Support NeoGAF

[Truelize]

Feel for you OP. I'm in a similar boat. I'm not suicidal but my chronic pain drives my emotional state a lot of the time. I have a couple of herniated discs and a couple of badly worn vertebrae in my lower back. So the nerves are effected for both of my legs.
My pain has been so bad that for years I have felt like my right leg was on fire constantly and I can stick pins and needles into it and not feel a thing.
I recently had some cort injections in the spring and they made a considerable difference in my levels of pain.
The biggest struggle for me is meds. I have tried almost everything and Percocet is the only one that doesn't mess me up. T3s make me throw up. Tramadol and Tramacet make me pass out within 15 to 30 minutes and I have read about the high risk of seizures when taking it with anti-depressants so I've stayed away from those. Percocet allows me to feel like I can have a life. But everyone else thinks in a heroine addict because I take them. And my doctor thinks I'm the devil if I run out a day early.

The issue is that I have gotten used to them and continually need a higher dose as time goes on.

Pain breeds pain.

The brain begins to recognize any pain or stress as a level 10 emergency. It loses the ability to evaluate how much pain the body is in and the mental response becomes the same for everything.
It's a horrifying situation to be inside of.

And I am also stuck in the "hole in the bucket" scenario of, I need to be in better physical condition to reduce my pain...but I'm in too much pain to do physical activity... and physical activity increases my pain levels.

Regarding the mental support side of this battle I have found that talking to a therapist has helped me quite a bit. I have learned that we are capable of managing our pain on the mental level. Maybe not making it disappear but we can decide to not let it control everything all the time. Many chronic pain sufferers have experienced moments of joy and happiness in their lives and then look back and realize that they weren't aware of their pain at those times. That's because it wasn't the focus for those moments. Through meditation we can learn how to make some of those moments of relief happen deliberately and gain some control over how we feel.

The book I was suggested to read is titled
"Full Catastrophe Living"
http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/0345536932/

I haven't read it all yet (I read the first half of a lot of books) but it's a tool to continue to use to learn with.

The other tool I was given was some audio meditation tapes (they aren't tapes but I honestly don't know what to call them- haha).
I use the "10 minute sitting" meditation at least once a day and it has helped me more than I can explain.
Here is the link.

http://presentmoment.ca/Present_Moment_HDS/Audio.html

The other tool I have used on this site is the "Bodyscan introduction". I fall asleep whenever I do it but that's not horrible I guess.

My conversations with my therapist, this book and especially the 10 minute sitting meditation is the reason I'm still alive today.

These won't fix everything but finding results from using these tools was honestly the most empowering experience I have had since my injuries began. I hope they may help your girlfriend out as well.

Best wishes.

 

[justjustin]

Sorry to hear it, I can only relate on the most superficial level possible. I had sciatica-- specifically piriformis syndrome-- for about a year. Just sitting still, my heart beating would send sharp pain shooting down my left butt/leg. It was debilitating and depressing, but it is completely gone now after two rounds of physical therapy-- haven't felt anything for about six months. It could have been gone sooner if I had been more diligent.

As soon as she feels better mentally, try to concentrate on finding the right physical therapist rather than the right doctor. Get a prescription for physical therapy any way you can, then have the physical therapist treat the condition she knows she has, rather than what the doctor thinks. She should share all her thoughts to the PT instead of relying on what the doctors say. This is what I had to do since my doctor laughed and said piriformis syndrome did not even exist-- yet that's what I was treated for at PT and now I'm better.

It sounds like she knows what the solution is-- intensive physical therapy-- and I agree based on my experience. From your story, it sounds like the worst part is her mental problems combined with extreme pain and uncooperative doctors. I feel like what she is experiencing now is much, much worse than any pain she would experience in physical therapy. If she can survive her situation right now, I think she has the fortitude to do physical therapy without pain meds and it will help. PT is the only permanent solution. You're not only treated at the site, but you're taught exercises and movements to eliminate pain on your own at home.

Make things as simple as possible. I'm sure it's all very overwhelming, but the last thing you need is inventing new problems and doing shit loads of research and questioning. Sometimes, being too thorough is impractical. Believe the solution is PT, get a prescription, know that the pain from PT is less than all the shit she's surviving right now, and know that once she gets better she won't need pain meds or need to feel discouraged by doctors who won't listen.

