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[Devolution]

In regards to the bolded, what? 17-20 equates to everyone under the sun?

To people who are lucky to get 1 yes.

 

[phosphor112]

Doesn't change the fact that if you think someone is disgusting or revolting then it's going to color your interactions with them. Now if you hide what you think by acting totally cool, then you're just acting totally cool.

People don't want to be around someone that thinks they're gross. And if you're hanging around with someone when you think they're gross (especially if you indicate warmth and friendship), then you're not being honest.

If they aren't a regular friend of mine, that's all I do, I "play it cool." No need to cause problems where there isn't a need for one, but my friends know my opinions, they know I don't give in to peer pressure, and they know what I think of smoking and drinking, and you know what? No one cares. Sometimes they'll avoid drinking or smoking around me, and I think that's fucking awesome of them, but I'm not going to stop them if they do smoke or drink around me, if it bothered me that much, I'd leave, and they'd know that. They are my friends because we trust and understand each other that much.

 

[Circle Jerk]

Seriously? Fuck off man. That's no way to talk to someone.

If you're going to be a shitty person expect to have people be shitty back to you.

 

[Count Dookkake]

The following pertains to me personally. I was with a girl who slept with everyone under the sun, (probably close to 17-20) We were in a relationship for 6 months, I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me sometimes. "Oh yeah my Ski instructor" "My Karate teacher" "this guy I met at the library" I was like uhhhhhh no thanks.

I never once considered her for long term or anything.

It has nothing to do with my insecurities or what ever anyone might attribute it to. Its just me. I went with a girl whom I was her second, and have been with her for 5.5 years now.

Mess around with and have loads of fun sure, marriage material? Not for me.

Matching seconds is probably a good thing.

 

[Liquidsnake]

To people who are lucky to get 1 yes.

I myself have been with around 20. But it was the nature in which she got to that number. I edited my post. They were like to many random hook ups.

In my 20 or so only 3-4 have been one nighters. Hers was like 15.

 

[Omegasquash]

Matching seconds is probably a good thing.

Kudos, as usual.

If they aren't a regular friend of mine, that's all I do, I "play it cool." No need to cause problems where there isn't a need for one, but my friends know my opinions, they know I don't give in to peer pressure, and they know what I think of smoking and drinking, and you know what? No one cares. Sometimes they'll avoid drinking or smoking around me, and I think that's fucking awesome of them, but I'm not going to stop them if they do smoke or drink around me, if it bothered me that much, I'd leave, and they'd know that. They are my friends because we trust and understand each other that much.

Right, but it still doesn't change the fact that you're "playing." And frankly you should give those folks that you're playing it cool with the opportunity to get away from someone that thinks they're gross. I don't want to be around someone that passes a negative enough judgment on me to find me revolting.

 

[phosphor112]

Considering how many messed up issues you clearly have, you must have had a lot of bad childhood experiences.

Funny man.

 

[Devolution]

I myself have been with around 20. But it was the nature in which she got to that number. I edited my post. They were like to many random hook ups.

In my 20 or so only 3-4 have been one nighters. Hers was like 15.

You're only making yourself look worse. She had more random hook ups than you, the nerve.

 

[Liquidsnake]

You're only making yourself look worse. She had more random hook ups than you, the nerve.

I don't understand, are you telling me that you are ok being with a guy who randomly slept with 20 women? But you think you will be the one who tames him, and will be his last? It doesn't make a difference if the 20 came from committed relationships?

 

[Vermillion]

I'd like to point out that someone not invested in a monogamous relationship at a certain point in their life doesn't mean they're incapable of having one. Once again some people want to project dumbass ideas about other's sexual preferences and proclivities.

To people who are lucky to get 1 yes.

I myself have been with around 20. But it was the nature in which she got to that number. I edited my post. They were like to many random hook ups.

In my 20 or so only 3-4 have been one nighters. Hers was like 15.

Assumptions, yes?

 

[Steve Youngblood]

I myself have been with around 20. But it was the nature in which she got to that number. I edited my post. They were like to many random hook ups.

In my 20 or so only 3-4 have been one nighters. Hers was like 15.

Hmm... so what number between 4 and 15 does the threshold get crossed into disconcerting territory? Would she have been long-term material if she had only had 10? 7? What about 3-4 like you have had?

