Finished the game. Nintendo sure are terrible story-tellers, Groose was a highlight but he wasn't particularly anything special, just an actual realistically emotional character in a world of cardboard cutouts.
Fi was just not a character for the entire game long, despite being there at all times as your companion, she and Link never share any laughs or moments of reflection. And then at the end you're supposed to feel bad about this void of personality sleeping forever? Oh no, who will be there to tell me what percentage likelyhood that this Boss Door has a fucking boss behind it. To think the last game had a genuinely great character like Midna is crazy.
Theres so much shit that the game never does anything with either. Like the birds, what you'd assume are the games entire motif, are just there. You get one paired up with you mystically from a certain age, where do they come from, why is Link's 'the best most awesome crimson one'? Outside of learning some spin-attack (unless you can do this attack 10 times Link, I will somehow force you to unlearn it), to fuck up some whale parasites, your trusty steed you've been mates with forever never does anything of note in the game.
Even worse of course is the suggestion at the end that Link and Zelda create Hyrule down on the surface. What does this mean for all future Link and Zelda re-incarnations? The Legend of Incest.