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[hecatomb]

Gender isn't such a static thing as you think. Basically every living creature that doesn't use XY chromosomes for defining gender proves that (fish, insects, birds, reptiles, etc). Assigning labels of "male/female" is a human thing, not a nature's imposition. If a "male" gets pregnant does it become female to you? When a fish becomes female to respond to the lack of females in the environment is she still a dude to you?

See I don't have to agree with your opinion, when you are born a doctor puts down male or female. Just cause you want a sex change still won't make you a 100% female, its just your opinion that you are one. Even if you could put female sex organs in a male body, I'm guessing the side effects would be pretty harmful. And you have to understand some people like me are not going to call you a female, even if its your opinion that you are one.

Even the dictionary has the definition of female and male, so I guess you would disagree with it also?

 

[Ar¢tos]

See I don't have to agree with your opinion, when you are born a doctor puts down male or female. Just cause you want a sex change still won't make you a 100% female, its just your opinion that you are one. Even if you could put female sex organs in a male body, I'm guessing the side effects would be pretty harmful. And you have to understand some people like me are not going to call you a female, even if its your opinion that you are one.

Even the dictionary has the definition of female and male, so I guess you would disagree with it also?

Yeah.. You won't call me a female for sure.. I'm a bear, masculine bearded and hairy, with the mandatory bear paw tattoo included! And I like being this way.
I simply have this thing called "empathy" and I'm able to try and see things from the perspective of others.
Parents should teach empathy as soon as possible to their kids and the world will become a much better place.

 

[hecatomb]

Yeah.. You won't call me a female for sure.. I'm a bear, masculine bearded and hairy, with the mandatory bear paw tattoo included! And I like being this way.
I simply have this thing called "empathy" and I'm able to try and see things from the perspective of others.
Parents should teach empathy as soon as possible to their kids and the world will become a much better place.

Ya but I don't care about peoples feelings, though if you think transgender is going to make you happy then good for you. But I'm not going to call you a female. Just like how if I got a surgery to be a lizard man, no one would take me seriously. See I have more self esteem then most people, and I don't care what people think. If you want to be transgender you should also don't get butthurt, and care about what people think of you. You shouldn't have such low self esteem about your self. You shouldn't care what people think, and stop being insecure.

But ya I'm still going to call you a man.

 

[Ailynn]

yes but just cause you want to have a sex change doesn't change the fact you are still not a real female, you still won't have the sex organs, and still can't give birth. Hence you are not a real female, it doesn't matter what you want to be.

hecatomb : No one is trying to argue with you on that. Trans people are all too aware that they don't have the genitalia that corresponds with their sense of gender identity, or their ability to bring a child into the world in the way that feels natural for them.

It's obvious that you don't feel that a trans woman is female, or that a trans man is male. You are entitled to your feelings, and we are not asking you to change your mind on that matter.

(Still, I find it a little strange how you say trans people shouldn't get "butthurt" when someone blatantly and rudely disregards their identity, when you yourself have visibly become upset at something so trivial as someone poking fun at your enjoyment of anime here on these same boards.)

I hope that in time you learn the value in having empathy and more understanding toward the feelings of others. It will most assuredly help you socially and professionally in most cases.

 

[Acerac]

Empathy is difficult and doesn't directly give anything so many people figure why bother.

It's lame but society doesn't seem to place a high value on the skill.

 

[Ar¢tos]

Ya but I don't care about peoples feelings, though if you think transgender is going to make you happy then good for you. But I'm not going to call you a female. Just like how if I got a surgery to be a lizard man, no one would take me seriously. See I have more self esteem then most people, and I don't care what people think. If you want to be transgender you should also don't get butthurt, and care about what people think of you. You shouldn't have such low self esteem about your self. You shouldn't care what people think, and stop being insecure.

But ya I'm still going to call you a man.

You are on the right path to extreme loneliness. Enjoy the ride.

 

[I'm new be nice]

I don't think it's really a question of whether you have Empathy or not (generally speaking), I think it's just a matter of being able to follow the Science.

I think a lot of people in the early 2010's felt burnt by a large swath of Pop-Science. You had a lot of books like The Secret taking legitimate Science and muddying the waters with utter horse-shit, and you had (maybe still have) large groupings of people taking the Science behind Biology and completely misconstruing it, to the point of laughability.

Its left a dark hole in many people's minds over the scientific validity of our current understanding of Gender, and unfortunately due to the pecking order its left a lot of openly-Transgender people open for attack and ridicule.

In regards to choice:

People have to choose to become transgender, they are not born that way. Its ok if you refuse to understand that.

It might make me unpopular to say this but I think the Transgender Classification has a lot in common with the Homosexual Classification, specifically in regards to choice, or the lack thereof found in our particular situations. I've outlined previously that there is significant evidence for Biological causes for Homosexuality, and i've certainly heard many others theorize that the mechanisms responsible for making someone Gay are similar to the ones that make someone Transsexual:

trans women have a longer androgen receptor gene than cis men, which is less effective at binding testosterone

These differences between Straight and LGBT+ are subtle, but they are clearly enough defined that even an Algorithm can pick out who's Gay and who's Straight just by looking at someone's face.

So Biologically there's a strong case that it's not a choice, although you could be upset that someone is following through with the procedure, but I don't know why you would be, beyond any sort of religious issues you might have with it. But I don't think the Bible has any stories about Transsexuals.

Gender isn't such a static thing as you think. Basically every living creature that doesn't use XY chromosomes for defining gender proves that (fish, insects, birds, reptiles, etc). Assigning labels of "male/female" is a human thing, not a nature's imposition. If a "male" gets pregnant does it become female to you? When a fish becomes female to respond to the lack of females in the environment is she still a dude to you?

I was going to mention this and you totally got to it before I did!

That Radiolab episode I posted actually goes into this towards the end; we share a common Ancestry with these very animals that are able to change sex depending on their necessity, and the Genetics that allow them to do these things are still present in us today (as outlined with the discovery of DMRT1), and overall are a large factor in why you can end up with so many strange intersex cases today: a lot of that morphology seems to still be present in a vestigial fashion.

The body seems to be very malleable when it comes to Gender. Even slightly lowering your Testosterone, no artificial Estrogen needed, can cause Breast Growth and maybe even potentially give you higher rates of Breast Cancer.

