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[Earthbound64]

Protip: Refer to her as your "fiancée," not "fiancé," otherwise you'll have the added issue of implying that she's male.

 

[half a moon]

Sorry to hear. Cute couple

 

[family_guy]

Sounds like you struck gold OP. You know how many people would love to not have to deal with in-laws?

 

[bjork]

Don't really have experience here, but based on what you wrote it seems you are both getting on just fine without their blessing.

Plus you guys are a cute couple. Congrats.

This is basically what I was going to say, but probably worded better.

Stay solid, OP.

 

[sirap]

Sad to hear that brother. I went through something similar with my Chinese-Indian ex.

On a lighter note, have you two considered hiring actors for the wedding?

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Sounds like a bonus to me, you know they won't be able to whisper shit in her ear.

Fuck 'em.

 

[norm9]

Show up unexpectedly to their house at night while they're asleep and pound on their front door. That'll show em.

 

[Prologue]

Don't really have experience here, but based on what you wrote it seems you are both getting on just fine without their blessing.

Plus you guys are a cute couple. Congrats.

.

Got a girl who has enough nerve to stand against her parents for something she loves and believes in. What more do you want? Everything else is just extra.

Hispanics aint no picnic either. My hispanic grand parents are practically black with their complexion, they certainly look down on everyone else for whatever reason.

 

[JayDub]

I've been with my fiancé for about two and a half years, but have never met her parents because they are racist. Ironically her parents' marriage is one that is interracial and of immigration. Her mother is from Peru and her father is from Poland, but I'm black (which is just the worst of course.) I've met plenty of her other family members and they have all been great. It used to not bother me that much, but it is embarrassing when I have to explain to people why I've never met her parents. I've never even talked to them on the phone before; they literally want nothing to do with me and don't even want to acknowledge that I exist. The only time they ever asked my fiancé about me was when my father was dying (he died young and unexpectedly.) I come from an upper-middle class background, am well educated, and was making six figures by the time I hit 30, but none of this matters to them as they just assume the worst about me, and can't get over how she's shaming herself and their family. I've been to Peru, and it is weird how they worship fairer skin there. My fiancé's mom looks very Spanish, but you can't really tell with my fiancé, and her mom absolutely loves that about her. Here is our most recent picture for reference:



Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this? I literally may never meet her parents. She's met dozens of members of my family and they all love her.

Its fucking terrible that OP feels that this even needs to be mentioned. I hope this helps people understand why black people always have a "chip on their shoulders". They literally have to be 500% better than anyone else to be compared to the lowest common denominator white person.

 

[ghostofsparta]

Is it really interracial if both her parents are white?

Anyways, as long as your far away from them then do yo thang

 

[johnny_park]

I've been with my Gf for 3 years and have yet to meet her a parents. She hasn't even told them that she's pregnant. I brought this up to her many times and nothing comes of it...She has met everyone in my family though.

 

[RecRoulette]

If she's cool with it then keep doing what you're doing. That's a pretty legit reason to not meet them.

 

[Maaaaaardy]

Why do you want to meet people who are racist and pig headed when you can meet the awesome members of her family who are cool and not living in the 1800s?

 

[Breakage]

Its fucking terrible that OP feels that this even needs to be mentioned. I hope this helps people understand why black people always have a "chip on their shoulders". They literally have to be 500% better than anyone else to be compared to the lowest common denominator white person.

I think people with non-white skin generally have a harder time when getting into mixed race relationships. I've come across examples where south Asians struggle to be accepted by (fair-skinned) east Asian families.

 

[Angry Grimace]

I legit don't understand the concept of that kind of blind racism.

 

[TimeEffect]

You do you and your own family. You got too much to be proud about to let racist in-laws bother you

 

[Admiral Woofington]

My mom is old school latina and she jokes around that if I come with a black or an asian girlfriend that she will be shocked. I know she kids around, she's very loving. But I genuinely think her family would flip their shit. My old ass great grandma's first question when somebody has a new SO is "they're not black are they?"

it's awkward to visit family and feel so out of place with the older folks.

