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The super duper Simpsons quote thread

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legend166 said:
I'm having an argument with some guy on IGN whether the quality of the Simpsons has decline. He said that there were a bunch of average episodes from 3-8 and his list of them was:

Season 3-8 episodes I find to be mediocre/just okay.

Season 3:

Radio Bart, Separate Vocations

Season 4:

Lisa the Beauty Queen, Marge Gets a Job, So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show, Marge in Chains

Season 5:

Bart's Inner Child, Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy, Bart Gets an Elephant, Lady Bouvier's Lover

Season 6:

Another Simpsons Clip Show, Lisa on Ice, Fear of Flying, Round Springfield

Season 7:

Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily, Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming, Two Bad Neighbors, Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield, Bart the Fink

Season 8:

The Homer They Fall, The Springfield Files, The Twisted World of Marge Simpson, My Sister My Sitter, The Canine Mutiny, The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

I lol'd ;(
Click to expand...


Yeah. Good luck trying to prove there are more than five mediocre episodes in the classic age. Even my least favorite episodes from that era have memorable moments.

And the ones he picked here? :lol Half of them are classic. Lisa vs Malibu Stacy is one of the most underrated eps ever. Just watched it a few days ago and the moment where G.I Joe busts into Stacy's house gets me in stitches. every. ****ing. time.

Stacy exhales smoke and smashes her drink into the fire. "All right,
we'll make your doll." But there's a knock at the door.

Joe: Stacy, please, I must have you back. Just come for a ride with me in my Mobile Command Unit[tm].
Stacy: Joe, I told you, it's over. Release me from your Kung-Fu Grip[tm].
Joe: Fine. I'll bomb your house into the ground, missy.

The delivery on that list line is just perfect.

more from that episode

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpncCVupIlE (slideshow mel :lol )
 
koam said:
Man on intercom: We need more "Bort" license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of "Bort" license plates.
Click to expand...

"We have another jumper on the roof of TGI McScratchy's!"

Frink has a small line that never fails to make me laugh: "Oh. I forgot to, uh, carry the one."
 
We're probably gonna be lucky if there's one line in the whole movie that has the right to be mentioned in a thread like this
 
You know what's an amzing episode to rewatch? Dead Putting Society from s2. Homer is really amazing in that episode: constantly angry, constantly on. The audio commentary on that ep is one of my favorites, it actually makes the ep more funny than it is.

Homer: What are you doing! That putter is to you what a bat is to a baseball player! What a violin is... to the... the guy that... the violin guy! Now c'mon! Give your putter a name.
Bart: What?
Homer: C'mon, give it a name.
Bart: Mister Putter.
Homer: D'oh... You wanna try a little harder son? C'mon give it a girl's name.
Bart: Mom.
Homer: Your putter's name is Charlene!
Bart: Why?
Homer: It just is, that's why! Now this, is a picture of your enemy, Todd Flanders. Every day, I want you to spend fifteen minutes staring at it. And concentrating on how much you hate him, and how glorious it will be when you and Charlene annihilate him!
Bart: Who's Charlene?
Homer: [raises the putter, about to wallop Bart with it] I'll show you who Charlene is! Now start hating!

So angry, so bitter, the full 20 minutes :lol

(mister putter :lol )
 
Scully: “Homer this is a simple lie-detector test, simply answer yes or no to the qeustions I ask you. Do you understand?”
Homer: “Yes”
(Lie-detector explodes)

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1270/lie_detector/

Agent: Did you shoot Mr. Burns?
Moe: No.
(lie detector beep)
Agent: Ok you're clear. You're free to go.
Moe: Good 'cause I got a hot date tonight.
(lie detector err)
Moe: A date.
(lie detector err)
Moe: Dinner alone.
(lie detector err)
Moe: Dinner with Fred.
(lie detector err)
Moe: Alright I'm going to sit at home and oggle the ladiees in
th Victoria's Secret catalog.
(lie detector err)
Moe: Sear's catalog.
(lie detector beep)
Moe: Now will you unhook me from this thing already. I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
(lie detector err)

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/42476/detail/
 
MrOctober said:
Grandpa Abe Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!
Click to expand...
:lol Who the hell comes up with these kind of lines.



To think I've watched every episode mentioned here dozens of times, and it still makes me laugh.
 
Bart: Take em away, boys.
Wiggum: Hey! I give the orders around here. Bake em away, toys.
Cop: What'd you say chief?
Wiggum: Do what the kid said.

*after arresting Homer*
Homer: D'oh!
Wiggum: That's what they all say. They all say d'oh.

OH and one of my favorites of ALL time:

Moe: Seems like no one wants to eat in a dirty old dank anymore.
Carl: Oh Moe, you're not thinking about getting rid of the dank are ya?? The dank, Moe, the dank!
 
worldrunover said:
Moe: Seems like no one wants to eat in a dirty old dank anymore.
Carl: Oh Moe, you're not thinking about getting rid of the dank are ya?? The dank, Moe, the dank!
Click to expand...