No Word Count gripes:

Rare genetic mutations or defects and 1 in a million exceptions don't suddenly invalidate what words mean or what they refer to. They are the exceptions, not the rule.

These words, Male and Female, are our classifications for Gender, and I do agree that they need to mean something. Just look at the case of Caster Semenya, a Biologically born Woman with unusually high Testosterone, who faced several difficulties with the Olympics. The IAAF eventually decided that hyperandrogenous athletes have to take medication to lower their testosterone.

And of course I brought up Fallon Fox, and that one Transgender teen that just fucking destroyed all those girls in track. All of it disrupts our society and our understanding of who we are. But it doesn't make it go away, and I don't think, knowing all of this, you can fall back to "words mean what they refer to". Words can change.

Ya but I don't care about peoples feelings

This works in a disorganized society, but it's a poor strategy in an organized one.

The fact is there's some decent backing scientifically speaking for the validity of these arguments, and moving forward you're going to have to provide something more beyond your disregard for feelings.

 

[I'm new be nice]

Oh also

I'm a bear

...
sup

 

[Bill O'Rights]

Can I just remind everyone that some of the diverging topics in here are not really suitable for a community thread, even though they are being humoured good naturedly.


The topics that we're branching out to, touch on science, interpretation, identification and justification. While we're not against these topics in principal there is a question or relevancy and invasiveness in community topics.


The community threads are to be led by people with a common interest and/or shared experience. When you enter these threads, they require an elevated level of decorum. For instance in a game thread we wouldn't want someone popping in to start a conversation that went along the lines of 'How do you guys play this? The controls are objectively bad'.


Again, the above is a conversation that is valid (but not relevant to the thread), but the communities are to be positive places; so we want to avoid venturing into waters where posters are using them as opportunities to bring a highly contentious topic or inject an argument of validation.


I probably haven't articulated that as well as I intend but I hope the message gets through.

 

[I'm new be nice]

I probably haven't articulated that as well as I intend but I hope the message gets through.

That makes sense, if these sorts of topics need further discussion there's no reason they can't branch outwards as it is, this forum is more than accommodating these days.

It seems to me like this is a good opportunity to include a few Resources in the Original Post. A lot of what I ended up learning actually came from the old Community Threads here at Gaf! I remember watching a few Transgender Vlogs in absolute fascination because of them. There was this one Woman who was working towards her Masters (I think it was in Computer Science?) who actually tipped me off originally about Proscar and Finasteride. I had originally written it off and bought into the old husband's tale of it causing Erectile Dysfunction (not that that would even matter to me, but still), but she made a small comment about it in passing that convinced me to try it and i'm so glad I did. I wish I could remember her name, I was always curious to see if she kept making videos, and to see if she eventually got that Masters.

Ailynn has posted probably the best video i've seen yet for a quick summary, so i'll definitely be including that in the Original Post! If anybody can think of some other really good Resources please let me know! Especially in regards to Terms. The old website I originally used to make the current Terms List doesn't seem to be around anymore.

 

[Vorg]

yes but just cause you want to have a sex change doesn't change the fact you are still not a real female, you still won't have the sex organs, and still can't give birth. Hence you are not a real female, it doesn't matter what you want to be.

It makes zero difference to you and a world of difference to someone else, so you're making a conscious choice to have no empathy and acting like a shit human being just because you can. Everyone is free to act however they feel like toward other people, but someday it may be someone you care about on the other end.

 

[Dunki]

Ailynn has posted probably the best video i've seen yet for a quick summary, so i'll definitely be including that in the Original Post! If anybody can think of some other really good Resources please let me know! Especially in regards to Terms. The old website I originally used to make the current Terms List doesn't seem to be around anymore.

Yeah that video is really good and does not include some agenda but just information we currently have about this issue.

To me it is a genetic defect because you need treatment and it will only hurt you mentally if you do not do anything at all. I think we need to categorize this as mental Disorder while also getting rid of the stigmatization of mental disorders. It also helps trans people in Germany because then it is covered by insurance companies without this classification it is almost impossible to get financial help for a sex change etc.

 

[Vorg]

Yeah that video is really good and does not include some agenda but just information we currently have about this issue.

To me it is a genetic defect because you need treatment and it will only hurt you mentally if you do not do anything at all. I think we need to categorize this as mental Disorder while also getting rid of the stigmatization of mental disorders. It also helps trans people in Germany because then it is covered by insurance companies without this classification it is almost impossible to get financial help for a sex change etc.

Do you even read what you write? This is wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin.

 

[Dunki]

Do you even read what you write? This is wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin.

There is nothing wrong here.

There is a genetic defect for the most part. Genetic defects are Mental Disorders. Mental Illness are things that occur because something did happen to you. And when it is a mental disorder in Germany you get finanancial Help for your sex change for therapy, medcine etc.

So what is wrong here? Note I do not see Mental Disorders as something to fear or not to accept I see it as a Term to define what you are suffering from. I do not care about the Stigmatization of this word. But yes please explain how i am wrong,

 

[Ar¢tos]

There is nothing wrong here.

There is a genetic defect for the most part. Genetic defects are Mental Disorders. Mental Illness are things that occur because something did happen to you. And when it is a mental disorder in Germany you get finanancial Help for your sex change for therapy, medcine etc.

So what is wrong here? Note I do not see Mental Disorders as something to fear or not to accept I see it as a Term to define what you are suffering from. I do not care about the Stigmatization of this word. But yes please explain how i am wrong,

A defect implies that something is lacking or not working properly. It's not a defect, it's a variation. The base of evolution are genetic variations, and some theories suggest that all these gender variations are nature's way of testing paths to a single gender future.
There is also the theory that all these sexual orientations and different gender issues that lead to a non-reproductive individual are one of many balance mechanisms nature implements to prevent over population, because they are seen on other animals.

 

[Dunki]

A defect implies that something is lacking or not working properly. It's not a defect, it's a variation. The base of evolution are genetic variations, and some theories suggest that all these gender variations are nature's way of testing paths to a single gender future.
There is also the theory that all these sexual orientations and different gender issues that lead to a non-reproductive individual are one of many balance mechanisms nature implements to prevent over population, because they are seen on other animals.

