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The super duper Simpsons quote thread

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Murasame said:
Burns: (bringing down a Greenpeace boat) It was I you fools! The man you trusted isn't Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time I’ve been smoking harmless tobacco!
Click to expand...


I love the sound when he throws his guitar in that scene. :lol
 
Smithers: [to Homer] Mrs. Burns is 122 years old, so try to sound more dessicated. And she doesn't call her son "Mr. Burns"!
Homer: [cracking falsetto] Son, this is Mrs. Burns. I just called to say I don't love you. You are a bad son Montel...


:lol :lol montel... this always killed me but no one i ever asked about it remembered it except one of my old managers. hilarious
 
Homer: Heeeeeeere's JOHNNY! *No one's there* D'OH!
Homer: Daaaaaaaavid Letterman!
Abe: Hi, David. I'm Grandpa!
Homer: D'OH! *Later, hacking another door down* I'm Ed Wallace, I'm Marty Shaffer, all this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes!!!

When you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?

Maggie: This is indeed a disturbing universe.

Moe: So, what'll it be, Homer?
Homer: Moe, gimme a beer!
Moe : No. Not unless you kill your family.
Homer: Why should I kill my family?
Moe: Uh, they'd be much happier as ghosts.
Homer: You don't look so happy.
Moe: Oh, I'm happy! I'm very happy! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! See? Now waste your family, I'll give you a beer!

Moe: [slowly] It's not so bad, Homer. They...go in through your nose and...they let you keep the piece of brain they cut out. Look! [holds up a jar with a piece of brain in it] Ooh! Hello! Hello there! Who's that big man there? Who's that?
 
Lemon of Troy has some great qoutes

Bart: (to group) If you get lost remember, you can always find east by staring directly at the sun

Homer: Give it back, or we'll bust in there and take it!
Shelby's Dad: Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look!
Homer: Stupider like a FOX!

Bart: Oh, it's no use. I'm never gonna find that tree. This whole raid was as useless as that yellow lemon-shaped rock over there. Wait a minute ... there's a lemon behind that rock!

Bart: Hey, stop talking bad about my town, man!
Shelby: Why don't you make me!
Bart: I don't make trash, I burn it!
Shelby: Well then I guess you're a garbage man!
Bart: I know you are but what am I?
Shelby: A garbage man!
Bart: Oh I know you are but what am I?
Shelby: A garbage man!
Bart: I know you are but what am I?
Shelby: A garbage man!
Bart: Takes one to know one!

Marge: This town is a part of us all ... a part of us all ... a part of us all! Sorry to repeat myself, but It'll help you remember
 
"Jeeze...you're pretty uppity for someone who eats bugs all day"

Used to say it to my cat all the time. :lol

"...and some people are just jerks. Stop that Mr Simpson."

"Maybe you're dads right. I guess I am a bum."
"He didn't call you a bum, he called you a sponge."
"A SPONGE?!"
*cracks wall with fist*
 
smarties00 said:
Lemon of Troy has some great qoutes

Bart: (to group) If you get lost remember, you can always find east by staring directly at the sun

Homer: Give it back, or we'll bust in there and take it!
Shelby's Dad: Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look!
Homer: Stupider like a FOX!

Bart: Oh, it's no use. I'm never gonna find that tree. This whole raid was as useless as that yellow lemon-shaped rock over there. Wait a minute ... there's a lemon behind that rock!

Bart: Hey, stop talking bad about my town, man!
Shelby: Why don't you make me!
Bart: I don't make trash, I burn it!
Shelby: Well then I guess you're a garbage man!
Bart: I know you are but what am I?
Shelby: A garbage man!
Bart: Oh I know you are but what am I?
Shelby: A garbage man!
Bart: I know you are but what am I?
Shelby: A garbage man!
Bart: Takes one to know one!

Marge: This town is a part of us all ... a part of us all ... a part of us all! Sorry to repeat myself, but It'll help you remember
Click to expand...
Jebediah Springfield: People, our search is over! On this site we shall build a new town where we can worship freely, govern justly, and grow vast fields of hemp for making rope and blankets.
Shelbyville Manhattan: Yes! And marry our cousins.
Jebediah Springfield: I was- wha... what are you talking about, Shelbyville? Why would we want to marry our cousins?
Shelbyville Manhattan: Because they're so attractive. I... I thought that was the whole point of this journey.
 
