionate and talking about safe sex or the 'do you have protection' isn't always the most passionate topic; well, this is what happens when you aren't prepared or don't take a step back before moving forward.

With that said, you now have a situation that has ended in pregnancy. Note, I'm not saying, 'he got her pregnant' or something else like others here have said. They both got her pregnant. They both should take responsibility for that. Now the question is what do you do now? Again, this is something that I think should be a mutual decision to some degree. Obviously, it is her body and ultimately her choice. But if he truly doesn't want the child then he should be able to sign away parental rights and child support. I know that isn't the case currently, but it should be. Unpopular opinion, but much more egalitarian than the current atmosphere.

 

[werks]

If he wants to be a father...great, but forcing yourself when you don't want to is terrible idea. Children need to be loved, not have a father that is miserable whenever he has to spend time with them.
Fathers need to provide financially for their kids. Everything else is entirely up to them. It's best if they want to be a part of child's life, but some people are just not suited for that.

You are such a shit human being. When you get some pregnant and they want to have a baby, you have a financial obligation legally and a moral obligation to be a dad. If you say otherwise then you really are a terrible person.

 

[USC-fan]

Who makes the final decision if they can't agree?

It doesnt mater want he wants. The guy get no say in anything. You just get to pay the bill. You have to go to court to get any rights.

 

[HUELEN10]

Who makes the final decision if they can't agree?

The baby; it'll come out naturally if no choice is made.

In other words, this is time sensitive Op, keep it in mind.

 

[ApharmdX]

As he should be.

Don't fuck if you don't want to deal with the consequences. Plain and simple.

I'm pro-choice, but your view on this subject is pretty abhorrent.

On the flip-side of this whole equation, having children has been the most rewarding thing that's ever happened to me.

The end is that it's her choice. The child is in her body, not his. He did his part dumping sperm in her, and legally he'll be liable to support the child if it goes to term.

The problem with this viewpoint is that one side gets a disproportionate amount of the rights (mother) and the other side gets a disproportionate side of the responsibility (father). What makes more sense is a situation of balanced rights and responsibilities. Obviously a father can't force the mother to have a child, or not, but in a situation where the father doesn't want the child and the mother does, then he should be allowed to sign away both his rights AND his responsibilities. Or, when the child is born, give the father the option to be an equal parent, with equal time, and let each party maintain their own household financially.

The archaic system that rewards irresponsible mothers but punishes irresponsible fathers is finally on its way out there door, thank goodness. That second option is becoming more and more common, and the first option seems likely as well.

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

had drunk unprotected sex. Well yesterday I find out I got her pregnant. Now I was kind of freaking out but I remembered a conversation I had with her when we had unprotected sex when we were hooking up and we both agreed that abortion was an option.

You're expecting us to have sympathy for you when:

1) You're asking the internet about a crucial life decision that involves another person?
2) You admitted to having unprotected sex.
3) You basically admitted to being fully aware that you were going to have unprotected sex.
4) You admitted to having unprotected sex with the intent to abort any pregnancy that should arise from it.

You, sir, are a fucking shit.

 

[Africanus]

You are such a shit human being. When you get some pregnant and they want to have a baby, you have a financial obligation legally and a moral obligation to be a dad. If you say otherwise then you really are a terrible person.

Not particularly. A baby requires equal parts of two independent DNA pools. The woman failed in her responsibility during sex just as much as the man did who is involved.

I mean seriously. Just because one can have a baby from a casual affair does not mean one should. It's highly irresponsible to continue forward with it in the name of "womanly duties" or "manning up".

I really wish abortion wasn't a social taboo as it is in the U.S. This wouldn't even be a conversation if it wasn't.

 

[pupcoffee]

You might be comfortable bringing a child into this world without having adequate resources, money, and struggling to raise them, but I am not. Neither is the OP. If there is an option to not have this baby, I would take it. Seems more selfish to just have the baby when you're in no way prepared to.

The world is already overpopulated.

I know that right now it's scary for OP, and he's not immediately comfortable. I'm interested to know if OP can get comfortable. I believe that he can; this is my encouragement to OP should abortion somehow not happen.

 

[ryutaro's mama]

But it's his kid too... Shouldn't he have a say in what goes on? I mean if she decides to go through with it, he'll be the one paying child support. And conversely if she decides to get the abortion and he decides he wants it? I think both parties should have a say and come to an agreement.

It takes two to tango, therefore those two should be able to make a decision going forward.

It is what it is.

Legally the woman holds all the decision making power once fertilization takes place so no, she doesn't need to come to an agreement, either way.

If she chooses to keep the child (against the father's wishes) she can.

If she chooses to abort the child (against the father's wishes) she can.

There is no US judicial law in place that makes a mother make that decision on the father's behalf against her will.