Just remember to think in a practical way, not a "realistic" way. I really do believe we have an overly negative perception of "reality," so we over-prepare, assume the worst and do more work than needs to be done. Pick a solution and follow it through all the way instead of alternating between possibilities x, y and z and not finding any conclusions. It sounds like so much pain is from not knowing or feeling like it will never end. Picking ONE thing to work on will get you an answer-- either a solution or one less thing to think about.

Sorry if this was all too general or not exactly relevant to your situation, but I sympathize with people who come up again uncooperative doctors in the face of chronic pain. You both know her pain is not mysterious and is treatable, and her doctors don't listen to her-- only for key words to pick up on-- so you shouldn't listen to them and just go to a physical therapist since they're the ones who can help. Good luck.

 

[Red]

You are doing the right thing. Getting her the treatment she needs is more important than anything else.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Walk away now, OP.

She is in a place that is equipped to deal with her.
The fact that she has been threatening to kill herself shows that she isn't above to resorting to emotional abuse in order to control you - you need to get out now because you've already shown to her that her methods work, so she'll continue to use them.

You might love her, and heck - she might even love you, but you need to look out for yourself.

 

[mattiewheels]

Feel for you OP. I'm in a similar boat.

Have you been given the option of surgery?

 

[Brannon]

Have you considered meds from Canada in the interim. Not sure if they cracked down on that recently, but she seems to really need it.

 

[jb1234]

Walk away now, OP.

She is in a place that is equipped to deal with her.
The fact that she has been threatening to kill herself shows that she isn't above to resorting to emotional abuse in order to control you - you need to get out now because you've already shown to her that her methods work, so she'll continue to use them.

You might love her, and heck - she might even love you, but you need to look out for yourself.

This really has nothing to do with manipulation and if you'd ever been in enough pain, day in and day out to want to die, you'd understand that.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

Walk away now, OP.

She is in a place that is equipped to deal with her.
The fact that she has been threatening to kill herself shows that she isn't above to resorting to emotional abuse in order to control you - you need to get out now because you've already shown to her that her methods work, so she'll continue to use them.

You might love her, and heck - she might even love you, but you need to look out for yourself.

The fuck? Are you a sociopath?
Chronic pain isn't a form of emotional manipulation.

 

[Emerson]

The fuck? Are you a sociopath?
Chronic pain isn't a form of emotional manipulation.

He never said it was. But if you think saying "I'll kill myself if you have me committed" isn't manipulation then I don't even know what to tell you.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

He never said it was. But if you think saying "I'll kill myself if you have me committed" isn't manipulation then I don't even know what to tell you.

That doesn't justify what he said.

 

[Emerson]

That doesn't justify what he said.

I'll give you that it was said in a pretty abrasive way.

 

[Deleted member 80556]

Walk away now, OP.

She is in a place that is equipped to deal with her.
The fact that she has been threatening to kill herself shows that she isn't above to resorting to emotional abuse in order to control you - you need to get out now because you've already shown to her that her methods work, so she'll continue to use them.

You might love her, and heck - she might even love you, but you need to look out for yourself.

I don't think you have ever had incurable pain then. Was hoping better from you, Squiddy.

EDIT: Bebpo, I'm so sorry that all your medical experiences have been bad. Never would have thought a person who studied more than 10 years would simply brush away a little but important thing that is literally screaming "hey, this is the cause of everything" by just saying "aw, it's nothing important". I really, really hope you and your fiancee get better attention. We're here for you.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

I'll give you that it was said in a pretty abrasive way.

It also depends on the type of commitment, state laws and the hospital itself. Having some experience with emergency mental health services, it isn't pleasant. If you are not an immediate or actively trying to kill yourself at every opportunity or not incognizant like in schizophrenia, there isn't much a suicide watch at a hospital can do. You might be put with patients with completely different mental health issues, and might not have any visitors of communication, so it's not illogical to view it as a type of abandonment.

Our mental health system isn't there in terms of support. It's hit or miss depending on the hospital, state and staff.

Furthermore, it seems to be common in these types of situations to read posts like Squid's, to just run away from any situation which is possibly one of the worst you can do. Yes, some people use suicide as manipulation and abuse, but in this case it is clearly not.

 

[Bebpo]

Our mental health system isn't there in terms of support. It's hit or miss depending on the hospital, state and staff.

Yeah, so this has not been for her benefit. Due to anxiety problems, depression problems, fear and phobias of needles, doctors and hospitals, she has been crying for 48 hours straight and no one can get an answer from her to "what's wrong?". She just feels incredibly uncomfortable and can't stop crying uncontrollably. She says the psychiatrists spends 3 mins on her every day, doesn't listen to anything she says and keeps her there.

