Ive been in Shepard Prat since April 5th Dont really give a **** if u guys believe me or judge me or what so im just gonna say it cuz i really need to type it out
Basically On Friday March 30 I got this urge to write and I literally couldnt put the pen down. EVerything was coming out in rhymes and at first I thought it was great, i can be a rapper sweet but then I couldnt turn it off.
So i made a post here, u guys thought I was joking but i wasnt, it really was a cry for help. I really thought I was possessed by Tupac.
So saturday I think is when I made the post here. Then on Sunday night I thought 2pac was talking to me in my room cuz I was starring at his poster. The wind kept blowing and blowing and I thought it was telling me to go outside.
So I went outside into my car and smoked a little KB, a daily ritual for me, well the weed didnt do shit. I was so ****ing Manic that I didnt feel it at all I was already so high just off of the mania. So im in my car and all the sudden I hear a voice in my head, it was my voice but I couldnt figure out if I was saying the shit or what.
Basically the voice told me it was God and Tupac. I asked God a bunch of shit like where the universe came. Since i was still in rhymes I said how did it get started and My mind said Oops I farted.
And that cracked me up so bad. Then i said give me a sign change the time and he said ok hit that button so I did and it changed the time for me which made me laugh histicarlly too.
Then God told me that Rappers (and entertainers) are angels that have fell from heaven and its up to them to chose there side and most are with the devil but Shady/Aftermath is God's Angels.
So after that I was really thinking I was going nuts, I went to take a bath and Tupac kept talking to me. Some how I changed my mind to thinking he was the devil and was inside of my tooth. I even attempted to carve my tooth out of my gum with a knife (which luckly i stopped before any harm was really done) So I ripped all my tupac posters down in a fit of rage.
THen I had another Ephinay (sp) that God and the Devil are one in the same (Alpha/Omege) and that Jesus Christ was killed because he couldnt see that and he chose the wrong person, either his bf (dunno who) or his girl mary mangdolin. That goes with the above statement, i couldnt figure out if tupac was the one i needed to keep or destory or if i needed to keep my gf (my mary).
Oh and I forgot when I had the talk with god in my car he told me i figured out the riddle to life and the first one to do that becomes Jesus, so I thought I was Jesus. I even tried to move shit with my mind but couldnt obviously but then the wind started blowing and i thought that was me and i wanted to knock over the tree but couldnt.
Keep in mind this is all the weekend before Good Friday and Easter which makes it all the more weirder IMO.
So now comes Monday morning, I awake tell my Mother that im Jesus Christ and proceed to go to School like she asked. I tried to smoke some weed in my car but it wouldnt get me high (god told me that thats because i was jesus and would be high forever). So im at my college, Anne Arundel Community College. Im walking around smoking a cigar i had bought the previous day (i dont smoke). There is a Statue of martin Luther King so i went up there and the quotes they had by him just further fueled my Mania. One said something like look for the leader in the worst of places and he will change the world or something like that whihc I of course refrenced to tupac and Jesus who were now one in the same in my mind and Me.
So i walk into one of the rooms cuz this kid that i thought was my teachers son but wasnt positive and start talking to him , told him to take my hand and walk with me to which he obviously declined thinking im a nut lol .
So after that i was like **** it, they think im nuts, im leaving. I drove back the way to my house without realizing until i got to my turn and then remembered i dont wanna disappoint my mom so ill go to the public libarary parking lot. I called my girlfriend and kept talking in rhymes to which she yelled at me to go the **** away cuz id been doing it the entire weekend and she thought i was just trying to annoy her.
Then I go to my house and my moms not home so i try to get into my house but the door was locked and i thought i didnt have the key because I took it off the charm even though that was a different key. so I decided to go to my cousins cuz I knew he was home ( christ powers duh). Well he wasnt home
But i saw i had a missed call from my girl. THen I had a preminution that she was going to be killed in a car accident. Well when i got on the phone with her she told me her and her mom had to take her granmother home. I immeditially broke down and told her what i saw to which she didnt understand. I tried to tell her mom and then her granmother and nothing. I just wanted them to stay put but they said they couldnt and then her mom said they were gonna come to me, obviously cuz i was delirious.