 

[Llyranor]

I've come across examples where south Asians struggle to be accepted by (fair-skinned) east Asian families.

This hits a bit close to home. Any anecdotes you wish to share?

 

[shandy706]

You're a good looking couple. Stay focused on you two.

Maybe they'll come around one day, maybe not.

Best of luck to you on the coming marriage. I'm white and love my niece/nephew (mixed, but would never pass as "white") and brother-in-law. I don't understand how people treat others so badly. I'm raising my two girls to not see color outside of the obvious pigment color in skin that they naturally pick up on. Their group of friends is a wide range of people thankfully too.

It's their loss OP.

 

[Breakage]

This hits a bit close to home. Any anecdotes you wish to share?

Well, I knew of a south Asian guy who was with a half Vietnamese/Chinese girl for several years. During that time her parents were actively trying to discourage her from staying in the relationship. They were citing things like: the fact he wasn't ethnically Chinese, too many cultural differences (despite both of them being British-born), his inability to speak Cantonese among other things.Their relationship eventually fizzled out because of the pressure from her parents. I never even knew such attitudes towards south Asians existed among east Asians until I came across this guy's situation. That's when I started to look into it and learned that it's not that uncommon. Up until that point, I assumed that because both ethnic groups were of Asian origin they'd be less friction.
Living in London, I notice that a lot of British-born east Asian girls tend to end up with white men or other east Asian men. The cynic inside says it's partly because of the negative attitudes towards darker skinned people that exist within east Asian communities.
A lot of people from east Asian backgrounds really value what their parents think more so than other ethnic groups imo. It's that Confucian philosophy of "filal piety".

 

[icam_17]

On the bright side, you're going to have some really beautiful mixed kids (if you choose to have kids)

 

[Mimir]

I've only met my wife's parents twice. When we announced our engagement and at our wedding. Though that's mostly because she doesn't get along well with them, and they live in Texas. She mentioned they wanted her to marry a Korean guy, but they were at the very least friendly and polite both times I met them.

We see my parents much more frequently, since they live much closer, and she gets along with them very well.

 

[hampig]

Sucks dude. Sounds like you guys will be just fine though. If she's willing to go against the people who raised her and the ideals she was raised with to be with you, then it sounds like you probably found a good wife.

I hope one day they come around.

 

[WeAreStarStuff]

Thanks Gaffers.

~Several people here have asked about them coming to the wedding. Neither of us cares to have a traditional wedding. We are not religious, and have no desire for the whole white dress ordeal. We are simply going to sign papers with the court, throw a party afterwards, and then do a bit of traveling. I imagine she might invite her parents to the party (we've not discussed it), but I don't think they would come if an invitation is extended to them.

~I think some people missed a previous post, when I stated that neither of us wants kids; so there will be no grand kids to help with reconciliation.

~A great thing is that all of her other family members that I've met are great. Her brother and his g/f traveled with us when I proposed to her when we were vacationing (I had told him beforehand.)

Its fucking terrible that OP feels that this even needs to be mentioned. I hope this helps people understand why black people always have a "chip on their shoulders". They literally have to be 500% better than anyone else to be compared to the lowest common denominator white person.

:/

 

[Psychoward]

What the fuuuuuuuuuuck that's messed up.

 

[BIGWORM]

I know that feeling, man. My ex-wife's father was racist as well. Even on his death bed in the hospital where I took her to see her father alive one last time, he didn't want anything to do with me. I found out her mother was racist as well, one day, shouting "nigger nigger nigger" in a drunken rage trying to provoke me into hitting her...all because I set the thermostat 2 degrees warmer to her liking. =|

 

[Mass_Pincup]

I know what it feels like OP. I'm in a similar situation where after more then 2 years together I still haven't met her parents even though she knows the majority of my family (sister, uncles, aunts etc). Me being non Muslim and black on top of that ensure that I most likely won't be meeting them anytime soon.

I hope your situation gets better and even if it doesn't, you still have your fiancée and your common future to look forward too.

