What exactly would be gained from punishing them? Do they need rehabilitation so they don't do this thing they never meant to do in the first place again? Would punishment act as a deterrent to other parents and stop them from doing this thing that none of them mean to do in the first place?
That's what frustrates me the most in these discussions. In medicine for instance, in order for the right medication to be prescribed, you must first make a correct diagnosis. If the diagnosis is incorrect, then the medication will be incorrect as well. Like, that's the entire problem with the war on drugs. A completely incorrect medication (incarceration for the crime of ingesting illicit substances) resulting from an incorrect understanding of the situation, that in no way actually tackles the problem it claims to be attempting to solve.
It's exactly the same situation here. Reacting purely based on emotion, while understandable as a first instinct given the terrible nature of these natures, when it goes beyond being just a first reaction and becomes the first and only reaction prevents the correct identification of the problem so that we can actually take action to prevent and minimize it in the future. Locking these people up for life ain't going to change anything, because it's not something that they intentionally did to begin with. That's not the correct problem or cause, and therefore anything that comes from that can't possibly help prevent this from actually happening again, as the incorrect cause is being punished and targeted, just as in the case of the war of drugs.
On the other hand, as uncomfortable as the reality may be, as much as we might not want to admit it and look away, looking the science of the matter in the eye and realizing that we have brains that are the products of millions upon millions upon millions upon millions of years of evolution that are meant for the lives of hunter-gatherers at best and that it's simply been impossible for evolution to keep pace with the rapid changes of civilization in the past 10,000 years and so we have brains that are essentially jury-rigged and forced to somehow make due with an environment they're ill-adapted for actually leads to practical solutions that
can help minimize and reduce these incidents in the future.
It's not comfortable to admit that. It can be terrifying, which is why people lash out so viciously to the suggestion that it could happen to think that. No one wants to think that it could, because of how terrible it would be, and indeed that much is true. But no matter how terrifying it is, turning away and denying the truth accomplishes nothing.
On the other hand, despite how terrifying it seems at first, I take quite the
optimistic approach to knowing my brains' limitations. Accepting that that's what's going on,
and that it could just as easily happen to me as it could anyone else,
means I can take actions to prevent it from happening. Denying it just gets me nothing, and makes me just as susceptible as anyone else. But by accepting the actual science and studies on the matter, and identifying the actual cause, I can lobby for stuff such as weight sensors on the back seats of cars that actually will help to prevent this, as it's actually targeted at the right problem.
That's what frustrates me at all the "what terrible parents" when stories like this comes up. I get the reactions. I truly, truly do. But while I understand them, they frustrate me because it doesn't do anything to actually prevent any of this from happening in the future, since they're attacking the wrong problem. And since the correct problem has been identified by science and study, and is indeed easily preventable with some simple changes to modern automobiles, it's frustrating, tremendously, tremendously frustrating, to see people misidentify the problem over and over again, just because they don't want to accept that it could happen to them just as easily as anyone else. And I get that. That's terrifying! It should be! But knowing about that and accepting it, let's us do something about it. That's a good thing! But it
can't happen if we just keep sticking our fingers in our ears and considering these parents devils each and every time a story like this comes up. That might make us feel better in the here and now, but it does nothing to prevent this from happening again in the future, since the problem is misidentified and left at that.
But at least personally, I
don't want to just "leave it at that." I want to do something to prevent and minimize it from happening again. But that requires
correctly identifying the problem and then lobbying our automobile manufacturers and legislators to do something about that problem. And that can be done, and it's a tremendously good thing that there are indeed solutions out there that will help deal with this problem. But it
can't be done until the problem is correctly
identified to begin with.
And that's what's so frustrating: that the problem has been correctly identified, and there are solutions for it, but we nonetheless prefer to stick our fingers in our ears and misidentify the problem, because it makes us personally more comfortable and it just terrifies us that the same thing
could in fact happen to each of us. And it should. That
is terrifying! It's
alright to be afraid!
But the good thing is, that we have solutions to deal with the limitations of our ill-adapted brains, that can help deal with their shortcomings to modern society (such as having weight sensors installed in rear car seats that will activate if there's still a weight in the rear seats when the car's turned off caused by, say, an infant still being back there). But that can only be done
if we don't just accept it, but accept that in mass and apply some heavy pressure to legislators and automobile manufacturers. 'Til then, this
will keep happening, because we keep point fingers and misidentifying the problem, and it's so frustrating because we could prevent this and do something about it, but we'd rather just blame each other just to avoid the uncomfortable truth that our brains ain't perfect, even if that's an uncomfortable truth we can easily do something about and accommodate
if we just accept it. But unfortunately, that's quite a big "if" and thus here we are.
