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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)

I thought one of the comments on that post was more interesting:

"Your comment made me realize something about my own cis-ness: I do not know how to think of myself as female without connecting it to either my body or by other people’s recognition of it. I don’t, and probably can’t, think that “I feel like a female” because… I don’t know. I just can’t. Because I don’t know what it means to feel female without thinking about my female body or my “place” as a female in my culture. I don’t even know how to think about it outside of those contexts."
 

Emitan

Member
The Null HypotheCis. This is a pretty interesting blog post.

Cis people may wonder about being the opposite sex, but they don’t obsessively dream of it. Cis people don’t constantly go over the question of transition, again and again, throughout their lives. Cis people don’t find themselves in this kind of crisis. Cis people don’t secretly spend every birthday wish on wanting to wake up magically transformed into the “opposite” sex, nor do they spend years developing increasingly precise variations of how they’d like this wish to be fulfilled. Cis people don’t spend all-nighters on the internet secretly researching transition, and secretly looking at who transitioned at what age, how much money they had, how much their features resemble their own, and try to figure out what their own results would be. Cis people don’t get enormously excited when really really terrible movies that just happen to include gender-bending themes, like “Switch” or “Dr. Jekyl And Mrs. Hyde”, randomly pop up on late night TV, and stay up just to watch them. Etc.

I... I think I'm trans.

I guess I've always had a curiosty of what it would be like to be a woman (and at younger ages a girl), and I don't really remember any specifics until my senior year of high school. At some point during the year I... started obsessing over being a woman. From that point forwards my "mental image" of myself is usually female. I always create a female character in RPGs because I'm more comfortable playing as a woman (and I guess subconciously it's a way to experience being a woman), I dream about waking up in a woman's body, wishing there was magic pill I could take, I like to plan out fantasy novels in my head and I realized the one I came up with a few months ago is basically a metaphor for transgenderism.

I'm kind of scared and confused, but right this second, I'm really more shaking my head at the fact it took me until a couple weeks ago to realize all of these things made me trans. What else could they possibly mean?!

I'm not really sure what to do now. I've told some close internet friends that I think there's a good chance I'm trans (basically sure of it now), but I'm just scared to talk about this with anyone.
 
I... I think I'm trans.

I guess I've always had a curiosty of what it would be like to be a woman (and at younger ages a girl), and I don't really remember any specifics until my senior year of high school. At some point during the year I... started obsessing over being a woman. From that point forwards my "mental image" of myself is usually female. I always create a female character in RPGs because I'm more comfortable playing as a woman (and I guess subconciously it's a way to experience being a woman), I dream about waking up in a woman's body, wishing there was magic pill I could take, I like to plan out fantasy novels in my head and I realized the one I came up with a few months ago is basically a metaphor for transgenderism.

I'm kind of scared and confused, but right this second, I'm really more shaking my head at the fact it took me until a couple weeks ago to realize all of these things made me trans. What else could they possibly mean?!

I'm not really sure what to do now. I've told some close internet friends that I think there's a good chance I'm trans (basically sure of it now), but I'm just scared to talk about this with anyone.
TransTexanGAF++? Seriously, I wasn't expecting this kind of post from you, so it's kind of caught me off-guard. >_>
 

Pollux

Member
I... I think I'm trans.

I guess I've always had a curiosty of what it would be like to be a woman (and at younger ages a girl), and I don't really remember any specifics until my senior year of high school. At some point during the year I... started obsessing over being a woman. From that point forwards my "mental image" of myself is usually female. I always create a female character in RPGs because I'm more comfortable playing as a woman (and I guess subconciously it's a way to experience being a woman), I dream about waking up in a woman's body, wishing there was magic pill I could take, I like to plan out fantasy novels in my head and I realized the one I came up with a few months ago is basically a metaphor for transgenderism.

I'm kind of scared and confused, but right this second, I'm really more shaking my head at the fact it took me until a couple weeks ago to realize all of these things made me trans. What else could they possibly mean?!

