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[Palpable]

How do you guys deal with heartbreak? It has been almost 5 months. She's with another guy, doesn't talk to me, probably hates me, etc. I still am filled with grief, memories, regret, longing... at 5 months I thought I'd feel better.

 

[freshVeggie]

Man, I'm currently under heavy stress. Trying to go out every day, always a couple more meters from home. My Agoraphobia is very advanced, can't leave the house for more than 300m. Haven't gone further tzan 700m in about 2,5 years.

Yesterday I called a Psycholog. Took me a lot to do that. I usually eat all my problems into myself and don't share my feelings with my family. Wish I had a friend to do these kind of things. It was a waste. He was recommended to my mom by a friend of hers. He refused to talk anything on the phone. I am not an idiot so I didn't want a phone therapy but he was so reluctant to even listen. He is 20km away. That is madness for me. I kept telling him I haven't left the house for even one km in yeqrs but he didn't care. "Get better in yourself so that you can come me" Thanks asshole for nothing.

I lost hope many years ago but seeing my family getting more and more sad because if me is really hitting me. But I just can't muster up courage to fight back.

There is a day clinic about 1,5km away. I seriously think that is my last chance at anything. But first I have to get at least good enough to actually be able to go that distance.

Man it sucks so bad. Because of that I'm having constant headaches which I usually never have.

 

[Kipp]

Well, I'm exactly 2 weeks in with my 10mg Lexapro/Escitalopram. Side effects have been really rough. I've been incredibly tired and lethargic all the time (as well as some more minor side effects). Reading some forums and stuff, that's pretty common though and that should subside at around the one month mark, so I'm not too worried. For now it's tough though. Definitely one of those "it gets worse before it gets better" type of things.
At the end of the month I'm getting bumped up to 20mg, so I'll have to go through a second round of bad side effects, but after that it'll supposedly all be smooth sailing, so I'm really hopeful.

 

[kamineko]

How do you guys deal with heartbreak? It has been almost 5 months. She's with another guy, doesn't talk to me, probably hates me, etc. I still am filled with grief, memories, regret, longing... at 5 months I thought I'd feel better.

How do I deal with it? Not well.

I mean, I've straight up run off some excellent women over the years with all of my crazy foolishness.

The cliche is that it takes time, but that actually seems to be the most important ingredient. That and trying to be open to meeting someone new. To feel like you've moved on, you've gotta actually move on, you know? I've carried stuff way longer than 5 months, but looking back, a lot of that was my choice.

Some things might always sting a little from time to time, but that daily achey/yearn-y thing doesn't last forever.

 

[ampere]

How do you guys deal with heartbreak? It has been almost 5 months. She's with another guy, doesn't talk to me, probably hates me, etc. I still am filled with grief, memories, regret, longing... at 5 months I thought I'd feel better.

You pretty much just have to be meeting new people, keeping busy, and possibly getting help from a psychiatrist or therapist on the side if needed. I wasn't really "over" my ex for years, even though I broke up with her, but once I started meeting more people again I realized that the feelings I had with her were not "once in a lifetime" or anything, they really can be replicated with other people.

Love is crazy, but there is no "the one" so your best bet is to not think about her, and when you start to think about her, remind yourself it's a bad idea and don't indulge on it. Stay busy, don't let your mind wander back. Get a new hobby to occupy you. Hope you feel better.

 

[Piano]

It can be effective but it won't work miracles. Obviously it's not going to fix your life, only help lift and stabilize your mood and anxiety. I've been on Zoloft for over five months...

Thank you for sharing your experience. I agree with your assessment of how medication and therapy have to work together. Medication doesn't make your problems go away, but holy hell can it make them hurt less while you sort them out.

Anyone have any tips for finding therapists or psychiatrists on a budget? I can't really afford health insurance right now (and since Tennessee didn't expand Medicaid the government isn't going to fine me for not having it this year) and with how little money I already make I'm kind of between a rock and a hard place as far as getting help goes. I'm considering calling up Vanderbilt or one of the other local universities and seeing if they have any students they can dump on me for cheap or something like that.

I don't know a whole lot but I've seen other people in this thread mention there being community resources that can set you up with a public mental health clinic that has flexible payment options. Perhaps someone that knows more can chime in?

How do you guys deal with heartbreak? It has been almost 5 months. She's with another guy, doesn't talk to me, probably hates me, etc. I still am filled with grief, memories, regret, longing... at 5 months I thought I'd feel better.

You pretty much just have to be meeting new people, keeping busy, and possibly getting help from a psychiatrist or therapist on the side if needed. I wasn't really "over" my ex for years, even though I broke up with her, but once I started meeting more people again I realized that the feelings I had with her were not "once in a lifetime" or anything, they really can be replicated with other people.

This is close to how I feel about it. I broke up with my most recent (serious) ex just over a year ago. I'm not over it. She recently sent me a letter and it really threw me for a loop. But I have enough other things going on that I think about it less and less. Took me about 7 months before I had let go enough to be ready to date other people.

