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What's the most f*cked up thing you've done for sex?
- Thread starter bishoptl
- Start date
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GuntherBait
Banned
2nd.Malakhov said:
I told the girl (she was 17 at the time, I was 18) that I would buy her some jacket from Abercrombie that retailed for $110. We had already had sex once that day, but I wanted a quickie in the truck before I dropped her off -- low and behold, like the true slut she was, she took the bait.
Later on, when she asked if I would be her BF, I told her no.
OWN3D.
Later on, when she asked if I would be her BF, I told her no.
OWN3D.
Wellington
BAAAALLLINNN'
I don't have any kind of ownage story, but it was the last day of the fall semester and we had this semester long project due. I had most of the data and shit so I pretty much had to right the whole report and my partners would help out. In the morning though my girlfriend at the time told me that she wouldn't be seeing me for too long the next day (which was my birthday 
) so she'd have to make it up to me then. Realizing there was no one in my house at the time, I of course told my partners that I had a doctor's appointment and left. Oh I had a doctor's appointment alright... *OA :boff smiley here*
Edit: of course, when I got back I was in a great mood so I nailed that project. That was a great sequence of events.
) so she'd have to make it up to me then. Realizing there was no one in my house at the time, I of course told my partners that I had a doctor's appointment and left. Oh I had a doctor's appointment alright... *OA :boff smiley here*Edit: of course, when I got back I was in a great mood so I nailed that project. That was a great sequence of events.
Not fucked up but...
Just a few nights ago I sat at my GFs playing MarioGolf while she was working out her staff schedule for the next three weeks. 1 hour passes, then two. She finished scheduling but needed to put it all into excel.
She says "I'm tired" (code for:: no sex), so I try to work it, nothing. then she says okay but only if I fill out the spread sheet that night so she didn't have to get up early the next morning and do it herself.
I say "Sure" then she says "I wasn't serious"
pwned
Just a few nights ago I sat at my GFs playing MarioGolf while she was working out her staff schedule for the next three weeks. 1 hour passes, then two. She finished scheduling but needed to put it all into excel.
She says "I'm tired" (code for:: no sex), so I try to work it, nothing. then she says okay but only if I fill out the spread sheet that night so she didn't have to get up early the next morning and do it herself.
I say "Sure" then she says "I wasn't serious"
pwned
Okay now for my desperate for sex story.
I had just moved into my new apartment a few years ago. I had four other housemates, one of which was my roomate who hadn't moved in yet but his bed was set up since we had a bunk. My bed was covered in stuff from the move in.
My GF was helping me move in, so we were setting shit up in my room with the music on really loud. Anyway, we take a break and start messing around etc. about to get down when... Shit no condoms. They were missing in the move. My housemates where roaming around the apartment, my bed was a mess. Thats when we got our bright idea.
* * *
And that is the story of how I banged my girlfriend, on a towel, on my roomate's bed, with all my other house mates moving into the apartment around us, with my jimmy bagged in Costco-issue plastic wrap.
I had just moved into my new apartment a few years ago. I had four other housemates, one of which was my roomate who hadn't moved in yet but his bed was set up since we had a bunk. My bed was covered in stuff from the move in.
My GF was helping me move in, so we were setting shit up in my room with the music on really loud. Anyway, we take a break and start messing around etc. about to get down when... Shit no condoms. They were missing in the move. My housemates where roaming around the apartment, my bed was a mess. Thats when we got our bright idea.
* * *
And that is the story of how I banged my girlfriend, on a towel, on my roomate's bed, with all my other house mates moving into the apartment around us, with my jimmy bagged in Costco-issue plastic wrap.
MrAngryFace
Banned
Thats the American Dream right there..
The Bookerman
Member
My ex wanted to bite my dick one night....
and yes I did let her do it. Though after that, it wasn't my best night of sex after all. I was completly pussy whipped.
and yes I did let her do it. Though after that, it wasn't my best night of sex after all. I was completly pussy whipped.
Hawksley
Member
It's like a Mentos-themed Costco commercial. It's gettin' heavy but lo, something's gone all a'fuddle! Things are looking down for our hero. (Ha ha!) But wait! Costco-brand merchandise! The jingle picks back up and our hero beams a victorious, sparkling grin on his face. Ah, the classics.
Erm.
At a nightclub with the boys - meeting up with girls that we were friendly with. One of them in particular had been eyeing me up for a few weeks, flirting outrageously and the whole nine. But her bitch roommate wasn't having ANY of it, totally cockblocking every time I tried to make time with the girl privately. So we're all at the club, drinking and dancing, and the bitch roommate is getting more and more plastered and telling me exactly what she thinks of me and my doggish ways and there's no way in hell that she's gonna let her 'BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD' get dealt with by the likes of me.