I'm not really sure what to do now. I've told some close internet friends that I think there's a good chance I'm trans (basically sure of it now), but I'm just scared to talk about this with anyone.

Not that I know anything about the subject, but now that you've figured it out, don't let anyone convince you that you're wrong. You know what you feel, and make sure that any decision you make is the best decision for YOU and not for anybody else. Lexi and Shidoshi (and many of others in this thread) are some of the best people on this board and will be willing to talk to you about it!

Anyway, congrats on finding your path.

I know this probably doesn't help you, but I just wanted to toss in my $.02.
 

tearsofash

Member
I just did a trans panel at my college. I was one of five folks, got to answer lots of questions and debate. It was pretty fun.

I was the only pre-transitional person on the panel, though. I was really nervous that people would think I was just up there for shits and giggles, but I ended up taking it pretty seriously and put in my two cents when I could.
 
Not that I know anything about the subject, but now that you've figured it out, don't let anyone convince you that you're wrong. You know what you feel, and make sure that any decision you make is the best decision for YOU and not for anybody else. Lexi and Shidoshi (and many of others in this thread) are some of the best people on this board and will be willing to talk to you about it!

Anyway, congrats on finding your path.

I know this probably doesn't help you, but I just wanted to toss in my $.02.
That is some pretty solid advice.
 

Emitan

Member
TransTexanGAF++?
Yup. There's got to be worse places in the States to be trans, right?

Not that I know anything about the subject, but now that you've figured it out, don't let anyone convince you that you're wrong. You know what you feel, and make sure that any decision you make is the best decision for YOU and not for anybody else. Lexi and Shidoshi (and many of others in this thread) are some of the best people on this board and will be willing to talk to you about it!

Anyway, congrats on finding your path.

I know this probably doesn't help you, but I just wanted to toss in my $.02.

No. It's super helpful to hear. After years of supporting my gay friends I guess posts like these are what they've been hearing. It feels really good knowing someone is supporting you~

I'm doing pretty bad in school this semester and really worried about my future (both academic/career wise and now gender wise) but honestly, after getting all this figured out, all I can do is smile.
 

Gaborn

Member
I... I think I'm trans.

I guess I've always had a curiosty of what it would be like to be a woman (and at younger ages a girl), and I don't really remember any specifics until my senior year of high school. At some point during the year I... started obsessing over being a woman. From that point forwards my "mental image" of myself is usually female. I always create a female character in RPGs because I'm more comfortable playing as a woman (and I guess subconciously it's a way to experience being a woman), I dream about waking up in a woman's body, wishing there was magic pill I could take, I like to plan out fantasy novels in my head and I realized the one I came up with a few months ago is basically a metaphor for transgenderism.

I'm kind of scared and confused, but right this second, I'm really more shaking my head at the fact it took me until a couple weeks ago to realize all of these things made me trans. What else could they possibly mean?!

I'm not really sure what to do now. I've told some close internet friends that I think there's a good chance I'm trans (basically sure of it now), but I'm just scared to talk about this with anyone.

Congrats first of all. But, speaking as a gay male, what you can do now is... whatever you want to do. The only difference between you before you confirmed in your mind that this is what you want and now that you HAVE done so is that you've said it. I've always said to anyone I talk to that my favorite saying which is attributed to Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss) is “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” but I'm going to throw another at you, well, two of them: “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” and “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

And I think it's all true. You're a transperson, so, now what? And the only answer is... be yourself. My understanding is if you're not already talking to a therapist who can help you deal with a transition you probably should be, but beyond that no one else can tell you how to walk this journey for yourself, you just have to be yourself because you already are.
 

tearsofash

Member
I... I think I'm trans.