Well somewhere she hung up the phone on me and i tried to teleport myself there but then i was like **** it jesus didnt have no powers it was all exagerations, so i turned on my car and tried to get there asap. I live in Anne Arundel Co MD and her Harford Co, so I had to go through the toll.
Well she called me back but then hung up again and i got another ephiany, God wants me to Sacarifce my life for hers. So i was coming up to the toll on 895 and I procededd to drive right into the concrete barrier infront of one of the booths, didnt slow at all, nothing.
So i remeember the crash very clearly, i hit and the way i hit caused my drivers side to jump in the air and caused me to crash over to the pasenger side. I remember all the smoke and everything, seeing the drivers airbag come out and i hit the passenger side Airbag. If i hadnt been in a BMW im pretty sure i wouldnt have died. Im not sure if i had my seat belt on but the cops said I didnt but my dad said the buckle was on the repair list for the insurance so I must have. I even broke the shifter off with my ass.
So now as soon as i crashed I had another ephiany that god was just testing me to see if id do it and I passed and now I was Jesus. SO as soon as I crashed I realized oh shit I got pot and a pipe sitting here. I put my head down and hold out my hands to be cuffed.
The MVA guy told me to lower my hands but then the cops did show. the Cops name was Rook which suited him well because he first asked me for my wallet then when I reached in he said "Wait wait! any weapons?!" and I said oh yea i have a knife but my hands on my wallet. He said ok take out ur wallet slowly, to which I did (if i was black id have already been shot). then he cuffs me, my ankle is hurt rather bad because i injured it playin bbal and now this just is making it worse.
I then realize i had another knife and tazer in my car so i told the cops. they sit me on the hood of there car, and his ***got partner comes up to me and is like " U kno u lied about all the stuff, told us u just had a pipe no weed" wtf didnt say anything like that " so what else u got" im like i didnt lie to u i told u i had all that stuff. So now there are trying to manipulate me, telling me my ankles not bad and i can just go to jail. Im like **** u i no my rights im going to the hospital. Oh forgot to mention Rookie boy studdering on the rights as hes reading them to me.
So then the cop says he going to undo my cuffs so I ****ing pulled as hard as i could. Now the cuffs are super ****ing tight and im triing to break them apart cuz im Jesus Christ Dammit. The whole time i was rapping to the cops and the medicis too. One of the black dudes that was a medic comes to help me and i whsiper in his ear "im tupac" "im back to change the world" to which he repliys oh yea cool change it for the good'.
Now since i knew my ****ing rights and wasnt letting some shitty Balitmore Transportaion police take me to jail injured as shit and halucinatin, they shove me in the ambulance.
Now the guy (looked like the bald guy from Milennium whos now on lost, but with a mustach like on millenium). is talking to me , trying to figure out if im going nuts or not. He keeps asking me questions and I thought he was God testing me. He asked me if im married. im like yes, then hes like wait u said u had a GF. Oh by the way they were trying to say i was on my way to kill her too. and Im like Im married to Mary. Basically I was ****ing with these guys heads and havibng a good time doing it too. I told the guy I saw his son, and I swirved to miss him . Hes like what? what son. and Im like you lost your son, he was killed, somebody took him. He then asks me how old he is, to which I reply 21. Then hes like nope wrong, and im like maybe but im about to be 21 my friend. and your son is inside of me. (really ****ing scary cuz if he didnt have a son that he lost why would he say how long).
So now after messing with this dudes brain i get to Harbor hospital in Batlimore city. As soon as I enter i start cring hysticarlly because I could feel everyones pain. im Screaming yelling screamming yelling, the cuffs are hurting my wrists so bad and the pig wont do shit. Finally i get into a bed and they start giving me shots. They dont calm me at all, 3 or 4 shots, just made my body numb my mouth is still spewing rhymes and religious things. I told them they wouldnmt be able to give them to cuz im Jesus Christ and they wont penetrate my skin. I made up a rap about the lady giving me the shots being asian. she laughed pretty hard. Then im laying there and im rapping about the cops coming and beating me like im black. Then im like **** these stupid cuffs and lower my arms from my back and jump over them so now there on my front lol.
Piggy Rook (he was ok i guess) comes in laughing and is like u want me to put those around ur back again. But he doesnt. Then after another which semed like enternity the cop lightens the cuffs, felt so good. Then i say u told me u were undoing them outside, hes like yea but i double locked them. ****ing deusche bag.
