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[MrMephistoX]

So my wife and I have been married 16 years. Our daughter just turned 8. We both work full time and this school year she has done jack shot. I cook, I clean the kitchen, I get my daughter to class on time and make sure she does her homework...and oh yeah I bring in salary from my full time job in tech. The wife works too and locks her door every day when she does it. We got into it and in anger I said “you haven’t done anything to help our daughter!” Regrettable words but it’s true. This prompted her throwing a glass knocking over a chair, a fan and yelling for 10 minutes in front of our daughter on her birthday. Then she storms off tells my daughter I’m a bad husband and threatens divorce over text...wtf?

Who is the asshole?

 

[PSYGN]

I am the asshole.

 

[Rentahamster]

Get thee to a marriage counselor.

 

[brap]

Her of course. What a fucking psycho. No offense.

 

[bender]

hat in hand you fucking goober.

 

[Pejo]

Well we're only getting your side of the story, but it sure sounds like she's been unreasonable. Sorry you're going through that OP, COVID has been forcing people to be around each other a lot more than 2 adult humans should have to be, so I think relationships are getting strained a bit.

 

[Cunth]

My wife is a selfish bish too. Women gonna women.

 

[epicnemesis]

Hard to gather from one side. Obviously as it’s painted the answer would be her. But maybe she feels like she is doing everything as well.

My wife and I had a similar (but much smaller degree) argument a few months ago and were able to talk (at times shout) through it.

To me, sickness and health also includes mental sickness(which we all have right now) Find a way to constructively talk it out, if you need a mediator get in for some counseling.

 

[-Arcadia-]

We can’t judge from one side of the story, no offense or commentary on you, but that’s just how it is, for maximum impartiality. Likewise, a single paragraph can’t break down complex human relationships and personalities.

But, that does seem awfully unfair on her side. I don’t think you confronting her is unreasonable either, and the reaction completely unnecessary (and unpleasant).

I stop short of calling her an asshole though, but I understand the need to vent, and for support. I hope you guys can talk, and work through this stuff. And I hope you’re doing well, or will be. It’s never fun when someone you love goes full psycho with a reaction like that.

 

[-Arcadia-]

This prompted her throwing a glass knocking over a chair, a fan and yelling for 10 minutes in front of our daughter on her birthday.

Found a pic of OP’s wife.

 

[LegendOfKage]

and yelling for 10 minutes

This sounds like the part that would have been her defending herself, as she sees the situation. What was her defense? This is why it's so hard to fully understand a situation like this based on one person's side of a story. Not only that, but we're not even getting her defense as you personally saw it. Does that make sense?

No judgement either way, though. If I knew all the details, I might fully agree with you.

 

[MrMephistoX]

hat in hand you fucking goober.

Hard to gather from one side. Obviously as it’s painted the answer would be her. But maybe she feels like she is doing everything as well.

My wife and I had a similar (but much smaller degree) argument a few months ago and were able to talk (at times shout) through it.

To me, sickness and health also includes mental sickness(which we all have right now) Find a way to constructively talk it out, if you need a mediator get in for some counseling.

True but literally here is my daily routine:

1. wake kid up
2. Cook breakfast
3. Work out
4. Get kid to online school
5. Start my job
6. Stop my job
7. Cook lunch
8. Get kid back to class
9. Resume job
10. Get kid snack
11. Resume job
12. Get kid to do homework
13. Cook or order dinner
14. Clean kitchen/do dishes

It’s literally only me doing everything not even exaggerating.

Weekends: all of the above plus I vacuum and occasionally shampoo the carpets on our stairs. If I don’t stay up past 9 no games/

 

[bender]

True but literally here is my daily routine:

1. wake kid up
2. Cook breakfast
3. Work out
4. Get kid to online school
5. Start my job
6. Stop my job
7. Cook lunch
8. Get kid back to class
9. Resume job
10. Get kid snack
11. Resume job
12. Get kid to do homework
13. Cook or order dinner
14. Clean kitchen/do dishes

It’s literally only me doing everything not even exaggerating.

It's not that I don't believe you, but you are the one bitching about it on a message board. And if it is true, there are better ways to address the situation and much better times (see: when it's not your daughter's birthday). Even if your one sided account is true, she might be an asshole but so are you. Think of your daughter at least.