I'm having an argument with some guy on IGN whether the quality of the Simpsons has decline. He said that there were a bunch of average episodes from 3-8 and his list of them was:

Season 3-8 episodes I find to be mediocre/just okay.

Season 3:

Radio Bart, Separate Vocations

Season 4:

Lisa the Beauty Queen, Marge Gets a Job, So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show, Marge in Chains

Season 5:

Bart's Inner Child, Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy, Bart Gets an Elephant, Lady Bouvier's Lover

Season 6:

Another Simpsons Clip Show, Lisa on Ice, Fear of Flying, Round Springfield

Season 7:

Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily, Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming, Two Bad Neighbors, Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield, Bart the Fink

Season 8:

The Homer They Fall, The Springfield Files, The Twisted World of Marge Simpson, My Sister My Sitter, The Canine Mutiny, The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

I lol'd ;(
 
AniHawk said:
Jebediah Springfield: People, our search is over! On this site we shall build a new town where we can worship freely, govern justly, and grow vast fields of hemp for making rope and blankets.
Shelbyville Manhattan: Yes! And marry our cousins.
Jebediah Springfield: I was- wha... what are you talking about, Shelbyville? Why would we want to marry our cousins?
Shelbyville Manhattan: Because they're so attractive. I... I thought that was the whole point of this journey.
Click to expand...

:lol :lol That entire episode was great good plot and great laughs.
 
legend166 said:
I'm having an argument with some guy on IGN whether the quality of the Simpsons has decline. He said that there were a bunch of average episodes from 3-8 and his list of them was:

Season 3-8 episodes I find to be mediocre/just okay.

Season 3:

Radio Bart, Separate Vocations

Season 4:

Lisa the Beauty Queen, Marge Gets a Job, So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show, Marge in Chains

Season 5:

Bart's Inner Child, Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy, Bart Gets an Elephant, Lady Bouvier's Lover

Season 6:

Another Simpsons Clip Show, Lisa on Ice, Fear of Flying, Round Springfield

Season 7:

Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily, Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming, Two Bad Neighbors, Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield, Bart the Fink

Season 8:

The Homer They Fall, The Springfield Files, The Twisted World of Marge Simpson, My Sister My Sitter, The Canine Mutiny, The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

I lol'd ;(
Click to expand...

The ****. So it's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show is a quotable episode even though it's a clip show. It's actually the best clip show ever put on television. That's not so much my opinion as it is a fact.

I can't imagine anyone finding The Springfield Files or Lisa on Ice only mediocre either.
 
smarties00 said:
:lol :lol That entire episode was great good plot and great laughs.
Click to expand...

Ned Flanders: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are lost in your town. You wouldn't have happenned to see them, by any chance?
Shelbyville Guy #1: Sounds like Sprignfield's got a discipline problem.
Shelbyville Guy #2: Maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half the time.
 
AniHawk said:
Ned Flanders: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are lost in your town. You wouldn't have happenned to see them, by any chance?
Shelbyville Guy #1: Sounds like Sprignfield's got a discipline problem.
Shelbyville Guy #2: Maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half the time.
Click to expand...

hehe i saw this episode the other day, what a classic.

One of my favorite episodes was Deep Space Homer.

* Marge and Homer are talking via a touch tone phone
<Marge> Before I met you, you didn't even know how to use a touch tone phone.
* sound of buttons being pressed
<Marge> Homer you already dialed

--

"PROTECT THE QUEEN!"
"Which one is the queen?"
"I am!"

--
<Homer> Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!
* Turns it on, a man points at him
<Man> You stupid -- [laughs uncontrollably]
<Homer> D'oh!

--

<Bart> Wow, my father an astronaut. I feel so full of...what's the opposite of shame?
<Marge> Pride?
<Bart> No, not that far from shame.
<Homer> Less shame?
<Bart> Yeah!

--

<Scientist> Gentlemen, you've both worked very hard. And in a way, you're both winners. But in another more accurate way, Barney is the winner.

--

<Scientist> Well, Homer, I guess you're the winner by default.
<Homer> Default? Woo hoo! The two sweetest words in the English language; de-fault! De-fault! De-fault!

--

*After a violent Itchy and Scratchy
<Announcer> The preceding program contained scenes of extreme violence and should not have been viewed by young children.