Everyone is saying they're going to extend the 3 day hold to 14 days. Me and her family are worried she may not get out for a while and every day there is making her worse and worse in terms of her already existing mental health problems. She feels like she's in a prison and is not cooperating with the staff to get out. The family and I are meeting with a social worker tomorrow morning.

So this has become a really big mess. If I left her alone I'd be struggling to stop her from suicide daily and now she's stuck at a behavioral ward, being treated like a prisoner and because of her phobias and anxieties and the lack of decent individualized attention given by the "I gotta get to the next patient and get my paycheck" doctors who already go in with the assumption everyone in the ward is crazy, it looks like she might not get out for who knows when and might go entirely crazy by the time she does.


Otoh, I found out from a friend of hers who showed up to visit that she's been lying and manipulating me for the last several months while I've been giving up my personal health (the stress is terrible for my crohn's disease), time, money, work days, and everything I have to try to be there for support and help her. It's probably not even intentional and she could be bi-polar or have additional personality/psychological disorders besides depression/anxiety/ADHD and phobias. But she seems to be a pathological liar telling different stories to everyone and just want everyone wants to hear (including telling other guys she likes them).

So I'm working with her parents to try to get her out. But I'm leaving and will try to do it in the least painful way to her. Everything has been incredibly destructive to my own life and I was ok with that since we really loved each other and I wanted to do everything I could for the person I love, but it turns out she was lying to my face repeatedly and telling other guys she wished she'd been in relationships with them instead of me, all while I was doing this, so I gotta pack up her stuff and say goodbye.

 

[Deleted member 102362]

You've been a completely supportive and selfless individual from the start. You don't deserve to be lied to and manipulated like that. It sounds like you've made the right call.

 

[jb1234]

Is she lying about the chronic pain too? I'm really sorry to hear this, Bebpo. Is the friend you talked to a reliable source?

 

[FunkyMunkey]

Damn. Maybe the chronic pain has been stacked on top of a bunch of other problems, and sort of over-expressed (not faked, but a little over acted)? It sounds like you're doing the right thing. Years later you'll look back and know you did everything you could, and hopefully spending time with a lady who appreciates your compassion. Keep us updated, and good luck!

 

[Bebpo]

Is she lying about the chronic pain too? I'm really sorry to hear this, Bebpo. Is the friend you talked to a reliable source?

No, the pain is real. But fueled by an addiction to the vicodin. So it's impossible to distinguish what pain is from the injuries and what pain is from not having vicodin. It's a really sad situation.

The friend is trustworthy. There's some specific stuff that I can trust him on that makes it seem like she was telling me she was only friends with other people whereas she was telling them she loved them during all of this. I'd like to think it was the vicodin addiction making her act off and do stuff like that, but who knows. It just sucks to find that out after I've given everything to be there as support and she repeatedly told me she loved me and even bought me an engagement ring! But I don't think she knows what she wants and possibly loves more than one person at a time. I know she wasn't cheating on me physically, but I had brought emotional cheating up with this certain person at the time and she dismissed it all as platonic friends despite spending days in a row with him and texting/talking on the phone 24/7.

 

[chubigans]

Wow, a pathological liar? You're doing the right thing in moving out of there. Good for you. I hope things start to shape up better soon for you man, stay strong.

 

[Neuromancer]

Wow sorry to hear that Bebpo. Good luck. It sounds like you did everything you could to try to take care of her while you were together.

 

[komplanen]

Good luck Bebpo and now heal yourself back to good health and keep on truckin'

 

[Freakinchair]

damn this sucks

 

[Enco]

Yea getting out is the best idea.

You're not going to help fix her problems. Might as well help your self.

It's sad but you've done more than enough.

 

[jett]

Good that you decided to do what's best for you Bebpo. Best of luck.

 

[Stormhammer]

I read your first thread about this, and kinda kept up with this one. You're a super good dude for doing what you have to help someone you cared about, so I hope nothing but good things come to you now that you can focus more on yourself.

 

[CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls]

GFs who threaten to kill themselves and get locked up in psychiatric facilities are the worst, OP.
You need to leave her to fix herself, because you're not her psychiatrist/physician - you're only meant to be her boyfriend.

This is terrible fucking advice. Chronic pain is no joke and his role is to help her. This isn't some attention-seeking behavior. This is a serious issue.

What the hell is wrong with you?

No, the pain is real. But fueled by an addiction to the vicodin. So it's impossible to distinguish what pain is from the injuries and what pain is from not having vicodin. It's a really sad situation.