I am sorry but if you are trapped in the wrong body and you openly suffer from it and not only because of social pressure but on your brain level your mind then yes it is a defect. leaving this alone without therapy, medication or even a sex change is dangerous for your health and mind. People do not want to live in this condition at all. WAtch the video that was posted and tell me how is this not a defect.

But maybe trans people like Ailynn can answer this better. I am really curious what she thinks about it.

 

[Vorg]

I am sorry but if you are trapped in the wrong body and you openly suffer from it and not only because of social pressure but on your brain level your mind then yes it is a defect. leaving this alone without therapy, medication or even a sex change is dangerous for your health and mind. People do not want to live in this condition at all. WAtch the video that was posted and tell me how is this not a defect.

But maybe trans people like Ailynn can answer this better. I am really curious what she thinks about it.

I'm pretty sure Ailynn will tell you she's not defective. Where exactly are you going with this?

Also, this thread was supposed to be a safe haven for members of this community. While I'm sure the LGBT community doesn't want to exclude anyone, why exactly are they having to deal with these attacks? Is a thread like this impossible on Neogaf now?

 

[I'm new be nice]

I think about it more in terms like this:
The Feminine and Masculine Biological qualities exist inside each of us, Males and Females both have a delicate balance of Testosterone and Estrogen, and depending on a variety of factors you can exhibit varying degrees of each quality.

If you happen to have large qualities of Femininity either in your Personality or your Biology, and you feel the need to fully commit to that side, then all you're doing is making those Feminine qualities more pronounced, or enhancing the qualities that already exist inside of you.

But Bill O'Rights brought up an excellent point about what Communities in general should represent (that thought has been slowly creeping into the back of my mind as this Discussion has progressed), and I do think these points of contention could go on endlessly, so it might be best to let this discussion move elsewhere.

I find it just as fascinating as the rest of you, but to be honest the original intent I had in mind for this Community was more Culturally driven, although I'd still like to keep the floor open should any questions or inquiries come up.

But maybe it would be best if the question of Validity be left alone for this particular Thread.

 

[Dunki]

I'm pretty sure Ailynn will tell you she's not defective. Where exactly are you going with this?

Also, this thread was supposed to be a safe haven for members of this community. While I'm sure the LGBT community doesn't want to exclude anyone, why exactly are they having to deal with these attacks? Is a thread like this impossible on Neogaf now?

How do I attack anyone? A genetic defect is something you have no influence of. Why should I be hostile to someone with a genetic defect in the first place? I do not even see it as something bad but as a condition nothing else. I see it as a pure medical description and it says nothing about the person itself....

I'm new be nice I am sorry for intruding but this is something that was interesting to me and I meant no offense.

 

[I'm new be nice]

@I'm new be nice I am sorry for intruding but this is something that was interesting to me and I meant no offense.

No worries no worries.

I'll be revamping the OP shortly so that there is more clarity on the general direction of this Community.

I also understand that words can carry many different interpretations, and certain mindsets and perspectives can define whether a word appears Positive or Negative. For some "Defects" could be defined as a "Quirk" (as in a "Quirky Person"), for others as a "Fault" (as in "that person is Faulty" or Wrong), and my reading of your post was the former.

 

[Redneckerz]

Empathy is difficult and doesn't directly give anything so many people figure why bother.

It's lame but society doesn't seem to place a high value on the skill.

It isn't difficult. Just ask Patrick Stewart:

No worries no worries.

I'll be revamping the OP shortly so that there is more clarity on the general direction of this Community.

I also understand that words can carry many different interpretations, and certain mindsets and perspectives can define whether a word appears Positive or Negative. For some "Defects" could be defined as a "Quirk" (as in a "Quirky Person"), for others as a "Fault" (As in "that person is Faulty" or Wrong), and my reading of your post was the former.

''Defect'' when referring to trans people definitely carries a negative undertone. They aren't broken toys that need new Duracell batteries.

What they are, are people trapped, for a plethora of reasonings that is further defined on a case by case basis. Calling them all defect, even when you mean no harm - Yes, that comes across as negatively.

 

[I'm new be nice]

I agree with you Redneckerz , and my intention for this Community moving forward is that we operate under the presupposition that LGBT+ is Valid (as this is my personal belief).

I'll be more clear on this when I get a moment. I'm very tired right now and need to go to bed : /

 

[Redneckerz]

I agree with you Redneckerz , and my intention for this Community moving forward is that we operate under the presupposition that LGBT+ is Valid (as this is my personal belief).

I'll be more clear on this when I get a moment. I'm very tired right now and need to go to bed : /

Looking forward to it. Although i am not really that heavily involved in here, but that's simply because where i live most of the issues described aren't really that much of a deal.

Relatable to the thread though, recently met up with my (male) friends new relationship. She actually is from American and she talks like a sailor but recently i found out that she is actually a transwoman.

Now this friend, i don't like him that much (despite knowing him for 20+ years), but that's besides the point. When i heard that, i was like:
Well, didn't expect my friend to go that route, but thats pretty awesome
I had some presumptions that she was trans, partially by the way she spoke and used humor (Very male like).
When i heard it i was simply like okay. That's all it takes to accept, really. Turns out she is a huge gamer and recently took the hairstyle from the Cyberpunk 2077 gameplay.

The only thing with her being a former male is that she somehow has copied my friends terrible sense of humor (Which is more insultive than actually funny, let alone original). That day was the second time we met and she already made a comment that went below the belt. Decided not to cause a scene (Didnt know she was trans at that stage yet) but i was thinking ''Well, atleast now i know where she gets her ''humour'' from''.

Other than that we talk from time to time and have offered to meet up with her, but through her friend. I should ask her directly soonish though, just to know her more.

Whole personal talk about trans stuff here, heh.

 

[Ailynn]

Hey everyone! Sorry I was away for a few days - I hope you are all well!

I'm short on time, but I wanted to touch on the whole genetic defect and/or mental disorder subject.

At least in the United States, the term mental disorder can definitely carry a negative connotation. Simply because I am transgender, I've had many complete strangers online call me mentally unsound, or straight up delusional and insane. People have disregarded things I say simply because of their own preconceived ideas that trans people are crazy and shouldn't be taken seriously. These largely trolled negative stereotypes are why I really don't like transgender to be seen itself as a mental disorder.

