Support NeoGAF

[teh_pwn]

Chimp would win.



Depends on the gun.

Let's say a halfway loaded 22 rifle, and the chimp is 30 meters away. But the fat guy has fairly quick hands.

 

[btrboyev]

An untrained ultra athletic male may not know how to throw a punch better than a guy 50 pounds lighter than him. I think strength isn't near as much a factor as people think. A 300 pound body builder may be able to bench 500 pounds, but if he can't throw a punch or block correctly, he's likely toast against someone like bruce lee.

Chimps are built differently so their brute force may be seen as more of an advantage, but a chimp's untrained mind will have many limitations of the 300 pound body builder. They don't know how to punch with their full body weight, they don't know how to throw their body. They just reach for you and rip wildly. If you know exactly how something is going to attack, you can know how to respond. Foresight, planning, accuracy.

The chimp would still win handily, they fight to the death, no logic needed. If a man came within 5 ft of the chimp it would be over.

 

[Dr Prob]

That drunk dude is just fucking around in the monkey moat, dipping his open wounds in the sludge.

Seems like that would sober you up.

 

[Az987]

Hmm... chimp vs. German Sheppard? I figure if it comes to it, a Human could likely take down the dog, so I'm guessing the likely conclusion is the chimp could take the dog?

Ooooh, how about chimp vs. anaconda? Could the chimp concievably rip it apart or beat it to death?

I would say a dog would have a better chance than a human.

Animals fight like animals. A dog would pounce on the chimp and sink it's teeth into his neck.

A human trying to throw punches at a chimp isn't going to work to well.

 

[SapientWolf]

Yeah and then you you have a flaming angry chimpanzee.

I'm assuming they're afraid of fire. But no, it'll probably walk through the flames like a goddamn Terminator.

 

[NinjaTehFish]

That guy in the water just let the thing eat his arm off, the lady probably just let it pummel it and have at her. I'm talking top tier fighter for a living martial arts master.

Go listen to the 911 call of what happened to that woman. Fucking terrifying.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgS0KgT5APc

 

[Timedog]

A trained fighter could do what to a chimp? punch it in the face and just make it more mad? You're not going to knock out a chimp, guys. Whens the last time you saw a wild animal knocked out?

Choke out? ummmm, not before it gouges your eyes out, rips the skin off your arms, and breaks and rips off your fingers.

 

[Jorok Goldblade]

Depends on whether or not the martial artist is armed. A one hit kill weapon like a katana? The martial artist has one shot to win. Unarmed? The chimp takes it.

 

[AllIsOneIsNone]

A trained fighter could do what to a chimp? punch it in the face and just make it more mad? You're not going to knock out a chimp, guys. Whens the last time you saw a wild animal knocked out?

Choke out? ummmm, not before it gouges your eyes out, rips the skin off your arms, and breaks and rips off your fingers.

the eyes, the balls (sorry guys), the throat. Our circulatory/nervous system is similar enought to a chimps that a lot of pressure points would still apply.

 

[DonMigs85]

They aren't. They are just more efficient/flexible with their movements.

I also read somewhere before that the apes have greater bone density than a typical human, so it's not just their muscles that are tougher.

 

[LaserBuddha]

An untrained ultra athletic male may not know how to throw a punch better than a guy 50 pounds lighter than him. I think strength isn't near as much a factor as people think. A 300 pound body builder may be able to bench 500 pounds, but if he can't throw a punch or block correctly, he's likely toast against someone like bruce lee.

Chimps are built differently so their brute force may be seen as more of an advantage, but a chimp's untrained mind will have many limitations of the 300 pound body builder. They don't know how to punch with their full body weight, they don't know how to throw their body. They just reach for you and rip wildly. If you know exactly how something is going to attack, you can know how to respond. Foresight, planning, accuracy.

Strength is more of a factor than anime would have you believe. Trying to block or redirect isn't going to work if the chimp is immensely stronger than you. You don't even make a good case for the human winning considering that their strategy is "planning".

 

[Az987]

Ok what about a martial artist who is having a mental break down and is temporarily insanse vs a chimp butler that's a little bit more docile than a regular chimp because he's been smoking cigars since he was a baby.

 

[Chinpoko_Master]

Go listen to the 911 call of what happened to that woman. Fucking terrifying.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgS0KgT5APc

And then look at the pictures of her face. So sad.

 

[AllIsOneIsNone]

Ok what about a martial artist who is having a mental break down and is temporarily insanse vs a chimp butler that's a little bit more docile than a regular chimp because he's been smoking cigars since he was a baby.

I'll allow it.

 

[Timedog]

I also read somewhere before that the apes have greater bone density than a typical human, so it's not just their muscles that are tougher.

they have to or else they'd snap their own bones with their strength. just like powerlifters have more bone density.

