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Virgin- Gaf: What is holding you back?
- Thread starter FreeMufasa
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It's honestly not that big of a deal. You'll have plenty of time to practice and fuck your wife before you get married. Unless of course, you are saving yourself for marriage.
Professor Beef
Banned
I think Kevin needs to leave GAF.
I don't say this as someone who doesn't like him or anything, but as someone who is concerned. It seems that there are very few threads and people who actually contribute to KC's happiness. GAF isn't gonna be able to help you in the long-run. You need to seek help, and that help needs to come from a professional.
I think you're an alright guy KC, but taking a break from GAF, voluntary or not, is the best course of action. And above all else, stay away from crap threads like this.
I don't say this as someone who doesn't like him or anything, but as someone who is concerned. It seems that there are very few threads and people who actually contribute to KC's happiness. GAF isn't gonna be able to help you in the long-run. You need to seek help, and that help needs to come from a professional.
I think you're an alright guy KC, but taking a break from GAF, voluntary or not, is the best course of action. And above all else, stay away from crap threads like this.
There is more to life than simply banging people.
KevinCow, don't do it! I always enjoy reading your posts on Gaf. I would be devastated if I heard you took your own life. Some people were dealt a bad hand, and I can sympathize with your situation. But some of the other Gaffers have written better words than I could with why you shouldn't take your own life. Life is so much more than having sex.
Exr
Member
Have you lost any weight yet? I am not asking this to be a dick since I like reading your posts on gaming side, but you seem like a nice guy. Looks matter. Your face is not ugly at all if I remember it correctly from the pic you posted, you just need to lose weight. Getting motivation for it is another thing entirely (I need to start working out...one day.) but the benefit is there in that aspect at least. Nobody is born a loser and nobody sucks...you just see yourself in that light. I don't know why you are depressed and I'm not going to pretend to understand how much it sucks for you, but I know that it does since I had it as well for a while. Learn to love yourself, you have inherit worth as a human being.
Fiction has his parents' contact details. I sent her a PM a little bit before.
Necromanti
Member
There are several changes he needs to make in his life so he can start working towards getting better and healthier. He puts too much weight on the importance of sex more so than focusing on himself first. In the past, he has admitted to being morbidly obese, so the natural course of progression would be to work on both self-esteem, body image issues, and healthy weight loss while working with therapists. Those factors and his attitude will not be working in his favor right now, and you can't force people to become attracted to the morbidly obese.
Using his criteria, people who are of a normal weight and are still virgins should have killed themselves long ago, and that bothers me. I know how hard it is, and I've been in the spiral of self-hatred, but my god, it's just a fruitless, self-defeating (and self-fulfilling) line of thought. Please don't throw away your life before you've even given yourself a chance.
BeautifulMemory
Member
Kevin, stay here and talk to us. We are all here for you.
Well yeah, that's what I mean. I'm glad I had multiple partners before eventually meeting my wife. Not only does it make sex better, but I also understand that the grass isn't greener on the single side of things.
That said, what's going on? Is someone really thinking about killing themselves?
I NEED SCISSORS
Banned
I think getting off the internet, stopping playing games and getting out to socialize more would benefit most people ITT. It did me (okay didn't stop, but reduced it a lot).
Sad thread this descended into..
CornBurrito
Member
As I said, kevincow has struggled/is struggling with clinical depression on top of these issues.
Devolution
Member
Talked to Fiction on FB, she's on it.
If you're still there KC, for what it's worth, I really think you're cool. Even though I don't know you, you seem like a nice guy in threads I see you in. I would be sad if you died tonight.
I agree with Beef that Gaf - especially shit threads like this - aren't going to help you. People here mean well, but the kind of help you need simply is not going to be found here. I know that's probably not what you want to hear right now, but it's true.
I suffer from depression and self-esteem issues too, and I know what's kept me going is the hope that maybe one day, things will get better. I think that's worth holding out for, and if you're dead, you won't ever get to see if it gets better.
There's someone out there who needs to know someone like you Kevin. And you need them. But you'll never get to know them if you're dead. So please. Hold on.
I agree with Beef that Gaf - especially shit threads like this - aren't going to help you. People here mean well, but the kind of help you need simply is not going to be found here. I know that's probably not what you want to hear right now, but it's true.
I suffer from depression and self-esteem issues too, and I know what's kept me going is the hope that maybe one day, things will get better. I think that's worth holding out for, and if you're dead, you won't ever get to see if it gets better.
There's someone out there who needs to know someone like you Kevin. And you need them. But you'll never get to know them if you're dead. So please. Hold on.
Byakuya769
Member
I think I made out alright.
Don't off yourself for something you would spend less than 0.01% of your life doing. There are so many other things to live for. Mid 20s is young by today's standards, may be very young if medical tech makes leaps and bounds as I'm sure it will over the next 50 years.