 

[EatChildren]

"Only 20?"

Who gives a shit? It's college. Everybody is fucking everybody else because they're young and sex is fun. What else is she supposed to do? Study?

 

[Devolution]

I don't understand, are you telling me that you are ok being with a guy who randomly slept with 20 women? But you think you will be the one who tames him, and will be his last? It doesn't make a difference if the 20 came from committed relationships?

Have you seen Timedog?

 

[RayStorm]

The smell of fermented alcohol literally makes me want to vomit. Had a bad experience when I was a child that points to that issue of mine.

You must have written it somewhere, so pardon my ignorance, but why do you find casual sex disgusting?

 

[Liquidsnake]

Hmm... so what number between 4 and 15 does the threshold get crossed into disconcerting territory? Would she have been long-term material is she had only had 10? 7? What about 3-4 like you have had?

I think so. I believe we all have a number in our heads that we are comfortable with.

 

[Omegasquash]

I don't understand, are you telling me that you are ok being with a guy who randomly slept with 20 women? But you think you will be the one who tames him, and will be his last?

As a man, I'd take issue with being likened to an animal needing domestication. As I said earlier, my wife has had more than twice what I have. And if she'd had twice that, BFD.

I never thought I needed to tame her.

 

[windowlurker]

It's not about "weakness", but double-standards that are based on what mass medias convey or even religion sometimes. In that one case, a guy doing the same would be considered a charming lad.

Maybe not, but it's certainly degrading to women (in most cases)

 

[Future PhaZe]

I myself have been with around 20. But it was the nature in which she got to that number. I edited my post. They were like to many random hook ups.

In my 20 or so only 3-4 have been one nighters. Hers was like 15.

How old are you?

Sometimes a guy really just wants sex but is willing to play the dating/relationship game until he gets what he wants.

A guy who has 4 dates, hits it and then stops returning calls isn't much different than a woman saying whatever, lets do this casual thing and skip the bullshit.

It's just a bunch of social nonsense..

 

[Opiate]

I don't know if any of this data is relevant to us today though. We're living in a social boom with the internet, smart phones, online dating becoming a normal thing, etc.

There's a saying of "you're only as faithful as your options", and the truth is people even five years ago didn't have nearly as many options as they do now when it comes to snapping their fingers and getting a date or connecting with a person.

I try to avoid gut responses like this. I could easily argue the opposite; since the sexual revolution of the 1970s, STDs have become more prolific and especially since the advent of AIDS, a larger number of people are choosing safety in a few number of partners.

Can you disprove that argument? I'm not entirely convinced it's true, but I'm not convinced it's wrong, either. I think it's quite likely the average number of sexual partners for a young person has not been on a consistent uptrend, but that it has fluctuated over the decades, as different circumstances and generational movements produced different incentives.

In short, I think abandoning the data and going with your "gut" is very rarely a good idea. It's not going to win arguments against reasonable people who have a coherent, well considered counterpoint. There's nothing wrong with admitting that 20 partners is unusual, unless you believe admitting to being unusual is tantamount to admitting you're bad or wrong.

Stick to that argument, because it has actual data to support it beyond our gut feeling that maybe kids these days are totally more awesome than their parents were.

 

[Devolution]

How old are you?

9/10 a guy really just wants sex but is willing to play the dating/relationship game until he gets what he wants.

A guy who has 4 dates, hits it and then stops returning calls isn't much different than a woman saying whatever, lets do this casual thing and skip the bullshit.

It's just a bunch of social nonsense..

Go nowhere relationships that are only about sex are far more respectable than just fucking and not staying together due to lack of chemistry sir.

 

[Professor Beef]

I don't understand, are you telling me that you are ok being with a guy who randomly slept with 20 women? But you think you will be the one who tames him, and will be his last? It doesn't make a difference if the 20 came from committed relationships?

If you've been married for 20 years already, then...yes?

 

[Liquidsnake]

How old are you?

Sometimes a guy really just wants sex but is willing to play the dating/relationship game until he gets what he wants.

A guy who has 4 dates, hits it and then stops returning calls isn't much different than a woman saying whatever, lets do this casual thing and skip the bullshit.