Man, I'm currently under heavy stress. Trying to go out every day, always a couple more meters from home. My Agoraphobia is very advanced, can't leave the house for more than 300m. Haven't gone further tzan 700m in about 2,5 years.

Yesterday I called a Psycholog. Took me a lot to do that. I usually eat all my problems into myself and don't share my feelings with my family. Wish I had a friend to do these kind of things. It was a waste. He was recommended to my mom by a friend of hers. He refused to talk anything on the phone. I am not an idiot so I didn't want a phone therapy but he was so reluctant to even listen. He is 20km away. That is madness for me. I kept telling him I haven't left the house for even one km in yeqrs but he didn't care. "Get better in yourself so that you can come me" Thanks asshole for nothing.

I lost hope many years ago but seeing my family getting more and more sad because if me is really hitting me. But I just can't muster up courage to fight back.

There is a day clinic about 1,5km away. I seriously think that is my last chance at anything. But first I have to get at least good enough to actually be able to go that distance.

Man it sucks so bad. Because of that I'm having constant headaches which I usually never have.

I've never had substantial agoraphobia so I can only imagine your struggle, but I am sincerely sorry for your suffering. Is there anything anyone there or here on GAF can do to help encourage you to seek care at the clinic that's 1.5 km away? That sounds like a good option.

Much love to everyone!

 

[cryptic]

I thought I was feeling better. Not really sure. Ever since the weather has gotten beaten I've taken to wearing a sun screen with.zinc that leaves.me looking goth pale but fine I think. I understand by the looks.I get it's assumed I'm trying to fit an archetype. There's some comfort in being in control of what others think of you so I don't really care.
A bigger problem is my.inability to be as emotional as I feel I should be.
A few days ago a co-worker hit me in the face fairly hard with a towel and I wanted to fight him. I can't fight, and I know that, and I would be overreacting if I made more of it.So I cut myself a little to deal.
today I saw too many beautiful girls and I can't be in a relationship as.I have autism, so I cut myself in.a three inch line and it made me very tired.
I have been cutting.myself a lot lately.for that reason.
mostly small cuts but the latest bled quite a.bit.
I think I'm going to buy a computer and write what I have to say then give up on living as I'm just dead and infecting now anyway. life isn't anything without love, and narcissism only shortly sustains before shame.
I wish I was beautiful enough for someone.to have tried.to love me but I can't be befixed now. I deviated enough to deserve this.

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

Just started going back to therapy, a close friend of mine had an affair and long story short, he used my trust to hurt a lot of people, now a year later I thought I had coped with it, but as it turns out, I merely just shut my emotions off and stuffed them way down.

I'm not depressed in a familiar traditional way, so this is a new experience, I really hope I come out of this like I have with other issues in the past.

 

[demon]

I got into a huge fight with my best(only) friend of over a decade and I don't know if it will recover. Basically she's an alcoholic and it was taking its toll on our friendship and our outings, it was getting more and more frustrating to deal with, and according to her I sometimes get mean and say hurtful things to her. She has a huge problem embellishing and exaggerating (everyone close to her knows this), but she may be kind of right, but she also refuses to acknowledge that she's an alcoholic and it turns her into a selfish, manipulative, and sometimes mean person, and has a long history of almost compulsively saying little mean and sometimes hurtful things "half-jokingly" for no reason whatsoever. Well some pretty bad things were said to each other last night and now I feel like shit.

To be honest there's been a part of me that for a while has felt like our friendship has kind of run its course, albeit a lot of it due to her selfishness in our friendship stemming from her alcoholism, but she's been the closest friend I've ever had and we normally get along great and I feel comfortable around her in ways I don't around anyone else. I'm just confused right now and don't know what to do.

 

[Condom]

I thought I was feeling better. Not really sure. Ever since the weather has gotten beaten I've taken to wearing a sun screen with.zinc that leaves.me looking goth pale but fine I think. I understand by the looks.I get it's assumed I'm trying to fit an archetype. There's some comfort in being in control of what others think of you so I don't really care.
A bigger problem is my.inability to be as emotional as I feel I should be.
A few days ago a co-worker hit me in the face fairly hard with a towel and I wanted to fight him. I can't fight, and I know that, and I would be overreacting if I made more of it.So I cut myself a little to deal.
today I saw too many beautiful girls and I can't be in a relationship as.I have autism, so I cut myself in.a three inch line and it made me very tired.
I have been cutting.myself a lot lately.for that reason.
mostly small cuts but the latest bled quite a.bit.
I think I'm going to buy a computer and write what I have to say then give up on living as I'm just dead and infecting now anyway. life isn't anything without love, and narcissism only shortly sustains before shame.
I wish I was beautiful enough for someone.to have tried.to love me but I can't be befixed now. I deviated enough to deserve this.

If you want love than narcissism isn't the way but it hides the shame pretty damn well. Don't know if it's something you can choose though so that may be why it doesn't work for you?

Anyway see a therapist if you can, might be total bullshit but might help you too. You never know.

