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[Rokal]

You did the right thing. Now go out and enjoy the city. Or go on a vacation. It's kinda dreary up here now.

And whatever you do, don't get sucked back in.

OP, this is the most important thing to keep in mind over the next few days. It is natural to wonder if you made the right decision, but some time and space is all you need to figure that out. If you are tempted get back together in the short term just remind yourself that you owe both you and her a decision made under the clear mind that time brings.

Good job ending things in a respectable way btw. It takes a lot of courage and character to do what you did, more than most have.

 

[John Rabbit]

My advice is to keep it amicable and stay in touch.

there's two things OP needs in relation to this situation: time, and space. he won't get that if he keeps drawing from the same well, so to speak. you can't help yourself if you're helping someone else, and you can't help someone else unless you're helping yourself first.

 

[HappyBivouac]

there's two things OP needs in relation to this situation: time, and space. he won't get that if he keeps drawing from the same well, so to speak. you can't help yourself if you're helping someone else, and you can't help someone else unless you're helping yourself first.

Listen to this man.

 

[maomaoIYP]

This is kind of off-topic, but is there a way to respectfully reject someone? Especially if you'll be seeing that person on a constant basis.

Not that this applies to me, of course. Just asking hypothetically.

Tell him he's your best friend while avoiding meeting him one on one for meals then string him along for months until you've gotten a partner that isn't him, finally let him figure it out by himself as he crashes and burns. And then tell him you need him to remain your best friend so that you can discuss your relationship problems with him.

Spoiler

Don't do any of that.

 

[btrboyev]

No, there is a right way, but not an easy way.

Good luck to you.

 

[Goodlife]

No easy way at all, you're going to get a lot of shit, but if you believe it's right, you need to do it.

I broke up with my girlfriend after about 3 years together. I was crazy in love with her, but things just weren't going right, too many battles for so early on in a relationship.

I ended up being slapped, things thrown at me, angry phonecalls off her parents etc etc.
But it was the right thing.

We both got with other people pretty soon, lived our lives a bit.

Then got back together a year later.

Now happily married, with 2 (nearly 3) kids.


EDIT: Oh, you've done it. Good on you, best of luck for the future.

 

[IISANDERII]

OP good job. Keep us updated, I especially want to know how the lease will shake out, see if you can pull another Houdini.

 

[Bruiserk]

No easy way at all, you're going to get a lot of shit, but if you believe it's right, you need to do it.

I broke up with my girlfriend after about 3 years together. I was crazy in love with her, but things just weren't going right, too many battles for so early on in a relationship.

I ended up being slapped, things thrown at me, angry phonecalls off her parents etc etc.
But it was the right thing.

We both got with other people pretty soon, lived our lives a bit.

Then got back together a year later.

Now happily married, with 2 (nearly 3) kids.

EDIT: Oh, you've done it. Good on you, best of luck for the future.

Do you think that if you guys kept in touch during the year you weren't together, you guys would still be where you are today?

 

[Nealand Liquor]

Sorry I didn't read past your post OP so I don't know what has been said since then, but I feel a lot like you, though I am married. I don't know what do, and I bet just like you, feel so entirely lost. I am so god damned sad every single day, I just don't know what to do anymore. I hope you find the answers man, I really really fucking do. I know just how much this fucking sucks.

 

[Goodlife]

Do you think that if you guys kept in touch during the year you weren't together, you guys would still be where you are today?

We did keep in touch a bit, the odd text just to see how the other person was etc.

But we really needed some space in life, if we'd have had phonecalls / meeting up etc I don't think we would have got the space we needed.

 

[davepoobond]

Sorry I didn't read past your post OP so I don't know what has been said since then, but I feel a lot like you, though I am married. I don't know what do, and I bet just like you, feel so entirely lost. I am so god damned sad every single day, I just don't know what to do anymore. I hope you find the answers man, I really really fucking do. I know just how much this fucking sucks.

I feel sorry for you man. Hope it gets better.

 

[Stiflers Mom]

Sorry I didn't read past your post OP so I don't know what has been said since then, but I feel a lot like you, though I am married. I don't know what do, and I bet just like you, feel so entirely lost. I am so god damned sad every single day, I just don't know what to do anymore. I hope you find the answers man, I really really fucking do. I know just how much this fucking sucks.

Get out of that as fast as possible. Don't give a shit about the money you have to pay, or what your family might think. It's your life, and you have only one.

I agree and I've ended things for much the same reason, but never that long term though. And really I've never had a relationship where the girl didn't want more commitment and I didn't want more freedom. I just sort of figure that dynamic is par for the course for most couples.

Yes, it's really always the same for me as well.

Have been burned so many times in relationships now just because of this.

She wasn't shocked. She was like "I know..." when I sat her down and said we had to talk. She was with me all the way up until I said "because of this, we should break up".

Kudos to you, sir...