 

[BudokaiMR2]

I got pretty lucky in this regard.

My Japanese in-laws are really cool (especially my mother-in-law) and always have been. I was especially surprised considering we got together while she was studying abroad.

That seems to be the case with the majority of my friends married here. I do know one guy who had to deal with incredibly racist in-laws.

 

[SamuelSupreme]

I've been with my fiancé for about two and a half years, but have never met her parents because they are racist. Ironically her parents' marriage is one that is interracial and of immigration. Her mother is from Peru and her father is from Poland, but I'm black (which is just the worst of course.) I've met plenty of her other family members and they have all been great. It used to not bother me that much, but it is embarrassing when I have to explain to people why I've never met her parents. I've never even talked to them on the phone before; they literally want nothing to do with me and don't even want to acknowledge that I exist. The only time they ever asked my fiancé about me was when my father was dying (he died young and unexpectedly.) I come from an upper-middle class background, am well educated, and was making six figures by the time I hit 30, but none of this matters to them as they just assume the worst about me, and can't get over how she's shaming herself and their family. I've been to Peru, and it is weird how they worship fairer skin there. My fiancé's mom looks very Spanish, but you can't really tell with my fiancé, and her mom absolutely loves that about her. Here is our most recent picture for reference:



Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this? I literally may never meet her parents. She's met dozens of members of my family and they all love her.

I am so sorry you've been treated like that brother. Unfortunately no matter what we say, do, achieve to some small minded racist people. We're just another god forsaken N***er.

I wish you and your beautiful fiancé a brilliant and blessed life. May God show you fortune and favour. I hope her parents sing a different tune if/when Children are introduced into the equation.

 

[davepoobond]

Dude you don't want these people in your life or if you ever have kids despite not wanting them.
They are doing you a favor by staying out of yours completely.

 

[cw_sasuke]

yup - their loss, life is too short to feel bad that relationship. Them liking you because you are one of the "good ones" wouldnt make them less racist though.

I still hope for them that they come around..they are gonna miss a lot.

 

[yyr]

Are they not going to come to your wedding even OP?

This is the beginning of the big questions.

I feel bad for your fiancee too. As much as this weighs on you, it must be at least as heavy on her.

I would suggest that you have a deep conversation with her regarding how you're going to move forward as a unit, and come to a consensus. For example, if you plan to have kids, would you feel comfortable with her folks having relationships with your children, but not with you? These are the issues that need discussion.

Come to an agreement with her on all of these things, then move forward as a team.

Hopefully, in time, they'll come around and accept you as part of their family.

 

[Cormano]

Not here, im Mexican (however my skin is white), and my wife is White. I love my inlaws and they love me.

Good luck.

 

[Tawpgun]

Not excusing their behavior, but I come from a Polish family and that is very real. I know if me or my sisters had black significant others my parents wouldn't be happy. I assume they would eventually be ok with it but it they definitely would not like it.

Just raised differently over there at that time. First time they saw minorities was when they moved to the US. Do you have plans to try to meet them? Maybe get to know each other?

 

[Septic360]

Im in a similar position although were both the same skin colour. My GF's mother met me once and was permanently difficult with her doing anything with me for 10 years. The strange part is they gifted us some money towards our first home purchase and yet i've still never seen or heard from them. They even came to view the house at a time I wasn't in.

Everyone saying fuck them/its their loss. Its not that simple. The entire ordeal will upset his partner. They're still her parents and anything they say will always upset her. Family gathering will stress her out. Future plans like a wedding and children will bother her too.

Its a shitty situation OP and one I doubt you can change but you just gotta be there for her when her family do something shitty.

This appears spot on

 

["D"]

When its time for nice expensive gifts and Christmas presents, just give them a box of coal each time

 

[cw_sasuke]

Not excusing their behavior, but I come from a Polish family and that is very real. I know if me or my sisters had black significant others my parents wouldn't be happy. I assume they would eventually be ok with it but it they definitely would not like it.