 

[Kipp]

So, I got my blood test in the mail today from when I originally went to the doctor to get treatment for my depression. As it turns out, I have super low testosterone which could either be the cause of my depression or could be a large factor in it. I'm guessing it's the latter, since I'm skeptical that everything could be attributed to low testosterone, but who knows. I'll get that figured out with my doctor.
But yeah! That made me really happy to find out actually, because that's a relatively simple fix (compared to depression, at least). Feeling very hopeful about getting better.

 

[hunchback]

My physical condition has deteriorated to the point where I'm moving into a nursing at the beginning of the month. I'm only 45. I already suffered from depression and anxiety before this news came about but not it's in overdrive.
I just keep thinking die, die, die you cripple bastard. I have started to cut back on my pills so I have a extra stockpile when I get to the home. Thank you for a informative thread. Goodbye

 

[Palpable]

How do I deal with it? Not well.

I mean, I've straight up run off some excellent women over the years with all of my crazy foolishness.

The cliche is that it takes time, but that actually seems to be the most important ingredient. That and trying to be open to meeting someone new. To feel like you've moved on, you've gotta actually move on, you know? I've carried stuff way longer than 5 months, but looking back, a lot of that was my choice.

Some things might always sting a little from time to time, but that daily achey/yearn-y thing doesn't last forever.

You pretty much just have to be meeting new people, keeping busy, and possibly getting help from a psychiatrist or therapist on the side if needed. I wasn't really "over" my ex for years, even though I broke up with her, but once I started meeting more people again I realized that the feelings I had with her were not "once in a lifetime" or anything, they really can be replicated with other people.

Love is crazy, but there is no "the one" so your best bet is to not think about her, and when you start to think about her, remind yourself it's a bad idea and don't indulge on it. Stay busy, don't let your mind wander back. Get a new hobby to occupy you. Hope you feel better.

I've been pushing myself when it comes to meeting new people. I went on sites like pof, okc, and used tinder to meet women these past 5 months. The most recent one I've talked to knows of my ex issues and recently told me she likes me. I... just can't do it. It doesn't matter how cool, smart, pretty, or nice these women are that are interested in me (go figure). I just can't seem to move on.

I've occupied myself by getting a new job, meeting new people, and keeping busy by either helping others or working on my car. It's all just a temporary distraction at best. I was on the broken heart end of things. My ex has moved on, probably well before she broke up with me. She lives with her new bf (moved in with him less than 2 months after she left me) and seems to be happier than ever. What kills me is that I know it was my fault she broke up with me. That's the regret I have been dealing with. If only I cherished her more, took her out on dates, showed her I really loved her, this wouldn't have happened. She essentially felt unwanted for months. I was too busy with my shitty work schedule and gaming to even notice. Anyway, she no longer talks to me. I'm pretty sure she hates me.

The other night, about a week ago, I saw my ex's sister. It was just after a Frank Sinatra tribute show. I went went that female friend of mine I met on OKC. At one point in the show, the guy playing Frank Sinatra said this just before he sang the next song, "If you can relate to the lyrics of this next song, you have some big issues my friend." Guess what the song was about? Loving a woman who loves someone else. My mood dropped like a rock.

 

[Condom]

I'm sorry Patriot but you have no choice but to move on, do whatever it takes to get her off your mind.

If you can't do it, force it. You're stuck in the past and really don't want to be left behind now.

 

[Palpable]

I'm sorry Patriot but you have no choice but to move on, do whatever it takes to get her off your mind.

If you can't do it, force it. You're stuck in the past and really don't want to be left behind now.

I guess I'll try and see if faking it works.

 

[freshVeggie]

I've never had substantial agoraphobia so I can only imagine your struggle, but I am sincerely sorry for your suffering. Is there anything anyone there or here on GAF can do to help encourage you to seek care at the clinic that's 1.5 km away? That sounds like a good option.

Thank you very much for reading. I honestly think real-life persons will be of much more effective help. The thing is, online help can be shut down and ignored very easily. I live in a very small town. I have no friends. I don't go out at all. I am aware that I am stuck in a spiral. Alone I can't get out. I give up and loose hope too easily as well. At least I am aware of my own mistakes but that is something important. I am not blaming anyone. It all lies at me. There can be as much support from the outside but if there is nothing inside me working for it, then it is to no avail.
Thank you for reading. That means a lot.

 

[ampere]

I've been pushing myself when it comes to meeting new people. I went on sites like pof, okc, and used tinder to meet women these past 5 months. The most recent one I've talked to knows of my ex issues and recently told me she likes me. I... just can't do it. It doesn't matter how cool, smart, pretty, or nice these women are that are interested in me (go figure). I just can't seem to move on.

Best way I can sum it up...

"And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."

The only way to stop what you are feeling is to fight the thoughts and never indulge them. Whenever you think about them they will continue to suck you in and and thus you remain trapped in a feedback loop. I think you shouldn't bring up your ex with a new person you meet as it only indulges in those feelings and keeps bringing them up.

I highly recommend therapy as a professional might have some techniques to help you. Sometimes the solution is 'simple', but actually doing it is very difficult.

 

[trixx]

Appareny its very likely that I have ADHD. I've been struggling throughout university and was recommended to visit the ability services in my school. Spoke with councilor and she said its quite likely that I have it.

