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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Welp I've been sort of desperate to end my dry spell that I was willing to lower my height standards temporarily (in my message me section I mention that girls should be at least 5'7''). I messaged a girl who it turns out is 5'2'' since she didn't list her height but I told her that I'm willing look it over if the profile sounds interesting, they live near me, and I like what I see.
This isn't to say that the girl is ugly because she's fairly attractive and I need to remind myself that unless I'm looking for a super serious relationship/my future "wife," I shouldn't care for now. I know I'm contradicting myself since I'm being a hypocrite.
This isn't to say that the girl is ugly because she's fairly attractive and I need to remind myself that unless I'm looking for a super serious relationship/my future "wife," I shouldn't care for now. I know I'm contradicting myself since I'm being a hypocrite.
Plus I kind of admit that the only reason I messaged her aside from her being a native New Yorker is because being a 90% match on Sex questions got me curious.
So beginner here on the online dating service/app scene. I've started with a bunch of the apps in the OT post. Is Match.com not worth it unless it's premium? I get notifications but it always brings me to the subscription page (of course). I wanted to know what others experienced and whether I should just focus on being selective on the free apps.
I wanted to respond to this and say that this is awesome! I always like reading success stories this. It's why I like reading the OKC and Tinder Reddits on a weekly basis for Story Time.Hey guys, I didn't post in here often but I did seek advice a few times and I just wanted to say thanks to this thread and everyone who put an effort into making it exist and helping others like myself out. I got some good tips on dating in general and most importantly you guys gave me the courage to keep putting myself out there. It took years and years of effort, horrible dates, anxious nights, and disappointments.
But I finally met the love of my life last fall and couldn't be happier.
I hope everyone else finds the success and happiness that I did. Thanks again to anyone who helped me out
There was a discussion about Match several posts above. I should throw SonicXtreme's post on Match into the OP but here's his post again:
SonicXtreme said:
So I got matched up with a 36 year old who lives right across the bridge from me on Tinder. I hope it leads somewhere because I've had 0 luck on Tinder since returning to it this year. She liked the Hey girl GIF so that's a good start.
Thanks. I was going through in post order, never got to there until after the post.
My pleasure! Good luck! I'm totally procrastinating on work that I need to do. I just realized that some of the stuff in the OP is antiquated since dating apps change all the time and add/remove new features.
TangerineCloud
Banned
All right. Date summaries:
Date #2:
Started out a little bit awkward. This was the woman I was excited about, so I was really feeling some intense anxiety at the beginning of this date. The plan was to meet at a restaurant and then go to a poetry slam. At the restaurant, conversation was initially a little bit stilted, and that combined with her self-proclaimed resting bitch face made me think the date was a bust fairly early on. However, we both loosened up after about 30 minutes or so, and things were surprisingly smooth from there. She actually talked quite a bit, which was nice since I'm not always keen on being the one to carry the conversation. After two hours at the restaurant, we decided to bail on the poetry slam idea and hit up an ice cream shop instead, where we ended up talking for two more hours before heading back to the parking lot where we both parked. I totally froze up at the end when I should have gone for a kiss. I was walking away as she was about to open her car, but I guess I found some latent courage and managed to force myself to turn around and firmly say, "Wait." The courage ended there, though, as I started stammering after that. Luckily, she picked up on what I was aiming for, and she giggled at my awkwardness as she walked up and gave me a short kiss.
We're going on a second date tomorrow night. I won't fumble on the kiss again.
Date #3
I wasn't sure how this date would go. I'd been feeling such a high over the previous date that I really hadn't even given this one much thought. Part of me was actually hoping she'd just stand me up and save me the time and money so I could just focus on Woman #2. We met at a cafe, had lunch, and got to know each other for roughly two hours. Conversation didn't flow super organically, but I think that's just because we're both pretty awkward and anxious. She nervously tore at her straw wrapper for the entirety of the date. That said, she was really sweet and adorable, and I enjoyed talking with her. I wasn't feeling terribly confident as we left our table since there were a few short awkward silences, but she actually ended up telling me that she hoped we could go on another date sometime (she also invited me to her sorority's formal event? which is like a month out? that was a little weird, but I'll roll with it for now). That was a genuine surprise. I guess I started feeling myself as I walked her to her car, because I managed to turn what was going to just be a hug and a kiss on the cheek into a full-blown kiss with minimal awkwardness. And then I did it again because it felt good. She smiled, and we parted ways. Probably seeing her again this Thursday.