Which somehow brought me to think of my favorite throwaway line of The Modern Era:

"Not Lenny! NOT LENNY!!"
 
Homer: I'm feelin' kinda low, Apu. Got any of that beer that has candy floatin' in it? You, know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a product does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple bags of Skittles.
 
I've always loved this exchange. Homer's delivery is just perfect. :lol

Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No...he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVyQtj0h96U
 
Jason said:
I've always loved this exchange. Homer's delivery is just perfect. :lol

Marge: Have you noticed something different about Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No. He just seems disturbed lately.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I want to see what's bothering Bart, but I'm afraid I'd be smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge. Admit it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVyQtj0h96U
Click to expand...

That bit is soo great. The delivery is perfect.

The dig at Fox News:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ephCC91SpLI

I'm sure you do, comrad
 
"Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."

-- Lisa Simpson
 
koam said:
Don't forget about Bort!

Bart: Look at all this great stuff, Lis!
Bart: Cool...personalized plates! "Barclay"..."Barry"..."Bert"... "Bort"? Aw, come on. "Bort"?
Child: Mommy, mommy! Buy me a license plate.
Mother: No. Come along, Bort.
Man: Are you talking to me?
Mother: No, my son is also named Bort.

and then, later on in the episode

Man on intercom: We need more "Bort" license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of "Bort" license plates.
Click to expand...
Marge: I wish there was some hole I could just crawl into and die!
Guard: THROW HER IN THE HOLE!



Bart: I guess I'll just have to get into the crawl space again!
Marge: I hate it when he gets in there... *beats the wall with a broom*
 
Lisa: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Bart: Not if you called 'em stenchblossoms.
Homer: Or crapweeds.
Marge: I'd sure hate to get a dozen crapweeds for Valentine's Day. I'd rather have candy.
Homer: Not if they were called scumdrops.
 
Homer: And this perpetual motion machine is a joke! It just keeps going faster and faster.
Lisa get in here! IN THIS HOUSE, WE OBEY THE LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS!

PTA meeting

Give it to them!

Raise taxes?! Taxes are bad!

OH yeah children are important

OH THE TAXES

she makes a good point

oh yeah, the taxes! The finger thing means the taxes!

"THE PTA HAS DISBANDED!"
<flandrs> No, no the pta has not disbanded
*flies back in the window*
 
Rorschach said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7d7BR_Gh0s

^That entire clip


Bob: Farewell, Snake, may the next time we meet be under more felicitous circumstances
Snake: Guh?
Bob: Take care
Snake: Buh.

The Bart, The.

Peepee soaked heck-hole.


Chief Piggum.
Click to expand...


I love it when Sideshow Bob performs the entire HMS Pinafore

Well I do have one request....naw

No, go on

Well, you have such a beautiful voice

Guilty as charged.


I also like the way Kelsey Grammer says 'touche Cecil' in a different episode
 
Drederick Tatum: Homer Simpson is a good man, and I've got no problem with him, but... I'm going to make orphans of his kids.
Reporter: They have a mother, you know.
Tatum: Yes, but I imagine she'd die of grief.
 
"Wait a minute. Bart's teacher is named Krabappel? I've been calling her Crandall! Why didn't someone tell me? Ohhh, I've been making an idiot of myself!"

"You mean it's not little Maggaggie's birthday?"

tnw said:
I also like the way Kelsey Grammer says 'touche Cecil' in a different episode
Click to expand...
That episode is great too.

Cecil: tell them they'll live to regret this
SSB: YOU'LL LIVE TO REGRET THIS! Oh great, now I sound like a maniac.

Coveralls that don't quite coverall! *Big Hungry Joe's butt pops out of his pants*

SSB:Madam, your children are no more… (pause) … than a pair of ill-bred troublemakers.
Homer: Lisa too?
SSB: Especially Lisa. But, especially Bart.
 
FBI man 1: Tell you what, Mr. Simpson, from now on your name is Homer Thompson,at Terror Lake.Let's just practice a bit, hmmmm? So when I say hello Mr. Thompson, you say hi.
Homer: Check!
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
FBI man 1: Now, remember, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha!
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[hours pass by]
FBI man 1: Argh... Now when I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
[stepping hard on Homer's foot]
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [whispering to the FBI man next to him] I think he's talking to you.
-----

Lisa: Hey, a letter from my pen-pal, Anya.
Anya: [reading, Anya narrates] Dear Lisa, as I write this, I am very sad. Our President has been overthrown and...
[Voice changes]
Krull: ...replaced, by the benevolent General Krull. All hail Krull, and his glorious regime. Sincerly... little girl.
-----

Rainer Wolfcastle: Ja, thank you, ja. Let's hear it for my music guy, Skoey. That's some outfit, Skoey. It makes you look like a homosexual.
[audience boos]
Rainer Wolfcastle: Well, maybe you all are homosexuals, too.
-----