Briefly studied it but I was wondering if theres anyone on GAF with it and any tips/pointers. I'm going to get a psycho-educational test rather soon. Also with regards to the medication, do you find it necessary to improve productivity? Does the medication change your mood substantially, and how so?

I'm pretty aversive to medication so I'd like to gear some thoughts.

I'm guessing I have the predominantly inattentive type BTW.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I'm starting to accept that my life can't be fixed and I think I should just quit my job, burn through my remaining savings and just die in peace. My only concern is that I have two dependents that I'll be fucking over but I can't do this any more. How can I make sure they're well off when I'm gone?

 

[zeemumu]

I'm having problems meeting new people. I was talking to my friend and she brought up the idea of me meeting someone romance-wise. I said I would be lucky if that happened, but it caused me to do some thinking and realize that I don't think I know how to form new lasting bonds with people. I kinda just drift around and try to be productive to keep my brain busy. I don't know if it's because i have problems finding new hobbies due to depression or somethimg else, but if anyone has experience in this field I'd be really grateful to hear your advice.

 

[Labrys]

psychologist literally pulled the "i'm not convinced you need to be on medicine, i think you need a positive outlook on life and to read these self help books" card on me i am really upset about the whole thing. our insurance sucks and is stuck to this one line of hospitals so i need to seek out another fucking hospital because these guys can't do their fucking jobs

i guess more months without an antidepressant, hoooraaayyyyy

 

[Piano]

I got into a huge fight with my best(only) friend of over a decade and I don't know if it will recover. Basically she's an alcoholic and it was taking its toll on our friendship and our outings, it was getting more and more frustrating to deal with, and according to her I sometimes get mean and say hurtful things to her. She has a huge problem embellishing and exaggerating (everyone close to her knows this), but she may be kind of right, but she also refuses to acknowledge that she's an alcoholic and it turns her into a selfish, manipulative, and sometimes mean person, and has a long history of almost compulsively saying little mean and sometimes hurtful things "half-jokingly" for no reason whatsoever. Well some pretty bad things were said to each other last night and now I feel like shit.

To be honest there's been a part of me that for a while has felt like our friendship has kind of run its course, albeit a lot of it due to her selfishness in our friendship stemming from her alcoholism, but she's been the closest friend I've ever had and we normally get along great and I feel comfortable around her in ways I don't around anyone else. I'm just confused right now and don't know what to do.

I'm sorry for your suffering. Perhaps some time apart will lend some perspective to both of you and will facilitate a reconciliation in the future.

Feeling very hopeful about getting better.

Wonderful!

I guess I'll try and see if faking it works.

I'm sorry if this has already been covered elsewhere, but have you sought therapy? I had a particularly bad breakup at age 19 that left me contemplating ways to end everything and therapy helped me immensely.

Thank you very much for reading. I honestly think real-life persons will be of much more effective help. The thing is, online help can be shut down and ignored very easily. I live in a very small town. I have no friends. I don't go out at all. I am aware that I am stuck in a spiral. Alone I can't get out. I give up and loose hope too easily as well. At least I am aware of my own mistakes but that is something important. I am not blaming anyone. It all lies at me. There can be as much support from the outside but if there is nothing inside me working for it, then it is to no avail.
Thank you for reading. That means a lot.

Do you live alone? Is there anyone in your household that can be supportive?

I'm starting to accept that my life can't be fixed and I think I should just quit my job, burn through my remaining savings and just die in peace. My only concern is that I have two dependents that I'll be fucking over but I can't do this any more. How can I make sure they're well off when I'm gone?

I disagree that your life can't be fixed, for what that's worth. I'm sorry if you've covered this elsewhere and I haven't seen it but have you pursued any mental health treatment, whether therapy or psychiatry?

My physical condition has deteriorated to the point where I'm moving into a nursing at the beginning of the month. I'm only 45. I already suffered from depression and anxiety before this news came about but not it's in overdrive.
I just keep thinking die, die, die you cripple bastard. I have started to cut back on my pills so I have a extra stockpile when I get to the home. Thank you for a informative thread. Goodbye

I have very little frame of reference when it comes to physical disabilities so I can't understand your struggle; however I can imagine it's very difficult, perhaps more difficult than any struggle of my own. There are many people who continue to lead meaningful and fulfilling lives even after losing physical function so I have to think it's possible. It sounds, from your post, like you really hate yourself, though. Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist?

Much love to everyone.

 

[Palpable]

I'm sorry if this has already been covered elsewhere, but have you sought therapy? I had a particularly bad breakup at age 19 that left me contemplating ways to end everything and therapy helped me immensely.

Therapy will only tell me what I already know. I know I need to figure out what I want to do with my life, because other than this breakup, that is what is killing me. In fact, it was killing me before I even met my ex. It's something I've been needing to figure out for a long time and this breakup only amplifies the shitty feeling I've had from it all, ON TOP of the woman I love leaving me because she no longer loves me (mostly my own fault) and loves someone else. That, without a doubt, is the worst feeling I have ever experienced.