Nvrmind
Yeah, just read the previous pages. :-(
Etrian Oddity
Member
:: edited because holy fuck, I read the last page and this isn't even important anymore in the face of kevincow ::
How does one talk to a hot bartender? Like I went to a bar this past saturday with my friend who knows that place and people.
He introduced me to 2 out of 3 of them but they all wanted to speak to him since they hadn't seen him for like 2 years. I thought it was right for me to just let them chat and catch up I guess. My issue was that the music was loud and its difficult to get a cohesive conversation going between you and the person on the other side of the bar.
Anyways they were hot but not sure how to approach them. Apparently they love to go to the beaches here in NY so I will definitely be seeing them this summer. Gonna try and get something going but I feel these girls are like above my level. Heard 1 of them likes money so thats a little off putting since I have a shitty car, ok job and looking to go to college this fall.
He introduced me to 2 out of 3 of them but they all wanted to speak to him since they hadn't seen him for like 2 years. I thought it was right for me to just let them chat and catch up I guess. My issue was that the music was loud and its difficult to get a cohesive conversation going between you and the person on the other side of the bar.
Anyways they were hot but not sure how to approach them. Apparently they love to go to the beaches here in NY so I will definitely be seeing them this summer. Gonna try and get something going but I feel these girls are like above my level. Heard 1 of them likes money so thats a little off putting since I have a shitty car, ok job and looking to go to college this fall.
You've only been with one woman? Couldn't imagine that.
I've only had a few women chase me, and they were nothing to write home about. Most of the action I got was through friends, classmates, or people I work with. I actually met my wife at work.
Its not about beating the odds, its about being a friendly, confident, and approachable person. Its also about having your shit together. Like having your own place, having your own car, having a job, taking care of your body, etc. If you got yourself together, and make friends with people, the women will come to you.
there is a lot of middle ground between the things you're saying, dude.
1) lucky enough to have girls chase us - welcome to the vast majority of men
2) beat the odds and find one who reciprocates - beat the odds? this sort of language implies a defeatist attitude that is off putting in itself. if you feel like it's "against the odds" for someone to reciprocate, maybe it's time to "improve your odds" by improving yourself.
3) have morals - why is it immoral to have consensual drunk sex with girls? the fact that you don't view women as responsible, sex-driven adults is also kind of off putting.
brianjones
Member
thats a tough one cause they probably get hit on a lot
Byakuya769
Member
Yep.
Vermillion
Banned
TBF he said "blackout" drunk.
BannedEpisode
Member
How does one talk to a hot bartender? Like I went to a bar this past saturday with my friend who knows that place and people.
He introduced me to 2 out of 3 of them but they all wanted to speak to him since they hadn't seen him for like 2 years. I thought it was right for me to just let them chat and catch up I guess. My issue was that the music was loud and its difficult to get a cohesive conversation going between you and the person on the other side of the bar.
Anyways they were hot but not sure how to approach them. Apparently they love to go to the beaches here in NY so I will definitely be seeing them this summer. Gonna try and get something going but I feel these girls are like above my level. Heard 1 of them likes money so thats a little off putting since I have a shitty car, ok job and looking to go to college this fall.
95% of hot bartenders are taken. They are hot and bartending because it is an excellent financial combination. If you are certain that they are available be friendly, dont push them if they are busy for conversation, smile and order a drink. Leave a tip (Nothing crazy now). Dont linger, if you made an impression you will know if you come back at a less busy time.
It's not about banging people, I've also never been in a relationship, I've never experienced falling in love with someone. You gotta think about it from a different POV, like people who experience drugs and have a great experience doing that.
I've already accomplished a lot in life. I'm an aerospace engineer which something I've wanted to be since I was a kid, I make music and have played live which is something I've always wanted to do. I'm fit and strong which is something I've always strived for. I have plenty of good friends, whom I go out with and have with on a weekly basis, but at the end of the day I'm a human being, and as a human being I want to experience falling in love with someone and yes, having sex with them, but on an emotional level. If I was just interested in fucking anything that moved I would just have sex with a prostitute/escort but that's not what I'm interested in.
BannedEpisode
Member
Unfortunately a lot of people get to a point where sex becomes such a crowning and perceivingly gigantic goal that they psych themselves out. I was like that until a while after I got into college.
It ends up becoming a barrier to forming an effective a realistic relationship if the person is so hung up on not having had sex.
Jaffaboy
Member
Well if you find someone who makes you happy and ticks all or at least most of your boxes, why not?
I'm quite a late bloomer and have only been with one girl, my current girlfriend. Before that was a life full of rejection and confusion. When people say things like 'I can't imagine being with only one woman' or 'you need to sow your seed, man' it's kinda annoying to be honest. I love my girl and I'm hoping we have a happy future together, yet when I hear this kinda stuff constantly it almost undermines my relationship with her because she's my first time. Maybe this my own issue I've gotta work on, because of course I'd liked to have had some experiences, but when you're with someone that makes you very happy for your first relationship, why would you throw that away just to try to get more experience and seek something that you already have? I'm no way ready to be single and frustrated to shit again.