Hope I can muster the braveness and end this madness I am currently in as well.. It's a little bit more complicated though, since a child is involved, and I face the chance to not being able to watch my son grow up.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Well today mostly sucked.

Our realtor was very understanding, and actually started showing the place yesterday. We're hoping we can get a March 1st or April 1st sublet/new lease.

My ex is now adamant about getting all of the current apartment stuff out of the way ASAP, so she came back today with her mom, one of her sisters, her cousin, one of her coworkers, and said coworker's husband (all of whom I'm 'friends' with) to help her move her stuff out. No one was really keen on speaking to me outside of moving instructions, even after I helped bring down her couch, dresser, and book case.

To get out of that awkward situation, I went to the gym for a few hours (my ex gave me a tearful goodbye at this point)...and when I returned, they were chilling out eating pizza in the apartment. I helped them bring down a few more things and then they took off. When they finally left, I could finally exhale. And continue my own apartment hunting, I'm looking at a few sublets for either March 1st or April 1st move ins.

Final assessment:

- couch
- microwave
- toaster
- bedroom lamps
- living room lamps
- all silverware
- vacuum cleaner
- end tables
- kitchen table
- ironing board + iron

But I get to keep

+ Queen size bed
+ blender
+ obviously, all my stuff

They're coming back tomorrow to finish off what they couldn't move today. I should hopefully be out looking at apartments. On the bright side, one of my best buds invited me out for dinner and drinks on his tab as kind of a pat on the back for the rough times. And I had a really nice fb chat with a girl I'd met a few months ago at a networking event. Silver linings and all that.

I'll update again if anything else pops up or if/when I find a place.

PS - Ironically, I stayed in last night (Valentine's Day). She went out with her sister and cousin and got hammered at a bar downtown. Go figure.

 

[Riggs]

Good job OP, wish you a happy future. Also lol at last part about her going out to get fucked up.

 

[Syph Medwes]

Good job OP. I know how you feel.

 

[Darksol]

I think you made the right decision OP.

 

[Skinpop]

God job OP, seems like a proper clean break and I'm sure it will be the best for both of you long term.

Reading through all this makes me wanna get out on the field again. I've been single and depressed for three years now after a breakup with my fiancee that was forced by her parents(politicians). Completely different situation but seeing how you already are prepared to meet new girls(in a good way) makes me feel I'm way behind the curve. Good luck sir.

 

[HappyBivouac]

Well today mostly sucked.

Our realtor was very understanding, and actually started showing the place yesterday. We're hoping we can get a March 1st or April 1st sublet/new lease.

My ex is now adamant about getting all of the current apartment stuff out of the way ASAP, so she came back today with her mom, one of her sisters, her cousin, one of her coworkers, and said coworker's husband (all of whom I'm 'friends' with) to help her move her stuff out. No one was really keen on speaking to me outside of moving instructions, even after I helped bring down her couch, dresser, and book case.

To get out of that awkward situation, I went to the gym for a few hours (my ex gave me a tearful goodbye at this point)...and when I returned, they were chilling out eating pizza in the apartment. I helped them bring down a few more things and then they took off. When they finally left, I could finally exhale. And continue my own apartment hunting, I'm looking at a few sublets for either March 1st or April 1st move ins.

Final assessment:

- couch
- microwave
- toaster
- bedroom lamps
- living room lamps
- all silverware
- vacuum cleaner
- end tables
- kitchen table
- ironing board + iron

But I get to keep

+ Queen size bed
+ blender
+ obviously, all my stuff

They're coming back tomorrow to finish off what they couldn't move today. I should hopefully be out looking at apartments. On the bright side, one of my best buds invited me out for dinner and drinks on his tab as kind of a pat on the back for the rough times. And I had a really nice fb chat with a girl I'd met a few months ago at a networking event. Silver linings and all that.

I'll update again if anything else pops up or if/when I find a place.

PS - Ironically, I stayed in last night (Valentine's Day). She went out with her sister and cousin and got hammered at a bar downtown. Go figure.

Good on you for making it through that. Stay strong. Don't waver.

 

[IISANDERII]

She wasn't shocked. She was like "I know..." when I sat her down and said we had to talk. She was with me all the way up until I said "because of this, we should break up".

A simple yet brilliant way to break it to her. Bravo.

 

[goldenpp72]

I'd just like to say you handled this better than I would have, hopefully you find a better life through all this

 

[Stiflers Mom]

Yesterday I finally moved out of our flat as well. The whole process of breaking up was taking around 2 weeks where we were both uncertain about the whole situation.

But the whole saturday and sunday morning she was acting like a complete asshole, and so sunday noon I finally packed my things and moved to a friends place. He'll let me sleep on his sofa.

In the afternoon me and another friend went eating burgers and then watching Zombieland on Blu Ray and playing some Super Street Fighter 4 AE.

I feel really good right now, having left this nightmare behind me.

Now I just need to find a new flat.