I guess I've always had a curiosty of what it would be like to be a woman (and at younger ages a girl), and I don't really remember any specifics until my senior year of high school. At some point during the year I... started obsessing over being a woman. From that point forwards my "mental image" of myself is usually female. I always create a female character in RPGs because I'm more comfortable playing as a woman (and I guess subconciously it's a way to experience being a woman), I dream about waking up in a woman's body, wishing there was magic pill I could take, I like to plan out fantasy novels in my head and I realized the one I came up with a few months ago is basically a metaphor for transgenderism.

I'm kind of scared and confused, but right this second, I'm really more shaking my head at the fact it took me until a couple weeks ago to realize all of these things made me trans. What else could they possibly mean?!

I relate totally to the bold material. I always thought it was just a phase or a fad, and that perhaps it was genital envy. It is indeed rather confusing, but it doesn't have to be scary. Ultimately, be who you want to be. Whoever that you ends up being.

EDIT: Poor word choice. Rather, be who you feel you are.
 

Pollux

Member
Congrats first of all. But, speaking as a gay male, what you can do now is... whatever you want to do. The only difference between you before you confirmed in your mind that this is what you want and now that you HAVE done so is that you've said it. I've always said to anyone I talk to that my favorite saying which is attributed to Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss) is “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” but I'm going to throw another at you, well, two of them: “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” and “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

And I think it's all true. You're a transperson, so, now what? And the only answer is... be yourself. My understanding is if you're not already talking to a therapist who can help you deal with a transition you probably should be, but beyond that no one else can tell you how to walk this journey for yourself, you just have to be yourself because you already are.

Damn, Gaborn. Just...DAMN. Well fucking said. citizenkaneclapping.gif

Yup. There's got to be worse places in the States to be trans, right?



No. It's super helpful to hear. After years of supporting my gay friends I guess posts like these are what they've been hearing. It feels really good knowing someone is supporting you~

I'm doing pretty bad in school this semester and really worried about my future (both academic/career wise and now gender wise) but honestly, after getting all this figured out, all I can do is smile.

Gaborn left you with some quotes to be you, and I'll just tell you what my father always told me when I was growing up and things weren't going my way, or the world seemed to be against me, etc. I still say it to myself at least once a week. Print it out, put it above your desk, and just say it to yourself when you feel as though things can't get any worse.

Grin ~ Robert Service

If you're up against a bruiser and you're getting knocked about --

Grin.

If you're feeling pretty groggy, and you're licked beyond a doubt --

Grin.

Don't let him see you're funking, let him know with every clout,
Though your face is battered to a pulp, your blooming heart is stout;
Just stand upon your pins until the beggar knocks you out --

And grin.

This life's a bally battle, and the same advice holds true

Of grin.

If you're up against it badly, then it's only one on you,

So grin.

If the future's black as thunder, don't let people see you're blue;
Just cultivate a cast-iron smile of joy the whole day through;
If they call you "Little Sunshine", wish that THEY'D no troubles, too --

You may -- grin.

Rise up in the morning with the will that, smooth or rough,

You'll grin.

Sink to sleep at midnight, and although you're feeling tough,

Yet grin.

There's nothing gained by whining, and you're not that kind of stuff;
You're a fighter from away back, and you WON'T take a rebuff;
Your trouble is that you don't know when you have had enough --

Don't give in.

If Fate should down you, just get up and take another cuff;
You may bank on it that there is no philosophy like bluff,

And grin.
 

Emitan

Member
At least we can marry women. :3

If you want to talk, I'm open to it. I just don't know if I can be of much help.
Thanks :)

Congrats first of all. But, speaking as a gay male, what you can do now is... whatever you want to do. The only difference between you before you confirmed in your mind that this is what you want and now that you HAVE done so is that you've said it. I've always said to anyone I talk to that my favorite saying which is attributed to Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss) is “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” but I'm going to throw another at you, well, two of them: “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” and “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

And I think it's all true. You're a transperson, so, now what? And the only answer is... be yourself. My understanding is if you're not already talking to a therapist who can help you deal with a transition you probably should be, but beyond that no one else can tell you how to walk this journey for yourself, you just have to be yourself because you already are.