 

[teezzy]

Have you asked her to see if shed help out? Let her know youre overwhelemed. That seems like the root cause of this. You're overwhelmed and need help. Her help.

 

[MrMephistoX]

It's not that I don't believe you, but you are the one bitching about it on a message board. And if it is true, there are better ways to address the situation and much better times (see: when it's not your daughter's birthday). Even if your one sided account is true, she might be an asshole but so are you. Think of your daughter at least.

I agree I was the one literally telling my wife to calm down so we could discuss later while my daughter was plugging her ears...I’m a slow boil temper wise that’s a problem she’s always mad I just let it build up sometimes years at a time and explode.

 

[TaySan]

OP, i feel like you and your wife don't communicate much at all judging by your past threads. You and her need to talk it out and let her know you are overwhelmed and need her to step up.

 

[NecrosaroIII]

There is only one correct answer.

Your daughter is the asshole.

 

[sol_bad]

Looks like this issue has been going on for a loooooong time.

 

[kiunchbb]

Does your wife do her share of chores? When you said this "school year", it sounded like she just couldn't help the daughter during the school hours, since her work may not provide the same flexibility to provide child care during work hours.

Why not split the duty around the houses so everyone get the same share of duties? There are no way you two are married for 16 years without any system set up.

 

[kretos]

lol you cook and clean? you lost control over your woman

 

[epicnemesis]

I hate giving relationship advice to anyone, let alone internet strangers. I’m no expert and every relationship is so different.

With that said. You can’t let things build up, and it sounds like something has been building here for a while.

Assuming your relationship wasn’t a disaster pre covid, then the cause is pretty clear. Your world and routine was upended in March and it seems like it hasn’t been addressed. You gotta talk it out, probably in counseling and definitely not when your daughter is awake. Then promise to not let things build up, and if you see the tension build you are going to have to be the one who pricks the balloon before it pops on its own.

Like I said, I’m no expert, but the thing that works for us are:
1. We don’t let things build (of course I do most of the balloon pricking)
2. We always kiss each other good night, even if we are in the middle of an issue. It’s a reminder that whatever the problem is, we are bigger than it.

 

[Elcid]

Fuck that dude. I wake up, walk the dog, go to work, come home. Expect dinner, help with the kids to get them to bed, then I spend the rest of the night either gaming or hounding that ass. Slam your fucking dick down and fix that woman, you’re getting fucked but not the good kind.

 

[tryDEATH]

You have to communicate with your partner on a constant basis, that is the only way to avoid these sort of situations where one party feels unappreciated or used, which then ends up eventually boiling over and leading to a huge fight.

The best thing you can do is sit down with here and let here know how and why you feel that way in a calm and respectful way. Many people are underestimating the tension CoVID has caused and are trying to live life like nothing happened, but it can get overwhelming very quickly if you end up having to carry a majority of the burden that wasn't there pre-CoVID.

If that doesn't work get to a professional marriage counselor.

 

[bitbydeath]

You don’t know the stress she is under, only one way to find out. Time to communicate.

 

[King of Foxes]

Your wife doesn't sound like a woman at all.

Maybe you need to be more firm and put her in her place more often. I know you can't hit your wife in the west but stand up and act like a man and don't let her push you around.

 

[nush]

OP, i feel like you and your wife don't communicate much at all judging by your past threads. You and her need to talk it out and let her know you are overwhelmed and need her to step up.

I'm sure your valuable life experience advice is a great comfort to OP.

 

[nush]

So my wife and I have been married 16 years. Our daughter just turned 8. We both work full time and this school year she has done jack shot. I cook, I clean the kitchen, I get my daughter to class on time and make sure she does her homework...and oh yeah I bring in salary from my full time job in tech. The wife works too and locks her door every day when she does it. We got into it and in anger I said “you haven’t done anything to help our daughter!” Regrettable words but it’s true. This prompted her throwing a glass knocking over a chair, a fan and yelling for 10 minutes in front of our daughter on her birthday. Then she storms off tells my daughter I’m a bad husband and threatens divorce over text...wtf?

Who is the asshole?

Let me guess, you've not had sex for years?

 

[rofif]

Tell this to Your doughter

 

[Punished Miku]

Women tend to fixate on their kids to the detriment of their marriage and any attention to their husbands. If all 3 of you are literally home all day, and your wife ignores her kid all day long, then that sounds extremely weird to me, almost like she might be a sociopath.

