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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #215 - "Searching"

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
May 13, 2014
3,774
1
0
Maine
how strict are we on the word count?

I once saw Cyan beat a person into a coma for being five words over the limit.

How many of you guys have your first draft done? No such luck for me yet. Maybe late tonight.

Getting a brief outline done right now. I just came up with a decent premise with a character I've been meaning to bring back for an adventure (That I am sure no one remembers)
 

choodi

Banned
Aug 23, 2007
2,735
70
955
How many of you guys have your first draft done? No such luck for me yet. Maybe late tonight.

I have almost finished my first draft. I am running out of words though and will have to cut down significantly.

I'm pretty happy with what I have so far. Seems to have morphed into a young adult fantasy.
 

Alucard

Banned
Jun 9, 2004
39,737
2
0
Canada
I'm frustrated by the lack of time I've had to write anything. Was my kid's bday this weekend, so I guess that's kind of valid, but I feel the story I want to tell won't be as polished as I'd like. We'll see I guess. Sounds like many are in a similar spot.

I did five drafts of the story I wrote for the previous challenge, and I feel that's why I was able to win the challenge. I don't think I would have won with the first or second versions of that story.
 

MilkBeard

Member
Jun 20, 2013
9,219
2
0
Whew, finished first draft. A little bit over the word limit but nothing that can't be fixed with some well-placed cuts. This will be interesting--I wonder if I can pull of what I intended.
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
May 13, 2014
3,774
1
0
Maine
That's what I get for being a nerd about it. I'm almost done with 1st draft. It's going to be scene 1 of a longer story I want to write.

Im thinking of doing a continuation of an older fantasy story ive been meaning to do, but not sure how i feel about it on the scope of the challenge.
 

Alucard

Banned
Jun 9, 2004
39,737
2
0
Canada
Back from vacation. 0 words written. :)

Feels bad, man.

I have 25 percent left to write of my story but I'm not happy with how it's turning out. Hope I'll be able to do a significant re-write by the deadline but I'm not feeling confident.
 

Mike M

Nick N
Jun 9, 2005
12,923
5
0
Washington
I don't think that's how it works, Mike. Synthesize that stuff, man.

Sure it is, man.

 

Alucard

Banned
Jun 9, 2004
39,737
2
0
Canada
Finished my shitty first draft. I hope it will sound more salvageable when I print it out and read it over during lunch tomorrow.

A sneak peek for the bored: (a third of the way into the story. Will likely change a bunch of this wording)

The snow was lighter at the foot of the forest as thick marenwoods reached towards the sky. The fluffy green and white canopy offered extra protection overhead; Garaman had been right, as this had the effect of leaving tracks more visible once he and Arasta got deeper into the trees.

They crossed an icy bridge over a frozen river in single file, Garaman leading his horse, and Arasta pulling Windclaw.

“Look,” Garaman said, pointing to the ground and moving off the path on the other side of the bridge so that Arasta could see the disturbed snow.

“Merl,” Arasta whispered. “We have to hurry.”
 

MilkBeard

Member
Jun 20, 2013
9,219
2
0
^ Sounds good, Alucard.

Took one day off from my story, now I'm ready to cut some shit. This will be the neutered version, as I ended up being 300 words above. However, it may end up being good for the story to cut that many words. We'll see.

EDIT: Wasn't so hard actually, was able to go through, skim off unnecessary words here and there, and managed to get it into shape.
 

Alucard

Banned
Jun 9, 2004
39,737
2
0
Canada
Need another set of eyes.

The blizzard whipped at Garaman's exposed skin as his horse ploughed through the deep snow.

As a reader, do you KNOW that Garaman is on top of his horse in this sentence, or do you think there's a chance they're walking side by side? Also, do you think he's naked when you read "exposed skin," or based on the context do you imagine that it's probably his face and neck? Overthinking, but want my writing to be clear. Probably need to re-write...
 