Dr. Seuss is wasted on kids. Those are some of the most inspiring phrases I've heard. I'm me, and my definition of "me" is my own. Others can help me discover who "me" is, but they don't define me!

I guess I should tell my family about this and start seeing a therapist.

EDIT: OMG thanks everyone. Seriously, the biggest fucking smile on my face right now :)
 

Hazaro

relies on auto-aim
I'm not trans by a long shot, but I do support those who are and are questioning themselves.
Hope you get the support you need and have the confidence in finding out who you are and being that person.
 

Gaborn

Member
Thanks :)



Dr. Seuss is wasted on kids. Those are some of the most inspiring phrases I've heard. I'm me, and my definition of "me" is my own. Others can help me discover who "me" is, but they don't define me!

I guess I should tell my family about this and start seeing a therapist.

EDIT: OMG thanks everyone. Seriously, the biggest fucking smile on my face right now :)

Glad that helps

zmoney - Yes, it does!
 

iirate

Member
Not that I know anything about the subject, but now that you've figured it out, don't let anyone convince you that you're wrong. You know what you feel, and make sure that any decision you make is the best decision for YOU and not for anybody else. Lexi and Shidoshi (and many of others in this thread) are some of the best people on this board and will be willing to talk to you about it!

Anyway, congrats on finding your path.

I know this probably doesn't help you, but I just wanted to toss in my $.02.

My biggest "enemy" at the start was myself. I wasn't in denial, but I was as hard as possible to "prove" my transness to myself - to somehow officiate it. I tried everything I could think of, including distancing myself from anything trans-related, in order to make absolutely sure that I wasn't crazy. Eventually you just have to realize that such an absolute answer doesn't exist, and if something feels right in so many ways, then it probably is.

At least we can marry women. :3

If you want to talk, I'm open to it. I just don't know if I can be of much help.

Haha, I think the last I heard on the subject was that Texas legislators want to abolish our right to marry altogether...

Anyways, Billychu, congratulations on this step, but don't think that there is anything you have to do at this point. I know others have beaten me here, so I'll be brief, but there is nothing about previous trans experiences that has to define yours. If you aren't ready to approach your family, then don't. If you want to hold off on seeing a therapist, then do so. If you are ready for these things, then please, go ahead. This is about you and you alone; there is nothing here that you "owe" to those around you.
 

Dead Man

Member
I... I think I'm trans.

I guess I've always had a curiosty of what it would be like to be a woman (and at younger ages a girl), and I don't really remember any specifics until my senior year of high school. At some point during the year I... started obsessing over being a woman. From that point forwards my "mental image" of myself is usually female. I always create a female character in RPGs because I'm more comfortable playing as a woman (and I guess subconciously it's a way to experience being a woman), I dream about waking up in a woman's body, wishing there was magic pill I could take, I like to plan out fantasy novels in my head and I realized the one I came up with a few months ago is basically a metaphor for transgenderism.

I'm kind of scared and confused, but right this second, I'm really more shaking my head at the fact it took me until a couple weeks ago to realize all of these things made me trans. What else could they possibly mean?!

I'm not really sure what to do now. I've told some close internet friends that I think there's a good chance I'm trans (basically sure of it now), but I'm just scared to talk about this with anyone.
Good luck, and remember that no matter what, you are still you. Seems silly, but it is important to remember you are not a label, you are you.
 

Emitan

Member
Er, wait, hold up a sec.

How do you expect they will take it?

I have no idea. I mean, I know they'll accept it eventually, but I don't know if they'll be okay right away or if it will take a while.

I'm going to tell my sister first, because I'm not really worried about her freaking out or anything.

It's not like I'm going to do this the first minute I wake up or something! I'm just not very good at breaking news.
 
I have no idea. I mean, I know they'll accept it eventually, but I don't know if they'll be okay right away or if it will take a while.

I'm going to tell my sister first, because I'm not really worried about her freaking out or anything.