Alternatively, the genetic disorder angle is one I myself have struggled with. My body literally is genetically different than most people because of the epigenetic sexual differentiation I contracted prenatally through Diethylstilbestrol exposure. At the same time, I don't consider myself defective (well, not anymore, at least) because I now feel that God knew what was going to happen to me before I was born, and placed a soul within that could eventually weather the storm.

Aside from chemically induced prenatal sexual differentiation, there have been gender-variant and intersex people long before any of these chemicals were ever invented. It's certainly not the norm, but these differences do seem to have been a rare variation happening naturally for thousands of years.


Basically, everyone should be seen as an individual, as each of us comes to be who we are through often very different means. It doesn't mean that any one person is less valid than the other. We are all different...and that is okay.

 

[I'm new be nice]

I heard some pretty sad news Yesterday about an old friend from High School, i'll try to keep the details discreet for privacy reasons, but I felt the need to share a little bit of his story.

He and I used to hang out a lot, and though we naturally drifted apart as the years went by I enjoyed our friendship while it lasted. We were not exactly popular in our school, and he in particular got picked on a lot, despite his larger size. He had a pretty masculine face, and I often thought he would be quite attractive if he was a bit more confident in himself. But he was very gentle by nature, and I can't think of a single instance where he ever picked on someone or tried to hurt their feelings.

I was the first person to ever come out in our small little town, and because of that often people would feel disarmed around me and tell me things about themselves they wouldn't normally tell others.

Shortly after High School he messaged me:

I can't say I was exactly shocked, there was always a strange sense of tension between us. I think we almost respected each other enough to keep our distance, in a weird way. But he told me about his feelings, and his experiences coming to grips with it, and I was happy for him.

But the town we came from was extremely harsh to anyone who didn't fit a very specific mold, and I think the experiences of being rejected by his peers for so many years weighed on him for the rest of his life. He didn't deserve to be treated that way just because he was different, he didn't do anything wrong, but he was ostracized, just as I was.

5 days ago he took his life. I don't have any proof for any of this, maybe i'm just projecting; but I think it's because it's extremely difficult to move past being rejected during your formative years. Psychologically speaking you adopt a certain set of coping mechanisms that stay with you at the behavioural level, and I think it's extremely hard if not nearly impossible for some people to change them. You have to be strong.

The reason why i'm posting this here is because there are some things I want to say that I know I can't or shouldn't say on Facebook, as it just wouldn't be appropriate.

I think those people in High School all played a part in his eventual demise, and the thing that pisses me off the most about it is these same people who treated him so poorly are now mourning his death and are going to go to his funeral. These people who 10 years prior picked on someone because he was different are probably even oblivious to their actions. They think they're good people, progressively flying their rainbow Facebook profiles like it means something, but they can't undo their past. I won't go into details, but to say they treated him like shit is putting it lightly.

It's a sick twist of irony. All I want to say to these people is it's your fault, that no amount of "good will" is going to change the fact that you destroyed an innocent man years ago. But that won't accomplish anything.

I feel so bad for him right now. I wish he could have known he was worth so much more. The older I get the more it hurts to lose people in my life. It feels like a part of me dies with them. I'll always remember the Jam sessions we had, the times just lazing around playing Video games, hanging out on the farm, booze cruising down the prairie highways smoking dope while listening to our tunes, as though there was nobody else in the world but us.

Rest in peace buddy. You deserved better.

If you're ever thinking of taking your life please talk to someone. Even with years of distance between us, it feels horrific to know that my friend spent the next 10 years in agony. Like, fuck. Even with a decade between you, people might care about you far more than you realize. Sometimes it's nice just to know that that person is still out there trucking along.

 

[ILLtown]

Sorry for your loss, I'm new be nice

 

[EviLore]

Very sorry to hear that, I'm new be nice . You clearly know this already (speaking more for the benefit of others in this thread), but don't blame your own intersections with his timeline (or absences) at any point in your respective lives for this outcome, and don't blame him for reaching that state of mind and level of untenable pain that now resonates back through everyone who knew him and cared about him in some way in the sadness you carry now. People who get to that final point are almost never trying to hurt others, just end their own suffering, and people who choose to isolate themselves can be difficult or impossible to reach out to by friends and family. Unfortunately that commonly coincides with severe depression in modern society.


Also speaking generally to the thread/forum/internet, if you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal ideations, talk to a medical/psych professional right away and dial the national suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255 as needed. If you've had longer term suicidal ideations, don't attempt to use the internet as a chronic coping mechanism or makeshift virtual support group as the only thing keeping you afloat. Serious real life problems have to be addressed in real life the right way. Talk to someone qualified to help. </psa>

My condolences, and thanks for sharing. We're all carrying a bit of his story now. A shot of tequila down the hatch in memory of your friend and in the name of tolerance and acceptance.

 

[LegendOfKage]

I think those people in High School all played a part in his eventual demise, and the thing that pisses me off the most about it is these same people who treated him so poorly are now mourning his death and are going to go to his funeral. These people who 10 years prior picked on someone because he was different are probably even oblivious to their actions. They think they're good people, progressively flying their rainbow Facebook profiles like it means something, but they can't undo their past. I won't go into details, but to say they treated him like shit is putting it lightly.

It's a sick twist of irony. All I want to say to these people is it's your fault, that no amount of "good will" is going to change the fact that you destroyed an innocent man years ago. But that won't accomplish anything.

If they never reached out to apologize for the harm they caused, I would say that they're definitely being hypocrites here. My mother is still somewhat "old fashioned" when it comes to her thoughts on homosexuality, but even at her least accepting, she still had gay friends at work and she never made anyone feel bad for their sexuality.

I've also noticed her softening her opinions on this issue through the years, which has been good to see. At the very least, it's good to know that acceptance continues to improve, and that fewer people will have to go through what your friend did. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[I'm new be nice]

It is what it is.

People change. I know that. There's no going backwards, only forwards.

It's definitely hitting me harder than I was expecting, but I won't let it undo the years of progress i've made.