THen I hear the stupid cop telling his buddy and I quote " yea man , i dont care if u are a genius, not wearing ur seatbelt (which now im pretty sure i didnt have on) in md is just stupid" then he says something else and i just start yelling LIER LIER and his buddy starts cracking up. Basically i never was put down, the milennium guy and his partner ( who i told i was gonna give 10k to when im rich) calmed me down. THe nurse told me to take a deep breath and i just exhaled as hard as i could, making like a demon noise and he was like no adam no and got me to breath right, like he was demonstarting.
So now comes Sunday. my episode is over and im in the hospital for like 15 hours until i finally get transfered to Shepard Prat.
Shepard Prat is the ****ing coolest place ever, if ur on 2F because its an overflow unit. So there was only like 12 of us but none the same, and as soon as I got there people, it was snack time @ 9 o clock and everyone is bombarding me with food. One guy stands out to me named Daniel. Hes like a 6'5/6 dark black guy that looks like he was 260 lbs.
Well i get to talking and im like, i wanna be a rapper and hes like oh yea me too. So we get to talkin and hes like i think ur the reason i was sent here and instantly im drawn to him because hes like a G but a genius too and im trying to soak up his game. It just feels like ive known him my whole life, and i can be annoying as shit and he just told me to go away jokingly and said i remind him of his little brother. and today when i got out i called him and went and saw him cuz hes in a halfway house on the campus still and i rann and like jumped in his arms like with a huge hug. and then theres a girl named Kim, her nephew graduated from some music college and can get into the studio for 20$/hour vs 600$/hour. and a couple other cool people, but they all end up leaving about 5 days before me so i got pretty sad.
Well then a few days later a girl named Bekcy, goes to Towson U and she said she went to GBMC said she had chest pains, waited 23 hours and the doctor put down she was hullicination and suciidal and sent her over, cuz she had been there before. Well shes a Music Major @ towson and has a mini studio in her apartment and offered to make some music with me over the weekend. Plus she was like the female version of me, all we did was sit there and crack eachother up.
But the ****ers that run shepard prat dont want u to have no fun so u wont wanna come back. Wtf who would wanna come back, but a lot of addicts do. But a lot of the workers give u attitudes if u ask for stuff even though its there ****ing job and its not like there making the big bucks, if u dont wanna be here then **** off.
But a few people stuck out, this Black guy named Lenny. hes like the teacher of the classes, he helped me out so much. I said black guy because he always had one of those muslim hats on and i asked if he was but said no. Then yesterday i found out he was Jewish, and i thought that was cool.
ANd they teach u coping skills and stuff and the meds im on now are really helping. I was diagnosed at like 11 with SOcial Anxiety and Seperation anxity. I dont think i ever had SOcial Anxiety disorder, i just saw my brother not going to school and i was like i dont want to either so id like hop out of the car if my parents were taking me. and I made up having panic attacks.
Well at 12 i was unenrolled and was home schooled. WHich was great in a way cuz im not a ****ing dousch like the kids that go to Chesapeke HS. But I unturn developed social axniety from being so isolated, having no friends, not having a real girl friend until i was 18. Then watching my brother attempt suicide when i was only like 10 and he was 16 really ****ing scarred me bad, i used to cry so much then. So i was really depressed from like the age of 10 to now .
Now the ****ing retarded Psyhiatrict workers at SP told me Marijunia is what caused my breakdown. I even had to go to an NA meeting and im glad i did cuz theres no ****ing way ill ever use anything else now and i hadnt yet becuz my borhter said not to and that stuck in me.
Alright well today is the first day out, been out since like 4 and i feel like reborn.
I never felt right at college and thought i was destined for better things and now i believe God truly does have a plan for me, i believe all of this was god's plan, how else can u explain the shit with the Medics Baby, all the musical people in there, and this one addict named brandon is really like my black twin i think. But hes like a deusch because he was his coller popped and shit but he told me his fav. car is an Rx-7 and so is minel, he really likes me but i dont care for him to much.
So anyway I was diagnosed with Bi-polar and my whole life have been taking meds for social anxity. so im gonna leave u guys with this advice, if ur depressed and on meds and then arent working, tell ur DOCTOR asap. Im fairly certain i also have PSTD too because of the fights and such that went on in my house.
ive been saved by god from what could be tragic deaths many many times but like my Dad said, u only get so many chances
Basically On Friday March 30 I got this urge to write and I literally couldnt put the pen down. EVerything was coming out in rhymes and at first I thought it was great, i can be a rapper sweet but then I couldnt turn it off.