What kind of work does she do? Why does she feel the need to lock the door during work?

I get the sense there's a lot more going on here. Someone doesn't shut down like that unless they're depressed about something, hiding something, have significant career stress, or who knows what else.

 

[DonJuanSchlong]

My wife is a selfish bish too. Women gonna women.

You took on your wife's name?

Spoiler

seriously joking here, or am I? But I know the feeling. Women gonna woman

 

[GymWolf]

Does she betray you with some guy called ned? Because it seems lile you married skylar from breaking bad...

Well at least she has big boobs...

 

[M1chl]

Well seems rather toxic relationship. Kind of, especially what you do (if true) vs what she does. Was she always like that, tho? I know that adults has to work things out, but at least kid needs both parents. So I am not saying use kid like a weapon, however I do not feel from the post, that the relationship works the way intended.

And again what work does she do?

 

[FreedomOfSpeech]

All I know about relationships is that once there is resentment, it can only end.

 

[German Hops]

This prompted her throwing a glass knocking over a chair, a fan and yelling for 10 minutes in front of our daughter on her birthday.

Who is the asshole?

For serious, bro, that is not cool. Who cares who's the asshole in this situation?

It seems you two knuckleheads have created a toxic environment for your young child.

Get your shit together.

 

[SadeVillain]

Mods, permaban my account pls

 

[Orpheum]

Throwing glasses? seriously?

What went wrong in your relationship? I mean in this particular situation she is definitely in the wrong but what created this behavior in the first place? was she always short tempered?

 

[Jezbollah]

Her reaction to you saying that to her, plus her threatening divorce via text (which is pretty fucked up, given you both have a child), makes me think she is terrible at confrontation.

I'd recommend you consider marriage counselling. If she goes through with it, then perhaps then she can get the message about how you feel. If she doesn't, then at least you tried with mediation, and if you do separate, you will have this on your side. If I was in your position, at least part of me would be thinking about looking after yours, and your child's position here. Raising a family is a team effort. If only one parent is pulling their weight, it rarely works out well.

 

[nush]

Mods, permaban my account pls

Quick, run back to another internet bubble where everyone agrees with you!

 

[SadeVillain]

Quick, run back to another internet bubble where everyone agrees with you!

It's not that. I'm banned from the thread. Also banned from resetera. All I have my balls and my word and I don't break em for no one.
Ot: lil bit of both. Communicate better

 

[Punished Miku]

It's not that. I'm banned from the thread. Also banned from resetera. All I have my balls and my word and I don't break em for no one

Just sleep it off man. If you want to stop posting, you can stop posting. That thread was always going to get heated responses.

 

[420bits]

Sit the fuck down and talk to your wife instead of posting here.

 

[nush]

It's not that. I'm banned from the thread. Also banned from resetera. All I have my balls and my word and I don't break em for no one

Go brave small dick energy warrior, Reddit awaits!

Spoiler: It's dangerous to go alone. Take this!

 

[eot]

Mods, permaban my account pls

Are you the wife?

 

[GymWolf]

Well we're only getting your side of the story, but it sure sounds like she's been unreasonable. Sorry you're going through that OP, COVID has been forcing people to be around each other a lot more than 2 adult humans should have to be, so I think relationships are getting strained a bit.

If this is not the definitive proof that monogamy and love are the biggest scams ever, i don't know what to say.

I love you...but stay the fuck away from me or i'm gonna hate you, holy fuck lol

 

[carlosrox]

Plot twist: he's the wife

Who wears the pants?


Sounds like you said something very stupid but going by your side of the story she sounds psychotic.

 

[GymWolf]

Are you the wife?

I had the exact same reaction

 

[Bernkastel]

So she is a tsundere.

 

[IDKFA]

Based on what you said, I would say you're wife is in the wrong. However, there are two sides to each story. Any chance your wife can pop in to give her version of events?

 

[-Arcadia-]

Based on what you said, I would say you're wife is in the wrong. However, there are two sides to each story. Any chance your wife can pop in to give her version of events?

No, she already quit Gaf over it.

 

[Stouffers]

If your wife is able to knock over a chair with a glass, cut her hair, draw a mustache on her and get her to the Braves posthaste.