I'm curious; not into short women?
Thanks, fam.
Date #2:
Started out a little bit awkward. This was the woman I was excited about, so I was really feeling some intense anxiety at the beginning of this date. The plan was to meet at a restaurant and then go to a poetry slam. At the restaurant, conversation was initially a little bit stilted, and that combined with her self-proclaimed resting bitch face made me think the date was a bust fairly early on. However, we both loosened up after about 30 minutes or so, and things were surprisingly smooth from there. She actually talked quite a bit, which was nice since I'm not always keen on being the one to carry the conversation. After two hours at the restaurant, we decided to bail on the poetry slam idea and hit up an ice cream shop instead, where we ended up talking for two more hours before heading back to the parking lot where we both parked. I totally froze up at the end when I should have gone for a kiss. I was walking away as she was about to open her car, but I guess I found some latent courage and managed to force myself to turn around and firmly say, "Wait." The courage ended there, though, as I started stammering after that. Luckily, she picked up on what I was aiming for, and she giggled at my awkwardness as she walked up and gave me a short kiss.
We're going on a second date tomorrow night. I won't fumble on the kiss again.
Date #3
I wasn't sure how this date would go. I'd been feeling such a high over the previous date that I really hadn't even given this one much thought. Part of me was actually hoping she'd just stand me up and save me the time and money so I could just focus on Woman #2. We met at a cafe, had lunch, and got to know each other for roughly two hours. Conversation didn't flow super organically, but I think that's just because we're both pretty awkward and anxious. She nervously tore at her straw wrapper for the entirety of the date. That said, she was really sweet and adorable, and I enjoyed talking with her. I wasn't feeling terribly confident as we left our table since there were a few short awkward silences, but she actually ended up telling me that she hoped we could go on another date sometime (she also invited me to her sorority's formal event? which is like a month out? that was a little weird, but I'll roll with it for now). That was a genuine surprise. I guess I started feeling myself as I walked her to her car, because I managed to turn what was going to just be a hug and a kiss on the cheek into a full-blown kiss with minimal awkwardness. And then I did it again because it felt good. She smiled, and we parted ways. Probably seeing her again this Thursday.
I'm curious; not into short women?
Thanks, fam.
Wow! So two successful kisses back to back and back to back second dates secured. Keep that hot streak going. For future reference, when a woman wants to make out, generally the tell-tale sign to look for is she looks down at your lips, makes eye contact, and smiles a lot.
As to your question, I get slightly irritated by the height difference with having to bend my neck down to awkwardly make out so not too much of a fan. The last girl I slept with was 5'5''; the tallest girl I slept with was 6 feet. Both were different experiences that I liked to say the least. Last year I went out with a girl that was 4'11''and it bothered me.
I was slightly bothered by it since last time I made out with a girl, she was 5'4'' although I had a chance to sleep with her and blew it.
I think it I were to look for something more serious, then it would be taller. In my CMB I have my height preferences set to 5'6''-6'5''. I actually feel like it's not doing me much favors listing my height preferences on OKC so I'll probably switch it to something more fun and judge accordingly whenever I get matches. To me 5'0'' is way too short and I definitely wouldn't date a chick that's below that. Hooking up/something short term (pun not intended)? Sure.
Re-signed up for Tinder when at PAX - had more fun doing that than the actual con haha. I even sold my Saturday pass while I was there. The amount of attractive and intelligent women in the area is insane compared to New York. I thought initially it was due to the con but none of the women I matched with were attending; it was due to the proximity of all the Ivy Leagues.
First night I was there I bought a ton of groceries / booze that I ended up not eating or drinking. So I started giving "parting" gifts to my Tinder dates in the form of a bottle of 2-buck-chuck wine. My only regret is not including a questionnaire card.
Skype dates would make so much more sense economically. My longest relationship was with a girl I met on OkCupid and wanted to Skype a few times before meeting. I definitely built a better rapport with her than any other date I had prior to meeting. I had even disabled my profile a month before meeting because I was convinced she was amazing. Only downside is that I was a bit cat fished in the sense that when we finally met she looked like she had gained 20lbs. By that time I was so into her it didn't matter but I could definitely see someone else feeling betrayed by that.