MilkBeard

Member
Jun 20, 2013
9,219
2
0
Need another set of eyes.



As a reader, do you KNOW that Garaman is on top of his horse in this sentence, or do you think there's a chance they're walking side by side? Also, do you think he's naked when you read "exposed skin," or based on the context do you imagine that it's probably his face and neck? Overthinking, but want my writing to be clear. Probably need to re-write...

On first read, I didn't picture him on the horse, but this could change depending on context. Also, I think you could cut "exposed" and it would have the same effect, or replace it with something more specific. Context is key, though.
 

Alucard

Banned
Jun 9, 2004
39,737
2
0
Canada
On first read, I didn't picture him on the horse, but this could change depending on context. Also, I think you could cut "exposed" and it would have the same effect, or replace it with something more specific. Context is key, though.

Yeah, was thinking about being more specific. Here's the re-written sentence and a bit more of the context...

The blizzard whipped at Garaman's face as he snapped the reins tight in his hands, urging his horse to keep ploughing through the deep snow. The horseman pulled up his scarf and tightened it around his neck while his eldest daughter's griffin screeched overhead, its massive wings flapping and pushing against the northern wind.

"Do you see anything, Arasta?" Garaman called into the white abyss.

"Nothing!" Arasta yelled down, glancing over the side of her mount, her fur cloak dappled in pearly powder and glowing pale in virgin moonlight.

...or something. Still sounds kind of shitty and probably needs to be totally re-thought and re-arranged.

P.S. if anyone wants feedback on a paragraph or two, I'd be happy to give it as well on here.

Old guard, is there anything against this? Moreso posting works in progress in the body of the thread and asking for feedback as we go.
 

Cyan

Banned
Jun 10, 2004
34,830
0
0
Yeah, was thinking about being more specific. Here's the re-written sentence and a bit more of the context...



...or something. Still sounds kind of shitty and probably needs to be totally re-thought and re-arranged.

P.S. if anyone wants feedback on a paragraph or two, I'd be happy to give it as well on here.

Old guard, is there anything against this? Moreso posting works in progress in the body of the thread and asking for feedback as we go.

Dude it's totally fine. There are like two or three rules for the challenge, and even then the deadline barely counts as one. :p There's not a lot of chatter in these threads these days, so you might not get many responses, but there's definitely no problem if you post stuff like this.
 

weemadarthur

Member
Feb 27, 2012
3,598
0
410
Virgin moonlight during a blizzard?
Does alucard live in the tropics?

XD

The only light they could maintain would be magical. They'd never find the griffin again either, unless they're sticking to a major highway, and in a blizzard the right thing to do is to stop and dig in until it's over. It reads like they're in a wide plain at the moment, basically uncharted wilderness.
 

Nezumi

Member
Aug 8, 2011
3,374
0
590
39
Small town near Frankfurt in Germany
I don't mind it either, though I simply don't have the time to read anything beforehand and won't do it because of that.

In a random moment at work I finally had the last piece fall into place regarding my idea, now I can only pray that it fits the word count. I'm cautiously optimistic though.
 

Alucard

Banned
Jun 9, 2004
39,737
2
0
Canada
Virgin moonlight during a blizzard?
Does alucard live in the tropics?

XD

The only light they could maintain would be magical. They'd never find the griffin again either, unless they're sticking to a major highway, and in a blizzard the right thing to do is to stop and dig in until it's over. It reads like they're in a wide plain at the moment, basically uncharted wilderness.

It was just wording I was playing with. I'm not married to it. Good point about the blizzard. It's basically an open plain like you say, but they're familiar with the area and are headed towards a specific forest. Hmm, I could make some of these things clearer.
 

weemadarthur

Member
Feb 27, 2012
3,598
0
410
It was just wording I was playing with. I'm not married to it. Good point about the blizzard. It's basically an open plain like you say, but they're familiar with the area and are headed towards a specific forest. Hmm, I could make some of these things clearer.