It's funny how you think you're stoic and emotionless, and then you realize just how much you can still feel.

 

[7echnicolor]

Ya but I don't care about peoples feelings, though if you think transgender is going to make you happy then good for you. But I'm not going to call you a female. Just like how if I got a surgery to be a lizard man, no one would take me seriously. See I have more self esteem then most people, and I don't care what people think. If you want to be transgender you should also don't get butthurt, and care about what people think of you. You shouldn't have such low self esteem about your self. You shouldn't care what people think, and stop being insecure.

But ya I'm still going to call you a man.

good lord, please grow up

 

[Redneckerz]

So i had this party this weekend with my long-knowing friend who recently turned to pursue a relationship with a trans woman. More on that here.

The party was great, but they decided to go back home. I suggested to join them, so i could have a chance on talking with my friends trans partner. She appreciated this notion.

Back at home, we had some talks and then my friend asked if i knew that his partner was trans. So i said i heard this, yes. They felt at comfort. So i talked with his trans partner on the trans topic. I felt the position regarding this was simple: No matter who you are or what you are, in the end you are still a human being. In regards to my friend i said that i really do not care who he dates, even if its an octopus (Okay you get my drift). I felt his move with her was progressive, because he typically is a guy heavily favoring straight women. My friend appreciated my stance, and his partner visibly did so too.

I actually brought up the whole ERA talk about how people shouldn't refer to women as females. To my surprise she agreed with this stance, and also agreed with the notion that they are people and that these folks aren't pushing for trans acceptance. She told me that she has felt a woman since she was 6-7 and that in November she is going to get surgery to get proper female genitals.

My friend thanked me for listening to it all and so did she. I do not want to make it a bigger thing than it already is - There is no need to put the lights on this so vividly. After all, in my eyes trans people are accepted in society when people view them as normal, not as special.

Felt like sharing this part and to have some proper points to talk over in this thread!

Ya but I don't care about peoples feelings, though if you think transgender is going to make you happy then good for you.

That is a real simplying statement to make. People who are trans (usually) know for years and years on end that they feel something is not right. Similar to gay people, they have to deal with coming out of the closet. In many places, US in front, its still a thing to come out as gay. Try to be in a trans's shoes for a few seconds: Imagine how its like for them to come out, especially in the US.

If you think coming out as gay is already a struggle, imagine how it is for a trans person.

I feel this short sightedness really helps nobody here but rather attempts to establish a provocative screen of hypocrisy and naivety, as shown by the rest of your post. You do realize a statement like the bolded can easily be thrown back like a boomerang, right? If you struggle with depression or feel injured, for instance.

Should i, as an stranger, care about your feelings then when i see you suffer? You seem to imply that you don't when it does not revolve around you. I am more of the view to care instead. Why? Because its within our DNA to be selfish (as you display), but its also within our DNA, albeit to a lesser degree, to express empathy and sympathy. Heroes get their title because in the heat of a life changing moment, they decided to act, to express empathy and do something.

I am not going to say everybody is like that - A lot of people simply would stand still and do nothing, believing somebody else would help out. This is called the bystander effect and a diffusion of responsibilty. This is the situation where i feel you are in: Are you going to be a bystander and continue to proclaim you aren't caring about personal situations and that you are a very mature (sic) adult or are you going to be a hero, and display some common courtesy in regards to a gender that might not be yours to be, or even something you can get behind, but from which you can emphatize that for people adhering to this gender, it is, indeed, a daily struggle for them?

But I'm not going to call you a female. Just like how if I got a surgery to be a lizard man, no one would take me seriously.

I am not buying into this comparison, it feels to me like you are taking the piss at transgenders and/or demonstrate child-like naivety towards this topic. Do you think a lizard man is a proper equivalent to a trans person?

See I have more self esteem then most people, and I don't care what people think.

Displaying arrogance in a topic where people are trying to discuss sensitive situations that you obviously never have to go through is misplaced arrogance first and formost. You seem to miss the atmosphere of this thread, which isnt about boasting how amazing you are for talking garbage towards trans people.

Honestly, what is your intent with that language? Because as of right now you come across as someone who talks trash at a burial and proclaim how you outlived the soon-to-be-buried. Or, TLDR - Your expressions are done in poor taste.

If you want to be transgender you should also don't get butthurt, and care about what people think of you.You shouldn't have such low self esteem about your self.

Easy for you to say if you never reflected on this in the first place.

You shouldn't care what people think, and stop being insecure.

The fact that you need to be so needlessly provocative tells me that the insecurity issues are more apparent at your own character than with the people you try to accuse as insecure.

Ever thought of cooperating with things you are clearly unaware of? There is no crime into expressing a desire to know more about a topic you have just proved yourself to be quite unknowledgeable about - Reverting to act like a hardliner to make up for your clear inexperience regarding this topic.

Ill be curious if you will, or that you decide to be a bystander. Or as the Matrix would say: The problem is choice.

5 days ago he took his life. I don't have any proof for any of this, maybe i'm just projecting; but I think it's because it's extremely difficult to move past being rejected during your formative years. Psychologically speaking you adopt a certain set of coping mechanisms that stay with you at the behavioural level, and I think it's extremely hard if not nearly impossible for some people to change them. You have to be strong.

The reason why i'm posting this here is because there are some things I want to say that I know I can't or shouldn't say on Facebook, as it just wouldn't be appropriate.

I think those people in High School all played a part in his eventual demise, and the thing that pisses me off the most about it is these same people who treated him so poorly are now mourning his death and are going to go to his funeral. These people who 10 years prior picked on someone because he was different are probably even oblivious to their actions. They think they're good people, progressively flying their rainbow Facebook profiles like it means something, but they can't undo their past. I won't go into details, but to say they treated him like shit is putting it lightly.

Firstly, i am sorry that this happened. I think its very sad that people end up losing their lives trying to be who they want to be from the inside out.

I can't speak for those High School people, nor judge them, but i do agree that people buy off their guilt when they do things like these. Even when they negatively contributed to someone's life, they feel it makes everything okay if they pay their respects only after the fact - And not make things up when such a person was still alive.

It is, in a different way, the bystander effect in optima forma - Other people are truly mourning over a loss and do something with it, and others are just sympathy mourning along the way. Do they care? I doubt it. If they did, they would have atleast attempted to understand the now deceased's POV when he/she was still alive.