First night I was there I bought a ton of groceries / booze that I ended up not eating or drinking. So I started giving "parting" gifts to my Tinder dates in the form of a bottle of 2-buck-chuck wine. My only regret is not including a questionnaire card.
Skype dates would make so much more sense economically. My longest relationship was with a girl I met on OkCupid and wanted to Skype a few times before meeting. I definitely built a better rapport with her than any other date I had prior to meeting. I had even disabled my profile a month before meeting because I was convinced she was amazing. Only downside is that I was a bit cat fished in the sense that when we finally met she looked like she had gained 20lbs. By that time I was so into her it didn't matter but I could definitely see someone else feeling betrayed by that.
True Savior
Member
The economist obviously doesn't want anybody to fuck. The percentage of people fucking without any sort of chemistry is probably in the upper 90%.
I wonder what the ratio is between hookups based purely on two people being within the vicinity of each other "well, we're both here..." vs dates where nothing happens because one or both parties regret meeting up.
True Savior
Member
I can't really quantify the second but I'm sure that the first one is the biggest reason why people are fucking somewhat regularly. I'm here, you're there, we're horny and you dont look like a monster. Good enough.
Boston has the densest college student population per mile out of the entire U.S. so it's not surprising in the slightest. Heck, my hostel was across the street/around the corner from Berklee School of Music last year. The moment I looked out the window of my room, it was nothing but attractive girls going to and from class at the nearby Northeastern University or otherwise. I never managed to hook up with any girls during my stay because I working most of the time and hanging out with friends so good for you! Cambridge/Harvard Square was also quite something since it reminded me very heavily of Williamsburg. I love Boston despite all its weird laws and confusing streets.
The circumstances that led to your longest relationship is very similar to the host of Why Oh Why since she knew that she liked the guy (who she met via Tinder) immediately because she put some moody music in the background as they were talking. She was awkward about since she had never done before and recorded the conversation for the podcast.
There was instant chemistry on the first date which ended with the guy finishing the book that he was writing; the guy ended up moving in with her for a 3 year relationship that ended because he stated that he didn't want any kid someday whereas she did. To add insult to injury, on their final night together, her ex-boyfriend told her that he got on Tinder to see if he "still had it."
I've actually only had a few online/phone call pre-meetings myself in the past. I never met with any of the women since one of them got back with her ex and the other ghosted me after I declined to meet with her (in retrospect, a dumb move because I could have slept over her place) and tried reaching out to her a few weeks later.
A few minor updates: The 23 year old grad student got back to me today today asking to meet up either tomorrow or Saturday which is great because I wasn't expecting it. Then again, it's been paying off playing it cool as at this point last year, I would have been overthinking about keeping a girl's interest and texting her while she's out of town. I'm going to meet up with her tomorrow just because I know that bars will be much more crowded on Saturday night.
I asked the 35 year old for her availability for the rest of the week. I would probably meet up at the bar that's about a 5 minute walk from my way since it's small and ideal for conversation. She reminds me of a younger version of Jamie Lee Curtis with her short black hair but she has a nice body which I'm curious about.
I haven't responded to the 5'2'' girl but will do so today offering my number to get to the point since I don't want to go through the motions again. Although as I was looking through her questionnaire answers, I learned that she doesn't like dudes who put on cologne for dates which is a pre-date ritual that I always do. At the very least, I like wearing deodorant after a shower so as not to smell like a gym.
I'm looking forward to seeing what the dating scene is like in Chicago next month so that should be fun. In the meantime, I'll try not to overwhelm myself with dates until then. After a string of meh dates this year, I'm not expecting much but I'm going with the flow since every woman is different.
I've really got to stop overthinking texts at times.
A girl I'm dating at the moment gave me a short response to something and my mind is in overdrive, despite the fact we're meeting again on Tuesday...
She did say she barely ever texts, but for whatever reason I'm overthinking this.
A girl I'm dating at the moment gave me a short response to something and my mind is in overdrive, despite the fact we're meeting again on Tuesday...
She did say she barely ever texts, but for whatever reason I'm overthinking this.
TangerineCloud
Banned
Drunk Kyle reporting in. I was smooth as fuck tonight on the second date. We in there, boyz
I can see why you're overthinking it since you think she's not interested. If anything, some girls like to talk via phone so don't stress it and leave it be for a while.