To clarify I'm not with my girl just to not be single, lol.
CornBurrito
Member
I don't think sex is some magical life changing experience. I'm pretty sure it won't even be great the first few times. Hell it might not even be GOOD.
But I do think people treat it as if it would be a milestone for overcoming general social awkwardness, which is extremely debilitating in so many aspects of life.
Yes, I know this. I told my friend that its kind of their job to be friendly and nice to customers. Obviously to be sociable and a positive attitude but I feel I have a slight advantage in that they are close to my friend. But this is whats holding me back from pursuing any of them bc I feel they will be nice to me just bc its their job and at the end of the night they get a nice trip from us. *sigh*
Yes they are single and we are roughly the same age. My friend is actually younger than us. She was like "Im 24 years, how old are you again?" to my friend and I was like "hey Im the same!" and we high-fived and laughed at the fact he was a "baby". So little stuff like that I was being friendly but not too pushy.
My friend used to live in Queens so he tells me that every weekend he was there getting drunk and would spend like $200 or so a night. He is like a "regular" and basically gets VIP access. Like the saturday we went, I was "dude, did you bring ID?" (we dont look our age) and he was like "nah, its all good". At this point I was like this guy is crazy. Next thing I know, he did a hand shake to both bouncers, the owner stepped out and said "Dont ID them, let them in! Welcome blah blah". At this point I was really impressed.
Edit: I would like to state that the only reason Im doing this is because my friend wants to hook me up with one of his plenty gal friends. He has a lot but he is more of a "womenizer" in that he has had plenty of girlfriends for whatever reasons. I feel like he is never content with whoever he is dating and is bound to break up and seek another girl. Im like the opposite so some of his tips I just sort of dont take for face value because I know he is aiming for other types of relationships. He is like a player and I dont really want to be like that but Im having out more with him just to be more sociable and see if I can find someone. He means no harm and I appreciate that but I dont really agree with his way of doing things.
BannedEpisode
Member
It wont be. Trust me lol.
Sounds like you are on the right track. If you see her again while out with your buddy ask if she plans on going out the next time she isnt working if things go well. If she is interested in you she will be honest and wont need to be pressed. Just keep it casual, its hard to hit it off with people while they are working especially in a really busy job like bartending or waiting tables.
BannedEpisode
Member
If he took pills it is very very likely that he will be fine. Especially since someone got in contact with his parents.
Ingesting medication/pills is by far the least effective common form of suicide.
Ingesting medication/pills is by far the least effective common form of suicide.
Crash Station
Member
Kevin, if you can still read this, just know that what society thinks doesn't make a difference for the individual. You're a good guy, and anyone that sees being a virgin as a negative is just as immature as how they perceive virgins, if not moreso. Whether there's societal pressure and a large stigma around it or not, it becomes such a non-issue when talking to people about it 1 on 1 if you choose to do so.
It's also important to note that the anonymity of forums makes people a bit crueler when it comes to this kind of stuff, despite there generally being a high volume of virgins in these places.
Mufasa, I don't know what you were trying to accomplish with this thread. No offense, but I'm not sure how someone that lives in Japan can have such a lack of empathy for virgins. I think you could have at least made the OP sound a bit nicer, but I guess that wouldn't stop some of the malicious posts and virgin-shaming in here.
It's also important to note that the anonymity of forums makes people a bit crueler when it comes to this kind of stuff, despite there generally being a high volume of virgins in these places.
Mufasa, I don't know what you were trying to accomplish with this thread. No offense, but I'm not sure how someone that lives in Japan can have such a lack of empathy for virgins. I think you could have at least made the OP sound a bit nicer, but I guess that wouldn't stop some of the malicious posts and virgin-shaming in here.
equippedwithtowel
Member
Mufasa needs to cut his joke persona down a bit.
Not just for the obvious reason but also because he's being a dick.
Not just for the obvious reason but also because he's being a dick.
Crash Station
Member
This really isn't the time for this, but my dad has been and he's one of the happiest people I know.
People are different.
I hope this is true. Please be okay, Kevin.
I suppose it's a combination of things.
In my teen years, I was unconfident, passive, and shy. Had a good amount of friends and had a good time in high school, but I had no sort of game.
These days, between work full time, and school full time, I have little to no social life. I barely even get to hang out with my close friends.
I've certainly had my opportunities, but the chances I've had I wasn't interested in. I'm not desperate and I'm not interested in having sex with just any woman (I suppose you could call me picky, I personally don't think I really am). I guess that's weird to most people (I get told that pussy is pussy and to never pass it up. I don't happen to share this mindset).