It's not like I'm going to do this the first minute I wake up or something! I'm just not very good at breaking news.

Are you financially dependent on your family?
 

Gaborn

Member
I have no idea. I mean, I know they'll accept it eventually, but I don't know if they'll be okay right away or if it will take a while.

I'm going to tell my sister first, because I'm not really worried about her freaking out or anything.

It's not like I'm going to do this the first minute I wake up or something! I'm just not very good at breaking news.

in your own time, as you're ready to do things. One more thing that might help... as you put it, "I'm me"
 

Pollux

Member
Yeah. Still living at home and they're paying for college. Maybe I should wait until I graduate?
Find a news story about transgendered people and ask them what they think about it to gauge their initial reaction. If positive ease the revelation along, of negative ease it along slower.

When I stop failing... :(

I never had to study until college and one of the problems having ADD creates is serious issue motivating myself so I'm kind of screwed.
Me too man. I know how you feel with the ADHD. It's like you know you have all this stuff that needs to get done and you just CAN'T bring yourself to even start it. Then 8 hours have gone by and it's too late.

If you ever want to talk about that kind I stuff just shoot me a PM.
 
When I stop failing... :(

I never had to study until college and one of the problems having ADD creates is serious issue motivating myself so I'm kind of screwed.
I know the feel. ;_; I'm probably even worse off than you. We should really build that TexasGAF fort. >_>
 
Yeah. Still living at home and they're paying for college. Maybe I should wait until I graduate?

Not necessarily, but tread carefully. At this stage you've just told yourself you're trans. Nothing else has changed. Do they really need to know anything yet?

Perhaps you should just hold back until you are 100% sure what you want to DO about being trans. Does it mean you want to grow boobs and have a vagina, does it mean you want to wear women's clothes, do you want to have your facial hair removed, wear make-up, do you want your face surgically altered... what do you want to look like? Do you want to be a lesbian or a straight woman or bi, do you want to go through a period of experimenting, looking like a man dressing up in women's things, or do you want to go from being a guy to being a girl overnight - holding off changing your presentation until you are ready to present as female 24/7?

If you have a clear idea of what you want before you talk to your family (understanding that what you want might change as your grow and learn more), it will help answer their questions, help set boundaries when they start making assumptions about how you'll look and act etc, and prevent a total sabotage of your plans, which parents often manage to do by convincing you that it's a phase, that you need to wait a few years, that you'll look bad, etc.

Maybe hash these things out in your own mind and talk to a therapist about them, and talk to the therapist about how to tell your parents, before you go in there and do it. Preparation and planning makes transition run SO much more smoothly. I read recently about someone just turning up at home cross-dressed recently, with no warning and no plan, and they have to move out now.

P.S. It also helps to be able to articulate why you feel like you were meant to be born a girl. They're really going to get stuck on that.
 

mollipen

Member
If I were to say that I'm not at all surprised by your big announcement, would that be bad? *laughs*

I'll throw my quick advice in.

When I finally figured things out, I was all, "OHMYGOD I've got to now tell everybody!!" When, in actuality, you don't need to. Yeah, that feeling will be a burning passion inside of you, but it's okay to not listen to it. If there's people you really want to tell, then great, and it'll be especially helpful if you have friends/family who know and support you that you can talk to while you're figuring things out. Still, the eagerness to let the world know can also cause problems. Take it one step at a time. Decide a sort of priority list for who you want to tell, and really think about it.

Part of the problem with telling a lot of people quickly is that you'll soon find yourself in a position where people are constantly asking about your situation, what you've done so far, when you're going to do it, etc. You might not be ready for that—but it'll come. It's like if you tell people you're going to have a baby, or that you're going to buy a house, or a new car, or whatever. Once you tell them, they just have it in their minds that it'll happen instantly, so they'll keep asking and asking about it. That asking can be really frustrating, because on your end, you need to take things at whatever pace you need to take them. If your timeframe and the timeframe they're expecting don't match up, that can really cause problems.