Nice! Glad you're getting play. Hopefully you get some home runs in.
And just like that, I have a date set in several hours with the 23 year old and another date set with a 24 year old from Tinder who goes to the same college as my brother and lived in my neighborhood on Saturday night.
The latter girl responded instantly to my messages so it was too easy to build a rapport and set something up. I'm meeting with both for drinks and walk around. I'm going to clean my room in case I play my cards right with the latter girl and bring her over. I'm sure that she would be impressed by my paintings and drawings. Hopefully these next string of dates go solid. It's been a while since I made out on a date.
The 35 year old has a wedding to attend this weekend but told me that her week would be less crazy next week. It's good because I think 2 dates in one week is fine.
Very true.
She's away this weekend, so I'll just drop her a message on Sunday/Monday to confirm Tuesday is still on.
Today's date has been canned. The girl cited having a lot on her plate at the moment and it being bad timing for her. I'm not mad about it since she canned on me once already. She did mention that her lease is up May and needs to find a new place so I'm sure that's stressing her out.
If anything, it would have been much worse if I got the text when I was already there. I'm going to leave the ball on her court again and move on. I honestly don't care otherwise so no worries. It means I get to watch the Venuezuela vs the Dominican Republic game. I'm sure this is going to be a cake walk for my Dominican countrymen.
If anything, it would have been much worse if I got the text when I was already there. I'm going to leave the ball on her court again and move on. I honestly don't care otherwise so no worries. It means I get to watch the Venuezuela vs the Dominican Republic game. I'm sure this is going to be a cake walk for my Dominican countrymen.
TimeEffect
Member
Anyone around the GTA know any good places for a date?
Solid SOAP
Member
Around how often do you message these people after the initial conversations? I've been talking with 2 women who I had pretty good conversations with that I haven't met up with yet. One I have a date with on Monday, the other I definitely am interested in because our conversation the night prior was super interesting and cool. We messaged each other til around 2am, then nothing after a few texts today.
I'm not too strung out about it, just curious based on prior experiences here. I used to be pretty anxious about this shit but I figure like any other person, I'll message em when I have something to say. I'm not a "hey what's up?" kinda guy. No one has anything to say to that, haha.
I'm not too strung out about it, just curious based on prior experiences here. I used to be pretty anxious about this shit but I figure like any other person, I'll message em when I have something to say. I'm not a "hey what's up?" kinda guy. No one has anything to say to that, haha.
Is it funny if I thought of the game for a second? Try asking in the Dating-Age thread if anything.Anyone around the GTA know any good places for a date?
Did you set up a date with the latter girl? If not, then please do so ASAP. This thread's subtitle might not be just ask her out already, but the same the logic applies here. The reason she reason she went silent is because she didn't want to talk any more. I do that all the time these days.
To answer your question, I usually don't get super chatty during texts these days and dread having to chat with women who keep going and going. I'll give you two personal examples. This one time, I got a girl's number and she got angry that I took my time replying to her texts (I had to shower and get ready to head out). It irritated me to no end since she was needy which I've rarely encountered. I never met up with her because she gave me an excuse on the day of the date so I ghosted her. Good riddance because this was a case where she got more invested into me to the point where she sent me some pictures that she took with celebs at NY Comic Con.
Another time, I got super chatty into texts with this Puerto Rican-Irish girl long into the wee hours of the night. We didn't end up any chemistry in person because while she sounded interesting via text and the conversations were great, I found myself trying to make an effort to be interested in her in person but was bored. We agreed to be friends but I never contacted her again after a certain point of texting since I got bored. In retrospect, I should have been assertive and mentioned that I'm busy or going to sleep because it set both of our expectations relatively high.
Bottom line: I do some pleasantries/light banter before changing the subject to locking down a date or just cut to the chase if the girl hinted at meeting up first on the app. Then finalize the plans then leave it be until the day of the date. If the date goes well, then text a little bit, set plans for next date, go silent until the day of it; rinse and repeat. Basically don't get invested into something that may or not work out.
So I'm getting hit with another wave of women. I got matched up with a 49 year old on Tinder who looks good for her age. She's looking for people to practice her Spanish with and put the not looking for hookups disclaimer which I can deliver in spades. After the initial Hey Girl GIF, she replied guessing how to pronounce my name so I'm off to a good start. Got two other Tinder matches that I started to speak to and another who claims she doesn't respond to GIFs so I got stumped trying to think of an opener and haven't messaged her.