 

[Jack Remington]

Elite fighters can put a pretty ridiculous amount of force into a strike. As long as the martial artist didn't try to grapple, he'd have great shot.

 

[Dead Man]

The chimp. Of course it's the chimp. Ignoring the extra strength even, how the hell do you martial arts yor way out of a bite from this:

Let's make it more interesting:
Chimp martial artist
Vs
Fat dude with a gun

Within 30 feet? The chimp.

 

[DonMigs85]

And then look at the pictures of her face. So sad.

Not sure if it was this specific chimp but it also took quite a few bullets to take him down.

 

[AllIsOneIsNone]

I also read somewhere before that the apes have greater bone density than a typical human, so it's not just their muscles that are tougher.

Do I even have to point to the pressure point?

 

[Timedog]

the eyes, the balls (sorry guys), the throat. Our circulatory/nervous system is similar enought to a chimps that a lot of pressure points would still apply.

By the time you've reached and grabbed the balls, eyes, or throat, a bunch of your shit is already fucked up.

 

[Kinitari]

That guy in the water just let the thing eat his arm off, the lady probably just let it pummel it and have at her. I'm talking top tier fighter for a living martial arts master.

Okay, step by step, best case scenario for the martial artist, he sneaks behind the chimp and drop kicks the back of its head.

If that doesn't immediately incapacitate the chimp, the guy is dead.

If they grapple, chimp wins.
If they exchange blows, chimp wins.
If it's a speed/evasion thing, chimp wins.

How do you see the martial artists winning?

 

[East Lake]

An untrained ultra athletic male may not know how to throw a punch better than a guy 50 pounds lighter than him. I think strength isn't near as much a factor as people think. A 300 pound body builder may be able to bench 500 pounds, but if he can't throw a punch or block correctly, he's likely toast against someone like bruce lee.

Chimps are built differently so their brute force may be seen as more of an advantage, but a chimp's untrained mind will have many limitations of the 300 pound body builder. They don't know how to punch with their full body weight, they don't know how to throw their body. They just reach for you and rip wildly. If you know exactly how something is going to attack, you can know how to respond. Foresight, planning, accuracy.

The problem is if you miss a one-shot KO you're essentially guaranteed an injury, whether it's from a bite or some other manner. Even Jon Jones can take a few minutes to deal with an opponent. What if his arm or hand muscles are shredded in a bite from a missed punch?

 

[akira28]

Name me an instance you know where it's not some old lady who owns chimps as pets.

Do some research. You'll find plenty of gruesome stories. Chimp fucked this man up, who was on a chimp farm. He just looked at the monkey wrong. Monkey fucking ate his fingers, went for his eyes, and genitals. The dude survived.

Now people shoot at eat chimps on the regular. But you won't see them challenge a chimp to do anything but dodge bullets.

Do I even have to point to the pressure point?

dude you wanna kick that monkey in the balls? you go ahead. I wouldn't do it for 10 million dollars.

 

[SummitAve]

I would instantly rip my kimono off and throw it over the chimp. While it was blind, confused, and trapped I would start pounding that mother fucker to death.

 

[Az987]

Do I even have to point to the pressure point?

Chimp genitals are way more resilient than human genitals.

They'd have to be so they don't accidently pull their dicks off when they're jerking it.

 

[Dead Man]

Yeah and then you you have a flaming angry chimpanzee.

LOL

 

[dejay]

Elite fighters can put a pretty ridiculous amount of force into a strike. As long as the martial artist didn't try to grapple, he'd have great shot.

A chimp isn't going to go toe to toe - it's going to grapple and it's going to close in extremely fast and jump straight into the fighter's face. The fighter can't block or parry because the chimp has two hands and two feet to grab whatever arm the fighter puts up. It would be a very lucky strike to get in a blow that incapacitates a charging chimp.

 

[Dr Prob]

I would instantly rip my kimono off and throw it over the chimp. While it was blind, confused, and trapped I would start pounding that mother fucker to death.

OP didn't mention anything about a kimono. What's the chimpanzee wearing?

 

[AllIsOneIsNone]

Okay, step by step, best case scenario for the martial artist, he sneaks behind the chimp and drop kicks the back of its head.

If that doesn't immediately incapacitate the chimp, the guy is dead.

If they grapple, chimp wins.
If they exchange blows, chimp wins.
If it's a speed/evasion thing, chimp wins.

How do you see the martial artists winning?

A chimp doesn't know how to evade or use it's speed. It has potential to use more, but it's lack of focused power would limit a lot of it's advantages in certain situations. A chimp can run away, but it can't block a punch. Guys can punch through bricks. Guys can kick with incredible force. If they dodged a chimps pummel, a martial artist would have the advantage.