As well, I think you also need time to figure things out for yourself—at least a little more. When I first had the huge revelation about who I am, it was like the preverbal lightbulb going on. But, what I knew on that day and what I know now are worlds apart. You still need time to answer your own questions before you start getting questions from other people. When I first finally understood things, I was certain that I'd never, ever, in a million years, consider transitioning. That was just that—but that opinion has completely changed now. So, if I had told my parents or close friends or whatever at that point, I probably would have expressed feelings that I now don't even feel.

So, let everything sink in for a bit. Take a little time to just come to terms with all of this. For me, when I was at the point that you're at now, the very first step I took was just coming to understand myself better—and that was a huge step. When you suddenly have reasons for why you are who you are, or explanations for why you did things you did in the past, it's a totally awesome feeling. I think, more than anything else, coming to understand yourself as trans is about that—making the first steps to living a life where you are who you're supposed to be, not who you think you're supposed to be. That step in itself is a world changer far larger than you may even realize yet.
 

Emitan

Member
If I were to say that I'm not at all surprised by your big announcement, would that be bad? *laughs*

Considering the number of people on GAF who are honestly shocked when they discover I'm not a women? Not really. Oh snap! Those people were right!

It's really bedtime now! Don't need to feed my insomnia anymore than I have to.
 

Dead Man

Member
nh4x.png


And if any of you people tell anyone I posted such a cheesy image I will never speak to you again! ;)
 

Platy

Member
Love how the text dropped a "flying teapot" out of nowhere xD

----
Chu

If your parents are really conservative, you can always wait to tell then when you have a full diagnosis ... people like those usualy have an eaiser time understanding when there is a medical force telling then, otherwise it would just sound "I'm gay" to then, wich in these cases means "I want to dress as a watermelon and go to the street" =P

In worst case they already payed/gave you home till you are close to being medicated

Good luck
 
I... I think I'm trans.

I guess I've always had a curiosty of what it would be like to be a woman (and at younger ages a girl), and I don't really remember any specifics until my senior year of high school. At some point during the year I... started obsessing over being a woman. From that point forwards my "mental image" of myself is usually female. I always create a female character in RPGs because I'm more comfortable playing as a woman (and I guess subconciously it's a way to experience being a woman), I dream about waking up in a woman's body, wishing there was magic pill I could take, I like to plan out fantasy novels in my head and I realized the one I came up with a few months ago is basically a metaphor for transgenderism.

I'm kind of scared and confused, but right this second, I'm really more shaking my head at the fact it took me until a couple weeks ago to realize all of these things made me trans. What else could they possibly mean?!

I'm not really sure what to do now. I've told some close internet friends that I think there's a good chance I'm trans (basically sure of it now), but I'm just scared to talk about this with anyone.


Ridiculously proud of you, and of being a part of a community (GAF) that can be a safer place for this. <3 <3 <3


Be brave, and be you!
 

Songbird

Prodigal Son
I'm kind of scared and confused, but right this second, I'm really more shaking my head at the fact it took me until a couple weeks ago to realize all of these things made me trans. What else could they possibly mean?!

I'm not really sure what to do now. I've told some close internet friends that I think there's a good chance I'm trans (basically sure of it now), but I'm just scared to talk about this with anyone.
I'd like to wish you the best of luck Billychu! You're one of the gaffers I remember most even from my lurking days and you've always seemed really, really cool.

nh4x.png


And if any of you people tell anyone I posted such a cheesy image I will never speak to you again! ;)
Going to have to show this to my sister, she really knows what she's talking about in these subjects and I think it would make her smile.
 

lexi

Banned
If I were to say that I'm not at all surprised by your big announcement, would that be bad? *laughs*

LOL, yes this wasn't exactly a megaton to me either.

Very happy for you, Chu =) Happy to be here for you if you ever need any of my sage, god-like advice.
 
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