It's just a bunch of social nonsense..

Or personal preference.

 

[RDreamer]

I think so. I believe we all have a number in our heads that we are comfortable with.

This is soooo.... weird.

I mean, I get that a lot of people probably do this, but when you sit down and parse it out, you don't feel the least bit silly about it?

 

[Opiate]

How old are you?

9/10 a guy really just wants sex but is willing to play the dating/relationship game until he gets what he wants.

This has not been my experience. You seem to be relying very heavily on anecdote and personal experience.

 

[Liquidsnake]

If you've been married for 20 years already, then...yes?

Yeah I mean I wouldn't leave her if she revealed this to me after marriage.

 

[Omegasquash]

Or personal preference.

That stem from social constructs, most likely.

This is soooo.... weird.

I mean, I get that a lot of people probably do this, but when you sit down and parse it out, you don't feel the least bit silly about it?

32 is OK, but 33? That's just one too many and it's gross.

 

[phosphor112]

Right, but it still doesn't change the fact that you're "playing." And frankly you should give those folks that you're playing it cool with the opportunity to get away from someone that thinks they're gross. I don't want to be around someone that passes a negative enough judgment on me to find me revolting.

You make it seem like I'm just constantly thinking of who I do and do not approve of.

You must have written it somewhere, so pardon my ignorance, but why do you find casual sex disgusting?

Not really casual sex I have a problem with. It's the "high volume, short time span" thing.

 

[giri]

in a row?

win.

 

[Future PhaZe]

This has not been my experience. You seem to be relying very heavily on anecdote and personal experience.

I edited the post to say " Sometimes", as I didn't really mean majority of guys are just looking to fuck, was just trying to demonstrate the difference between "dating for sex" and one night stands.

 

[Devolution]

YNot really casual sex I have a problem with. It's the "high volume, short time span" thing.

So you do care.

 

[phosphor112]

So you do care.

Here we go.

 

[Omegasquash]

You make it seem like I'm just constantly thinking of who I do and do not approve of.

That wasn't the point of what I said. My point was that if you think someone is disgusting then it's something people oughta know, and you should give them the chance to not associate with you.

Not because you have done something, but it's because you feel a certain way about them. It's personal, not duration based.

 

[Devolution]

Here we go.

You're making your own bed with the consistently contradictory statements.

 

[RayStorm]

Not really casual sex I have a problem with. It's the "high volume, short time span" thing.

Alright then, why do you have a problem with that?

 

[Vermillion]

How old are you?

Sometimes a guy really just wants sex but is willing to play the dating/relationship game until he gets what he wants.

A guy who has 4 dates, hits it and then stops returning calls isn't much different than a woman saying whatever, lets do this casual thing and skip the bullshit.

It's rather different. I'd say the behavior on the part of the guy is a huge dick move.

A woman saying "let's just fuck" involves no similar emotional manipulation.

 

[JeTmAn81]

I think that the right thing to do would be to define your view of your spouse based on your time with them, including that 20 years of marriage, not the time before you were together. So even if it would hurt to think about them being with all those other people, and there could be some trust issues since they never told you about it, the person they are today is the person you're with and have been with for a long time. That should be enough.

 

[Future PhaZe]

I try to avoid gut responses like this. I could easily argue the opposite; since the sexual revolution of the 1970s, STDs have become more prolific and especially since the advent of AIDS, a larger number of people are choosing safety in a few number of partners.

Can you disprove that argument?

Stick to that argument, because it has actual data to support it beyond our gut feeling that maybe kids these days are totally more awesome than their parents were.

I think things are definitely trending upward, but I don't know that the data is there just yet for me to really go off of numbers. The social boom arguably just started to get started around 2007, with popular adoption of social media and smart phones not hitting huge strides until 2009 and on.

But I can't disprove the fact that STD's created a bigger decrease in sex than social media/smartphone adoption/online dating has created an increase no.

I would be shocked if that were the case though.

 

[phosphor112]

That wasn't the point of what I said. My point was that if you think someone is disgusting then it's something people oughta know, and you should give them the chance to not associate with you.

Not because you have done something, but it's because you feel a certain way about them. It's personal, not duration based.