OKC has been quite dry again lately despite getting Likes/mutual matches, and visits. I'm not going to bother with it too much because the Tinder gods have been good to me. I did send a message to this one chick who has similar interests and intentions as me but I'm not holding my breath. I set up a date with the 35 year old for next Wednesday and expect to get a confirmation text some time tomorrow.
I'm not sure how the date with the 24 year old is going to go until I'm on it but texting has been light and flirty. I'm a bit wary of her appearance because she only has two pics of her face/chest, and one Myspace angle style pic looking down her bra. However, it looks like a nice body from what I saw of it so I'll assume that this is a case of a self-conscious/shy girl although my brother didn't get that impression.
Moose Biscuits
It would be extreamly painful...
Tinder keeps pushing notifications with "these people have already liked you, come see if you like them and match!"
And I think hmmm, that's interesting, Tinder, considering I don't have GPS enabled which you need to work, and I don't have discovery enabled on my profile.
And I think hmmm, that's interesting, Tinder, considering I don't have GPS enabled which you need to work, and I don't have discovery enabled on my profile.
Terrorblot
Member
So I just had a Tinder chat I can't really stop laughing about.
So I matched with this guy, wasn't totally thrilled with his profile but when he messaged me he actually seemed pretty polite and friendly, wasn't acting like a perv right off the bat (I'm a transwoman so 95% of my inbox the first message is either "how big is it?" or "pre or post?"). We don't share any interests but we are kind of hitting it off and I'm thinking this might actually be a potential hookup.
"Hey are you into Socks, Hockey, or Basketball perchance?" "I meant Soccer, not Socks haha"
Conversation continues and we both keep cracking jokes about socks, it was really dumb but it was kind of cute, everytime the socks thing reentered the conversation I couldn't help but smile. I give him my phone number. More sock jokes. I agree to meet up with him. Sock jokes. Then we start talking about kinks. I tell him my interests and ask him what he's into: "I have a Sock fetish". I laugh. "I'm serious". "Will you put me in a straight jacket and play with your socks? I already have the jacket."
...this dude lowkey found a way to get me engaged and talking about his god damn kink for like, two hours. I ain't even mad, I can't stop laughing about it tbh. Before I blocked him the last thing he asked was "Do you have any white tube socks??" :V
So I matched with this guy, wasn't totally thrilled with his profile but when he messaged me he actually seemed pretty polite and friendly, wasn't acting like a perv right off the bat (I'm a transwoman so 95% of my inbox the first message is either "how big is it?" or "pre or post?"). We don't share any interests but we are kind of hitting it off and I'm thinking this might actually be a potential hookup.
"Hey are you into Socks, Hockey, or Basketball perchance?" "I meant Soccer, not Socks haha"
Conversation continues and we both keep cracking jokes about socks, it was really dumb but it was kind of cute, everytime the socks thing reentered the conversation I couldn't help but smile. I give him my phone number. More sock jokes. I agree to meet up with him. Sock jokes. Then we start talking about kinks. I tell him my interests and ask him what he's into: "I have a Sock fetish". I laugh. "I'm serious". "Will you put me in a straight jacket and play with your socks? I already have the jacket."
...this dude lowkey found a way to get me engaged and talking about his god damn kink for like, two hours. I ain't even mad, I can't stop laughing about it tbh. Before I blocked him the last thing he asked was "Do you have any white tube socks??" :V
Seriously, what is up with some people?
Some girl just blocked me because I didn't respond straight away on WhatsApp.
We were messaging quite a bit last night, I messaged to ask what she was up to tonight, she responded and then she blocked me when I didn't respond straight away.
I just find it bizarre.
Some girl just blocked me because I didn't respond straight away on WhatsApp.
We were messaging quite a bit last night, I messaged to ask what she was up to tonight, she responded and then she blocked me when I didn't respond straight away.
I just find it bizarre.
Syphon Filter
Member
Their profile just goes blank and any messages sent don't send through to them.
She also unmatched me on Tinder.
There's some bizarre people in the world...
True Savior
Member
Maybe she went to her bf. Maybe she found someone else. Maybe she found you boring. Maybe she decided it was a mistake to keep talking with you. Whatever. Yeah, it's shitty, but better to be blocked than go silent.