So i made a post here, u guys thought I was joking but i wasnt, it really was a cry for help. I really thought I was possessed by Tupac.
So saturday I think is when I made the post here. Then on Sunday night I thought 2pac was talking to me in my room cuz I was starring at his poster. The wind kept blowing and blowing and I thought it was telling me to go outside.
So I went outside into my car and smoked a little KB, a daily ritual for me, well the weed didnt do shit. I was so ****ing Manic that I didnt feel it at all I was already so high just off of the mania. So im in my car and all the sudden I hear a voice in my head, it was my voice but I couldnt figure out if I was saying the shit or what.
Basically the voice told me it was God and Tupac. I asked God a bunch of shit like where the universe came. Since i was still in rhymes I said how did it get started and My mind said Oops I farted.
And that cracked me up so bad. Then i said give me a sign change the time and he said ok hit that button so I did and it changed the time for me which made me laugh histicarlly too.
Then God told me that Rappers (and entertainers) are angels that have fell from heaven and its up to them to chose there side and most are with the devil but Shady/Aftermath is God's Angels.
So after that I was really thinking I was going nuts, I went to take a bath and Tupac kept talking to me. Some how I changed my mind to thinking he was the devil and was inside of my tooth. I even attempted to carve my tooth out of my gum with a knife (which luckly i stopped before any harm was really done) So I ripped all my tupac posters down in a fit of rage.
THen I had another Ephinay (sp) that God and the Devil are one in the same (Alpha/Omege) and that Jesus Christ was killed because he couldnt see that and he chose the wrong person, either his bf (dunno who) or his girl mary mangdolin. That goes with the above statement, i couldnt figure out if tupac was the one i needed to keep or destory or if i needed to keep my gf (my mary).
Oh and I forgot when I had the talk with god in my car he told me i figured out the riddle to life and the first one to do that becomes Jesus, so I thought I was Jesus. I even tried to move shit with my mind but couldnt obviously but then the wind started blowing and i thought that was me and i wanted to knock over the tree but couldnt.
Keep in mind this is all the weekend before Good Friday and Easter which makes it all the more weirder IMO.
So now comes Monday morning, I awake tell my Mother that im Jesus Christ and proceed to go to School like she asked. I tried to smoke some weed in my car but it wouldnt get me high (god told me that thats because i was jesus and would be high forever). So im at my college, Anne Arundel Community College. Im walking around smoking a cigar i had bought the previous day (i dont smoke). There is a Statue of martin Luther King so i went up there and the quotes they had by him just further fueled my Mania. One said something like look for the leader in the worst of places and he will change the world or something like that whihc I of course refrenced to tupac and Jesus who were now one in the same in my mind and Me.
So i walk into one of the rooms cuz this kid that i thought was my teachers son but wasnt positive and start talking to him , told him to take my hand and walk with me to which he obviously declined thinking im a nut lol .
So after that i was like **** it, they think im nuts, im leaving. I drove back the way to my house without realizing until i got to my turn and then remembered i dont wanna disappoint my mom so ill go to the public libarary parking lot. I called my girlfriend and kept talking in rhymes to which she yelled at me to go the **** away cuz id been doing it the entire weekend and she thought i was just trying to annoy her.
Then I go to my house and my moms not home so i try to get into my house but the door was locked and i thought i didnt have the key because I took it off the charm even though that was a different key. so I decided to go to my cousins cuz I knew he was home ( christ powers duh). Well he wasnt home
But i saw i had a missed call from my girl. THen I had a preminution that she was going to be killed in a car accident. Well when i got on the phone with her she told me her and her mom had to take her granmother home. I immeditially broke down and told her what i saw to which she didnt understand. I tried to tell her mom and then her granmother and nothing. I just wanted them to stay put but they said they couldnt and then her mom said they were gonna come to me, obviously cuz i was delirious.
Well somewhere she hung up the phone on me and i tried to teleport myself there but then i was like **** it jesus didnt have no powers it was all exagerations, so i turned on my car and tried to get there asap. I live in Anne Arundel Co MD and her Harford Co, so I had to go through the toll.