So in that sense i understand your anger. You see this happening in life aswell - How often people do not look after you when you feel down or how they never come to an appointment because reasons. Certainly in our day and age, real friendships, real bonds, are more scarce than ever. People usually don't realize how good they have it until something terrible happens to them. Then they will see which friends care, and which don't. Often you read how big friend groups are often decimated and reduced to a handful, which should show you how many people geniunely care for your issue.

Here too, is the modified bystander effect in effect. They feel that as long as others care about your incident, they don't have to. Sadly, its also the reason why most friendships then break down. I assume that the people who don't care, do feel guilty about it, eventually. But why couldn't they have shown empathy when it was needed?

All in all, it says a lot about people when big turnarounds in someone's life (or death) are met by indifference. It is how Chloe Sagal, a trans game developer, came to her demise. People stopped caring. And although Sagal seemed to be a notoriously difficult character to begin with, she could have been helped. Everyone always can be helped.

I am sorry for your loss, I'm new be nice .

PSA: I wrote about this earlier, but it does not hurt to put it here aswell.

If you are thinking of hurting yourself, please get help right away! Go to the hospital emergency department - if you are thinking of ending your own life, it is a medical emergency. If you need help figuring out where to go, a suicide hotline can help.

Spoiler: Hotlines

US National Suicide Hotlines: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Hotlines by state

Canada http://ospn.ca/
and the Mental Health Helpline - http://www.mentalhealthhelpline.ca/

https://www.ontario.ca/page/get-medical-advice-telehealth-ontario

1-866-797-0000

UK Samaritans Charity 08457 90 90 90*
Northern Ireland Lifeline: 0808 808 8000

Australia LifeLine 13 11 14
New Zealand Crisis Contacts

Crisis centers by country.

The Trevor Project 866 488 7386
"providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth"

Veterans Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255 PRESS 1

“I still see my hands coming off the railing,” he said. As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”

Places to find help:

US
NAMI

UK
SANE

EU
EUFAMI

This has been a notification thread for World Suicide Prevention Day 2018. Please reach out and get your voice heard - No voice should be left muted.

Thank you to all who read this.

 

[Blam]

Ya but I don't care about peoples feelings, though if you think transgender is going to make you happy then good for you. But I'm not going to call you a female. Just like how if I got a surgery to be a lizard man, no one would take me seriously. See I have more self esteem then most people, and I don't care what people think. If you want to be transgender you should also don't get butthurt, and care about what people think of you. You shouldn't have such low self esteem about your self. You shouldn't care what people think, and stop being insecure.

But ya I'm still going to call you a man.

I got a few things to say but first off. "Ignorance is bliss." You don't have more self esteem, you're just ignorant. This is painfully obvious. Just saying the words you shouldn't have low self esteem about yourself doesn't magically fix everything it takes along fucking time to get anywhere close to respecting yourself especially when you already don't think you belong in your own body.

I'm also pretty fucking sure if you became a lizard man people would take you seriously lmao. You don't care bout peoples feelings then you should probably become a politician since a lot of them are the same way.

edit: he blocked me lmao.

 

[Redneckerz]

I got a few things to say but first off. "Ignorance is bliss." You don't have more self esteem, you're just ignorant. This is painfully obvious. Just saying the words you shouldn't have low self esteem about yourself doesn't magically fix everything it takes along fucking time to get anywhere close to respecting yourself especially when you already don't think you belong in your own body.

I'm also pretty fucking sure if you became a lizard man people would take you seriously lmao. You don't care bout peoples feelings then you should probably become a politician since a lot of them are the same way.

edit: he blocked me lmao.

I got a PM and then i was blocked. Opinions are opinions but a little common courtesy is proving to be very difficult in these days. If you aren't getting told that you are a defect or that you don't care about others, then you get told to go fuck yourself for trying to host a civilized discussion. Or you don't know jack about minorities.

That's right, i don't. I am not a minority. But i talk with and support those who are. My friend's partner is now pre-OP, and i recognize that the path towards post-OP isnt easy. Not for her, nor for her partner, who, despite my thoughts about him on other things, rose to accept her for who she is, regardless of what she is now, and who she will be later.

I am not without flaws, not without mistakes. I may be more sensitive than others in specific situations. But in my own way, i work for a better world, where transgender people are not just another defect, but people first and foremost.

Carl Sagan used to say this:

Spoiler

''Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.”

To many, the world is so, so black and white. But imagine this: The LGBTQ flag does not contain black, nor white. They show colors, the nuances of who we are as people and what we can be.

As people.

Even if i don't like my friend that much, i immensly respect that. And i told him so. I realize that how i present myself is selfish, perhaps even condescending. People don't use ''I'' that much unless you are bragging. I am not bragging. I am just sharing how i view the world, and if that makes me lack perspective, for trying to be the person that one could consider a true friend or a proper caretaker, than i rather would not want to know other people's perspective.

Because the thankful eyes and the appreciation for stepping out mean more to me than anything else.

...Whew. I got all up and personal here.

 

[I'm new be nice]

I finally got around the updating the OP a little bit.

After Rajack brought up the point about "Transsexual" being a Derogatory Term I had actually started to hear this sentiment echoed elsewhere in a vein similar to Ailynn , so i've opted to remove it from the list of Terms.

As llien pointed out, "Agender" was referenced in the List but not defined, so I have added a definition for clarity.

I've added 2 podcasts that I found interesting that i've already shared from Radiolab, and have also included Ailynn's "Science of Being Transgender" video for additional clarification and a good starting point for those uninitiated. Let me know if there is anything else particularly poignant that I could add.

I've also made a note to include the Support Lines provided by EviLore and Redneckerz .


I dwelled a bit on whether I should include some hard and fast rule on the conduct of discussion; in terms of framing things beyond the debate of Validity, but I think everyone is more than mature enough to move forward without such a need, so fuck it.

Anyway i've been keeping busy! Living life to the fullest! I'll be sure to bump back here soon enough when I have the proper moment!

 

[7echnicolor]

The community is sure thriving!

 

[I'm new be nice]

Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in awhile.