It's not personal, there is no "personal" connection. I'm not going to walk up to someone smoking and tell them they are disgusting, what's the fucking point?

I don't even see why this matters.

You're making your own bed with the consistently contradictory statements.

It's the context of the casual sex, not casual sex itself.

Alright then, why do you have a problem with that?

Do I need a reason? If I do, it's potentially dangerous behavior.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=return-of-the-clap

 

[Steve Youngblood]

You make it seem like I'm just constantly thinking of who I do and do not approve of.

I think I kind of understand what you're getting at. You're advocating that you can make a value judgement about an act that doesn't necessarily weigh the person down automatically. I'm sure we've all had friends or acquaintances or what have you that might be capable of something like exposing themselves as having racist tendencies on rare occasions even though they otherwise seem like good people. You're not going to necessarily terminate the friendship because of it, and you otherwise get along with them swimmingly, but nevertheless one might find these occasions abhorrent.

I can understand that. I think the difference here is that the qualitative judgement passed here is about something that really is no concern of your's except possibly as a potential partner (and even then I don't think it's completely pertinent information). I can't connect how someone playing the field and having somewhat frequent casual sex would be considered "disgusting."

 

[Liquidsnake]

It's rather different. I'd say the behavior on the part of the guy is a huge dick move.

A woman saying "let's just fuck" involves no similar emotional manipulation.

I have experienced both, and the stop talking after 4 dates made me feel like a dick. The casual thing was fun for both parties. No guilt.

 

[grumble]

You're only making yourself look worse. She had more random hook ups than you, the nerve.

I don't know. What someone looks for in a long term partner is based on emotion, not reason. It's very subjective. If he's not comfortable with her brand of sexuality long-term, that's not unfair to me.

I'm saying this as someone who's known promiscuous girls who've shown themselves to be unreliable skanks, and promiscuous girls who've shown themselves to be wonderful people who would make great long-term partners. It's a stereotype that the girl who has a lot of casual sex is trashy, one which our society hasn't gotten a handle on yet.

Here's an example: I knew a girl who'd blow the bouncer to get into a club, she'd slept with 50+ guys by age 25 and blown another 50. And you know what? She seemed like a totally normal person, but after you spent some time with her she did fit the stereotype.

I knew another girl who slept with 60 guys by age 21, and afterwards she was a great girlfriend to a friend of mine. She's smart, funny, well-adjusted and has good self-esteem. She didn't fit that image at all.

I get that people try to find trends and make quick judgments, that's heuristics and we need to do that to operate in society and function as thinking beings. Maybe on average there's even something to it. What we shouldn't do is judge a book by its cover and paint everyone with the same brush, and after 20 years who gives a damn? You already know what the person's like using way better information than their number of partners.

 

[Future PhaZe]

It's rather different. I'd say the behavior on the part of the guy is a huge dick move.

A woman saying "let's just fuck" involves no similar emotional manipulation.

Yes I'd argue that the former is worse than just high volume, safe, consenual sex.

 

[Vermillion]

I have experienced both, and the stop talking after 4 dates made me feel like a dick. The casual thing was fun for both parties. No guilt.

Yes I'd argue that the former is worse than just high volume, safe, consenual sex.

'Zactly!

 

[Liquidsnake]

I don't know. What someone looks for in a long term partner is based on emotion, not reason. It's very subjective. If he's not comfortable with her brand of sexuality long-term, that's not unfair to me.

I'm saying this as someone who's known promiscuous girls who've shown themselves to be unreliable skanks, and promiscuous girls who've shown themselves to be wonderful people who would make great long-term partners. It's a stereotype that the girl who has a lot of casual sex is trashy, one which our society hasn't gotten a handle on yet.

Here's an example: I knew a girl who'd blow the bouncer to get into a club, she'd slept with 50+ guys by age 25 and blown another 50. And you know what? She seemed like a totally normal person, but after you spent some time with her she did fit the stereotype.

I knew another girl who slept with 60 guys by age 21, and afterwards she was a great girlfriend to a friend of mine. She's smart, funny, well-adjusted and has good self-esteem. She didn't fit that image at all.

I get that people try to find trends and make quick judgments, that's heuristics and we need to do that to operate in society and function as thinking beings. Maybe on average there's even something to it. What we shouldn't do is judge a book by its cover and paint everyone with the same brush, and after 20 years who gives a damn? You already know what the person's like using way better information than their number of partners.