The friend is trustworthy. There's some specific stuff that I can trust him on that makes it seem like she was telling me she was only friends with other people whereas she was telling them she loved them during all of this. I'd like to think it was the vicodin addiction making her act off and do stuff like that, but who knows. It just sucks to find that out after I've given everything to be there as support and she repeatedly told me she loved me and even bought me an engagement ring! But I don't think she knows what she wants and possibly loves more than one person at a time. I know she wasn't cheating on me physically, but I had brought emotional cheating up with this certain person at the time and she dismissed it all as platonic friends despite spending days in a row with him and texting/talking on the phone 24/7.

Welp, this sucks. I support you for being there for her through her chronic pain. But, this is now turned into something psychological and completely out of your hands. You've done what you can and now it's time for you to remove yourself from the situation and help yourself.

Your SO will not be the same person if she's ever released. She'll likely resent you and this will lead to more pain for you. Let the professionals help her as best as they can. I'm so sorry that this all happened. Tragic.

 

[Abounder]

Unfortunate situation. Perhaps she lies and manipulates the professionals as well, and I imagine they have readily recognized it as such. My advice is to move on and fade away from her world including family and friends, but it won't be easy.

 

[Bluekaveli]

Damn, I'm sorry dude

 

[Easy_D]

Sympathy to you and your SO, op.

Lots of people don't realize it, but chronic pain can be something nerve wrecking and can even give the "strong minded" people a very hard time coping with it.

It's not even on the same scale but personally, I could barely handle the pain I had after pulling a tooth, can't imagine how horrible it must be to experience worse pain than that constantly.

 

[DrBo42]

Yeah, so this has not been for her benefit. Due to anxiety problems, depression problems, fear and phobias of needles, doctors and hospitals, she has been crying for 48 hours straight and no one can get an answer from her to "what's wrong?". She just feels incredibly uncomfortable and can't stop crying uncontrollably. She says the psychiatrists spends 3 mins on her every day, doesn't listen to anything she says and keeps her there.

Everyone is saying they're going to extend the 3 day hold to 14 days. Me and her family are worried she may not get out for a while and every day there is making her worse and worse in terms of her already existing mental health problems. She feels like she's in a prison and is not cooperating with the staff to get out. The family and I are meeting with a social worker tomorrow morning.

So this has become a really big mess. If I left her alone I'd be struggling to stop her from suicide daily and now she's stuck at a behavioral ward, being treated like a prisoner and because of her phobias and anxieties and the lack of decent individualized attention given by the "I gotta get to the next patient and get my paycheck" doctors who already go in with the assumption everyone in the ward is crazy, it looks like she might not get out for who knows when and might go entirely crazy by the time she does.


Otoh, I found out from a friend of hers who showed up to visit that she's been lying and manipulating me for the last several months while I've been giving up my personal health (the stress is terrible for my crohn's disease), time, money, work days, and everything I have to try to be there for support and help her. It's probably not even intentional and she could be bi-polar or have additional personality/psychological disorders besides depression/anxiety/ADHD and phobias. But she seems to be a pathological liar telling different stories to everyone and just want everyone wants to hear (including telling other guys she likes them).

So I'm working with her parents to try to get her out. But I'm leaving and will try to do it in the least painful way to her. Everything has been incredibly destructive to my own life and I was ok with that since we really loved each other and I wanted to do everything I could for the person I love, but it turns out she was lying to my face repeatedly and telling other guys she wished she'd been in relationships with them instead of me, all while I was doing this, so I gotta pack up her stuff and say goodbye.

Holy shit, OP. I can't even imagine what you've been through with this girl. I will say that you're a pretty amazing dude for sticking it out and trying to help despite dealing with some truly awful shit with not just your own health but that of someone you love on top of the stress of the whole ordeal. If there's anyone out there that deserves a new start and to be happy, it's you.

 

[daegan]

Gosh, man... That sounds quite a bit like my wife's cousin's pain issues and responses to meds. I hope you both get through this okay.

 

[Trojita]

Yeah, so this has not been for her benefit. Due to anxiety problems, depression problems, fear and phobias of needles, doctors and hospitals, she has been crying for 48 hours straight and no one can get an answer from her to "what's wrong?". She just feels incredibly uncomfortable and can't stop crying uncontrollably. She says the psychiatrists spends 3 mins on her every day, doesn't listen to anything she says and keeps her there.