 

[A Human Becoming]

I should be happy for my friend recent success and future prospects, but I can't seem to be. I know envy is a undesirable quality. Everything seems to work out for him despite the minute effort he's put in. He got disability very young, is engaged to a woman he met online, gets help from so many people including myself, has more friends, makes money under the table (as does his mother and fiancée), might get a permanent job if his mom is handed over the business and will inherit two houses.

I'm alone, can't connect easily to people, lack income, have a questionable career that could never pay off and am weighed down by student debt. Life just sucks. I feel like helping him less now. I'm too nice.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I hate when I'm not smart. Today in my c++ class, its like I'm on another planet. I'm learning on recursions and algorithms that relates to quick sorting, merge sorting, etc. It's really discouraging when I don't understand what my instructor is talking about. Time complexity stuff is annoying too. I went to a tutor to get help on the homework, and it still doesn't make sense. It sucks being an idiot with so many flaws. I lack persistence and comprehension when doing homework or learning something new.

 

[Kater]

I have to stop hurting the people I love. (Sorry for being vague, just wanted to say that)

 

[freshVeggie]

Do you live alone? Is there anyone in your household that can be supportive?

Thank God I don't live alone. With my family. They are supportive. Problem is on my part. I can't open up to them. Don't know why but I try to not let them know about my sadness too much. They do know though.
I need a bit distant helper I think.

 

[Unknown One]

Is it worth outright destroying a friendship to make yourself happy? It's not a terrible one, it's just this friendship brings out the worst traits in myself.

Or I'm just running away with this justification?

 

[cryptic]

If you want love than narcissism isn't the way but it hides the shame pretty damn well. Don't know if it's something you can choose though so that may be why it doesn't work for you?

Anyway see a therapist if you can, might be total bullshit but might help you too. You never know.

I think narcissism is something I've naturally adopted as I need to be loved,but it's a poor substitute for the real thing. I realize it will eventually hurt more than it helps.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I disagree that your life can't be fixed, for what that's worth. I'm sorry if you've covered this elsewhere and I haven't seen it but have you pursued any mental health treatment, whether therapy or psychiatry?

Aside from reading more articles on the subject, no. And everything I read suggested that those aren't for me, but for people that developed depression as adults. They're able to differniate normal from depressed because they're experienced both. I've felt like this for as long as I can remember.

 

[PudgyBunny]

I have severe depression, PTSD and anxiety. I just found this thread and it helps me not feel so alone with the struggle.

 

[Piano]

Therapy will only tell me what I already know. I know I need to figure out what I want to do with my life, because other than this breakup, that is what is killing me. In fact, it was killing me before I even met my ex. It's something I've been needing to figure out for a long time and this breakup only amplifies the shitty feeling I've had from it all, ON TOP of the woman I love leaving me because she no longer loves me (mostly my own fault) and loves someone else. That, without a doubt, is the worst feeling I have ever experienced.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you're wrong. I "knew" what I needed to do after my break up. But I couldn't do it. I was nonfunctional, depressed, and wanted to kill myself daily. Therapy helped me unpack things and the therapist helped me figure out why it was that the breakup was not just making me feel bad, it was making me feel suicidal. Then, with those things in mind, I had a better idea of what I, personally, needed to do, not just "get gud lol girls suck" or whatever people on GAF suggest.

Furthermore, a change in my antidepressants at that time kept me from ending my own life.

You have been tortured over this breakup for months now. You have suffered more than enough. Please reconsider your viewpoint toward therapy.

Thank God I don't live alone. With my family. They are supportive. Problem is on my part. I can't open up to them. Don't know why but I try to not let them know about my sadness too much. They do know though.
I need a bit distant helper I think.

I also have had a lot of trouble opening up to my family (and parents, in particular) about my struggles. I eventually managed to force myself open enough to get them to help me get other help. Can you open up to your family just enough to get them to help you get out and seek other help? Is there anything they can do to make it bearable for you to get to that day clinic? Sorry if this is an ignorant question!

Aside from reading more articles on the subject, no. And everything I read suggested that those aren't for me, but for people that developed depression as adults. They're able to differniate normal from depressed because they're experienced both. I've felt like this for as long as I can remember.

I've never heard that therapy is only for those who develop depression as adults, so I'm confused where you got that impression. Several members of my close family have had anxiety and depression since a young age (mostly teen years) and some didn't seek treatment until their 40s and it still helped tremendously. Several others developed it in their 40s or later and also got help. Everyone has a unique life path and mental health treatment is for all circumstances.

If you are able to see that your current emotional state is unpalatable then you are able to differentiate between emotions sufficiently. I don't think it's as simple as there being a "normal" that we all want to get to and stay at but mental health treatment can help you identify a path upwards and begin to work towards it, whether with therapy, medication, or both.

Please reconsider seeking treatment; you have nothing to lose. I'm not sure if you ever read this post I quoted you in, but it has more info on what to do and look for.

I have severe depression, PTSD and anxiety. I just found this thread and it helps me not feel so alone with the struggle.