Tinder best quality is also it's worse. There's just a lot to choose.
Tinder best quality is also it's worse. There's just a lot to choose.
I'm not at all upset, I just find it bizarre.
Terrorblot
Member
^^Pretty much. I got a reply from a girl super late into the night since she had gotten home from working/a night out. We had a few exchanges before she lost interest and stopped replying.
I'm also pretty sure that my chances of getting a date with the 49 year old went kaput after she hinted that she was free on Friday night. I made the mistake of asking what time she would be free at when I should have read the prior messages again. She stopped replying after that so I learned my lesson: don't ask many damn questions and set a place/time if you know the person's interest is super high.=/
Oh and last night's date with the 24 year old didn't happen. The girl got caught up in work so we rain checked for next Saturday night at the same time/place. I was hoping/had a feeling that she would cancel so I could watch the DR vs US game. Unfortunately I had to eat crow because the DR lost but just like online dating, the DR team will go back to the drawing board and plan to do better at the next WBC.
I'm also pretty sure that my chances of getting a date with the 49 year old went kaput after she hinted that she was free on Friday night. I made the mistake of asking what time she would be free at when I should have read the prior messages again. She stopped replying after that so I learned my lesson: don't ask many damn questions and set a place/time if you know the person's interest is super high.=/
Oh and last night's date with the 24 year old didn't happen. The girl got caught up in work so we rain checked for next Saturday night at the same time/place. I was hoping/had a feeling that she would cancel so I could watch the DR vs US game. Unfortunately I had to eat crow because the DR lost but just like online dating, the DR team will go back to the drawing board and plan to do better at the next WBC.
Kind of want to change my OKC name to something that includes my first name (just to dodge that problem and because I've finally come up with a clever name that incorporates my name). I know i'll have to pay... Still don't want to do it while i'm midway through a conversation.
TimeEffect
Member
Nvm she answered back and said she was busy all day... So at least I didnt get ghosted lol
I made mine my first name since I didn't know that everyone uses random usernames. I don't know if it matters, but it seems to help people by striking up the first message?
IISANDERII
Member
TangerineCloud
Banned
Nice! Hope things keep going smoothly!
Moose Biscuits
It would be extreamly painful...
got no fucking clue what to put on my Tinder profile
I know photos are the focus, I've got a couple of okay ones and that's not going to improve any time soon. But I figure I shouldn't leave the 'about me' blank.
I don't like selling myself though. I could be honest, but I don't know how to sell 'mostly plays videogames, watches anime and browses the internet' in a way that'll get me close to attractive women.
Any ideas?
I know photos are the focus, I've got a couple of okay ones and that's not going to improve any time soon. But I figure I shouldn't leave the 'about me' blank.
I don't like selling myself though. I could be honest, but I don't know how to sell 'mostly plays videogames, watches anime and browses the internet' in a way that'll get me close to attractive women.
Any ideas?
It went really well. I only spent a total of 8 bucks since I only bought a beer, spent money on tip, and took the bus back across the bridge. There was some light arm touching from both sides which was good. She had to get to the supermarket and went to go get her car so we agreed to call it a night and hugged it out. I definitely will see her again since she's really smart and interesting. The whole age gap doesn't bother me and 7 years older than me. She has a nice body on top of all that.
Take some new pics doing stuff or take up some new hobbies? No need to be so harsh on yourself man.
You don't have to be upfront about that stuff right off the bat. That's a massive detractor that screams "swipe left to me already." The only thing it says on my Tinder profile is "I swear my pronouncing my name is one of the great mysteries of this world to non-Spanish speking people." I then list my height just because.
Sure, I could mention how I love volunteering at events/cons, write comic reviews and other articles for a website, sketch people in public, that I don't go out much, or any other thing about myself but girls aren't interested so I omit that stuff. Let them discover it on the date. Would you date a girl who laid out a laundry list of stuff so that she doesn't mislead people?
Moose Biscuits
It would be extreamly painful...
I'm not being harsh on myself; if I wanted to do new hobbies I would, I'm not interested in doing stuff solely to make myself look better.
It would really depend on how attractive she was. If there was anything weird about her I'd prefer to know upfront so I didn't have to waste time on a date.
So leave the profile blank is what you're saying, then? I can do that, I just read somewhere that it's a turn off to some.