What if we give the human meth, coke, and bath salts?

I'll also allow it. It's human nature to use drugs.

 

[mr2xxx]

What if we give the human meth, coke, and bath salts?

 

[AdventureRacing]

The martial artist has no chance and they would be killed if they tried.

 

[knicks]

I thought the OP would have a video. Debates are stupid.

 

[entremet]

That guy in the water just let the thing eat his arm off, the lady probably just let it pummel it and have at her. I'm talking top tier fighter for a living martial arts master.

Doesn't matter, man. The brute strength of a chimp plus their play to kill and maim tactics will destroy any unarmed human.

 

[Avixph]

By the time you've reached and grabbed the balls, eyes, or throat, a bunch of your shit is already fucked up.

What if you both reach for the balls at the same time?

 

[Fantasmo]

You're all assuming the chimp wants to fight.
Alright, wait. Do they all want to fight?

 

[soundscream]

I also read somewhere before that the apes have greater bone density than a typical human, so it's not just their muscles that are tougher.

Scrolling down on my phone, I was all hey what's that between his..................oh.

 

[Avixph]

OP didn't mention anything about a kimono. What's the chimpanzee wearing?

A kimono.

 

[entremet]

This will never be done due to ethical reasons, but I would love a computer simulation of it.

 

[Salacious Crumb]

Punching a chimp is going to be completely ineffective, what the fuck am I reading. It sounds as insane as trying to punch a Rhino to the ground.

You're all assuming the chimp wants to fight.
Alright, wait. Do they all want to fight?

Chimps are extremely aggressive. I'd prefer to be locked in a cage with a Gorilla than a Chimp.

 

[Timedog]

A chimp doesn't know how to evade or use it's speed. It has potential to use more, but it's lack of focused power would limit a lot of it's advantages in certain situations. A chimp can run away, but it can't block a punch. Guys can punch through bricks. Guys can kick with incredible force.

A brick isn't unevadable and it can't tear your body parts off easily. But hey, if a guy can focus for 15 seconds in a kata stance and then punch while the chimp stands still, maybe the guy can deliver a skull crushing punch, I'll give you that.

 

[ajim]

would love to see a huge silverback beat up on some poachers!

But the chimp would win against the martial artist for threads sake!

 

[akira28]

This will never be done due to ethical reasons, but I would love a computer simulation of it.

1*0 = 0

you are 1 and 0 is the chimp.

 

[AdventureRacing]

You're all assuming the chimp wants to fight.
Alright, wait. Do they all want to fight?

They're very aggressive and i'd imagine when you start attacking the chimp that might just piss them off.

A chimp doesn't know how to evade or use it's speed. It has potential to use more, but it's lack of focused power would limit a lot of it's advantages in certain situations. A chimp can run away, but it can't block a punch. Guys can punch through bricks. Guys can kick with incredible force. If they dodged a chimps pummel, a martial artist would have the advantage.

I don't think you're grasping the level of difference in strength between a human (even an incredibly well trained one) and a chimp. Bunching through a brink isn't impressive and i have to laugh at the idea that somehow that qualifies you for fighting a chimp.

 

[MrToughPants]

Ok what about a martial artist who is having a mental break down and is temporarily insanse vs a chimp butler that's a little bit more docile than a regular chimp because he's been smoking cigars since he was a baby.

After ripping your dick off the chimp would use your newly created gaping vagina as a cigar holder.

 

[Fantasmo]

Punching a chimp is going to be completely ineffective, what the fuck am I reading.



Chimps are extremely aggressive. I'd prefer to be locked in a cage with a Gorilla than a Chimp.

Ok. That sounds real scary.


I wonder.. Bruce Lee vs a chimp?

 

[Jack Remington]

Evilore would stare that chimp down with the calm and focus of a thousand fights.

 

[LaserBuddha]

The problem is if you miss a one-shot KO you're essentially guaranteed an injury, whether it's from a bite or some other manner. Even Jon Jones can take a few minutes to deal with an opponent. What if his arm or hand muscles are shredded in a bite from a missed punch?

What are you expecting the connected punches to do? The chimpanzee skull has a thick, small brain case, tucked behind a thick brow ridge, nestled in thick cords of neck muscle. Not to mention the blind animal fury they fight with. The chimp will hardly notice any punch as he instantly grabs and effortlessly de-digitizes/castrates you the moment you're within reach.

 

[Avixph]

I think you would have a better chance with a bear:

 

[entremet]

Chimps can rip apart spider monkeys with their bare hands. That is much more impressive than punching through dried clay lol.

 

[flippedb]

What if we give the human meth, coke, and bath salts?

He'd be dead by the time the chimp hits him.