This whole exchange is classic!
Jay Sherman: But first, we have a special guest: Rainer Wolfcastle, star of the reprehensible McBain movies.
Rainer Wolfcastle: Jay, my new film is a mixture of action und comedy. It's called "McBain: Let's Get Silly."
[Cut to clip from movie showing McBain with a microphone in front of a brick wall]
Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?
[pause]
Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: That's the joke.
Man in audience: You suck, McBain!
[McBain pulls a machine gun and fires into the audience]
Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.
Man in audience: Hey, that really sucked!
[McBain pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it at him]
Rainer Wolfcastle: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million.
Jay Sherman: [contemptuous] How do you sleep at night?
Rainer Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
Jay Sherman: Just asking. Yeesh!
-----

Homer: Please don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
 
^^^^

****ing classic!!

:lol :lol :lol

Have you ever noticed in the "McBain Let's Get Silly" you see a pair of big framed glasses fly by after McBain throws the grenade after he does the Woody Allen "impression"? LMAO.
 
not the most underrated quote, but the most UNDERRATED moment (from the lisa lionheart episode) by far is...

Executive: Gentlemen, we've got to sink this Lisa Lionheart doll, and fast! It's time to call in a favor from Washington.

Senator (on phone): Yes...yes, I understand. I'll take care of it personally.

*drives by the simpson house in his limo, throws a brick at the door, laughs evilly and drives off.*
 
The L'il ilsa slurry episode is awesome

It's a high-protein feed for farm animals, insulation for low-income housing, a powerful explosive and a top-notch engine coolant

Lisa: Mom, Mom! You're mixing polyapolane with polyurethane
Homer: Marge!
Marge: Well, I'm sorry!
Lisa: And, you have to cut these up first. Otherwise, animals
get caught in them.
Bart: Only the stupid ones.


Bret: Eww. This place has got old-man stink!
Burns: Ooh.
Smithers: Don't listen to him, sir. You've got an enchanting musk.

Lisa: Wow, even _I_ didn't know he was so committed to
recycling. See? I told you Mr. Burns was changed. See?
Marge: Lisa, nobody likes a gloater, right, Homie?
Homer: Uh huh.
Marge: See?
 
tnw said:
The L'il ilsa slurry episode is awesome

It's a high-protein feed for farm animals, insulation for low-income housing, a powerful explosive and a top-notch engine coolant

Lisa: Mom, Mom! You're mixing polyapolane with polyurethane
Homer: Marge!
Marge: Well, I'm sorry!
Lisa: And, you have to cut these up first. Otherwise, animals
get caught in them.
Bart: Only the stupid ones.


Bret: Eww. This place has got old-man stink!
Burns: Ooh.
Smithers: Don't listen to him, sir. You've got an enchanting musk.

Lisa: Wow, even _I_ didn't know he was so committed to
recycling. See? I told you Mr. Burns was changed. See?
Marge: Lisa, nobody likes a gloater, right, Homie?
Homer: Uh huh.
Marge: See?
Click to expand...

Burns: Smithers, I think I can handle this. (to Lisa) Shut up, little girl.
 
FrenchMovieTheme said:
why in the **** isn't reiner wolfcastle the president in the simpsons movie? why did they make it arnold? that's just stupid and bums me out :(
Click to expand...

I was wondering the same thing since everyone on the planet knows ranier is an arnold immitation.
 
koam said:
This whole exchange is classic!
Jay Sherman: But first, we have a special guest: Rainer Wolfcastle, star of the reprehensible McBain movies.
Rainer Wolfcastle: Jay, my new film is a mixture of action und comedy. It's called "McBain: Let's Get Silly."
[Cut to clip from movie showing McBain with a microphone in front of a brick wall]
Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?
[pause]
Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: That's the joke.
Man in audience: You suck, McBain!
[McBain pulls a machine gun and fires into the audience]
Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.
Man in audience: Hey, that really sucked!
[McBain pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it at him]
Rainer Wolfcastle: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million.
Jay Sherman: [contemptuous] How do you sleep at night?
Rainer Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
Jay Sherman: Just asking. Yeesh!
Click to expand...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=9SXFO0v_C3s

Every single line delivers a joke. Genius :lol

I also like the way "you suck Mcbain" is being said.
 
Rorschach said:
SSB:Madam, your children are no more… (pause) … than a pair of ill-bred troublemakers.
Homer: Lisa too?
SSB: Especially Lisa. But, especially Bart.
Click to expand...

i love that line. I use it ("especially [something], but especially bart!") but noone ever gets it :(
 
JodyAnthony said:
i love that line. I use it ("especially [something], but especially bart!") but noone ever gets it :(
Click to expand...

Ugh, that's the total pits when you turn on the simpsonese (as my dad calls it) and people don't get it.

A good friend of mine and I would do the dragnet shifty-eyes-and-headnod thing quite a lot for no reason. I tried to do it unannounced to someone who was a friend of mine and also lived with that friend for a year on study abroad. Needless to say he didn't get it.

He must have thought I was a total loon.
 
Burns: Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: if you did it, sir?

and burns delivery of this one is fantastic

Burns: Now, to the plant! We'll take the Spruce Moose! Hop in!
Smithers: But sir…
Burns: (Pulls a gun on him) I said Get In
 
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