<3 <3 <3

 

[Evil_Silver]

I hate when I'm not smart. Today in my c++ class, its like I'm on another planet. I'm learning on recursions and algorithms that relates to quick sorting, merge sorting, etc. It's really discouraging when I don't understand what my instructor is talking about. Time complexity stuff is annoying too. I went to a tutor to get help on the homework, and it still doesn't make sense. It sucks being an idiot with so many flaws. I lack persistence and comprehension when doing homework or learning something new.

It seems like you are learning new material. Your brain is trying to incorporate this new information into its memory and "connect the dots." This takes time. Instead of focusing on what you don't understand, try to find any piece of information in the new information, no matter how small, that you do understand or are somewhat familiar with. Then try to figure out how the information that you do understand on some level relates to the information that you don't understand. Think of it like a puzzle. Take it one concept at a time.

Also, everyone is different. Some people will understand new pieces of information almost instantaneously while others cry themselves to sleep at night trying to understand. People's experiences and understandings of these experiences have more or less prepared them for learning a specific type of knowledge. At this point in your life, your experiences and your understandings of your experiences have not prepared you in a way to make you learn the information with ease. As such, make up for it by constantly coming back to the material. Take breaks if you have to for hours, days, and maybe even weeks. This will give your mind time to process the information in its memory.

In order to understand the material, you will have no choice but to be persistent in this case. Think smaller if you have to. Simplify things as much as possible. Keep working at it until you simplify more and more in your mind. Apply the knowledge to novel situations to see if you understand it. Applying knowledge, in my opinion, is the best way to understand it and therefore retain it well. It will give you purpose in your learning vs. route learning. Ask yourself: "What fucking problems originally gave rise to these concepts, what other problems can they solve, and what problems do these concepts create? Asking questions will prepare your brain to think at a higher level. It will give your brain a task or tasks to work on. Even when you are not consciously working on the problems, your mind will continue working on the problem outside of your conscious awareness. However, asking questions is simply not enough. You have to ask the right questions in the right order. If all else fails, go back to old material. Check the understandings in your memory. I feel the more connective your memory, the easier it will be for you to understand new material. I mean look at our brains. It is an overwhelmingly complex connective web. Try to form memories in the same way our brain is set up, like a connective web.

Even if you do not gain a deep understanding of the material by the class's end, fuck it. You did not have the prerequisite experiences and understanding of these experiences to understand the information in the period of time that equals the length of the class. Don't fret it. Keep learning and try hard and eventually your mind will generate enough memories from experience that you will gain insights into what the fuck you were learning. You will look back and say "man this is all so easy now", wishing you had this level of understanding during the class. But that is the nature of learning sometimes.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I've never heard that therapy is only for those who develop depression as adults, so I'm confused where you got that impression. Several members of my close family have had anxiety and depression since a young age (mostly teen years) and some didn't seek treatment until their 40s and it still helped tremendously.

Not necessarily "adults" but look at your example: those family members developed depression. They had a normal, happy life and it changed. Everything about depression and therapy is about people who have changed for the worse. What if nothing ever changed? I've always been like this. There don't appear to be any resources for people like me who have always had this.

Please reconsider seeking treatment; you have nothing to lose. I'm not sure if you ever read this post I quoted you in, but it has more info on what to do and look for.

I am seeking treatment but I keep running into these dead-ends.

Therapy helped me unpack things and the therapist helped me figure out why it was that the breakup was not just making me feel bad, it was making me feel suicidal.

How did it help you?

 

[Piano]

Not necessarily "adults" but look at your example: those family members developed depression. They had a normal, happy life and it changed. Everything about depression and therapy is about people who have changed for the worse. What if nothing ever changed? I've always been like this. There don't appear to be any resources for people like me who have always had this.

No, in the case of one of them it was the default state from the moment she gained sufficient cognition to have any idea or recollection of what emotions were and what "normal" could've been. Issues began in elementary school, from what I remember, which is about as early as panic / anxiety / depression issues can begin.

If that doesn't fit the bill for "always" like that I don't know what would. She spent some years on medication and today stopped all medication (with consent of her doctors) and is functioning quite well in her late 20s.

I disagree with your definition of a black and white normal, however. My life isn't normal. I cry almost every night because of how hurtful and uncaring the world can seem. But I've learned to understand those feelings, integrate them into my personality and care for others and function quite well around them. I'm very glad I didn't take my own life at the several junctures it seemed very tempting.

I am seeking treatment but I keep running into these dead-ends.

What is the dead end you've run into? From what you said before it sounded as if you saw a so-so GP who took the purely physiological stance and gave you a blood test, probably for thyroid function. I (and several other posters) strongly recommended you seek out dedicated mental health practitioners, who are much more capable of treating your suffering as you describe it.

Have you been able to look into mental health treatment in your area? There are quite a few resources out there dedicated to connecting the in-need with doctors.

How did it help you?

In the context of my break-up? Well, to answer that fully I'd have to go on and on about the way I relate to women, my feelings about this particular girl (she was my first love) and what exactly transpired but I'll try to give the short version.