People seem genuinely shocked when they find out. I don't make it a point to tell them, but I'm not embarrassed about it. If they ask, I'll give them an honest answer.
My feelings about it are that if an opportunity presents itself and I'm interested...great! But it's not something that eats away at me or is always in the back of my head.
I will say that I'm still too passive. Much more confident than I used to be, but it's still something that could be improved.
In my teen years, I was unconfident, passive, and shy. Had a good amount of friends and had a good time in high school, but I had no sort of game.
These days, between work full time, and school full time, I have little to no social life. I barely even get to hang out with my close friends.
I've certainly had my opportunities, but the chances I've had I wasn't interested in. I'm not desperate and I'm not interested in having sex with just any woman (I suppose you could call me picky, I personally don't think I really am). I guess that's weird to most people (I get told that pussy is pussy and to never pass it up. I don't happen to share this mindset).
People seem genuinely shocked when they find out. I don't make it a point to tell them, but I'm not embarrassed about it. If they ask, I'll give them an honest answer.
My feelings about it are that if an opportunity presents itself and I'm interested...great! But it's not something that eats away at me or is always in the back of my head.
I will say that I'm still too passive. Much more confident than I used to be, but it's still something that could be improved.
Yeah, I think what annoys me in this thread is how some people think they've been in the exact same situation. I really doubt you have. Especially someone like KevinCow who's clinically depressed. That adds a whole new level of social problems.
Frankly, most people suck at seeing things from someone else's point of view. Anyone who feels really bad about being a virgin should see a counselor or a therapist, not GAF.
Hmm, you think asking for a phone number is too soon, just to text? We were gonna do that but we forgot. And yes it was hard to have a conversation with her bc she was obviously working, loud music and most chat was with my buddy bc they hadnt seen for like 2 years so they were catching up. But she was having a drink with us, so we "cheered" one another every once in a while lol. And small talk while bar tending clients.
Now the twist is that she works/lives in Queens and us two live in Long Island, out east. Its like an hour drive to the place at night. So another thing holding me back is distance. And the fact we can only see them on weekends if we go to the bar so thats why I'd like to get her contact info. Sucks she dont got facebook which I believe since I dont have one either. I doubt she lied to my buddy when he asked her for it. Thats why they loved it when my buddy invited them to the beaches out here few years ago. Eh, we wont be there till 2 weeks from now but not really pursuing them to be honest. If they provide a number, I will try. If not, ill pass and continue with the next gals we meet.
I'm not talking about having sex, I'm talking about being in a relationship, and yes, sex often comes with being in a relationship, but that's not some crowning achievement I'm chasing or anything like that. I just want to experience what every other adult human has experienced in the history of time, which is being in a relationship and developing feelings towards another human being. It's not something I'm chasing, it's just something I want to experience, and if I'm 40 and I still haven't experienced such a thing then honestly there would be no point in living past that age, at least for me.
I'm perfectly fine when it comes social interactions, though I do suffer from some social anxiety at times but honestly I doubt I'm the only one. I can talk to girls for days, I'm not a creep or a weirdo. I'm just horribly inexperienced when it comes to being flirtatious which has landed me plenty of girl friends but never any girlfriends.
I feel like all the people saying that being in a relationship isn't that big or a deal are just taking their experiences in life for granted since you're so used to it it's become second nature. A life experience is a life experience, it can be positive, negative, or have no effect at all, but at least it's an experience.
I'm not sure what I did exactly but what worked for me was that I was friendly and wasn't expecting anything past a nice chit chat. Only thing I can think of is to ask the bartender for some embarrassing stories of your friend since he's a regular. I think that would be a fun conversation for the both of you. I did manage to get a bartender's number by asking her to help me pull some harmless prank on my friend but I wouldn't recommend that.
BannedEpisode
Member
Nah phone numbers are fine. Do the typical wait a while, and dont double text (I have a hard time with that) and it should be smooth sailing.
Distance is gonna be an issue too but there is no reason not to try it. The worst that could happen is it doesnt work out and you get some cool experience. This situation seems perfect for a group outing, especially with your buddy since he is the "In" for this situation.
BannedEpisode
Member
I get you, I understand it even. I just dont think a lot of people honestly think that way.
i just feel obligated to post that if you're very obese, it will be very difficult for women to find you attractive. spending time working on yourself, getting to the gym has the potential to make all the difference in the world. if you're saying "i've tried everything, and nothing works", but you haven't tried eating right and working out, then you haven't really tried everything.
and can we not take shots at mufasa in light of kevin's situation? if a mod wanted this thread closed, they would have done it 10 pages ago before the site's owner posted in it.
and can we not take shots at mufasa in light of kevin's situation? if a mod wanted this thread closed, they would have done it 10 pages ago before the site's owner posted in it.
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