Just playing the odds man. I know its not going to be 100% accurate.

 

[Opiate]

The amazing thing is that there are actual real, legitimate arguments against promiscuity if anyone on that side of the fence was willing to do their homework.

There is a strong link between high promiscuity and depression in teens. High promiscuity correlates to poverty, lower educational attainment, and of course STD exposure.


So there are rational arguments against promiscuity which are actually supported by evidence if anyone bothered to look. I suspect, however, that most people in this thread arguing against promiscuity are not really motivated by these sorts of objective concerns -- they are motivated by emotional impulse and insecurity.

 

[Byakuya769]

The amazing thing is that there are actual real, legitimate arguments against promiscuity if anyone on that side of the fence was willing to do their homework.

There is a strong link between high promiscuity and depression in teens. High promiscuity correlates to poverty, lower educational attainment, and of course STD exposure.


So there are rational arguments against promiscuity which are actually supported by evidence if anyone bothered to look. I suspect, however, that most people in this thread arguing against promiscuity are not really motivated by these sorts of objective concerns -- they are motivated by emotional impulse and insecurity.

I think several of those have been mentioned by a few posters. It didn't go over very well for them. Probably because they're fairly poor arguments. A lot of things are correlated to poverty or lower educational attainment, I would be loathe to list those as ways I'm making partner selections.

 

[Steve Youngblood]

The amazing thing is that there are actual real, legitimate arguments against promiscuity if anyone on that side of the fence was willing to do their homework.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...en-sexual-promiscuity-and-depression-in-teens

Not that you didn't notice this yourself, as I'm sure you did, but I feel like it's worth explicitly pointing out that they observe that promiscuity may very likely be symptomatic of someone who is depressed:

As a professional, the results of this study helps shed some insight into what teens who engage in casual sexual encounters may be going through. Given that teens who practiced celibacy were rated lowest for clinical depression and depressive symptoms on the charts, promiscuity may be symptomatic of depression.

Again, I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't mistake correlation for causation, but I just felt it was worth spelling it out that the link wasn't suggesting that being promiscuous might lead one to depression.

 

[RDreamer]

The amazing thing is that there are actual real, legitimate arguments against promiscuity if anyone on that side of the fence was willing to do their homework.

There is a link between high promiscuity and depression in teens. High promiscuity correlates to poverty, lower educational attainment, and of course STD exposure.


So there are rational arguments against promiscuity which are actually supported by evidence if anyone bothered to look. I suspect, however, that most people in this thread arguing against promiscuity are not really motivated by these sorts of objective concerns -- they are motivated by emotional impulse and insecurity.

There were people making statistical arguments, but I still think making a statistical judgment against someone you might possibly date is doing them (and you) a disservice. Sure there may be a correlation, but plenty of people don't fit into those statistics. Enough of them that I don't feel justified in judging and/or stereotyping someone for doing it.

I mean, I wouldn't blame someone if they said "Chances are that I wouldn't like to date a person who was previously promiscuous." That's fine, and statistically sound. Saying flat out you will not date anyone like that, based on statistics seems less sound to me.

And I think your study could be pointed on to say almost the reverse. Poor people with no education fuck a lot. What else do they have to do?

 

[KittenMaster]

You know, I was thinking about what would happen if my future wife actually said that to me, but I didn't mind (at least I hope I don't mind)... It would still be really awkward because the biggest challenge will be how to properly react and what to say to keep things cool while still being sincere because she really felt it was important for me to know.

 

[Karsticles]

The amazing thing is that there are actual real, legitimate arguments against promiscuity if anyone on that side of the fence was willing to do their homework.

There is a strong link between high promiscuity and depression in teens. High promiscuity correlates to poverty, lower educational attainment, and of course STD exposure.


So there are rational arguments against promiscuity which are actually supported by evidence if anyone bothered to look. I suspect, however, that most people in this thread arguing against promiscuity are not really motivated by these sorts of objective concerns -- they are motivated by emotional impulse and insecurity.

I'm on the conservative side of things here, but none of these seem to be causal-related. If you want to make that argument, though, I'm all ears.