Therapy helped me with understanding, insight and treatment.

Understanding: finally, I had someone who was taking the time to listen to every single aspect of how I felt about what was going on, someone who was removed from my life and therefore not judging me for the things I had done right or wrong, and someone who was trying to be so comprehensive in their understanding that they asked me questions and got me to expand in places I had unintentionally glossed over. I can't tell you how great it feels to have someone just listen, I mean that's their job, and listen to an extent that no friend or family member ever can. Actually, sometimes it would leave me feeling worse for a few hours, not better, because I ended up going into stuff I'd been ignoring or suppressing with other folks I talked to about the whole situation. But it was necessary to traipse through the difficult stuff in order to feel better.

Insight: Once my therapist had a good working understanding of me and the situation (which takes some time and commitment) she was able to start reframing things I had said, reflecting some of my own words back to me so I could expand on them, review them, try to understand what was going on below the surface. I learned that I had unfairly expected my ex-girlfriend to be an ever-present mother figure, caring for me infinitely even when I treated her less-than-well. I learned that I was fixated on an idealized version of my ex-girlfriend and that part of my pain was realizing that she couldn't be on the pedestal any more now that she had hurt me so much. I learned that I was relying on my ex-girlfriend to make my life meaningful and that I had neglected to find any sources of meaning independent of what women could offer me, leaving me feeling empty and crushed. NONE of these are things my therapist outright told me, rather, they're things we discovered together as she helped guide me through my thoughts and feelings. That's how a good therapeutic relationship works. But ALL of these things are wonderful lessons that I've been able to carry into my later relationships and friendships to keep them stronger and healthier.

Treatment: My therapist offered lots of practical CBT advice on how to deal with my difficult emotions in the interim. What to do when I wanted to die. How to engage with my sadness. Those sorts of things. I don't remember all of the advice because this was six years ago and it was all very specific to the situation, but whatever it was it kept me holding on! Once I had repackaged things in such a way that more of the deep-down stuff was becoming clear she was also able to offer me more medium and long-term advice. I couldn't necessarily change my break-up situation but I could perhaps change how I related to it.

Worth noting: I was seeing my therapist twice a week during the toughest part of this struggle because I really needed it, she had the time and somehow my insurance still covered it. Even then, it took a few months of dedication to make progress.

Also worth noting: I don't even consider the therapist I saw during that time to be great. She helped me with the breakup but it didn't seem like she could offer me much about the rest of my life. That doesn't mean she wasn't right for some people, just not for me, at that time - and even then she was more than good enough to get me through crisis. The point is that every patient-therapist relationship is different and it may take a few tries to find one that works well for you. But most therapists should be able to help you learn something.

Also also worth noting: I did end up getting back together with that girlfriend briefly. It didn't work, and I broke up with her the second time. It only made us fight more and I got even more hurt and ended up emotionally closing off for over a year. Until I became nonfunctional again and started seeing a therapist again.

So it's not easy. Of course not. But it's more than possible.

I've gone through two more major break-ups since then and they both went much more smoothly.

Hope this was helpful. Let me know if you have any questions.

 

[Various Artists]

Most of you would laugh at me or look down at me for what is making me depressed right now.

 

[grap3fruitman]

What is the dead end you've run into?

I still don't know what to do, what will help me, and no one seems to understand what I'm asking.

Have you been able to look into mental health treatment in your area? There are quite a few resources out there dedicated to connecting the in-need with doctors.

I need to figure out what I need before I can begin looking for it in the area.

In the context of my break-up?

No, in the context of therapy.

Therapy helped me with understanding, insight and treatment.

What did therapy do to you that it helped?

The point is that every patient-therapist relationship is different and it may take a few tries to find one that works well for you. But most therapists should be able to help you learn something.

How will you know if the person you're seeing is good or bad?

I've gone through two more major break-ups since then and they both went much more smoothly.

How are you even getting into relationships in the first place with your issues? You're not allowed to date until you've worked on yourself or whatever first so it's weird that you're doing things out of order. Weirder that it worked out. That's another discussion though.

Hope this was helpful. Let me know if you have any questions.

I hate to come off as potentially rude, especially because you've been sooo patient and well-meaning, but it wasn't. I have all the same questions as before plus more now. I can't keep asking a stranger to dedicate this much time to me for nothing either so I think it's best if you just ignored me from now on. Like, don't feel obligated to answer any of the questions in this post- consider them me thinking out loud.

 

[Burger_Baron]

I'm sad, cannot sleep, tired, realized I am pretty bad around other people and so on and so on and so on.

I am sorry I made a mess.

 

[Takashi]

I hate how draining this shit is. In my mid-twenties I'm supposed to be at the prime of my life, yet instead I always have little to no energy and I tire easily. Physically I feel as weak as a fucking twelve year old, and mentally everything just seems like a haze. That's not to say I absolutely always feel like that 24/7; I am able to faux-motivate myself at times, but the problem is that feeling usually doesn't last long. I just wish there was a way to harness that feeling and allow it to be somewhat permanent. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just testosterone deficient and just need a shot of it to help reinvigorate me enough to break the whole cycle.