Yeah, I could tell about the virgin moonlight being a joke.

Still, sounds like a medieval level high fantasy setting? Would compasses exist? Need one for navigation in that circumstance.
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
May 13, 2014
3,774
1
0
Maine
Back from vacation. 0 words written. :)

Want to chime in and say I too still have 0 words written. I feel like we've been extra bad about being last minute as of late. Did someone put a curse on the thread? Did some disgruntled poster chant into a fire and now we've all be struck by crippling procrastination? Could it have been
John Dunbar?
 

Cyan

Banned
Jun 10, 2004
34,830
0
0
Want to chime in and say I too still have 0 words written. I feel like we've been extra bad about being last minute as of late. Did someone put a curse on the thread? Did some disgruntled poster chant into a fire and now we've all be struck by crippling procrastination? Could it have been
John Dunbar?

Hmm... that does sound like his MO.
 

Alucard

Banned
Jun 9, 2004
39,737
2
0
Canada
Not gonna get a chance to fix this up any more, unfortunately. So here's draft two. Be grateful I didn't submit draft one. Wish I had a chance to get to draft four or five on this one. Feel like it could have turned out better. I hope you guys like it regardless.
 

Nezumi

Member
Aug 8, 2011
3,374
0
590
39
Small town near Frankfurt in Germany
I have written about a 100 words so far, which is probably bthe highest word count I had before the deadline in months :D

I'll still run late though. I get down as much as possible tonight but will probably finish tomorrow after work.
 

Song of Fire

Member
May 19, 2015
420
0
270
Hey everybody, I'm just a random weird person (or something) who found this thread a couple days back and figured, since this is my first time coming across one of the creative writing challenges during the submission period, I should at least try to submit something. Here it goes:

Weather the Storm
(Wordcount approximately 809)
#entry
 

Mike M

Nick N
Jun 9, 2005
12,923
5
0
Washington
Hey everybody, I'm just a random weird person (or something) who found this thread a couple days back and figured, since this is my first time coming across one of the creative writing challenges during the submission period, I should at least try to submit something. Here it goes:

Weather the Storm
(Wordcount approximately 809)

WORLDS COLLIDING
 

MilkBeard

Member
Jun 20, 2013
9,219
2
0
Hey everybody, I'm just a random weird person (or something) who found this thread a couple days back and figured, since this is my first time coming across one of the creative writing challenges during the submission period, I should at least try to submit something. Here it goes:

Weather the Storm
(Wordcount approximately 809)

Welcome aboard!
 

Song of Fire

Member
May 19, 2015
420
0
270
WORLDS COLLIDING
I should hope not. That sounds dangerous.
Welcome aboard!
Thanks!
I just want to comment that I'm really liking the title on this one. It gives me a bit of a Leaf by Niggle feel for some reason.

I've been seeing all these sharp entries, and I was wondering, is it best practice to follow that convention?

Also, maybe I should note that the password for my entry is, apparently, "quote to see."
 

Tangent

Member
Mar 15, 2010
658
0
0
I actually really enjoyed the enthusiasm and conversation Alucard has been bringing to the threads of late tbh

I'm just skimming things to catch up and this caught my eye. I 100% agree. Alucard, it's really cool having you on board. Your excitement is awesome and obvious to see, your stories are thrilling to read, and it's fun receiving feedback from you too. I'm a crusty ol' curmudgeon in comparison who feels a bit chained down by writing at times, but maybe some of your enthusiasm will rub off on me!

Also, on a separate note, I was catching up on the LAST thread too, and responded to some people's comments (Alucard, Mike M, and Flowers).
 

Mike M

Nick N
Jun 9, 2005
12,923
5
0
Washington
Special bonus #entry: One of the foxy ladies returns!

Um... No idea what her username was, now that I think about it...

Apparently it was frekifox! Because I am such a great friend : /
Dissolution