Everyone is saying they're going to extend the 3 day hold to 14 days. Me and her family are worried she may not get out for a while and every day there is making her worse and worse in terms of her already existing mental health problems. She feels like she's in a prison and is not cooperating with the staff to get out. The family and I are meeting with a social worker tomorrow morning.

So this has become a really big mess. If I left her alone I'd be struggling to stop her from suicide daily and now she's stuck at a behavioral ward, being treated like a prisoner and because of her phobias and anxieties and the lack of decent individualized attention given by the "I gotta get to the next patient and get my paycheck" doctors who already go in with the assumption everyone in the ward is crazy, it looks like she might not get out for who knows when and might go entirely crazy by the time she does.


Otoh, I found out from a friend of hers who showed up to visit that she's been lying and manipulating me for the last several months while I've been giving up my personal health (the stress is terrible for my crohn's disease), time, money, work days, and everything I have to try to be there for support and help her. It's probably not even intentional and she could be bi-polar or have additional personality/psychological disorders besides depression/anxiety/ADHD and phobias. But she seems to be a pathological liar telling different stories to everyone and just want everyone wants to hear (including telling other guys she likes them).

So I'm working with her parents to try to get her out. But I'm leaving and will try to do it in the least painful way to her. Everything has been incredibly destructive to my own life and I was ok with that since we really loved each other and I wanted to do everything I could for the person I love, but it turns out she was lying to my face repeatedly and telling other guys she wished she'd been in relationships with them instead of me, all while I was doing this, so I gotta pack up her stuff and say goodbye.

Welp, I will say I didn't expect the story to end this way.

I will say you should be sure to verify what her friend said, even if you think you can trust them. Also don't get sucked further into the lies if she is indeed lying. It's a hard road to cross.

Replying to what you said before, Vicodin won't make you just spontaneously tell other people you love them, while you are supposed to be in a committed relationship.

She needs to get off Vicodin, I was guessing she had an addiction since long term use of that is very addictive. She needs to see an orthopedist specializing into the part of the body she is injured at. Is the pain she is having crippling or is she just complaining of pain? Was the 10-20% of cases where these injuries don't show up, actually confirmed by a doctor? What is a gps that you mentioned in the OP? I'm not familiar with that term.

 

[theaface]

OP, you sound like a thoroughly upstanding guy, and I can't think of anything else you could've done to help this person. I hope things work out better for the both of you, wherever your lives take you.

 

[MisterArrogant]

Yeah, so this has not been for her benefit. Due to anxiety problems, depression problems, fear and phobias of needles, doctors and hospitals, she has been crying for 48 hours straight and no one can get an answer from her to "what's wrong?". She just feels incredibly uncomfortable and can't stop crying uncontrollably. She says the psychiatrists spends 3 mins on her every day, doesn't listen to anything she says and keeps her there.

Everyone is saying they're going to extend the 3 day hold to 14 days. Me and her family are worried she may not get out for a while and every day there is making her worse and worse in terms of her already existing mental health problems. She feels like she's in a prison and is not cooperating with the staff to get out. The family and I are meeting with a social worker tomorrow morning.

So this has become a really big mess. If I left her alone I'd be struggling to stop her from suicide daily and now she's stuck at a behavioral ward, being treated like a prisoner and because of her phobias and anxieties and the lack of decent individualized attention given by the "I gotta get to the next patient and get my paycheck" doctors who already go in with the assumption everyone in the ward is crazy, it looks like she might not get out for who knows when and might go entirely crazy by the time she does.


Otoh, I found out from a friend of hers who showed up to visit that she's been lying and manipulating me for the last several months while I've been giving up my personal health (the stress is terrible for my crohn's disease), time, money, work days, and everything I have to try to be there for support and help her. It's probably not even intentional and she could be bi-polar or have additional personality/psychological disorders besides depression/anxiety/ADHD and phobias. But she seems to be a pathological liar telling different stories to everyone and just want everyone wants to hear (including telling other guys she likes them).

So I'm working with her parents to try to get her out. But I'm leaving and will try to do it in the least painful way to her. Everything has been incredibly destructive to my own life and I was ok with that since we really loved each other and I wanted to do everything I could for the person I love, but it turns out she was lying to my face repeatedly and telling other guys she wished she'd been in relationships with them instead of me, all while I was doing this, so I gotta pack up her stuff and say goodbye.

I'm very sorry, Bebpo. That's a really tough situation. I'm sure you must be torn between feeling incredibly used and betrayed while also being really concerned about the well-being of someone you really cared about.

