The trouble has been for me though, that anxiety not only has been a mental obstacle, but a physical one as well. When my own body becomes physically affected by symptoms which come close to panic attacks (trouble breathing, chest pains, nervous twitches, feeling lightheaded or nauseous) then that's just another thing I have going against me. I know I need to find a way to drop anxiety altogether (and the meds and therapy I've been going to have helped a bit), but that seems like such a long road that'll take years.
I definitely cannot look at myself and say I did my best with regards to many things. After all, there is not much I've been able to find about myself that is something that can be viewed in a positive light.
It's hard for me to go without gaming since that is one of the only things that can calm my mind when I'm flooded with anxiety/depression/stress, especially in the evenings after a day of work when I'm so stressed out and tired. Though, it sounds like a lot of my fatigue may be due to the medications I'm taking as well. Being active has also been difficult, as I've had less and less free time lately. I try to stay active with my weight training but it's been hard. And that also hasn't been something that has helped me become more "out there" or whatever. Why would I go to a book store when I do not read books, or a coffee shop when I do not drink coffee anyway?
On the subject of conversation, the problem for me anyway, is that the conversation just dies very quickly. Like, I can possibly get to a point where I've managed to get a few back and forths done, but after that, awkward silence. I run out of things to talk about, basically. I certainly do not have anything that interesting to talk about. It's not gone well when I've tried to talk about myself in the past. And of course, all this is after I can manage to come up with something to even talk about to begin with. Usually though, it takes so long for me to come up with anything at all, by the time I've even got something, girl has moved on or it seems like too much time has passed (if eye-contact or other contact has been made).
It's okay to post personal stuff, we all do. I'd translate "ignore her" as "having a life of your own and not worry about it, for it does you no good, ever". So what if you haven't talked to this woman for a month, she obviously has a life of her own to worry about. In the long run it doesn't mean anything. Take it one day at a time. Go have fun with her. If that's all it is, big deal. You win nothing from feeling like a man whore, nor does this make you one.
