@vague Er, I hope you understand that I really don't want to pick apart my face in front of people and point out my specific flaws, but in general, everything from the nose up. I also have a masculine jaw and chin but they don;t bother me personally. This is a real education for me to hear that some people don't see anything. =)
Whoompthereitis said:
I'd love to live in Canada. One of my dearest friends lives there and has been telling me all about it and it sounds perfect. Like the good parts of Australia without the heat and humidity and obsession with cricket.
Odrion said:
You look really good, and you sound like every girl ever, all girls are self conscious about the way they look.
Well THAT'S a comfort, but I think the things we focus on are probably from the opposite ends of the spectrum. Not many girls think "does my backside look too small in this?" lol.
Shanadeus said:
"Does that guy think I look attractive?" "Does he know I'm a virgin"
... actually that's a rather crappy comparison so nevermind.
:lol
Whoompthereitis said:
I know Jamie has no shortage of attention bestowed upon her by GAF, but fuck it, here's my two cents.
Jamie, I'm a hot dude. I'm 6'2", handsome, fit, sexy, confident, funny, funky- ladies really seem to love me, and I love 'em the fuck back.
If I was walking down the street and I saw you walk by, not only would I not think you were a dude, but I'd actively stop and say 'Hi'. You're that cute. I'd totally try and hit it, so there.
And you know what? I'm so smooth you just might let me....
LOL aren't you Mr Confidence? Love it, it's a good look on you
And thank you, that was a sweet thing to say.
Davedough said:
When you caught them looking, did they look away shyly, did they hold the stare or did look away in guilt. Pay attention to this. Their facial expressions, no matter how slight, cant be fooled. If it's a sheepish glance, it might a guy with low confidence that sees an attractive woman, you see him and he has an internal "oh crap, she saw me staring" moment. I know I've done that. If they hold their stare, you then too can tell from facial reactions. If their face is held in an affirming pose, then its basic courting. He's confident and wants you to know he's staring at the off chance that you'll fulfill his fantasy and ask him his name or something. (In reality, the fantasy will play out to full on hardcore porn in a matter of seconds, but that's just another thing we do so disregard. :lol ) Now, if its guilt when he looks away... then your fears at that moment are justified because unless they're complete assholes, then they wont keep eye contact for their own personal fear. If thats the case... well, quite honestly... fuck them. You're not out there doing your thing for them... you're out there for yourself and from my sheltered, unknowing and limited view, you're doing a great job at it.
Wow, that was fascinating. When I make eye contact with a stranger I'll usually break it ASAP. Well actually, with women I might smile and say hi sometimes. With men I'm generally terrified that they're going to say something nasty if I engage them. One of the guys that day I sort of got stunned by (he was so good looking) and we locked eyes for a sec before I looked down and until he had passed. Another I remember looked away when he saw me but I couldn't tell you what expression he had. One of them (when I was with mom) was smiling and I had to look away. OMG. OMG.
OMG.
Mekere said:
actually
I think I can make a guess on what your "problem" is, you don't see yourself as you are, but as you were. I'm kinda the same, I was a chubby teenager and even now 15 years later and almost as many kg less, I still see myself as a chubby girl
So yeah, I'm in the "you don't have to change anything" group. Actually, can we swap faces? I'm not fond of mine
That's what my gender psych says, and he says it's normal for someone who's made such a freakishly quick transition. I was affected by hormones very quickly - much more quickly than is usual, I never went through a cross-dressing period, I just went from presenting as a guy one day to living as a woman the next (nothing like just jumping in and hoping you have the instinct to swim), and I had a lot of expectations that it would be a long time before people wouldn't see me as a man in a dress, yet it seemed to happen from day 1. I'm still figuring it out I suppose. He's also behind me in getting FFS though, because it's not *just* that I see myself through the filter of the past. Trust me I have hashed the issues over with my psych plenty. But you are right, there are definitely triggers about my face that evoke how I looked when I was fully hidden behind a gorilla suit. My ex was a chubby kid, and even when he was a slim, muscled up personal trainer, he was still convinced he had a funny body shape, even though he was amazing. So I get where you're coming from.
Exhumed said:
What I meant was that the brain/mind, if you will, develops differently from the body. However, the body is completely genetic. If you are born a man physically, you have those traits. However your mind can develop to completely feminine and can change based on how you were raised or what you are comfortable with. That was my point.
@Jamie, its really all in your head. You keep proving that point over and over, and I hope you begin to see it clearly easier as you continue transitioning. Its a process, don't fight it!
Still smitten every time you post a new pic. You definitely have the woman thing going on thats for sure.
Also guys check out women all the time. Simple as that. Don't think about what they are thinking, it doesn't really matter in the end.
Actually, there is a theory that transgenderism comes about because in the womb the fetus is
exposed to a wash of hormones at 6 weeks which sets brain structure and this is when the gender identity is set. The theory says that at 12 weeks there should be another wash of hormones to determine the development of the physical sex characteristics, but for some reason this second wash doesn't happen properly and the fetus ends up with different brain sex to their body sex as a result. So maybe it is the case that brain and body can develop separately. This theory also explains why when psychology was used to try and correct the brain gender, the failure rate was something like 98% (I'm not dragging out my book to find out the correct statistic - the book is Brown's "True Selves".)
I stopped caring about the "why" for transgenderism a long time ago though. It's just something I accept I have now.
And no I don't accept that it's all in my head. Just, logically - my facial bone structure has been defined by growth that occured during testosterone-fueled male puberty. Before transition I had totally average male testosterone levels. It would make ZERO logical sense to think that I did not have a male facial structure.
I meant to prove that it was obvious why I wanted FFS. I guess I failed in a lot of people's eyes, but I still know when I wash my face tonight before bed (where I'm headed now) that I will look in the mirror and see a guy's face mocking me. I also know 30 years of therapy is not going to change my skull shape or my mind about how those bones are shaped or the amount of dysphoria I experience whenever I see my face.
I guess what I HAVE proved is that FFS is for me, not for society. I *do* feel a lot better about walking out of the house tomorrow though (daily challenge) so thank you everyone for that. Thank you SO much.