Given some of the things you've mentioned, I'm also suspicious she may have a personality disorder that's compounding her problems. It's difficult to tell what's driving what with the added complications of the chronic pain and potential Vicodin abuse. But you might be right on the money about her having an underlying personality disorder.

I might be barking up the wrong tree here but I'm curious how many of the following you would say correlate with her personality and behavior. Obviously at least a few from what you've mentioned:

(1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

(2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

(3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

(4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, Substance Abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

(5) recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

(6) affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

(7) chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

(9) transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms​

5 is a given, obviously. 2 sounds likely given you mentioned she was 21 and I believe you remarked she told you she loved you and bought "you" a ring (I assume she was the one pushing for marriage) and then turned around and told other guys how she'd rather be with them behind your back. 6 potentially though it could be the pain or substance abuse. 4 with the substance abuse but are there any other areas mentioned you consider her having impulse issues? Where you say she tells people what they want to hear that can be typical of symptom 3. I think you mentioned some paranoia on her part but I'm not clear on whether that's just her being in the hospital or that's something more chronic. It could be symptomatic of criteria 9.

It's just a theory but I thought I'd throw it past you since you guys are trying to figure out what's going on. A lot of her behavior sounds eerily reminiscent of typical Borderline behavior.

Did you know her before the accident and the chronic pain started occurring?

 

[evil solrac v3.0]

Yeah, so this has not been for her benefit. Due to anxiety problems, depression problems, fear and phobias of needles, doctors and hospitals, she has been crying for 48 hours straight and no one can get an answer from her to "what's wrong?". She just feels incredibly uncomfortable and can't stop crying uncontrollably. She says the psychiatrists spends 3 mins on her every day, doesn't listen to anything she says and keeps her there.

Everyone is saying they're going to extend the 3 day hold to 14 days. Me and her family are worried she may not get out for a while and every day there is making her worse and worse in terms of her already existing mental health problems. She feels like she's in a prison and is not cooperating with the staff to get out. The family and I are meeting with a social worker tomorrow morning.

So this has become a really big mess. If I left her alone I'd be struggling to stop her from suicide daily and now she's stuck at a behavioral ward, being treated like a prisoner and because of her phobias and anxieties and the lack of decent individualized attention given by the "I gotta get to the next patient and get my paycheck" doctors who already go in with the assumption everyone in the ward is crazy, it looks like she might not get out for who knows when and might go entirely crazy by the time she does.


Otoh, I found out from a friend of hers who showed up to visit that she's been lying and manipulating me for the last several months while I've been giving up my personal health (the stress is terrible for my crohn's disease), time, money, work days, and everything I have to try to be there for support and help her. It's probably not even intentional and she could be bi-polar or have additional personality/psychological disorders besides depression/anxiety/ADHD and phobias. But she seems to be a pathological liar telling different stories to everyone and just want everyone wants to hear (including telling other guys she likes them).

So I'm working with her parents to try to get her out. But I'm leaving and will try to do it in the least painful way to her. Everything has been incredibly destructive to my own life and I was ok with that since we really loved each other and I wanted to do everything I could for the person I love, but it turns out she was lying to my face repeatedly and telling other guys she wished she'd been in relationships with them instead of me, all while I was doing this, so I gotta pack up her stuff and say goodbye.

I personally feel that she has been in so much physical pain and possibly addictiona nd other mental issues that you maybe are doing the wrong thing by breaking up with her. she's not in the right state of mind and who knows what else. are you sure you won't reconsider?

 

[Various Artists]

Really lousy update. Good luck out there.

 

[OraleeWey]

So she's been using you this whole time?

 

[Durask]

Let me put it this way:

You can be a saint and stay with her but nothing obliges you to it, morally or otherwise.

As you said OP you have your own health problems. You should not drive yourself into an early grave because of another person. Walk away.

 

[oneils]

This sounds somewhat familiar to me. A couple of years ago my ex-gf was hit by a car while she was on her bike. The car's side view mirror smashed into her lower back. Physical therapy was just too painful and she found that the pain killers she was prescribed to be kind of useless. X-rays showed everything to be fine so it is some sort of tissue damage I guess.

She started drinking very heavily to numb the painand talking about killing herself. I urged her to continue with pt, but a friend recommended a chiropractor who dealt with children (my ex is very petit and apparently this chiro only does very minuscule manipulation as to minimize any further inflammation).

I thought it would be quackery, but she swears by it. She is still in pain (especially after any physical exertion) but she says the pain has lessened greatly. It might be something worth looking into.

Good luck, I wish you the best. It is very hard dealing with someone who is so despondent.