Well she called me back but then hung up again and i got another ephiany, God wants me to Sacarifce my life for hers. So i was coming up to the toll on 895 and I procededd to drive right into the concrete barrier infront of one of the booths, didnt slow at all, nothing.
So i remeember the crash very clearly, i hit and the way i hit caused my drivers side to jump in the air and caused me to crash over to the pasenger side. I remember all the smoke and everything, seeing the drivers airbag come out and i hit the passenger side Airbag. If i hadnt been in a BMW im pretty sure i wouldnt have died. Im not sure if i had my seat belt on but the cops said I didnt but my dad said the buckle was on the repair list for the insurance so I must have. I even broke the shifter off with my ass.
So now as soon as i crashed I had another ephiany that god was just testing me to see if id do it and I passed and now I was Jesus. SO as soon as I crashed I realized oh shit I got pot and a pipe sitting here. I put my head down and hold out my hands to be cuffed.
The MVA guy told me to lower my hands but then the cops did show. the Cops name was Rook which suited him well because he first asked me for my wallet then when I reached in he said "Wait wait! any weapons?!" and I said oh yea i have a knife but my hands on my wallet. He said ok take out ur wallet slowly, to which I did (if i was black id have already been shot). then he cuffs me, my ankle is hurt rather bad because i injured it playin bbal and now this just is making it worse.
I then realize i had another knife and tazer in my car so i told the cops. they sit me on the hood of there car, and his ***got partner comes up to me and is like " U kno u lied about all the stuff, told us u just had a pipe no weed" wtf didnt say anything like that " so what else u got" im like i didnt lie to u i told u i had all that stuff. So now there are trying to manipulate me, telling me my ankles not bad and i can just go to jail. Im like **** u i no my rights im going to the hospital. Oh forgot to mention Rookie boy studdering on the rights as hes reading them to me.
So then the cop says he going to undo my cuffs so I ****ing pulled as hard as i could. Now the cuffs are super ****ing tight and im triing to break them apart cuz im Jesus Christ Dammit. The whole time i was rapping to the cops and the medicis too. One of the black dudes that was a medic comes to help me and i whsiper in his ear "im tupac" "im back to change the world" to which he repliys oh yea cool change it for the good'.
Now since i knew my ****ing rights and wasnt letting some shitty Balitmore Transportaion police take me to jail injured as shit and halucinatin, they shove me in the ambulance.
Now the guy (looked like the bald guy from Milennium whos now on lost, but with a mustach like on millenium). is talking to me , trying to figure out if im going nuts or not. He keeps asking me questions and I thought he was God testing me. He asked me if im married. im like yes, then hes like wait u said u had a GF. Oh by the way they were trying to say i was on my way to kill her too. and Im like Im married to Mary. Basically I was ****ing with these guys heads and havibng a good time doing it too. I told the guy I saw his son, and I swirved to miss him . Hes like what? what son. and Im like you lost your son, he was killed, somebody took him. He then asks me how old he is, to which I reply 21. Then hes like nope wrong, and im like maybe but im about to be 21 my friend. and your son is inside of me. (really ****ing scary cuz if he didnt have a son that he lost why would he say how long).
So now after messing with this dudes brain i get to Harbor hospital in Batlimore city. As soon as I enter i start cring hysticarlly because I could feel everyones pain. im Screaming yelling screamming yelling, the cuffs are hurting my wrists so bad and the pig wont do shit. Finally i get into a bed and they start giving me shots. They dont calm me at all, 3 or 4 shots, just made my body numb my mouth is still spewing rhymes and religious things. I told them they wouldnmt be able to give them to cuz im Jesus Christ and they wont penetrate my skin. I made up a rap about the lady giving me the shots being asian. she laughed pretty hard. Then im laying there and im rapping about the cops coming and beating me like im black. Then im like **** these stupid cuffs and lower my arms from my back and jump over them so now there on my front lol.
Piggy Rook (he was ok i guess) comes in laughing and is like u want me to put those around ur back again. But he doesnt. Then after another which semed like enternity the cop lightens the cuffs, felt so good. Then i say u told me u were undoing them outside, hes like yea but i double locked them. ****ing deusche bag.