The truth is i've been doing a lot of self mediation, and just general focus on creative/practical work.

Generally speaking, I had an itinerary or plan for the community, and I still harbor those plans, but the deeper I get into my creative efforts the stronger my desire to cast away such inclinations becomes.

My life has been a strange one, perhaps even among the LGBT community.

I think the Peter Pan syndrome hits folk like me the hardest. I've tried to be as cognizant of it as I can be, but you can never be 100%. The fact is I grew up in a family that was "over protective", and I suffered the price for that. And, as much as the Extreme Left will decry the lectures of Peterson as being "homophobic", it resonated hard with me.

And so, this last year has been me; at the age of 30 (in January), learning how to be a 20 year old, essentially. Learning how to purchase groceries at a low price, to make ends meet without overextending my budget, whilst still being able to proceed with school and music.

This place is basically my personal self help forum, which i'm totally cool with. I could use a little help, and a little self reflection. Maybe a lot of self reflection, frankly. That's kind of why I started this. I wanted to see my internal thoughts, things I usually keep to myself, ripped apart by the general consensus.

So let's open that bottle and get into the grit of it;

I tried Dating:
It didn't go that great, frankly. I don't think I know what I want. I spent the last 29 years building up all these expectations based on this idealistic relationship I had with this man who originally wooed me when I was 19.

He was fucked up, in his way. In the same way I was. Only he was 14 years older than me. Fucked up 14 years proper. You following me?

It's not that uncommon, among our kind. I won't deny the mentorship, let alone the literal Apprenticeship I was under.

But I wasn't the beard wielding fellow I am now. Here's me, at 21; high on god knows what, susceptible to anything less than the Universe:

Not that different from now, I suppose. Probably a blessing, really. I age well

Okay, so here I am. Drunk on White Wine.

The Main Feeling i'm feeling right now is;

I've spent so much fucking time alone, that i'm so fucking cool with it. Like I could die alone, and be totally fine with it. I have all the goals and entertainment (Porn) I could ever need.

And that makes me feel uncomfortable.

The fact that i'm entirely okay with being alone... makes me feel like there is something SERIOUSLY Fucked up with me, right now.

I feel like I shouldn't be okay with this. You feel me?

I should want somebody. Shouldn't I? I'm so attractive... why can't I let my isolation go?

 

[oxrock]

Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in awhile.

The truth is i've been doing a lot of self mediation, and just general focus on creative/practical work.

Generally speaking, I had an itinerary or plan for the community, and I still harbor those plans, but the deeper I get into my creative efforts the stronger my desire to cast away such inclinations becomes.

My life has been a strange one, perhaps even among the LGBT community.

I think the Peter Pan syndrome hits folk like me the hardest. I've tried to be as cognizant of it as I can be, but you can never be 100%. The fact is I grew up in a family that was "over protective", and I suffered the price for that. And, as much as the Extreme Left will decry the lectures of Peterson as being "homophobic", it resonated hard with me.

And so, this last year has been me; at the age of 30 (in January), learning how to be a 20 year old, essentially. Learning how to purchase groceries at a low price, to make ends meet without overextending my budget, whilst still being able to proceed with school and music.

This place is basically my personal self help forum, which i'm totally cool with. I could use a little help, and a little self reflection. Maybe a lot of self reflection, frankly. That's kind of why I started this. I wanted to see my internal thoughts, things I usually keep to myself, ripped apart by the general consensus.

So let's open that bottle and get into the grit of it;




I tried Dating:
It didn't go that great, frankly. I don't think I know what I want. I spent the last 29 years building up all these expectations based on this idealistic relationship I had with this man who originally wooed me when I was 19.

He was fucked up, in his way. In the same way I was. Only he was 14 years older than me. Fucked up 14 years proper. You following me?

It's not that uncommon, among our kind. I won't deny the mentorship, let alone the literal Apprenticeship I was under.

But I wasn't the beard wielding fellow I am now. Here's me, at 21; high on god knows what, susceptible to anything less than the Universe:


Not that different from now, I suppose. Probably a blessing, really. I age well

Okay, so here I am. Drunk on White Wine.

The Main Feeling i'm feeling right now is;

I've spent so much fucking time alone, that i'm so fucking cool with it. Like I could die alone, and be totally fine with it. I have all the goals and entertainment (Porn) I could ever need.

And that makes me feel uncomfortable.

The fact that i'm entirely okay with being alone... makes me feel like there is something SERIOUSLY Fucked up with me, right now.

I feel like I shouldn't be okay with this. You feel me?

I should want somebody. Shouldn't I? I'm so attractive... why can't I let my isolation go?

It sounds to me like you're very much in a transitional part of your life. You're still learning how to be you, and honestly I've always found it best to be single during times like those. There's no reason why you HAVE to be in a relationship. Do what makes you happy and what makes the most sense for you in your life.

It's nice to see an update in here at least, maybe find some more time to spend with us hooligans to help fend off the isolation.

 

[I'm new be nice]

It sounds to me like you're very much in a transitional part of your life. You're still learning how to be you, and honestly I've always found it best to be single during times like those. There's no reason why you HAVE to be in a relationship. Do what makes you happy and what makes the most sense for you in your life.

It's nice to see an update in here at least, maybe find some more time to spend with us hooligans to help fend off the isolation.

Shiiiiiiiiit (The Wire)

Don't make me cry sir...

Yes I need to talk with you folk more...

 

[Acerac]

Seriously, I've nearly fallen in to that trap myself. If you are working hard at bettering yourself, look at what a relationship gives you. While the encouragement and potential assistance is huge, it's important to be cognizant of the sacrifices such a thing requires.

I've been improving myself in ways that I couldn't have foreseen even a year ago, I'm finding new ways to accomplish my goals... is a relationship really needed right now? Everyone is different of course, but as somebody who had the desire to be in a relationship just because after a decade of being in one it felt kinda empty to be without, I realize that if I had jumped back in to the dating scene immediately I wouldn't be accomplishing half of what I am doing now... perhaps dating can wait til I've reestablished who I am.

Us sexy people can be single too. It's allowed.

 

[7echnicolor]

We aren’t always in a place where a relationship is healthy for us, even if it’s something we think we should want. You’ve gone this long without being in a long term relationship, a little more isn’t going to be the end of the world.