--

And let's not forget the classic
319716624_9bc3c24edd.jpg
 
Horst: Alright, Mr. Burns…you win. But beware…we Germans aren’t all smiles und sunshine.
Burns: Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I’m so scared! Oooh, the Germans! Uh oh, the Germans are coming to get me…
Germans: Stop it! Stop sir…
Burns: Don’t let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me…
Germans: Please stop the “pretending you are scared” game, please.
Burns: Ooooh, Smithers, the Germans!
 
Sullichin said:
WHAT EPISODE IS THIS. I remember it from long ago, and it remains one of my most-quoted..uh.. quotes, but i can't find what episode it's from!
Click to expand...
It's from the episode where Lisa gets a pony, I believe.

Funny part later in the episode: when she wakes up in bed, with a horse head next to her, right out of the Godfather.
 
bggrthnjsus said:
and another awesome brain exchange
homer's brain (while listening to flanders blather on about cider): well, you can stay but i'm leaving
homer: *collapses*
Click to expand...

:lol i love that scene

also:
"I am evil ho-mer! I am evil ho-mer"
 
talking head said:
meat and you: partners in freedom
Click to expand...

Jesus that's hilarious. Greater quantities of Phil Hartman typically ensure a great Simpsons episode.

Lionel Hutz: That was a right-pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as "an agreement under the law which is unbreakable." Which is UN-BREAKABLE! Excuse me, I must use the restroom.
 
"Homer, will you be joining our picnic tomorrow?"
"Will there be beer there?"
"Would you rather have beer, or eternal happiness?"
*pauses* "what kind of beer?"

That's the gist of it anyway!
 
Goes something like this

* Lisa reads Homer's card
<Lisa> "You're invited to our BBBQ. The extra B is for BBYOB." What's that extra B for?
<Homer> That's a typo
 
zesty said:
Jesus that's hilarious. Greater quantities of Phil Hartman typically ensure a great Simpsons episode.

Lionel Hutz: That was a right-pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as "an agreement under the law which is unbreakable." Which is UN-BREAKABLE! Excuse me, I must use the restroom.
Click to expand...

Lionel Hutz: Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
David Crosby: Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
 
Lisa the Vegetarian had so many awesome lines. I especially the exchange at the dinner table somewhere in here. "THAT'S IT! GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: (To Homer) You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not, not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case!
Bart: Uhhh, Dad. Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart! Go to your room.
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad!
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you, you barbeque wrecking, know-nothing know-it-all!
Lisa: That's IT! I can't live in a house with this prehistoric carnivore. I'm out of here!
Homer: That's it! Go to your room!
 
3f04.jpg


From 'The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show' where the network executives are monitoring the kids watching Itchy and Scratchy.

[a musclebound man in bikini trunks flexes in front of the camera]
[Nelson slyly turns Milhouse's knob to the right]
Milhouse: Hey, quit it!
Myers: [supervising the results behind the mirror] They like Itchy,
they like Scratchy, one kid seems to love the Speedo man...
what more do they want?
 
explodet said:
9f04.jpg
Click to expand...

Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No!
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: But the car's okay?
Lisa / Bart: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.

Bart: Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?

Homer: Do you sell toys?
Shopkeeper: We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to trade... We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call "frogurt".
Homer: Yeah, well I need something for my son's birthday.
Shopkeeper: Ah... Perhaps this will please the gentleman...
(The shopkeeper reaches the shelf and takes the Krusty doll.)
Shopkeeper: Take this object... But beware, it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad...
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad...
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
(Homer stares at the shopkeeper.)
Shopkeeper: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now

Homer: I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some "crybabies" out there, religious types mostly, who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on I dare you. Chicken!
Marge: Homer, did you just call everyone chicken?
Homer: No. I swear on this Bible!
Marge: That's not a Bible; that's a book of carpet samples!
Homer: Ooooh... Fuzzy.

Mr. Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.

:lol :lol :lol I just watched it on channel 4 so manny good lines..
 
I've gotta couple Ralph ones I can't believe haven't been posted:

Ralph: Ms Hoover, my worm jumped in my mouth and then I ate my worm, can I have another?

Ms Hoover: No Ralph, put your head down on your desk and go to sleep.

Ralph: Sleep? Thats where I'm a viking!


(during the ep. with the fire prevention stuff at the beginning)

"We call them whoopsies in my house!"