 

[cryptic]

i can barEly make it through work on an easy day. I feel so useless, I need someone, and I don't want just anyone. The only thing I want to do is die, I tried everything else that I could do. There isn't any help, I'd just live longer with some fucking stronger imagination that I could repair as I grow older. I'm twenty-five soon, and I can't endure the daily shame. My short, worthless body that doesn't attract, and my intelligence that is retarded is retarded.
I can't keep cutting myself to try and endure, part of me loves myself, and so I want to be inanimate like the teddy bear I hugged.
how do you continue to be tough when your body fails and you don't enjoy anything and everything starts a hope that only ends reminding you of your inadequacy?
every human being looks at me like an idiot or an enemy, and I'm supposed to think I have a choice?
how do I network here in this place?
I want to hurt myself and make everyone look even though I love them that is the end result.
How much longer can I keep living.
no one should care, it's my failing.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

I'm sad, cannot sleep, tired, realized I am pretty bad around other people and so on and so on and so on.

I am sorry I made a mess.

you and me both.

 

[MikeDip]

I also can not sleep

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

i can barEly make it through work on an easy day. I feel so useless, I need someone, and I don't want just anyone. The only thing I want to do is die, I tried everything else that I could do. There isn't any help, I'd just live longer with some fucking stronger imagination that I could repair as I grow older. I'm twenty-five soon, and I can't endure the daily shame. My short, worthless body that doesn't attract, and my intelligence that is retarded is retarded.
I can't keep cutting myself to try and endure, part of me loves myself, and so I want to be inanimate like the teddy bear I hugged.
how do you continue to be tough when your body fails and you don't enjoy anything and everything starts a hope that only ends reminding you of your inadequacy?
every human being looks at me like an idiot or an enemy, and I'm supposed to think I have a choice?
how do I network here in this place?
I want to hurt myself and make everyone look even though I love them that is the end result.
How much longer can I keep living.
no one should care, it's my failing.

I'm the same way, in a way, I hurt myself because, other than my younger brother, it's the only thing I enjoy. I hate myself, I'm a handsome guy, girls look at me, I know this. However, I just hate myself too much to even have any confidence to approach anybody and talk to them. I was at a club tonight and I couldn't bring myself to approach anybody. It's mainly due to the fact that I feel absolutely worthless and I hate how stupid I feel I am. I thought my depression was due to school earlier last year but I'm now realizing, or at least admitting now, that I just hate myself. All I want is someone to love me intimately but I can't get anybody. Why should I like myself if other people don't like me?

I'm a little drunk so pardon any grammar mistakes I may have made in this post.

 

[DrM]

My therapy is slowly progressing, but I have hit some bumps last week.

Being indoors for 10 days straight, without being able to watch TV or computer screen, or go out for a walk, managed to brought unpleasant memories back. But I try to stick to the procedure as much as I can. Some days are much better than others. At least eyesight is almost back to normal, light is still very distractive

for guys, that have trouble to go to sleep and are not taking other medications - did you try Valerian (Baldrian) herb? My sister managed to get her insomnia (caused by too much stress) in check with this.

 

[Amalthea]

I really wish that if I have to poison my social life all the time that the poison could work instantly. I don't want to fuck off people once I get attached to them.

 

[kamineko]

for guys, that have trouble to go to sleep and are not taking other medications - did you try Valerian (Baldrian) herb? My sister managed to get her insomnia (caused by too much stress) in check with this.

I have not, but I, too, know people who have reported good results from it.

Early on, it wouldn't have been strong enough for me and my hypomania/full-blown mania. Probably still might not be some days. My friends that use it are straight-up depressives, though, so there's that.

I often wish I could switch to something more mild, but it was such a struggle to get where I'm at that I'm afraid to change anything.

I really wish that if I have to poison my social life all the time that the poison could work instantly. I don't want to fuck off people once I get attached to them.

I totally get that. I'm stable as hell these days, but I don't fully trust it. The last time I lost my mind, I lost a lot of great people in the process. Folks just get tired, you know? I'm a lot to put up with when I'm that way. Those losses are so hard to take. Maybe too hard. Feels like I've run off enough decent folks already & I'm not sure how much more of that I can stand. There's a woman in particular that I think of quite often. Not in an obsessive way, but I just hear a song I think she'd like, or think of something that would make her laugh, & a part of me grieves whenever this happens.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

Lol. If valerian sups could cure insomnia, then the world would be a better place because it's a fantasy.

 

[Team Alucard]

I bought a gun today. I don't have any concrete plans yet, but it feels oddly calming knowing that I have a quick and easy method for when the time comes.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

I bought a gun today. I don't have any concrete plans yet, but it feels oddly calming knowing that I have a quick and easy method for when the time comes.

Get rid of it. Or store it with a close friend
If I had one, I'd have been dead already. Like tenfold.

 

[kamineko]

I bought a gun today. I don't have any concrete plans yet, but it feels oddly calming knowing that I have a quick and easy method for when the time comes.

You really need to ditch the gun.

Or tell someone that will make you get rid of it.