Other people should never complete us, only complement us.

 

[I'm new be nice]

I felt like I wrote something seriously embarrassing here, and I've avoided NeoGaf all this time because I thought it was too extreme, but looking now; it's not so bad... It's a very honest exposé of myself. I can live with what I wrote here.

Thank you Acerac , 7 7echnicolor , and oxrock , and fucking everyone else who posted here. And definitely Ailynn

BTW Ailynn where did you get your handle? I got mine on Xbox Live, because I was really good at games at the time and it made me laugh when people got their ass kicked by "I'm new be nice". Also the entire idea that somebody would call themselves not only a sentence but "I'm new be nice" makes me laugh even 10 years later. And there's an adorable sense of innocence to the name as well.

And again to EviLore for keeping on keeping on.

So... I'm not much better here, haha, to be honest. Maybe that's why i'm posting. How ironic that the community I tried to build was in fact the community I actually needed. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

I'm doing good, all things considered. I'm taking care of myself, i'm progressing academically and creatively, and even more or less financially, and I thought I might need to stop drinking in general but I believe i've found a place of balance within myself.

But i'm still struggling with dating. I'm opening myself up more to people in general. It has taken a year of growth and pain, but i'm starting to feel more and more like myself around people at work. But I still can't seem to navigate dating.

I was extremely naive when I first entered the fray, literally getting assaulted thanks to my naivety. But I made it through that assault unscaved, and I grew the wiser, and have maintained my bodily integrity, to put it bluntly.

Spoiler: The Truth

To say the least:

• They say they'll bring Condoms but they don't
• They'll say they put it on but they didn't

and

• They'll say they're still wearing it but if you look they're not

God-dammit to Women is all I can say. Men are fucking INSANE lol.

But I know it's different as a receptive, especially in regards to Anal. Anyways i'm on guard always. The receptive partner almost always carries the responsibility of higher risk (whether it's the higher risk of pregnancy or contracting an STD).

I don't have to feel embarrassed with what I wrote here. And the fact is, people here have really helped me. When I talked about getting Assaulted I got so much good advice. EviLore had some insanely good advice about amassing a crew to tackle the Bars with me. And P ProudClod gave me the best advice in regards to dating in Canada bar none.

ProudClod hit the nail on the fuckin head here, and it made me rethink my entire philosophy on dating. The fact is i'm (currently) a good looking mother fucker, and my entire philosophy has been entirely as he outlined. I wait for the attractive and aggressive Males to approach me, and then I whine and complain over the aftermath. My approach now is to seek rather than be seeked, and this has turned up more responsible and conscientious individuals.

School takes precedence, but that seems to be where i'm sitting socially, and as embarrassing as airing my laundry here is, i'm glad I did it, because I do think I have actually grown.

I just hope, if I do decided to back the fuck out, that EviLore will facilitate a way for me to clear my data, if I get too self conscious. Knowing me tho, i'll probably just dig in deeper.

Anyways, cheers y'all.

 

[I'm new be nice]

Seriously, I've nearly fallen in to that trap myself. If you are working hard at bettering yourself, look at what a relationship gives you. While the encouragement and potential assistance is huge, it's important to be cognizant of the sacrifices such a thing requires.

I've been improving myself in ways that I couldn't have foreseen even a year ago, I'm finding new ways to accomplish my goals... is a relationship really needed right now? Everyone is different of course, but as somebody who had the desire to be in a relationship just because after a decade of being in one it felt kinda empty to be without, I realize that if I had jumped back in to the dating scene immediately I wouldn't be accomplishing half of what I am doing now... perhaps dating can wait til I've reestablished who I am.

Us sexy people can be single too. It's allowed.

How are you doing now? Have you found personal goals to keep you satisfied? What are they my mang?

 

[I'm new be nice]

We aren’t always in a place where a relationship is healthy for us, even if it’s something we think we should want. You’ve gone this long without being in a long term relationship, a little more isn’t going to be the end of the world.

Other people should never complete us, only complement us.

Totally agree. I've always felt that my music should come first. I guess I worry that i'm too autistic lol. Like, I know i'm not. I'm extremely apt at reading people's expressions. Hell, I know how I look posting here. I know I look like an attention seeking whore (I am), but ultimately the fact that i'm fine with being alone makes me feel like there's something wrong.

 

[7echnicolor]

I savor my solitary time. It's nice to do my own thing and do things while only thinking of myself sometimes. I don't do it enough in my daily life, so I really cherish when I get to just be on my own.

 

[I'm new be nice]

I savor my solitary time. It's nice to do my own thing and do things while only thinking of myself sometimes. I don't do it enough in my daily life, so I really cherish when I get to just be on my own.

Well comeone man, it's a balance. At some point reality starts to twist in on itself, and solitary time starts to turn into a Fear and Loathing nightmare filled with Reptiles and Demons. I'm pretty low in Trait Extroversion, but at some point even I reach my point of insanity.

 

[I'm new be nice]

I've got this one guys!:

 

[I'm new be nice]

Oh SHIT

 

[I'm new be nice]

=D

The convo is actually going good, peace!!!!!!

 

[Acerac]

How are you doing now? Have you found personal goals to keep you satisfied? What are they my mang?

Having the time of my life. I've picked up some basics in guitaring and coding, have been reading books more regularly while continuing to meditate, and continuing with the exercises and attention to diet. Legitimately it is difficult for me to update people on all I've been doing this last half year without coming across as a braggart.

Counterintuitively I still have those pangs of "I'm not living up to my potential". To be fair despite the complete turnaround I could always be doing better, but I feel the key is reframing those feelings. Before I had let them defeat me, but now I look at it as the human condition; that is the feeling that humans have that allows them to push further and succeed. If I feel like that I ask myself what I did to earn a sense of pride in myself today, and if I don't have a satisfying answer I get off the PC and read/practice guitar/whatever.

A large part of it comes down to earning happiness from within as opposed to feeling that being a kind enough person would force others to provide me with it, if that makes any sense.

(Good luck on the not coffee btw)

 

[Redneckerz]

=D

The convo is actually going good, peace!!!!!!

Ask if tea is a good alternative since there is a request to not do coffee, but what about tea?