THen I hear the stupid cop telling his buddy and I quote " yea man , i dont care if u are a genius, not wearing ur seatbelt (which now im pretty sure i didnt have on) in md is just stupid" then he says something else and i just start yelling LIER LIER and his buddy starts cracking up. Basically i never was put down, the milennium guy and his partner ( who i told i was gonna give 10k to when im rich) calmed me down. THe nurse told me to take a deep breath and i just exhaled as hard as i could, making like a demon noise and he was like no adam no and got me to breath right, like he was demonstarting.
So now comes Sunday. my episode is over and im in the hospital for like 15 hours until i finally get transfered to Shepard Prat.
Shepard Prat is the ****ing coolest place ever, if ur on 2F because its an overflow unit. So there was only like 12 of us but none the same, and as soon as I got there people, it was snack time @ 9 o clock and everyone is bombarding me with food. One guy stands out to me named Daniel. Hes like a 6'5/6 dark black guy that looks like he was 260 lbs.
Well i get to talking and im like, i wanna be a rapper and hes like oh yea me too. So we get to talkin and hes like i think ur the reason i was sent here and instantly im drawn to him because hes like a G but a genius too and im trying to soak up his game. It just feels like ive known him my whole life, and i can be annoying as shit and he just told me to go away jokingly and said i remind him of his little brother. and today when i got out i called him and went and saw him cuz hes in a halfway house on the campus still and i rann and like jumped in his arms like with a huge hug. and then theres a girl named Kim, her nephew graduated from some music college and can get into the studio for 20$/hour vs 600$/hour. and a couple other cool people, but they all end up leaving about 5 days before me so i got pretty sad.
Well then a few days later a girl named Bekcy, goes to Towson U and she said she went to GBMC said she had chest pains, waited 23 hours and the doctor put down she was hullicination and suciidal and sent her over, cuz she had been there before. Well shes a Music Major @ towson and has a mini studio in her apartment and offered to make some music with me over the weekend. Plus she was like the female version of me, all we did was sit there and crack eachother up.
But the ****ers that run shepard prat dont want u to have no fun so u wont wanna come back. Wtf who would wanna come back, but a lot of addicts do. But a lot of the workers give u attitudes if u ask for stuff even though its there ****ing job and its not like there making the big bucks, if u dont wanna be here then **** off.
But a few people stuck out, this Black guy named Lenny. hes like the teacher of the classes, he helped me out so much. I said black guy because he always had one of those muslim hats on and i asked if he was but said no. Then yesterday i found out he was Jewish, and i thought that was cool.
ANd they teach u coping skills and stuff and the meds im on now are really helping. I was diagnosed at like 11 with SOcial Anxiety and Seperation anxity. I dont think i ever had SOcial Anxiety disorder, i just saw my brother not going to school and i was like i dont want to either so id like hop out of the car if my parents were taking me. and I made up having panic attacks.
Well at 12 i was unenrolled and was home schooled. WHich was great in a way cuz im not a ****ing dousch like the kids that go to Chesapeke HS. But I unturn developed social axniety from being so isolated, having no friends, not having a real girl friend until i was 18. Then watching my brother attempt suicide when i was only like 10 and he was 16 really ****ing scarred me bad, i used to cry so much then. So i was really depressed from like the age of 10 to now .
Now the ****ing retarded Psyhiatrict workers at SP told me Marijunia is what caused my breakdown. I even had to go to an NA meeting and im glad i did cuz theres no ****ing way ill ever use anything else now and i hadnt yet becuz my borhter said not to and that stuck in me.
Alright well today is the first day out, been out since like 4 and i feel like reborn.
I never felt right at college and thought i was destined for better things and now i believe God truly does have a plan for me, i believe all of this was god's plan, how else can u explain the shit with the Medics Baby, all the musical people in there, and this one addict named brandon is really like my black twin i think. But hes like a deusch because he was his coller popped and shit but he told me his fav. car is an Rx-7 and so is minel, he really likes me but i dont care for him to much.
So anyway I was diagnosed with Bi-polar and my whole life have been taking meds for social anxity. so im gonna leave u guys with this advice, if ur depressed and on meds and then arent working, tell ur DOCTOR asap. Im fairly certain i also have PSTD too because of the fights and such that went on in my house.
ive been saved by god from what could be tragic deaths many many times but like my Dad said, u only get so many chances