Now, the club is split into two parts - one large room with a massive dance floor and 3 bars at the back, connected by a large open door to the other smaller room with just one bar. We were all in the smaller venue and I got tired of dealing with the roommate, so I left everybody there, grabbed my drink and took a walk to the other side. She follows me to one of the back bars in the large room, yapping all the way and I'm getting more and more pissed...there's a waitress standing there with her tray piled up with drinks getting ready to go out on the floor. She puts her tray down and turns aside to check her cash just as Bitch Roommate grabs my arm to spin me around so she can bitch to my face instead of the back of my head. My drink goes careening right into the stack of full glasses on the waitress' tray, sending booze and shards of glass everywhere. In the confusion, as the bar staff whipped their heads in our direction in horror, the answer to my needs hit me like a bolt of lightning. I pointed a finger at Bitch Roommate and said, simply:
"She did it."
The waitress grabbed her to pay for all of the spilled drinks, while BR argued to no avail that it wasn't really her at all. Then she started fighting with the waitress, which brought the bouncers over and that's when the situation really started getting ugly, she's screaming about how she didn't do shit and how she can't pay for all those drinks, then swinging at the bar staff. I just melted back into the crowd and headed back to the other side to talk to her friend.
ME: "****** just left with her ex-boyfriend. She said she'll call you later"
HOT BABE I WANNA RIDE LIKE A PONY: "What? She wouldn't just leave!"
ME: "Yeah, she was giving me shit and then bumped into this guy, next thing you know they're leaving the club. You need a ride home?"
HBIWRLAP: "...yeah. That'd be nice. Are you sure you don't mind?"
ME: (gallantly) "Not a problem. We can leave in an hour or so."
HBIWRLAP: "No...let's go NOW."
ME: ""
So we're heading out the door by the coat check, and the commotion is still going on at the back of the main bar but she can't really see anything over all of the people.
HBIWRLAP: "What's going on back there?"
ME: "Dunno. Think there was a fight or something. Let's get you out of here."
Bottom line: Took her back to her place and had wild monkey sex all over the apartment until the wee hours. PLUS her roomie got arrested for causing a disturbance and was held overnight in the drunk tank. The next time I saw her at a party and she started freaking out on me for what happened, I just shook my head sadly and denied everything. To this day (nearly 7 years later) she wants to kill me. Good times.
The lesson learned here, folks? Hormones > ALL.
At a nightclub with the boys - meeting up with girls that we were friendly with. One of them in particular had been eyeing me up for a few weeks, flirting outrageously and the whole nine. But her bitch roommate wasn't having ANY of it, totally cockblocking every time I tried to make time with the girl privately. So we're all at the club, drinking and dancing, and the bitch roommate is getting more and more plastered and telling me exactly what she thinks of me and my doggish ways and there's no way in hell that she's gonna let her 'BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD' get dealt with by the likes of me.
Now, the club is split into two parts - one large room with a massive dance floor and 3 bars at the back, connected by a large open door to the other smaller room with just one bar. We were all in the smaller venue and I got tired of dealing with the roommate, so I left everybody there, grabbed my drink and took a walk to the other side. She follows me to one of the back bars in the large room, yapping all the way and I'm getting more and more pissed...there's a waitress standing there with her tray piled up with drinks getting ready to go out on the floor. She puts her tray down and turns aside to check her cash just as Bitch Roommate grabs my arm to spin me around so she can bitch to my face instead of the back of my head. My drink goes careening right into the stack of full glasses on the waitress' tray, sending booze and shards of glass everywhere. In the confusion, as the bar staff whipped their heads in our direction in horror, the answer to my needs hit me like a bolt of lightning. I pointed a finger at Bitch Roommate and said, simply:
"She did it."
The waitress grabbed her to pay for all of the spilled drinks, while BR argued to no avail that it wasn't really her at all. Then she started fighting with the waitress, which brought the bouncers over and that's when the situation really started getting ugly, she's screaming about how she didn't do shit and how she can't pay for all those drinks, then swinging at the bar staff. I just melted back into the crowd and headed back to the other side to talk to her friend.
ME: "****** just left with her ex-boyfriend. She said she'll call you later"
HOT BABE I WANNA RIDE LIKE A PONY: "What? She wouldn't just leave!"
ME: "Yeah, she was giving me shit and then bumped into this guy, next thing you know they're leaving the club. You need a ride home?"
HBIWRLAP: "...yeah. That'd be nice. Are you sure you don't mind?"
ME: (gallantly) "Not a problem. We can leave in an hour or so."
HBIWRLAP: "No...let's go NOW."
ME: "
"So we're heading out the door by the coat check, and the commotion is still going on at the back of the main bar but she can't really see anything over all of the people.