I've been messaging a girl and I asked her out earlier, but she can't meet up this week or next.
Would it be wise to keep the conversation going and ask her out again in a weeks time, or try and arrange a date now?
I'm asking since this is usually when things start to fizzle out...
Just the general vibe I got from her I guess and admittedly I don't think I'm ready for too much commitment at the moment.
Would it be wise to keep the conversation going and ask her out again in a weeks time, or try and arrange a date now?
I'm asking since this is usually when things start to fizzle out...
Why I didn't see things working out?
Just the general vibe I got from her I guess and admittedly I don't think I'm ready for too much commitment at the moment.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
No don't leave it blank, but don't put your life story on there either. Put a joke, reference one of your pictures, or just have something to kickstart a conversation ("pizza or ice cream?").
EDIT: for the post above, if she can't/won't meet up soon, it's going to fizzle out. Leave the ball in her court ("Shall I pencil you in for Easter weekend 2019 then?") and start talking to other people.
EDIT: for the post above, if she can't/won't meet up soon, it's going to fizzle out. Leave the ball in her court ("Shall I pencil you in for Easter weekend 2019 then?") and start talking to other people.
Agree with both points for both posters. With the first point for Moose Biscuits, if you leave the profile blank, then it'll just give the impression that you're a bot. With dates that I've had from Tinder, at some point or another I've either had girls ask about how to pronounce my name online or in person. This is why it's advisable to put a joke, a reference to one of your pictures, or an ice breaker to invite women to engage with you. Basically, something to help you stand out from your average Joe in your area.
The second point for Xun, life is too short to be entertaining one girl for two weeks in hopes of waiting for their schedule to clear up. In that time you could be going out with other women. Besides, for all you know she can make up some BS excuse about being "busy" after her schedule clears up.
Therefore, leaving the ball in her court leaves it open to her on if she wants to meet up; you're basically implying that you're moving on. I've had girls give me excuses so I moved on.
A quick update on last night's date: She didn't think that we were a match so it's on to the next one. It's odd because I thought it went solid but in maybe in the end she was after someone more aggressive.
I think I keep falling for the same exact mistakes since I like to talk about myself a lot. I don't know how to fix this since I wish I could pinpoint exactly where I shoot myself in the foot.
I feel like people's expectations are set to high so they think that I'm something that I'm not (it's funny that it's Moose Biscuit's situation more or less except in person). I suppose job insecurity has something to do with it since I keep over explaining what I do. Maybe my brother is right; I think I need to date women that are somewhat similar to me.
I think I keep falling for the same exact mistakes since I like to talk about myself a lot. I don't know how to fix this since I wish I could pinpoint exactly where I shoot myself in the foot.
I feel like people's expectations are set to high so they think that I'm something that I'm not (it's funny that it's Moose Biscuit's situation more or less except in person). I suppose job insecurity has something to do with it since I keep over explaining what I do. Maybe my brother is right; I think I need to date women that are somewhat similar to me.
The Power Of Snap
Member
The Power Of Snap
Member
It always depends of the vibes you gave her and she gives you.
But it's true that expectations from online dating compared to real life is crazy.
I agree that it depends on the vibes one gives off as well. I think the vibes I've been giving off this year has been more of a nerdy friend/platonic vibe than "guy I would like to bang" vibe. After letting it sit for several hours, I think she was after sex but gave up once she realized I wanted to continue talking (read: Captain Oblivious struck again) because at one point she was subtly checking me out by asking if I hit the gym. Then there was the light touching from her end because she was throwing her herself at me. The fact that she wanted to get back to her car was telling. There's nothing I can do to salvage it because there's no changing people's minds once they're set on it. =/
If anything, it's been frustrating to know what women's intentions are unless women are upfront about it. The last time I had a successful date where sparks were flying but I didn't seal the deal (she wanted sex so badly but I cockblocked myself), proximity was a huge factor as well as light touching from both sides, and the conversation flowing well. I feel like I were to be upfront if what I'm looking for, it would make things so much easier.
It eventually lead to the point where I said fuck it and made out with that date to the point where we were teasing each other. I haven't been that aggressive on a date ever since because I think my confidence hasn't been high lately possibly stemming from the string of L's that I've been on since December and other factors. I think I still have some minor hang ups from dates that have ended in disappointment. I've been seeing a therapist so I'll discuss this with her some more in the next session.