(from the episode with the real Seymour Skinner)

"I love you Principal Skinner! I wanna be a principal when I grow up... or a catipillar!"
 
"We interupt this show to bring you loud static"

I also liked this exchange in the vegetarian episode:

Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
 
AniHawk said:
Lisa the Vegetarian had so many awesome lines. I especially the exchange at the dinner table somewhere in here. "THAT'S IT! GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: (To Homer) You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not, not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case!
Bart: Uhhh, Dad. Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart! Go to your room.
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad!
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you, you barbeque wrecking, know-nothing know-it-all!
Lisa: That's IT! I can't live in a house with this prehistoric carnivore. I'm out of here!
Homer: That's it! Go to your room!
Click to expand...

This exchange belongs in a museum. It's just unbelievable.
 
And to round it all out:

Kent Brockman: At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions.

*Bart and Lisa stare at the TV*

Kent: IT'S IN REVELATIONS, PEOPLE!

1f03.jpg
 
I love how each new quote reminds me of another one. To wit:

"Uh, Dave Shutton, Springfield Daily Shopper. Who are you? Where are you going?"
"Oh, do your research, Shutton!"
 
We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One is to tell stories that don't go anywhere! Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what we called Shelbyville in those days. So, I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say! Now, the important thing to remember is that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions, 'cause of the war. The only ones you could get were those big yellow ones...
 
Flanders: Homer, we just ran over something.
Homer: Heheh, I hope it was Flanders!

"Real" Skinner: Tamsarian, don't you have any dreams?
Skinner: All my dreams involve combing my hair!

Milhouse: My mom never uses fabric softener, but SHEEEEE'S not HEEEEEEERE!

Brazilian kidnapper: *looking into briefcase full of ransom money* Ah, look at all those beautiful pinks and purples. Our money is so gay.

Willie: ...ya croquet-playin' mitt-muncher! (this is the greatest insult of all time)

Homer: *consoling Bart* There, there, boy. Shut up.

Chalmers: Seymour, I- MY GOD! WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR KITCHEN?!
Skinner: Uh... Aurora Borealis.
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis?! The Northern Lights, HERE, centralized entirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: ...Can I see?
Skinner: Um... No.
 
BobFromPikeCreek said:
Love that episode. In addition:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=YgPqhAqgBvk

"Ken, Johnny, Joe, Dr. Colossus, Steve Austin."

"I'm sure we can think of something together, come on!"
"Not... now. I'm too drunk."
"No you're not!"
*slow sip*
"Uh... I'll come back tomorrow."
Click to expand...

Heh i like the second part, I also love the other drunk Homer quote

<Marge> Homer have you been drinking?
<Homer> No! well 10 beers.

I also love
<Marge> Homer that's not god, it's a pancake.

And the one quote i forgot but used to use all the time irl
* Mary Boppins is flying away in her umbrella
<Barney> GoodBye Superman!
 
Homer making a prank call to moes

Homer: Hello, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Snotball, first name Ura.
Moe: Ura Snotball?
Homer: What?! How dare you?! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!


Homer is looking for a new bar and ends up in the lesbian bar

Homer: Wait a minute... there's something bothering me about this place... I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! Enjoy your death trap, ladies!


EDIT

Homer: Kids, from now on there are three ways of doing things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yes, but faster!


EDIT 2 (hahaha)
Lisa: What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?
Marge: Well, honey...
Homer: Let me handle this, Marge. I've heard 'em all. "I like you as a friend", "I think we should see other people", "I no speak English"...
Lisa: I get the idea.
Homer: "I'm married to the sea", "I don't want to kill you, but I will"...
Marge: Honey! Lisa, I'd tell this boy you're flattered, but you're just not ready for this sort of thing.
Lisa: Thanks, Mom.
Homer: And if that doesn't work- six simple words: "I'm not gay but I'll learn."
 
Don't forget about Bort!

Bart: Look at all this great stuff, Lis!
Bart: Cool...personalized plates! "Barclay"..."Barry"..."Bert"... "Bort"? Aw, come on. "Bort"?
Child: Mommy, mommy! Buy me a license plate.
Mother: No. Come along, Bort.
Man: Are you talking to me?
Mother: No, my son is also named Bort.

and then, later on in the episode

Man on intercom: We need more "Bort" license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of "Bort" license plates.
 
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