HBIWRLAP: "What's going on back there?"
ME: "Dunno. Think there was a fight or something. Let's get you out of here."
Bottom line: Took her back to her place and had wild monkey sex all over the apartment until the wee hours. PLUS her roomie got arrested for causing a disturbance and was held overnight in the drunk tank. The next time I saw her at a party and she started freaking out on me for what happened, I just shook my head sadly and denied everything. To this day (nearly 7 years later) she wants to kill me. Good times.
The lesson learned here, folks? Hormones > ALL.
Wellington
BAAAALLLINNN'
bishoptl said:Erm.
At a nightclub with the boys - meeting up with girls that we were friendly with. One of them in particular had been eyeing me up for a few weeks, flirting outrageously and the whole nine. But her bitch roommate wasn't having ANY of it, totally cockblocking every time I tried to make time with the girl privately. So we're all at the club, drinking and dancing, and the bitch roommate is getting more and more plastered and telling me exactly what she thinks of me and my doggish ways and there's no way in hell that she's gonna let her 'BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD' get dealt with by the likes of me.
Now, the club is split into two parts - one large room with a massive dance floor and 3 bars at the back, connected by a large open door to the other smaller room with just one bar. We were all in the smaller venue and I got tired of dealing with the roommate, so I left everybody there, grabbed my drink and took a walk to the other side. She follows me to one of the back bars in the large room, yapping all the way and I'm getting more and more pissed...there's a waitress standing there with her tray piled up with drinks getting ready to go out on the floor. She puts her tray down and turns aside to check her cash just as Bitch Roommate grabs my arm to spin me around so she can bitch to my face instead of the back of my head. My drink goes careening right into the stack of full glasses on the waitress' tray, sending booze and shards of glass everywhere. In the confusion, as the bar staff whipped their heads in our direction in horror, the answer to my needs hit me like a bolt of lightning. I pointed a finger at Bitch Roommate and said, simply:
"She did it."
The waitress grabbed her to pay for all of the spilled drinks, while BR argued to no avail that it wasn't really her at all. Then she started fighting with the waitress, which brought the bouncers over and that's when the situation really started getting ugly, she's screaming about how she didn't do shit and how she can't pay for all those drinks, then swinging at the bar staff. I just melted back into the crowd and headed back to the other side to talk to her friend.
ME: "****** just left with her ex-boyfriend. She said she'll call you later"
HOT BABE I WANNA RIDE LIKE A PONY: "What? She wouldn't just leave!"
ME: "Yeah, she was giving me shit and then bumped into this guy, next thing you know they're leaving the club. You need a ride home?"
HBIWRLAP: "...yeah. That'd be nice. Are you sure you don't mind?"
ME: (gallantly) "Not a problem. We can leave in an hour or so."
HBIWRLAP: "No...let's go NOW."
ME: "
So we're heading out the door by the coat check, and the commotion is still going on at the back of the main bar but she can't really see anything over all of the people.
HBIWRLAP: "What's going on back there?"
ME: "Dunno. Think there was a fight or something. Let's get you out of here."
Bottom line: Took her back to her place and had wild monkey sex all over the apartment until the wee hours. PLUS her roomie got arrested for causing a disturbance and was held overnight in the drunk tank. The next time I saw her at a party and she started freaking out on me for what happened, I just shook my head sadly and denied everything. To this day (nearly 7 years later) she wants to kill me. Good times.
The lesson learned here, folks? Hormones > ALL.
Ahahaha, "Great Moments In Hookup History!"
Uh... I dunno what country you're living in konex, but certainly not in the US. :usa
Upper_Management
Member
How about bangin' your friends ex-gf a few weeks after they broke up. That's always a good story....
I've never done anything super low for sex. I have however been a real prick when it comes to revenge. I once banged my step-brothers girl-friend senseless. He was a real dick growing up. Used to rat me out and all the usual Momma's boy suck hole shit. I swear I spent half my teenage years grounded because of him. So one day I run into the love of his life. I didn't even find her attractive but just to be a heartless ass I fucked the shit out of her. I put all that pent up rage into this poor girl. She was seriously worked. At the begining she was so worried about getting caught but by the end she just did't give a fuck. Got super vocal I know about 5 of my buddies heard her. Needless to say she dumps him within a week. I go buy me step-brothers pad and he has just totaled the place punched holes in the walls. I'm like whats wrong? He starts crying about how this girl just dosen't think there compatable sexually and shit. It was a classic. In the end I probable did him a favor. The chick was a freak stalked me for weeks after that.
Divine Puncher
Banned
Asked for a Birthday fuck.
Licked a girl's ass crack....
Licked a girl's ass crack....
Mike Works
Member
Said I'd pay child support.
