You do not want to do a divorce without an attorney. Everyone I know who tried it regretted it immensely. You also need to approach it with a business-like attitude which can be hard to do.Yeah it's a fairly common strategy. I've seen a couple of friends approach that tactic with "oh it's fine, she wants to settle it friendly" and then she and her lawyer eat them.
How would they find this thread in the first place without going through his history?1.) Stay off here because like others have said, stuff said here could be used by her lawyer.
How would they find this thread in the first place without going through his history?
You would be surprised with the sorts of things that get gathered in these situations.
Been in the same situation decades ago. Turned out she was chatting with a dude online (it was that time when ICQ was hot), out of the blue she decided to end our relation and move overseas to live with that guy. I went through all the 5 stages of grief.
It wasn't easy, but I had friends (with rotation I sleep at their places). When alone, I watched alot of funny stuff on TV. One day I received a call when I was cleaning my place, it was a friend I knew since I was little. We clicked somehow, 6 months later I was married and decided to move overseas.
My ex is divorced 2 times now, under plenty anti-depression pills. Sometimes you don't have to jump of a cliff to verify if it's deadly or not. Never leave a healthy relationship thinking there is something better out there. Of course there is always something better, but it doesn't mean you fit in.
So it will take time, but this is not end. It's a new beginning, just like learning again how to crawl, walk, then run when we were babies...
Thank you all for the replies. My heads' a mess and I'm sorry if I don't get back to each and every one of you. I may actually take a break from GAF here soon so I can evaluate some things.
that's the exact reason my ex dumped me after 4 years [of dating]. She needed to advance her career, not happy where she was, needed to find herself, but she "still loved me". I guess she thought I got in the way of her success? I don't see how.
I don't think any of us can help, but just know that your neogaf bros are still here
Please listen to this, as hard as it sounds. Hit up your closest person before her. Don't hit her up.Get off GAF right now before you say something that a lawyer can use against you, especially if you're drinking. Go to your most trusted friends.
All the best, OP.
GAF,
I'm dead inside. Numb, empty, blank...
I just want support right now or words of advice. Almost 11 years of perfection. Others looked to our relationship as inspiration and hope for there's. Then, tonight, my wife tells me she has to go on her own. Her career, her ambitions, etc... She wants to find the real her. She said she still loves me. I've never seen her break down as hard as she did when speaking to me. While I heard some words, my brain was dead and gone for me to comprehend the others. I have no outlet, GAF. She's my heart and my soul and I feel like my world has been smashed with a hammer. Right now, I'm smoking cigarettes and drinking. It's the only thing keeping me calm and level-headed. I thought we would grow old together and, now, it's going away forever. The pain, man. I can't comprehend it nor would I wish it on my worst enemy. I'm just here. I feel all alone in the world now. I just exist and it's a lonely state right now.
Hopefully just a phase in her life and will realize it was a mistake.������
2) Double-check your prenub to see it still covers you keeping your stuff and especially your favorite stuff and doesn't leave you in financial ruin. (My older brother had 2 divorces and each time he didn't have prenubs so the wives got ALL the furniture and ALL the money on the joint bank account)
O. This just triggers me.
11 years. Now, all of a sudden, she has to find the real her?
1) She found someone else who makes her feel "better".
2) She found someone in her working enviroment that will help her achieve her goals.
No warning? No fights? No divorce-threats before this? This whole "finding herself" shit just doesn't quite cut it.
I'm terribly sorry OP.
All the best.
If there genuinely has been no indication of issues in the marriage that you're aware of I'd at least state that you want couples counselling before you'd even consider separating, let alone divorcing.
No offense to people who've said this but personally I think saying "Her decisions made, wish her well and get on with your life" is terrible advice.
A marriage is a long term investment, it's never going to be champagne and roses every day. As with any relationship, whether friends, family, co-workers etc, there will always be rough patches. That's part and parcel of any relationship.
The problem is we're still stuck in this stupid era of romanticism where the idea that a relationship should be viewed pragmatically is scorned as anti-love. People are brought up believing that there's 'one' person out there who they're a perfect match with, who will accept all their faults without complaint and they'll never have to discuss any problems because they're so in sync. When partners don't meet this expectation we think "Well, we don't agree on this/that/the other so they can't be the 'one'." and break up with them rather than try to understand that they're as human and fallible as everybody else.
If there genuinely has been no indication of issues in the marriage that you're aware of I'd at least state that you want couples counselling before you'd even consider separating, let alone divorcing.
No offense to people who've said this but personally I think saying "Her decisions made, wish her well and get on with your life" is terrible advice.
A marriage is a long term investment, it's never going to be champagne and roses every day. As with any relationship, whether friends, family, co-workers etc, there will always be rough patches. That's part and parcel of any relationship.
The problem is we're still stuck in this stupid era of romanticism where the idea that a relationship should be viewed pragmatically is scorned as anti-love. People are brought up believing that there's 'one' person out there who they're a perfect match with, who will accept all their faults without complaint and they'll never have to discuss any problems because they're so in sync. When partners don't meet this expectation we think "Well, we don't agree on this/that/the other so they can't be the 'one'." and break up with them rather than try to understand that they're as human and fallible as everybody else.
It isnt a bad idea for the OP to bring up counseling, but it is a two way street. He cant force it. Bring it up and if she says no or just flat or doesnt respond to him at all, then you have to leave it at that.
I think you guys are overestimating the importance of these things. There aren't kids involved. The court doesn't care why they're separating or how anyone feels about it. The only thing that will be any interest to them, are the assets both parties have. So, as long as the OP doesn't post something like: "I have an awesome boat." And then turn around and tell the court: "I have never owned a boat." He'll be fine.
It really isn't.It is a two way street, but then so is divorce.
I don't know what I'd do in this scenario, but I would tell her if she wants to leave, it has to be a complete separation. Between the two of you there can be no contact for a while if ever. This may sound selfish, but I've been there. When one person wants to remain good friends, but the other is still wondering why this happened. It poisons you and makes you bitter. For your own health if it comes to it, you need to have no contact. Take some time to figure out you now.
Hopefully just a phase in her life and will realize it was a mistake.🤞🤞🤞
Ive been there. My girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me and I later found our she treated.
Found out she cheated. Right?
If you felt the same after 2 months as you did in the initial days of shock then you reacted differently to me and how my psychologist described the process. Not impossible, people are different, but I don't think any of these posts with warm fuzzy advice will be of any help, not at this time. Its not that they're not logically sound, they are, but because he's in no shape at the present time to process them, she dropped it on him hours ago. Healing comes a bit down the track, now is survival.So did I. And I did those things. And they sucked. Hell, it didn't last a few days. Try a few months. It's not how to cope.
I think you guys are overestimating the importance of these things. There aren't kids involved. The court doesn't care why they're separating or how anyone feels about it. The only thing that will be any interest to them, are the assets both parties have. So, as long as the OP doesn't post something like: "I have an awesome boat." And then turn around and tell the court: "I have never owned a boat." He'll be fine.