Just raised differently over there at that time. First time they saw minorities was when they moved to the US. Do you have plans to try to meet them? Maybe get to know each other?

Not shocking considering how Poland reacted to the refugee situation the last 2 years... they really dont fuck with non-white/christians people over there.

 

[pokeystaples]

OP, I have been there. This is going to come to make for some really uncomfortable situations if anything ever goes wrong with your fiance's health. It is easy to say "fuck em," but at some point they'll need her or she'll need them and you'll have to bite your tongue.

 

[WeAreStarStuff]

Not excusing their behavior, but I come from a Polish family and that is very real. I know if me or my sisters had black significant others my parents wouldn't be happy. I assume they would eventually be ok with it but it they definitely would not like it.

Just raised differently over there at that time. First time they saw minorities was when they moved to the US. Do you have plans to try to meet them? Maybe get to know each other?

I do not currently have any plans to meet them. Her brother's advice to me was that he advice everyone to avoid their parents.

I'm from Peru. Racism is a thing here, sadly, and people who look white and come from Caucasian families are generally treated better. Even on ads and TV you'll predominantly see this type of people. I wonder if the mother is from Lima, and if so, I wonder if she comes from the "higher" districts, to put it in a way.

I noticed that a lot when I was in Peru. Her mother is from the jungle of Iquitos; does not look Caucasian.

 

[RedAssedApe]

It will probably change if you guys have kids. I'd expect them to have a relationship with you if they expect to have any relationship with their grand kids.


But before that...what happens at the wedding? Assuming they are invited...maybe some relatives can talk some sense into them.

 

[Massive Duck. C.M.]

Sorry to hear about that man, hope things work out for you two though.

Might want to take the pic out though; detective gaf works full time but to mention the gang of anti-black lurkers

 

[Basketball]

Sounds like you struck gold OP. You know how many people would love to not have to deal with in-laws?

.
I kind of worry about this as well when I get married

I don't want to have to know and be overly friendly with another batch of people.
and if they're racist ... welp

 

[TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared]

This feels similar to the premise of Get Out.

 

[What did he mean by this?]

Stealth brag thread? Congrats on getting married

But really its not your job to make her parents happy, its your job to make her happy. You should talk to her about her parents from her perspective not based off any social obligations you feel -- if that makes sense. Dont let her parents affect you from a distance thats even worse than in their face -- if youre feeling inadequate, etc.. first off it might engagement jitters but secondly focus on being happy and your love

 

[BurritoBushido]

I've been to Peru, and it is weird how they worship fairer skin there.

This is a funny thing a lot of people don't understand about hispanics, because a lot of people tend to associate them with darker skin tones. I get from people all the time "you don't look hispanic" because I just look like a white dude. I'm full blooded, half mexican, half puerto rican. My roomate could not comprehend it and kept pressing for info about my heritage to figure out why I'm so white.

People in hispanic countries still deal with a lot of racism based on skin tones within their own race, often favoring the fairer skin. I don't know if it's like a weird carry over from Spanish conquerors mixing with indigenous races or what but It's such a sad, stupid thing.

 

[platocplx]

once you have kids they probally will change their tune. but fuck them.

Wife and Husband will come before anyone else and if you all stick to that then that means the most imo.

 

[Mattlikewhoa]

Honestly its their loss OP... I'd say fuck em' and continue to enjoy life with your fiancee...

 

[realwords]

You look like the counselor dude from 13 reasons why.

You're worse than the fiancee's parents.

 

[Fuchsdh]

I mean you should probably meet them ma-



Oh never mind

Lol, my reaction too.

I mean, ultimately it only matters based on how you and your SO see your relationship. How do you do holidays? Just split up to each others' families? What about when you have kids? What kind of relationship does your fiancée have with them now, and what does she ideally want to have with them?

(Also, to be pedantic, it's fiancée for the woman, fiancé for the guy. French, amiright?)

 

[Deleted member 1235]

Sucks mate. My in-laws are peruvian and I love them to bits, such a great country same you found the cunt :/