I called back today, ready to continue the battle, this time playing the Fall update card (which is accurate, as I realized most people who complain of the Fall update bricking their systems found it to be a quick decline, not an instant dead system, and mine died only a few days after the update was applied). This time I got a rep in America instead of India, though, he walked me through much better testing (still dead, though), before informing me it would have to be repaired. He then said my system was under warranty, so I would only need to pay for shipping and a box. Of course I'm thinking, "WTF?" at this point, because my system was manufactured in March, and purchased in April. It's not still under warranty, as was made clear by the last rep I spoke to. I, of course, didn't say a word about this, though, and let him continue.
So he gave me all the shipping info, reference number, everything. I then asked him if I'd be getting my unit repaired, or a refurb, and he said my unit would be repaired. I then asked what the warranty on the repair is, and he said it would probably be 90 days, but if not, then 30 days. He then paused, as though reading something on the screen, and said that since my current warranty isn't up until March of 2007, though, that it'll be good through that anyway.
So how my March '06-manufactured system suddenly got extended from 90 (or 180) days to a full year, I don't know, but boy am I relieved. I can handle shipping.