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Who would win? Chimpanzee vs. Martial Artist

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J

Jack Remington

Banned
You chimp advocates seem to think the "ripping" would be so easy, like the chimp just needs to lay a finger on the guy, and his arms, legs and testicles fall apart like Nintendo's third party strategy. That's not the way it would happen.
 
E

East Lake

Member
Jack Remington said:
Strength isn't the end all attribute here, and a top fighter weighing 250 lbs isn't so much weaker than a 150 lb chimp as to be ineffective. The chimp has zero skill or training. It has never fought an intelligent opponent in its life. That ape is getting wasted.
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The point is that it's hard to intelligently fight against teeth and gouging fingers + strength. And most chimps are faster than humans. Wild animals aren't going to sit at a distance and trade blows. A fighter will likely get one shot in at best and the animal will close the distance. Then the rest of the fight will be a grappling contest against stronger arms and teeth. Have you ever been attacked by an animal, even a decent sized dog?
 
Soodanim

Soodanim

Member
Jack Remington said:
You chimp advocates seem to think the "ripping" would be so easy, like the chimp just needs to lay a finger on the guy, and his arms, legs and testicles fall apart like Nintendo's third party strategy. That's not the way it would happen.
Click to expand...
The reason humans grapple at all in combat arts is that rules dictate that you don't sink 2 inch teeth into your opponent. Humans only have the capacity for blows. Animals, especially chimps, can inflict blows or they can shred you. Human skin is weak.
 
Z

zoukka

Member
Jack Remington said:
Strength isn't the end all attribute here, and a top fighter weighing 250 lbs isn't so much weaker than a 150 lb chimp as to be ineffective. The chimp has zero skill or training. It has never fought an intelligent opponent in its life. That ape is getting wasted.
Click to expand...

I bet you think fights go like in the new Sherlock Holmes movies where you see the chimp in slow motion and aim your shots before it can close the distance.
 
W

Worthintendo

Member
Honestly I would say it would come down to the first shot, if the Martial Artist could get a good kick in right away, nail the Chimp in the head as it was running towards him, my vote goes with the Martial Artist. If he mucks that up and the Chimp can get in close, its game over.
 
S

SmokeMaxX

Member
Jack Remington said:
Strength isn't the end all attribute here, and a top fighter weighing 250 lbs isn't so much weaker than a 150 lb chimp as to be ineffective. The chimp has zero skill or training. It has never fought an intelligent opponent in its life. That ape is getting wasted.
Click to expand...

Being an animal living in the wild is enough training. It's fight or die for them.
 
V

Vice

Member
Jack Remington said:
You chimp advocates seem to think the "ripping" would be so easy, like the chimp just needs to lay a finger on the guy, and his arms, legs and testicles fall apart like Nintendo's third party strategy. That's not the way it would happen.
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Chimps are extremely dangerous. They rip off hands, lips, testicles, noses and so on easily. They aren't slow animals either and their reach is pretty good.
 
M

MrHicks

Banned
Ydahs said:
I'd consider the hippo to be the most dangerous and unstoppable land animal. One on one it'd take down anything. ANYTHING! Lions, rhinos, crocs, you name it.
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BullElephant.jpg
 
S

Shadybiz

Member
Monkey grabs the fruit.

Chimp, hands down. Damn, the thought of going against a full-grown, enraged chimp is terrifying.
 
C

C4Lukins

Junior Member
I think a well trained super strong human would win most of the time. Especially like an MMA fighter where they could grapple and start snapping bones.

On the average, a chimp would win against normal people. But a human who knew what he was doing would probably kick a chimps ass. Now a gorilla would be a different matter. No amount of intelligence could overcome their strength in a cage match. Unless you get weapons and shit.
 
K

kinggroin

Banned
Timedog said:
Ummm, force is not a weight. You can't kick with 150 lbs force, because force depends on weight and acceleration. Force and weight are related by not directly comparable in that way. Your comparison is not physics.
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His MMA fighter's right leg weighs a buck seventy five.
 
M

Mr Swine

Banned
Wait guys... Wait... what if it was the fattest human alive vs a chimp? The fat guy rolls over the chimp, would he win???


:p
 
W

water_wendi

Water is not wet!
The chimp would bite your face off, rip your arm out of your socket, and rape you in the anus before you had a chance to bow.. so chimp wins.
 
Z

zoukka

Member
C4Lukins said:
I think a well trained super strong human would win most of the time. Especially like an MMA fighter where they could grapple and start snapping bones.
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If you are down on the mat with the chimp "grappling", the game is already over for the human.
 
A

AKingNamedPaul

I am Homie
I'm starting to think I could take a chimp. If I poked his eyes out he would have no idea what to do and then I could hit him with a series of flying kicks coming from all directions.
 