Upper_Management
Member
I paid for it.
Mike Works
Member
Of course I was kidding, I'd never actually pay child support!darscot said:
And come on, it hasn't made any difference, Orin's grown up just fine.
Felidae_Khrall
Member
bishoptl said:Erm.
At a nightclub with the boys - meeting up with girls that we were friendly with. One of them in particular had been eyeing me up for a few weeks, flirting outrageously and the whole nine. But her bitch roommate wasn't having ANY of it, totally cockblocking every time I tried to make time with the girl privately. So we're all at the club, drinking and dancing, and the bitch roommate is getting more and more plastered and telling me exactly what she thinks of me and my doggish ways and there's no way in hell that she's gonna let her 'BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD' get dealt with by the likes of me.
Now, the club is split into two parts - one large room with a massive dance floor and 3 bars at the back, connected by a large open door to the other smaller room with just one bar. We were all in the smaller venue and I got tired of dealing with the roommate, so I left everybody there, grabbed my drink and took a walk to the other side. She follows me to one of the back bars in the large room, yapping all the way and I'm getting more and more pissed...there's a waitress standing there with her tray piled up with drinks getting ready to go out on the floor. She puts her tray down and turns aside to check her cash just as Bitch Roommate grabs my arm to spin me around so she can bitch to my face instead of the back of my head. My drink goes careening right into the stack of full glasses on the waitress' tray, sending booze and shards of glass everywhere. In the confusion, as the bar staff whipped their heads in our direction in horror, the answer to my needs hit me like a bolt of lightning. I pointed a finger at Bitch Roommate and said, simply:
"She did it."
The waitress grabbed her to pay for all of the spilled drinks, while BR argued to no avail that it wasn't really her at all. Then she started fighting with the waitress, which brought the bouncers over and that's when the situation really started getting ugly, she's screaming about how she didn't do shit and how she can't pay for all those drinks, then swinging at the bar staff. I just melted back into the crowd and headed back to the other side to talk to her friend.
ME: "****** just left with her ex-boyfriend. She said she'll call you later"
HOT BABE I WANNA RIDE LIKE A PONY: "What? She wouldn't just leave!"
ME: "Yeah, she was giving me shit and then bumped into this guy, next thing you know they're leaving the club. You need a ride home?"
HBIWRLAP: "...yeah. That'd be nice. Are you sure you don't mind?"
ME: (gallantly) "Not a problem. We can leave in an hour or so."
HBIWRLAP: "No...let's go NOW."
ME: "
So we're heading out the door by the coat check, and the commotion is still going on at the back of the main bar but she can't really see anything over all of the people.
HBIWRLAP: "What's going on back there?"
ME: "Dunno. Think there was a fight or something. Let's get you out of here."
Bottom line: Took her back to her place and had wild monkey sex all over the apartment until the wee hours. PLUS her roomie got arrested for causing a disturbance and was held overnight in the drunk tank. The next time I saw her at a party and she started freaking out on me for what happened, I just shook my head sadly and denied everything. To this day (nearly 7 years later) she wants to kill me. Good times.
The lesson learned here, folks? Hormones > ALL.
I know what club you were at ! Ahahahah GO SONARS!
Felidae_Khrall
Member
Chipopo said:
Haha, that happened to me. I was out on Boxing Day with my ex-gf (We were hooked up for a year after) and went back to my place after seeing a movie. we went into my apt, put our shit down, and went up to the roof of the building for a smoke. About to head back down, and I realize that my Keys are in the apt. and my landlords are away on vacation.. PWNED!
We spent the night in the pool changing room, and after a half an hour of her bitching about being cold I started telling her, we should do it to stay warm. "No, you're just horny." "Yeah.. but it WILL make you warmer."
So I just let my hands do the convincing, and bam!
She was warm afterwards
Then at about 7am, I woke up, went and got a ladder and broke into my Apt. where we did it again in the shower!
Come on, ShadowRed, you have some real juicy stories. Such as the time your "date" ended up injecting heroin into you, or the time you fucked the mother in the trailerhouse then fucked her daughter after the mother left to get groceries. Let's hear those fictional pieces of art, please.
Felidae_Khrall
Member
bishoptl said:
Was I right about the club ?
Felidae_Khrall
Member
bishoptl said:
d-d-d-DANG! You're lucky you got out alive.
It`s not as low as it sounds. She was a freak, after all she did sleep with me. It would have just been some other guy if it wasn`t me. Part of the reason I did it is just pissed me off how blind he was. I know must of you guys have a buddy that is going out with a complete freak but just doesn`t see it. It gets on your nerves. As far as beating him, there really would be no point. He`s just a little weasel, punching him out would just make me look like a goon. It`s not like I rubbed his nose in it, he still has no idea and never will.
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