S

Silphonica

Banned
AllIsOneIsNone said:
Me and my friends have an ongoing argument. A Chimpanzee, a wild animal with incredible strength, when put in a dire situation against a highly trained martial artist. We'll put an average male chimpanzee at 150 pounds against a martial arts master. Both animals, released from their respective cages into a grassy arena, who would take the crown? Would a chimp get ahold of the martial artist immediately and rip their face off? Or would the focused martial artist evade attacks and focus their power in order to win?

I personally would place bets on the martial artist. The overwhelming percentage of friends that disagree with me watch too many shows about a chimp's brute strength stats, and their believe their recklessness couldn't be combated.

My friend is watching me type this and is calling me a fucking moron. "It's a fucking chimpanzee, are you fucking stupid?"
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Chimpanzees are about 6/7 times stronger than strong adult males. They're one of my biggest fear after the one who used to be in 90s hollywood movies went beserk, ripped this guys face off, and took 10 stab wounds in the back and still kept on going in his rampage, ripping car doors and shit.

Don't ever fuck with a chimp, martial arts master or not.
 
Z

ZaCH3000

Member
Thank you everyone for the laughs. Seriously, for me this is a thread of the year contender. Also, the orangutan pulling video made me burst into laughter. That video is a gem I will forever share with my friends.

In a fight to the death, a chimp would devastate a human. Seriously guys, have you ever seen that woman's face? Do you think she wasn't in the fight for her life against the enraged chimp? The fight for survival is a stronger instinct than any martial arts training could ever provide. In fact, I'd argue martial arts training would leave a human at a disadvantage because of the false confidence it would instill.
 
M

Mondriaan

Member
IIRC chimps trained to only punch people (and stop when the person was knocked out) still never lost to human beings back when it (can you beat up a chimp matches) was a thing in traveling carnivals.
 
A

Air Zombie Meat

Member
ZaCH3000 said:
Thank you everyone for the laughs. Seriously, for me this is a thread of the year contender. Also, the orangutan pulling video made me burst into laughter. That video is a gem I will forever share with my friends.

In a fight to the death, a chimp would devastate a human. Seriously guys, have you ever seen that woman's face? Do you think she wasn't in the fight for her life against the enraged chimp? The fight for survival is a stronger instinct than any martial arts training could ever provide. In fact, I'd argue martial arts training would leave a human at a disadvantage because of the false confidence it would instill.
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No bro, she just didn't know how to do a roundhouse.
 
A

Ash_69

Member
Corky said:
Hmm, I want to say that a White Rhino will fuck up a hippo.
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You sir, are correct. There's a video on YouTube of a rhino taking no shit from a hippo. That hippo hauled itself back into its shit infested lake before you could blink an eye.
 
Z

ZaCH3000

Member
Ash_69 said:
You sir, are correct. There's a video on YouTube of a rhino taking no shit from a hippo. That hippo hauled itself back into its shit infested lake before you could blink an eye.
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I just watched two videos on YouTube of hippos versus rhinos and all indications points to hippos being the superior animal.
 
A

Ash_69

Member
I would refute your point but I'm on holiday with expensive mobile data and can't check YouTube. You may have won this battle but hippos have in no way won theirs against their rhino overlords.
 
S

Shiv47

Member
Okay, it's fairly certain a chimp beats a normal human. But what about a fairer fight: a chimp versus Captain America? Similar raw strength there. Or, keeping it in the animal world, a chimp versus one of those jacked-up kangaroos?
 
G

Gilby

Member
Shiv47 said:
Okay, it's fairly certain a chimp beats a normal human. But what about a fairer fight: a chimp versus Captain America? Similar raw strength there. Or, keeping it in the animal world, a chimp versus one of those jacked-up kangaroos?
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Wait, how jacked-up? Like, what power level of jack? I guess what I'm asking is, what is the state of this kangaroo's jackedness?
 
Finaika

Finaika

Member
Shiv47 said:
Okay, it's fairly certain a chimp beats a normal human. But what about a fairer fight: a chimp versus Captain America? Similar raw strength there. Or, keeping it in the animal world, a chimp versus one of those jacked-up kangaroos?
Click to expand...

I don't think a chimp can bite through vibranium.
 
S

Sullen

Member
I can't believe people are arguing in favor of the martial artist. Anyone that is has some kind of mental disability. The chimp would obviously win. No degree of training or experience will allow an unarmed human to take down a chimp, it is simply too strong.
 
L

Log4Girlz

Member
Sullen said:
I can't believe people are arguing in favor of the martial artist. Anyone that is has some kind of mental disability. The chimp would obviously win. No degree of training or experience will allow an unarmed human to take down a chimp, it is simply too strong.
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Its not even the strength that gets you...
 
M

McLovin

Member
Chimp easily wins against a human even if well trained in martial arts. But how about a gorilla vs Chuck Norris in his prime.
 
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